In Defense of the Puppets...

   With each passing week that we of the music-obsessive kind weep and wail beneath a chartful of sugar frosted teener pop, the taste grenades being thrown at the Pearlman pod bands and their various reinterpretations continue unabated. The music critics bemoan the past year as a horrible one quality-wise, with N Sync, the Backstreet Boys, Britney and the other young virgin/whore sweetie pies all taking up the top ten like a bunch of squatters in an abandoned mattress warehouse. With each award the kids win, with each magazine cover they find their pretty faces on, each cornball video they release, the teener pop stars only reveal themselves to be the perpetual butt of every listener of "real music"'s jokes: they don't write their own songs; they are obviously puppets of the record companies; they aren't going to have careers by next year, etc. And maybe that's all true. But does it matter?
      Their success, like the models they were based on--Spice Girls, NKOTB, New Edition, Jackson 5, Osmonds, et al.--is undeniable. Someone, somewhere is making the decision to purchase these artists' recordings. The record company did not buy 2.5 million copies of NO STRINGS ATTACHED (it may have bought some, but the costs would not be worth it for all of them). It is also hard to believe that it is only girls between the age of 9-13 buying them. These numbers show that the bands are appealing on a wide spectrum, so you can't just blame the tweens. But, in the end, none of this means anything. While the whining music snobs weep over the state of pop music, they seem to forget that things have been worse. The only reason that people think that the teener pop bands are so bad is that there is nothing of quality in the mass production area to contrast them with. Bad pop music has always existed, and compared to the deplorable oderousness of hits of the past, the teener bands are a relief.
      It is generally seen that, right now, the teener bands main economic competition is from the various "pimp rock" bands: Bizkit, Korn, Slipknot, etc. Choosing between this is like choosing between losing a foot or a hand, but I would rather hear the obsequious cooing of the teeners than the obnoxious prattling of the "rockers." Why are thirty+ year old men still singing about being outcasts and not being understood by their parents? It is just as calculated as the ghastly naivete of N Sync's soppy idealistic love songs. I find Papa Roach's back-to-the-womb-as-teenage rebellion far more pathetic than the BSB flopping about with over-emotive gestures. Of course Britney is silly, of course Jessica Simpson is a sillier version of Britney without the implied dirtiness. But what is even sillier is Kid Rock and Insane Clown Posse. Are they anymore contrived than the pop kids?
      Back when Nirvana and Pearl Jam were dominant, at least within the album format, the pop field was disgusting:. Mariah Carey, Whitney spieling that Bodyguard nonsense, C+C Music Factory, Phil Collins still bouncing his bald head around. Can anyone really say they miss those times when Elton John's stupid Lion King pap was drooling out of the radio speakers? But no one can remember that stuff, because there was something of quality (at least in my nostalgic, solipsistic opinion) to balance it out, what i will unfortunately have to refer to as the Seattle Bands. Post-Cobain, things turned, inevitably, to parody. The soul and funk music of the sixties and seventies were bleached into disco, the rock-and-roll renaissance of the mid-60s turned into all that hippie doodling which turned into an even bigger joke with those god awful Eagles songs. So too did Soundgarden devolve into Silverchair, Nirvana into the Offspring, Pearl Jam into Creed (how Creed have managed this far without being completely laughed off every stage they have stepped on is beyond me). For now, the big ROCK music scene is mostly a wasteland of white young men with some kind of frat-boy meets gangsta outfit, yammering about their parents' divorce. Yawn.
      The usual attack upon the teeners is that they don't write their own songs. This is, of course, completely meaningless. I hate to pull this out, but damn near every great singer pre-Dylan/Beatles didn't write a word of what they sang. Actually, with their increased prominence within the industry, the teener bands are starting to demand they write more of their material. Why not, their platitudinal cliche-ridden peons to never breaking hearts can't be any worse than the junior high journal entries that they have been assigned with to this point. And for all those who can't wait for Justin and Nick and everyone else to start their decline, here is some hope: remember what happened to the Monkees when they demanded creative control.
       One of my favorite albums is GROWING UP TOO FAST: THE GIRL GROUP ANTHOLOGY, a collection of various girl groups from the early 60s. The albums contain over a dozen different groups, but it is rather useless trying to tell them apart. All were specifically designed to fit into a mold that was successful at the time. None of them wrote their own songs. But i love the songs, despite their main reason for ever being created was to make money. Pop music has always been an industry concerned more with selling than telling, and right now is no different. Would I buy an N Sync album? No, I've got too many other artists to get to first. Do I think that, based on the singles I've heard, they have created a well-packaged collection of digestible pop music for the indiscriminate masses? Yes. Kids can bounce around to "Bye, Bye, Bye," then they can pull close and weave through "This I Promise You." The teener performers are constantly being reminded that they are just a fad, and i am sure that no one is more aware of this than they are. These performers undoubtedly know that they are being used by the record labels, by the television networks, by the magazines; i don't think they need more people telling them it will all be over soon. But who does it hurt that right now they can have the best time of their lives, making some good money doing something they love to do? Pop music is no worse off than its ever been. Anyone who doesn't listen to music just because it is popular will tell you that.