"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Gillian Lowell, and tonight on FAWN WEEK IN REVIEW, we have a special treat."

The camera pulls back to reveal two women, one sitting on either side of Lowell, who continues, "I am joined tonight by two very illustrious women... none other than the FAWN Tag Team Champions, Chrissy Daniel and Megan Lilly!"

"Ladies, it's a pleasure to welcome the Killer Imp and the Prodigy."

"Nice to be here, Gillian," Chrissy replies.

"Always happy to allow the fans another opportunity feast their eyes upon us," responds Megan with a sly wink and an air kiss to the camera.

"We will have the benefit of your thoughts and observations as we watch tonight's match recaps. But I trust having you join us tonight isn't interfering with your training schedule for your upcoming title match against Ríúil Kanes?" asks Lowell.

"The O'Brats?" Daniel asks with a mixture of mockery and incredulity. "Don't worry about it, Gilly... we're ready to bring all that they can handle. And the day we can't whup a couple of Irish drunks is... well, that's a day that's never gonna happen, so there's no sense speculating."

"They oughta be good for a couple of laughs, though," chimes in Lilly, then adding darkly, "At least, they'd better be if they know what's good for 'em. I don't get all dressed up to come out and play without good reason, you know."

"More like undressed... " the Imp says under her breath, just audibly enough for her microphone to pick up.

"Hmmm? You say somethin' over there, Midgetor?" the redhead says with mock dismissiveness to her partner.

"Ahem," Gillian interjects, steering the show back toward its purpose. "Our first match features Sara Miles faces the challenge of Trish Lankford. Sara is a longtime FAWN competitor, but her career in the league has been less that impressive."

"Let's face it," Megan interrupts. "She's a pair of tits on legs. That gets her in the door, but in the ring, she's worthless."

"Now Trish Lankford," Chrissy adds. "There's some talent. Not as talented as me... ."

"Or me!" Lilly slips in.

"Or her. But still, the girl's got potential. I might even give her a shot at MY World Title after I reclaim it at the pay-per-view," says the Imp. "Just to give Lankford the opportunity to discover what it's like to lose to a living legend."

"Well," says Lowell. "Going into this, the odds definitely seemed to be in Trish's favor. And the pressure on Sara to produce a win had to be ratcheted up a few more degrees, following the stunning upset victory her tag team partner, Jan Delgado, scored over Miriam Gaiman the week before. The question was, could Miles use that pressure to her advantage, or would it prove to be a handicap against the young phenom? Let's go to the match and find out!"

Images unfurl on the screen to match the voiceover descriptions from the three women... .

CHRISSY: "Okay, here we see them lock up, and right away Trish is more aggressive, and she pushes Sara back into the ropes."

GILLIAN: "The referee calls for the break, and Lankford complies... "

MEGAN: "But then... BAM! Trish almost knocks the stupid clear off of Miles's face with a slap!"

GILLIAN: "Back in the center of the ring, they lock up again, and again Trish bulls her opponent back into the ropes. The official again orders a break in the hold... "

CHRISSY: "But, even as Trish pulls her arm back to deliver another slap, Sara wises up and hits first... she rams her knee deep into Lanky's tummy!"

MEGAN: "And she grabs Trish's hair... hey, c'mon ref, that's a blatant violation of the rules!... and headlocks her. Wow, that's a really... yaaaaawn... impressive technical move."

GILLIAN: "It looks as if Lankford is attempting to break the hold by hoisting Miles up and over, but Sara surprises her by using the momentum to somersault backward, taking Trish down to the mat with a Reverse Bulldog!"

CHRISSY: "Not too shabby."

GILLIAN: "We now speed up several minutes into the match, and we see that Trish has most definitely regained control of the fight. She has Sara locked into an Abdominal Stretch, and is using her free hand to apply a clawhold to the blonde's right breast!"

MEGAN: "You know, in Miles's case, that technically qualifies as a brain claw."

GILLIAN: "But with a tremendous effort, Sara manages to hiptoss Lankford, freeing herself. Wasting no time, she stomps at Trish's abdomen with her boot, trying to drive the air from her."

CHRISSY: "Not what I would have done. Lankford still has plenty of piss and vinegar in her, and those tight abs of hers can take whatever Miles is laying on her. I'd have grabbed those legs, split 'em, and delivered the game winning goal kick."

