by Cheese Burger of Doom
How did this happen? Tsuzuki wondered. How did I end up here?
He stared up at the ceiling, not sure which emotion he should be feeling right now. Giddiness? Joy? Anxiety? It was such an odd situation...Not altogether unpleasant, but very, very odd...
I guess it started when Hisoka and I met Hijiri before. He looked...he still looks so much like Hisoka, and his attitude�s similar sometimes, but he was so much more...openly caring...
~~~~~
�You�ll come to my concert, won�t you?� Hijiri said, as he wrapped his arms around Tsuzuki, and rested his head on Tsuzuki�s shoulder.
Tsuzuki�s arms automatically enveloped Hijiri. He was a little surprised by the gesture, but it was...it was nice. It was so good to be hugged. He�d needed that comfort so badly, after all that had happened, and here was Hijiri, a charming and good looking guy, willing to give it to him.
�I like you,� Hijiri whispered. �I don�t want to say goodbye. We�ll see each other again, right?�
�I...I don�t know if we can, Hijiri,� Tsuzuki said honestly.
�Well, it doesn�t matter if you can promise it or not. We�ll see each other again,� Hijiri said decidedly. �Don�t forget about me.�
�I never will,� Tsuzuki said.
~~~~~
I thought that I�d never see him again after that, but...Hijiri�s too stubborn for that, Tsuzuki thought fondly. He began to stroke Hijiri�s hair. It was like Hisoka�s, but darker, and a little softer. Hijiri stirred, and blinked sleepy eyes at him.
�Is it time to wake up?�
�Not just yet,� Tsuzuki said. Hijiri smiled a rather kitten-like smile, snuggled up against him, and promptly fell asleep again.
It�s too bad you had to die before we could see each other...
~~~~~
�Yes, I remember Minase Hijiri,� Tsuzuki said, thinking back a ways to when he�d met the boy with the violin.
The boy with the violin who I was half in love with by the time we said goodbye...and he even admitted to having feelings for me...
I�m with Hisoka now though, and I�m happy with things this way. Shinigami can�t be with humans, anyway...
�Why do you ask?� Tsuzuki asked.
�He�s contracted a serious illness, and he�s going to die soon,� Tatsumi replied.
Tsuzuki blinked. That boy, who�d lived through more than one near-death experience...was going to die soon?
�I see. Thank you for telling me.�
�Tsuzuki...�
Tsuzuki looked back at Tatsumi, and saw the concern on his face.
�Yes?�
�Never mind.�
Tsuzuki really didn�t have the energy at that point to try and figure out what was going through Tatsumi�s head. He needed some time to himself, to think. He needed...
�Tsuzuki?�
Yes. He needed Hisoka.
�Tatsumi just told me that Hijiri is dying.�
�Ah.� Well, thought Hisoka, that explains why he�s suddenly depressed. He remembered Hijiri as well; the boy who had looked so much like him...He remembered that little sight-seeing trip they�d taken together. It had been an odd day for Hisoka; people had probably thought the two were brothers. Something about Hijiri had been very compelling, though...not brotherly at all.
Hisoka didn�t like where his thoughts were going, so he stopped them. He reached out and touched Tsuzuki�s cheek. He didn�t know exactly what to say to him, so instead he said nothing at all. Tsuzuki put his hand over Hisoka�s...and then threw himself into Hisoka�s arms.
I�ll comfort you like this, Tsuzuki...that�s what being together is all about, right?
It was a nice feeling. Hisoka�s arms tightened around his partner; his lover.
A very nice feeling.
~~~~~
�He�s been demanding to see you,� Konoe said in a tired voice. �He says he�s not going anywhere until he gets to speak to the both of you.�
Tsuzuki and Hisoka were both a little surprised to see Hijiri there, standing by Konoe, with a rebellious expression on his face. He smiled when he saw Tsuzuki though, and rushed out towards him. He made as if to hug Tsuzuki, then got shy, and moved back.
�Tsuzuki...it�s been a while.�
�Go have a visit, and then you�re going to be put to work!� Konoe said.
�Hai, hai.�
�To work?�
Tatsumi almost smiled at Tsuzuki�s question. �Hijiri�s become a shinigami.�
Shinigami...
Hijiri became a shinigami?
Was it just so that...he could see me again?
It was a vain thought, but Tsuzuki enjoyed it.
�Come on, Hijiri, let�s talk.�
Tsuzuki and Hisoka led Hijiri away, to a place where they could all talk. The grove Tsuzuki liked so much; the place where Tsuzuki and Hijiri had said goodbye...
