Teacher Jokes and More

Grease Babies - 03/13/2007

Julie Andrews Birthday Song 03/13/2007

NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND

TEDDY -- a tear jerker story for teachers

What Happened to the GoldFish?

 I'M READY FOR IT!

 Retirement - - - try it, you'll like it!!!

 And They Ask Why I Like Retirement !

 Question: How many days in a week?
 Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

 Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
 Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

 Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
 Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

 Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
 Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

 Question: Why don't retirees mind being called  Seniors?
 Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.

 Question: Among retirees what is considered formal  attire?
 Answer: Tied shoes.

 Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
 Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

 Question: What is the common term for someone who  enjoys work and refuses to retire?
 Answer: NUTS!

 Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the  basement, attic or garage?
 Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of  their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

 Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
 Answer: Normal.

 Question: What is the best way to describe  retirement?
 Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

 Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back  to school as a retiree?
 Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your  parents.

 Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't  miss work, but misses the people he used to work  with?
 Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

 Share this one with all the retirees that you know.
 I'm sure they can relate to some of them! AND, If  you have not yet retired, look what you have to look  forward to.

  ”I MAKE A DIFFERENCE”

Dinner guests were sitting around the table  discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"   

He reminded the other dinner guests what they say about teachers: "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach." To stress his point he said to another guest; "You're a teacher, Susan. Be honest. What do you make?"
    

Susan, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, "You want to know what I make?
     *    "I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.    

     *     I make a C+ feel like the winner of the Congressional  Medal of Honor.    
   *  I make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall in absolute silence.
  

"You want to know what I make?"

     *     I make kids wonder.    
     *     I make them question.    
     *     I make them criticize.    
     *     I make them apologize and mean it.    
     *     I make them write.
     *     I make them read, read, read.    

I make them show all their work in math and perfect their final drafts in English I make them understand that if you have the brains, and follow your heart, and if someone ever tries to judge you by what you make, you must pay no attention because they just didn't learn."

 Susan paused and then continued.  "You want to know what I make?  

   ”I MAKE A DIFFERENCE.”

What do you make?"  
   
THIS IS WORTH SENDING TO EVERY EDUCATOR YOU KNOW. (And  everyone on your mailing list, for that matter). THERE IS MUCH TRUTH IN THAT STATEMENT.
   "Teachers make every other profession possible!"

                    SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE


  
  (This is hilarious, no wonder some people were  offended!) This is the message that the Pacific
  Palisades High School (California) Staff voted  unanimously to record on their school telephone
  answering machine. This came about because they  implemented a policy   requiring students and parents to be responsible
  for their children's absences and   missing homework.   The school and teachers are being sued by parents
  who want their children's failing grades changed  to passing grades even though those children were
  absent 15-30 times during the semester and did  not complete enough school work to pass their classes.
  This is the actual answering machine message for  the school:

"Hello! You have reached the automated answering  service of your school. In order to assist you in
  connecting the right staff member, please listen  to all your options before making a selection:
  "To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
  "To make excuses for why your child did not do  his work- Press 2
  "To complain about what we do - Press 3
  "To swear at staff members - Press 4
  "To ask why you didn't get information that was  already enclosed in your newsletter and several  flyers mailed to you - Press 5
  "If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
  "If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit  someone - Press 7
  "To request another teacher for the third time  this year- Press 8
  "To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
  "To complain about school lunches - Press 0
  "If you realize this is the real world and your  child must be accountable and responsible for
  his/her own behavior, class work, homework, and that  it's not the teachers' fault for your
  child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!"
  If you can read this thank a teacher.  If you are reading it in English thank a veteran.
 

Text Box: Especially for teachers.....is spelling really important???
cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! 
 

Robby's Night (True Story -- Definitely Worth Reading!)

At the prodding of my friends, I am writing this story. My name is Mildred Hondorf. I am a former elementary school music teacher from Des Moines, Iowa. I've always supplemented my income by teaching piano lessons - something I've done for over 30 years. Over the years I found that children have many levels of musical ability. I've never had the pleasure of having a prodigy though I have taught some talented students.


However, I've also had my share of what I call "musically challenged" pupils. One such student was Robby. Robby was 11 years old when his mother (a single Mom) dropped him off for his first piano lesson. I prefer that students (especially boys) begin at an earlier age, which I explained to Robby.

But Robby said that it had always been his mother's dream to hear him play the piano. So I took him as a student. Well, Robby began with his piano lessons and from the beginning I thought it was a hopeless endeavor.

As much as Robby tried, he lacked the sense of tone and basic rhythm needed to excel. But he dutifully reviewed his scales and some elementary pieces that I require all my students to learn


Over the months he tried and tried while I listened and cringed and tried to encourage him. At the end of each weekly lesson he'd always say, "My mom's going to hear me play someday."? But it seemed hopeless. He just did not have any inborn ability. I only knew his mother from a distance as she dropped Robby off or waited in her aged car to pick him up. She always waved and smiled but never stopped in.


