TAMMY DE VILLE: Our first match of the night is between Maiden America and Sascha Savarino, and I think it's fair to say that this is a win which both women need tonight.

BUCK ANSOME: You've got that right. These two just haven't been able to get their acts together here in FAWN. After tonight, I think we're gonna be seeing one of them sent packing to Jobberland.

TAMMY: Of the two, I would say that Maiden America has been the biggest disappointment. She entered the federation generating a great deal of excitement and anticipation, but she just hasn't been able to catch fire in the ring.

BUCK: She's more than a disappointment, Tammy...she's a disgrace! She ought to be ashamed for wrestling so poorly while wearing the proud colors of our nation. As a matter of fact, I'm going to write to my Congressman and tell him to pass an amendment that specifically prohibits Maiden America from desecrating the red, white and blue this way.

TAMMY: Do you even know who your Congressman is?

BUCK: There's more than one?

TAMMY: If the Founding Fathers could have looked into the future and seen you, I have no doubt that they would have sworn off the idea of independence and pledge their allegiance to King George.

BUCK: Wait...now I remember who my Congressman is! It's my old drinking buddy, Jim Traficant! Although come to think of it, I haven't seen Jimbo around much lately....

TAMMY: As for Sascha Savarino, she didn't debut in FAWN with as much ballyhoo as her opponent tonight did, but nevertheless hopes were high that she would acquit herself well. Unfortunately for her, that hasn't happened.

BUCK: Sascha just needs to find her groove. She has plenty of experience on the indie circuit, but she's like the college hoops star who comes to the NBA and discovers that the pro's play an entirely different kind of roundball. Beating the Maiden tonight will be an important first step in Sascha finding her role in FAWN.

TAMMY: One thing's for sure tonight, Buck...one of these two young competitors is going to walk out of that ring with her first FAWN victory.

BUCK: And I'm betting it'll be Savarino. She's skilled, she's beautiful, and she's humble.

TAMMY: Humble? We haven't seen much humility from Sascha around here. In fact, she's done a good job of bragging about herself and trash talking everyone else in the league.

BUCK: Yeah, but you don't see her being so egotistical as to name herself after a whole country, do you? I mean, she's not calling herself Empress Italy or anything like that, unlike certain other people I could name.

TAMMY: In your own weird, warped way you almost have a point, Buck.

BUCK: And hey, who does Maiden America think she is anyway, claiming to represent the whole US of A? I know I didn't vote for her! Maybe we can trade her to one of the lesser countries...she can be Corporal Canada, or Lady Belgium, or....

TAMMY: And let's just stop right there before you torpedo FAWN's foreign broadcast rights. At any rate, it's time to introduce the combatants.

"American Woman" by Lenny Kravitz blasts over the arena's sound system, and Maiden America appears at the top of the ramp, sporting a new look...a blue with white stars top and red and white striped bottom tankini, with white go go boots. As she makes her way down the aisle, slapping the outstretched hands of the fans, she seems utterly confident, but to the trained observer, the glint in her eye betrays her anxiety. She needs to win this match, and she knows it.

Suddenly, Pink's "Trouble" rudely interrupts the blonde's anthem. Sascha Savarino emerges from behind the backstage curtain, clad in her usual gold acrylic micro-mini dress. The brunette matches with an almost arrogant air down the aisleway, ignoring the fans except for a saucy wink to one who holds aloft a sign that reads "I Luv Sascha's Goldmine!" If she has any worries whatsoever about possibly losing this match, she doesn't show them.

The two wrestlers meet in the center of the ring while the referee goes over the final instructions. Sascha places her hands on her hips and smirks at the blonde, while Maiden America fixes a steely gaze at her rival. The ref orders them to their respective corners to await the bell; for several heartbeats, the two beauties do not move an inch, as both continue to size one another up. Finally, silently, they turn to head to their corners.

But Sascha suddenly pivots and charges at her opponent, bringing a Double Axe Handle blow down squarely between Maiden's shoulder blades. The blonde hurtles forward with a pained grunt, until she slams chest-first into the turnbuckle.

BUCK: Wow! Sascha sets the pace of this match right from the start with a Pearl Harbor!

TAMMY: Even before the start, technically. And I think the only person in this entire arena who wasn't expecting that sort of low tactic from Savarino was Maiden America herself.

Sascha fills her fist with flaxen mane and repeatedly rams the Maiden's face into the turnbuckle, the thin layer of canvas offering scant protection from the unyielding steel beneath. The brunette then moves to the center of the ring, dragging her unwilling cargo behind her by the hair. And a quick flip by the hair has a stunned Maiden America sitting upright on the mat.

The blonde shakes her head, trying to clear the haze away, but there simply isn't any time to recover. The brunette is upon her again, this time cupping her hands around the Maiden's chin while simultaneously planting a knee in her spine. Jerking backwards, Savarino pulls with all of her might, as if her intent were to tear her rival's head from her shoulders. Some in the audience aren't so sure she doesn't intend to do just that.

Feet kicking furiously at the mat, her hands grasping at her tormentor's wrists in a futile attempt to relieve the pain, Maiden America can do little but suffer and whine from the wrenching agony seizing her neck and back. Suddenly, the blonde rolls herself to the left; it's a high-risk move, because it increases the chance of serious damage being inflicted to her neck. But she can't allow her foe to continue to apply this hold much longer, so the risk is taken. The hold is broken, but the blonde desperately needs time to pull herself together. However, Sascha...still so fresh in this fight that she hasn't even broken a sweat yet...continues to ply her attack, not giving the Maiden the slightest chance to recover.