�I�ll leave you two alone.� Hisoka said. He didn�t want to intrude on this meeting. Even if he was feeling a little jealous. The way Tsuzuki looked at Hijiri...there was something there. He could feel that in Tsuzuki. There�d always been something there when it came to Hijiri.
�No! Stay,� Hijiri said.
What is that? Why is he... Hisoka chose not to think about it. Instead, he leaned against a tree, cool, as always, while Hijiri and Tsuzuki sat together.
�It�s only been a couple of years, but it felt like longer,� Hijiri said. �I got sick not too long after you were gone. I don�t have very good luck, I guess. I was getting better for a while, but then I...I had to be hospitalized. And now here I am.�
�I�m sorry, Hijiri,� Tsuzuki said. Even though he dealt with death every day; even though he was dead himself, it was still horribly depressing when something like this happened...He cared about Hijiri; he didn�t want him to be dead at such a young age...
Like Hisoka.
Hisoka and Hijiri had so much in common, it seemed...
Maybe that�s why I can�t help being attracted to both of them.
He didn�t really want to admit that fact, not even to himself. He was with Hisoka; he was happy with Hisoka...He loved Hisoka...Loved him so much, he hadn�t even thought that it was possible to love someone that much.
So why is it that Hijiri�s eyes are so...inviting?
Why is it that I�m so attracted to him...
Attracted to both of them, at the same time?
I�m sorry Hisoka, I know you can probably sense this...it�s not right, I know it. I can�t help it.
�Don�t be sorry,� Hijiri said. �I had enough time to say goodbye to my friends. I�ve been expecting this for a while, so I got everything done I needed to. It�s nice, to be able to see you again.�
That smile on Hijiri�s face made Tsuzuki�s heart beat faster.
What is it about those two?
�Why would you want such a dirty job as a shinigami?� Tsuzuki asked.
�I thought maybe that way I could see both of you more often,� Hijiri said, with a shrug. �I don�t know...do you think that�s possible?�
�Yes,� Tsuzuki replied. �It�s quite possible...but this kind of job, it�s...� He trailed off. Hijiri was shaking his head.
�I don�t care. All this time, I�ve been wanting to see you, and now...here you are.�
�He could be your new partner,� Hisoka said, in a carefully emotionless voice. Don�t let the jealousy show through...
�I already have a partner,� Tsuzuki said, guessing some of what Hisoka must be thinking.
I�m not abandoning you now, just because that was the way your life always was...I promised you forever, and forever you�re going to get.
I�ll just have to forget about this boy.
�I wouldn�t break you two up,� Hijiri said. He meant that he wouldn�t break them up in any way. He was in love with Tsuzuki, sure; but he wasn�t going to intrude. It was enough just to be able to see him.
Hisoka still felt uneasy.
Tsuzuki...Tsuzuki wants him. He�s got that same feeling he gets whenever we...
No, if he wants Hijiri like that, I�m not going to stop him. If he�s done with me, that�s it then.
But I...
I don�t want to lose him.
What�s going to happen?
This kind of uncertainty was something that Hisoka had wanted to avoid. This kind of feeling...
�We have to get going,� Tsuzuki said to Hijiri. �But we�ll be seeing more of each other, now.� He took Hisoka�s hand and led him away.
Hisoka looked back at Hijiri, and saw the wistful look in his eyes. Their gazes met, and then...something happened.
What was that? Hisoka wondered. That look in his eyes...I know that look. I�ve seen it before. When I looked in the mirror...Why is it that he...? What is it about him that�s so...
Hisoka�s hand tightened around Tsuzuki�s. It had taken him a while to get used to this; displaying affection in public. He was still a little uneasy when Tsuzuki held his hand, or would even kiss him in front of someone else, but he didn�t protest against it, either.
Tsuzuki�s mine. I don�t want to give him up.
Not for anybody.
Not even somebody like me, who seems to need him as much as I do.
~~~~~
�Training?� Tsuzuki blinked. �You�ve been sent to us for training?�
Hijiri shrugged. �That�s what I was told. I thought it was kind of lucky.�
�It is! But...why did they trust me with it?� Tsuzuki wondered.
�Good question,� Hisoka said. �I wouldn�t trust you.�
Tsuzuki pouted a little, then decided that he should try and figure out just what kind of training he was supposed to be doing.
�Why wouldn�t they just find you a partner?�
�There was nobody left by themselves. I guess I have to wait for somebody new, and by then it will have to be me who knows what he�d doing,� Hijiri said.
Oh. Well that made sense.