MEGAN: "Hah! As if those little legs of yours could reach that far."

CHRISSY: "Hey! Wanna see my 'little legs' kicking your ass?"

MEGAN: "Won't you need help getting down from your stool first, Short Round?"

CHRISSY: "Just wait and see where I'm gonna shove this stool, Red!"

GILLIAN: "A-hem... ladies! Could we turn our attention back to the match at hand?"

MEGAN: "Why? Is it finally getting interesting?"

GILLIAN: "Well, as you can see, Trish is again attempting to regain control by Irish Whipping Sara into the corner, but Miles uses her momentum to vault up the turnbuckles, leaps backward, and nails Lankford with a Flying Cross Bodypress."

CHRISSY: "And she pins her for... two. Putz forgot to hook the leg. I swear, what passes for 'Professional Wrestler' in this league sometimes... !"

GILLIAN: "Both women scramble to their feet... but Miles is just a shade quicker, and she nails her opponent with a Standing Dropkick!"

MEGAN: "Gotta give Titsy credit... she came with a gameplan and she's stickin' to it. She must have written it with marker on her headlights, so that she could look down to remember what to do next."

CHRISSY: "Y'know, this boob envy of yours is very unbecoming."

MEGAN: "Excuse me? Everybody knows that more than a mouthful is a waste. With you, I'll bet it's like handling a couple of ten pound feed bags."

GILLIAN: "ANYWAY, we now see Sara climbing to the top turnbuckle, where she leaps into the air, snares Trish with a Flying Headscissors, and sends the blond down with such force, she literally skids across the canvas!"

CHRISSY: "Lankford looks almost totally out of it now. She gets to her knees and raises her hands, begging for Sara to stop. But Miles ain't about to let up."

MEGAN: "She throws a kick into Trish's tummy, then grabs her by the hair and hauls her up to her feet. Looks like she's now going for a Facelock. It might be, it could be... ."

GILLIAN: "Yes, you're absolutely right, Megan... it's an El Samurai Super Inverted Facelock Suplex!"

MEGAN: "Uh, I was just gonna say she drills her into the mat... ."

CHRISSY: "Trishy is ripe for the plucking now."

GILLIAN: "Indeed. Although instead of going for the pin, Sara apparently has decided to finish her adversary off in spectacular fashion. She again climbs up the turnbuckles, until she's standing on the top ropes. Facing out to the crowd, she pauses and raises her hands to acknowledge there cheers."

CHRISSY: "Quit showboatin', you putz... put her away first!"

MEGAN: "Oops, looks like there's still a little wattage in Lanky's light bulb. She rolls over onto her hands and knees, crawls to the corner, and... yes, she swats at Sara's foot, making her lose her balance!"

GILLIAN: "Startled, Miles slips from the ropes and crotches herself onto the steel turnbuckle vise!"

CHRISSY: "Ye-owww! I felt that from here!"

MEGAN: "Heh heh... look at this close-up of Miles. Her eyes are rolling like a slot machine!"

GILLIAN: "Drawing on the last of her power, Lankford slams Miles from the turnbuckle, and goes for the pin."

CHRISSY: "Wisely grabbing her tights, just in case. Although right about now, I don't think Sara has much left in her to even think about trying to kick out."

GILLIAN: "And the toll of the bell brings an end to this match. Trish Lankford isn't taking any chances, and she quickly rolls out of the ring to avoid Sara's wrath."

CHRISSY: "Now this I like: She pretty much got her ass handed to her, and winning this one was a fluke. But does she act like it? Hell no! She's strutting up the ramp, arms raised in triumph, acting for all the world like she just won the championship... which she never will, so long as I have it, by the way. Still, I like this girl's grit."

The image of the three women returns to the screen.

GILLIAN: "I'd like to thank my special guests, Chrissy and Megan, for joining me today for play-by-play. Ladies, I hope you're as sharp in your tag title match against the Kanes are you were in your commentary here."

CHRISSY: "Don't sweat it, Gilly. We're on top of the Kane situation."

And with that, Daniel and Lilly rise up from their stools and pick up the seat covers they had been sitting on... holding them up to reveal that they are Ríúil Kanes T-shirts. And with malicious laughter, they champions depart.

WINNER: Trish Lankford