Then one day Robby stopped coming to our lessons.


I thought about calling him but assumed because of his lack of ability, that he had decided to pursue something else. I also was glad that he stopped coming. He was a bad advertisement for my teaching!


Several weeks later I mailed, to the student's homes, a flyer on the upcoming recital. To my surprise Robby (who received a flyer) asked me if he could be in the recital. I told him that the recital was for current pupils and because he had dropped out he really did not qualify. He said that his mother had been sick and unable to take him to piano lessons but he was still practicing. "Miss Hondorf . . I've just got to play!" he insisted.


I don't know what led me to allow him to play in the recital. Maybe it was his persistence or maybe it was something inside of me saying that it would be all right. The night for the recital came. The high school gymnasium was packed with parents, friends and relatives. I put Robby up last in the program before I was to come up and thank all the students and play a finishing piece. I thought that any damage he would do would come at the end of the program and I could always salvage his poor performance through my "curtain closer."


Well, the recital went off without a hitch. The students had been practicing and it showed. Then Robby came up on stage. His clothes were wrinkled and his hair looked like he'd run an eggbeater through it. "Why didn't he dress up like the other students?" I thought. "Why didn't his mother at least make him comb his hair for this special night?"


Robby pulled out the piano bench and he began. I was surprised when he announced that he had chosen Mozart's Concerto #21 in C Major. I was not prepared for what I heard next. His fingers were light on the keys, they even danced nimbly on the ivories. He went from pianissimo to fortissimo. From allegro to virtuoso. His suspended chords that Mozart demands were magnificent! Never had I heard Mozart played so well by people his age. After six and a half minutes he ended in a grand crescendo and everyone was on their feet in wild applause.


Overcome and in tears, I ran up on stage and put my arms around Robby in joy. "I've never heard you play like that Robby! How'd you do it?" Through the microphone Robby explained: "Well Miss Hondorf . . . remember I told you my Mom was sick? Well, actually she had cancer and passed away this morning. And well . . . she was born deaf, so tonight was the first time she ever heard me play. I wanted to make it special."


There wasn't a dry eye in the house that evening. As the people from Social Services led Robby from the stage to be placed into foster care, I noticed that even their eyes were red and puffy and I thought to myself how much richer my life had been for taking Robby as my pupil.


No, I've never had a prodigy but that night I became a prodigy . . . of Robby's. He was the teacher and I was the pupil. For it is he that taught me the meaning of perseverance and love and believing in yourself and maybe even taking a chance in someone and you don't know why.


Robby was killed in the senseless bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City in April of 1995. And now, a footnote to the story.


If you are thinking about forwarding this message, you are probably thinking about which people on your address list aren't the "appropriate" ones to receive this type of message. The person who sent this to you believes that we can all make a difference. So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice: Do we act with compassion or do we pass up that opportunity and leave the world a bit colder in the process?

You now have two choices:

1. Delete this.


2. Forward it to the people you care about.

You know the choice I made. Thank you for reading this


May God bless you today tomorrow and always.


God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the Courage to change the things I can and
the Wisdom to know the difference
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CUTE JOKES FOR THE OLDER CROWD

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 A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be  taken
for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told  her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm
wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."
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An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting  surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the  operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son; do your best and  just  remember, if it doesn't go
well, if something happens to me your mother  is going to come and  live with you and your wife...."
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Aging:    Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about  your age and start bragging about it.
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The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line  for.
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Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know  "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the
roads  weren't paved.
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When  you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
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You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or  leaks.
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I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
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One of  the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
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Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
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Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
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If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at  when you are old.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
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Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called  witchcraft. Today, it's called golf
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The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo) is not  just an athlete....she is now a nurse currently working at the
Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.  She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones. It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say, Picabo, ICU.
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Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they  collide. The first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm  looking
for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I  was going."  The second old guy says, "That's OK, It's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little  desperate."  The first old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?"
The second old guy says: "Well, she  is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big bust and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?"
To which  the first old guy says, "Doesn't matter,--- let's look  for yours."
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 When  I got home  last  night, my wife demanded that I take her out to some  place expensive. So I took her to a gas station!
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An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was  falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.  She  said:
"You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to  sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."  Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you used to bite my  neck."  Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my  teeth!"
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Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

Disclaimer:  The Franklin County Retired Teachers Association web site links to third-party web sites on the Internet. Franklin County Retired Teachers Association provides links to these sites as a convenience to its members. The inclusion of a link does not constitute endorsement by Franklin County Retired Teachers Association. The linked sites are not under control of Franklin County Retired Teachers Association, thus Franklin County Retired Teachers Association is not responsible for the availability or content of any linked site.

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Updated 03/13/2007

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