�Right! Then let�s get started!�
Not this again. Hisoka stifled a sigh. The three of us together...It seems like a dangerous situation. I�m coming so close to losing Tsuzuki...I don�t want to lose him. I never want to lose him.
�It�ll be the three of us for a while,� Tsuzuki said cheerfully. �That sounds like fun!�
Fun. Ha.
I�m going to be alone again...
Tsuzuki.
~~~~~
I know that Hisoka was worried about losing me, but he shouldn�t have been, Tsuzuki thought, smiling in the dark. That baka has no faith in himself whatsoever.
I did end up in bed with Hijiri, but...
He should have had more faith in himself, anyway.
I should have had more faith in him, too, and faith in myself.
~~~~~
�Hijiri?�
Hisoka had just happened upon the other boy while wandering aimlessly. Tsuzuki was off somewhere, probably eating.
�Hisoka. Where�s Tsuzuki? You two are usually together.�
�He�s eating or something. We�re not always together; we need space sometimes.� Especially me, because I�m so used to being anti-social. Tsuzuki was the one who cured me of that. He gave me a home...and you�re threatening to take it away from me without even meaning to. It�s because you�re so...lovable. And I�m not.
�Everyone needs space.�
�Hijiri...if you want to, you can just take Tsuzuki.�
�What are you talking about?� Hijiri asked.
�I know you�re in love with him; I can tell. He�s attracted to you to. I don�t want to stop him from having the things he wants...I don�t want to hold him back.�
�You love him though. You love him very much.�
�I...� Love? Yes. �I love him, but if he loves someone else, then I...�
�He loves you, though. He really loves you. I�m jealous,� Hijiri said.
Each one jealous of the other?
We�re really so alike, it�s kind of scary.
�But I promised never to come in between you.�
�Hijiri.� Hisoka found himself unable to resist reaching out and touching Hijiri�s cheek. Hijiri really was quite lovable.
The three of us, together...
It really is fun, just like Tsuzuki said.
But...how could that be?
Why...
Why?
�Hisoka...� Hijiri caught Hisoka�s hand in his, and held it. Their gazes were locked together.
That�s when Tsuzuki decided to step in.
The scene before him was strange, and somehow very erotic. The two who could have been twins, holding hands and staring at each other...
I thought they both liked me, but here they are, with each other...It�s confusing. I don�t know what to think right now.
�Hijiri? Hisoka?�
�Tsuzuki...� Hisoka didn�t know what to say. He pulled away from Hijiri quickly, and looked away, cheeks reddening with embarrassment, and shame.
Hijiri recovered a little easier. He said, �We weren�t doing anything, Tsuzuki. We were just talking about you.�
�Talking...about me?� Talking about me and...looking like they were going to kiss each other? I don�t get it.
�We both love you, but you�ve chosen Hisoka, and that�s...that�s good, because I�m not good enough for you,� Hijiri said, staring at his feet.
�Don�t say something like that,� Tsuzuki said. Lines like that just made things so much more complicated. �It�s not like that...�
�If you want Hijiri, I won�t stop you,� Hisoka said.
Now they�re ganging up on me!
What do I say?
What can I say?
�I want...I want both of you,� Tsuzuki muttered.
Hijiri and Hisoka exchanged glances. Hijiri looked surprised; Hisoka looked confused. They both looked...
Like twins.
Like...beautiful, beautiful twins; and I�m so greedy, I want both of them.
Tsuzuki really had no idea what to do.
I love them both. I want them both. How can I choose? I promised Hisoka forever, but I promised Hijiri I�d always protect him...What do I do?
�Both of us?� Hijiri thought about that for a moment. �Then why not...if...�
�You mean...?� Hisoka�s eyes widened. The idea wasn�t unpleasant...
�Stop talking in half sentences!� Tsuzuki exclaimed. �You�re both...so alike. Finish what you want to say!�
�Tsuzuki. Do you really want us both?�
�Yes, damn it! I can�t choose!� The choice was just too much for him. He felt as though his head was going to explode. �I love you both!�
Hijiri reached out and took Hisoka�s hand, then pulled him toward Tsuzuki. He leaned forward and kissed Tsuzuki�s left cheek. Hisoka took the cue, and kissed Tsuzuki�s right cheek.
Tsuzuki...died of shock.
And when he came back to life, he realized...
This is my deepest darkest fantasy coming true!
Hisoka moved to Tsuzuki�s mouth, and Hijiri kissed his neck.
No...this is wrong...
Or not. Nobody ever said this was against the rules or anything. I think I�ll let it continue.
