This place is run by one dumb Butterbur
Who is a little bit less than clever.
He hears, "Underhill," and says, "I remember..
There was something.....umm.. whatever..
"You see that guy corner, who looks like a foreigner
I just wanna inform ya and try to warn ya
That stranger is a ranger and he'll put you in danger.
I'd better arrange yer room and go change yer sheets
"Since no other peeps from off the streets
Have been in that room for weeks and weeks
It's just so small; it was made for ya'll
And we few visitors like you in the fall."
So, the Hobbits went along and tried to belong,
But it didn't take long for things to go wrong,
Frodo was fingering the ring while singing a song
And the next thing he knows, he's got the damn thing on
"Uh-ohh," said Frodo. "That really sucked.
Now everyone knows; I'm such a schmuck!
I think the ring tricked but it might be bad luck.
This totally blows, we're completely screwed!"
"Hi there, my name is Strider,
I'm - quite the fighter
And I can start a fire - without a lighter
And I'd mighta - keep ya secret tighter
If you don't want outsiders like those Black Riders.
"You only drink and sing like most halflings
Because you ain't seen the things
That ring brings
I'm dirty and need a bath
But believe me and don't laugh,
The wraiths that you're running from have some serious wrath,
The Witch King of Angmar is a total psychopath
Given the chance he?d rip you all in half,
"Or stab you right there in the shoulder
And make you colder."
Sam says, "Why should we trust ya when we don't even know ya?"
"Ooh, trust me, it's a fact.
You'll get attacked.
The ring brings the Witch King because it attracts him
And all his henchmen that I just mentioned
From another dimension; see they got this mission
"To bring the ring back to Mordor, it sorta
Started with this big war. way back before
With these men from Numinor and this guy Isuldur
I gotta even the score 'cuz he screwed up a chore,
But I don't want to bore you so let me implore you
I need to assure you, the only thing for you
Is leaving, I ain't deceiving, so start believing,
Go pack up your gear so we can go meet Hugo Weaving.
"The main man in charge of Rivendell; he's cool as hell,
He's even got this real swell healing spell,
He likes to use when elves ain't feeling well
And he's gotta daughter I oughta get in a hotel.
"She's such a hottie,
Man, what a body!
She's super-fly sexy and gets me all naughty.
This chick unzips her slips and strips
Thick lips and hips and tricks with whips
So, Pip get equipped and let's rip a quick trip
Or just skip the whole script and pick a Fellowship,
Without Elrond's powers
We can save hours!
And why wait around to read 'The Two Tower'
Or 'The Return of the King'
'The Lord of the Rings'
Let's finish it right here, 'cuz I'm sick of these things.