Tsuzuki responded by touching each of them; kissing each of them wherever and whenever he could. Things started to get hot...and he said,
�Wait. Is this...really okay?�
The two look-alikes exchanged glances once again.
�It�s fine with me,� Hijiri said. �Because I want Hisoka, too. I love you both.�
Hisoka choked. �This is...�
Tsuzuki resisted the urge to giggle. �Hisoka? What about you?�
�I want to continue,� Hisoka murmured, against Tsuzuki�s neck.
Tsuzuki couldn�t refuse.
�Then let�s...go to my room,� Tsuzuki said, managing to collect his thoughts for a few seconds at least.
The three of them walked back to Tsuzuki�s room; one beautiful twin on either side of him.
I can�t believe...This is really happening...
Once the door shut, Hisoka went insane. He knew exactly what Tsuzuki liked, since they�d been lovers for a while now. Tsuzuki found himself stripped down in a matter of seconds. Hijiri seemed to like that, and explored Tsuzuki�s body with hands, lips...Inexperienced, but that hardly mattered.
Hisoka was busy with Tsuzuki�s arousal; teasing it...with his tongue. Then he took it into his mouth.
Hijiri�s lips and tongue on his neck...
Hisoka�s mouth around his desire...
It was almost too much.
It was heavenly.
Tsuzuki had never experienced anything quite like this before, and he hoped that he�d have the occasion to feel it again.
Once he came into Hisoka�s mouth, the blonde boy smirked at him. There was nothing quite like that look; Hisoka at his evillest, and his best.
Hijiri whispered something in Tsuzuki�s ear. Tsuzuki grinned, and both of them moved in on Hisoka. Hisoka found himself being subjected to various tortures, none of which he found entirely unpleasant.
Hijiri moved in for a kiss. Tsuzuki watched the two as their tongues battled; it was like nothing he�d ever seen, two who looked exactly alike but who weren�t even related, kissing, like that...
He was getting aroused again.
He found he wasn�t content with just watching.
He reached out his hand, and Hijiri took it, and held it to his cheek. He was smiling cutely. Tsuzuki moved over. Hisoka moved away, and Tsuzuki made love to Hijiri, while he watched.
Hisoka found that watching wasn�t really that bad. He didn�t feel all that jealous anymore; it was hard to feel jealous when all he could think about was his lust. He wanted Tsuzuki, he wanted Hijiri...he wanted them both.
I love them both, don�t I?
Of course I do.
Once Tsuzuki and Hijiri were finished, Hisoka moved in and demanded attention. Poor Tsuzuki, who was very, very tired, didn�t really think he�d be able to give him that kind of attention.
Hisoka wasn�t going to take no for an answer. He nipped at Tsuzuki�s neck; Tsuzuki especially liked that, he knew. He felt Hijiri behind him, sucking on his neck. It was beautiful. He turned again, and kissed Hijiri more. Hijiri moved, and took Hisoka into his mouth. Hisoka moaned. It was even better when Tsuzuki started licking his back; tiny licks, repeatedly...And then, just as Hisoka was about to come...Hijiri moved away, and Tsuzuki, somehow fully restored, then made love to Hisoka.
After that, Tsuzuki couldn�t really move anymore. He felt himself drifting off to sleep, and was unable to fight it.
The beautiful, beautiful twins curled up beside him; one on either side, and all of them fell asleep with smiles on their faces.
~~~~~
That�s how I ended up here...with Hijiri on one side, and Hisoka on the other.
Is this really okay?
Can it really be like this?
�Tsuzuki, are you all right?� Hisoka asked, in a sleepy voice. Tsuzuki felt the lighter-haired boy moved closer to him, and twin pools of emerald peered at him.
�I don�t know. Is this really...okay, Hisoka?�
�It�s what you wanted, isn�t it?�
�Well, it�s a kinky fantasy that had crossed my mind, but I never really expected that it would ever happen,� Tsuzuki admitted. �I thought I was going to have to choose.�
�You can�t choose between two soul mates,� Hisoka said, so quietly that Tsuzuki barely heard him.
�You believe in that stuff, Hisoka?�
�Not really, but I know you do,� Hisoka said. �And I think...that things are fine, this way.�
Because you love Hijiri too, don�t you, Hisoka? Tsuzuki realized.
So now I don�t have to choose. We can all be together. It doesn�t matter what anybody else thinks; this is the way it should be.
Tsuzuki smiled at Hisoka. �I love you, Hisoka.�
�I love you too, Tsuzuki. Go back to sleep now.�
Tsuzuki complied. He was very, very warm.
He had a feeling he would always be warm at night, now.
~~Owari~~