Eschewing technical maneuvers now, Savarino simply begins to stomp away at the prone figure beneath her, the heel of her boot cruelly driving into the blonde's body and head again and again. Then, literally falling atop her, the brunette goes for the pin. As the ref brings his hand down for the count of three, Maiden America instinctively kicks free...but Sascha doesn't seem to mind. Indeed, she's almost happy that her opponent still has a little fight left in her.

Stepping backwards a few steps, Savarino begins to taunt her opponent. "C'mon, Miss High n' Mighty...get up and made a fight of it!" The brunette's cold laughter echoes in the blonde's ears as she painfully crawls to her hands and knees.

TAMMY: Now this is just mean! Sascha is humiliating Maiden America...there's no call for this!

BUCK: It's about time, I say! That red, white and blue phony has this coming to her!

Grabbing Maiden America once again by her hair, with a roar Sascha throws her across the ring and through the ropes. The blonde crashes hard to the cement floor at ringside, and is able to pull herself to her feet only by bracing herself against the steel barrier. Flush with the pride of total domination, Savarino saunters over to the end of the ring and, leaning over the top rope, again mocks her hapless opponent. "Why don't you do yourself a favor and just keep on walking back to your dressing room, blondie? Maybe you'll find someone back there who knows how to wrestle, and you can send them down here to fight me."

Maiden America does move, but not to the aisleway. Instead, she lunges toward the ring, grabbing Sascha around the ankles and, with a tug, pulls the brunette to the canvas and right out of the ring. Before Savarino realizes what's happening, the blonde whips her into the ringpost. Dazed, Sascha staggers backwards, and as she slowly turns, the Maiden readies herself. Then, with machinelike precision, she launches a Superkick that connects squarely with the brunette's chin, sending her sprawling to the arena floor.

On rubbery legs, Savarino is hauled to her feet and pushed back into the ring beneath the bottom rope. Following her in, Maiden follows up with a Sidewalk Slam that leaves the brunette quivering on the mat. The blonde goes for a pin of her own, but this time it's her opponent who finds the power within herself to kick out before the third and final handfall.

Pulling Sascha up, the blonde Irish Whips her toward the ropes...but Savarino reverses it and it's Maiden America who rebounds off of the cables, and straight into a Clothesline across the throat.

TAMMY: Bad news for Maiden America! Control of this match has just slipped between her fingers.

BUCK: Luck only gets you so far in a match, and I'd say the blonde bimbo's has just run out!

With a double handful of hair, Sascha whips her foe across the ring; nearing the corner, the Maiden's momentum sends her tumbling head over heels, until she crashes with a thud into the turnbuckles, hung upside down at the knees on the top rope.

BUCK: Tree of Woe, baby! Tree of Woe!

With a warrior's howl, Sascha charges the corner, leaps into the air, and brings an Axe Handle blow squarely into Maiden America's unprotected groin! The blonde cries out in pain, but with her legs held fast across the ropes, she is unable to pull free of the corner. With a sinister grin, the brunette again goes to the opposite corner, and again rushes towards her helpless target. This time, she slides her body so as to nail the Maiden with a Bronco Buster, her own crotch slamming into the blonde's face and then grinding away, smothering her.

Getting to her feet, Sascha frees the blonde's legs, allowing her to crumple to the mat in a heap. The brunette then pulls her rival up to her feet and, draping the Maiden's arms over the top rope, props her up in the corner. Then, grabbing the blonde's star spangled top, she tears it from her body, leaving the embattled good girl topless.

BUCK: Now there's a patriotic sight I can stand up for and salute...twin Liberty Bells!

TAMMY: Yeah, except the crack is in your head.

A Judo Chop leaves the Maiden's unencumbered breasts jiggling, and Maiden America herself gasping for precious breath. "OK, puttana," Sascha hisses. "Let's finish this!" Steeping backwards, Savarino readies herself to deliver her signature finisher, the Corner Kick. Her sculpted gam lashes out, her foot a missile of destruction. Yet at the last possible instant, Maiden America manages to pull her arms free, and allows gravity to do the rest...she slides to the canvas, ducking underneath the kick. Savarino's momentum leaves her off-balance for a mere fraction of a second, but it is in that briefest span of time that the blonde strikes.

Sweeping out her own leg, the Maiden knocks the brunette's foot out from under her, sending her tumbling to the mat. In a blue of motion, Maiden America then lunges at Savarino, somersaulting over her prone body while grabbing her legs. Before Sascha can even begin to comprehend what is happening, she finds herself pinned to the canvas and held their by the weight of her opponent. The referee's three count signals an end to the match.

BUCK: No! No! No!!! Did you see that? She cheated!

TAMMY: And just how did she do that, Buck?

BUCK: I don't know! But she had to have cheated! Sascha had her beat! I demand a recount!

TAMMY: I will agree with you somewhat...Sascha certainly was in charge for most of this match. But she learned a valuable lesson today...don't claim your victory until the referee counts to three.

The official raises Maiden America's arm in triumph, but she is anything but triumphant. Grabbing her tattered top and covering her bare chest as best she can, she quickly retreats to the safety of her dressing room. She won this match, that's true, but in her own mind, she hardly acquitted herself well tonight. If she has any hopes of actually being a successful force for good here in FAWN, she knows, she'll have to get much better in the ring, and she'll have to do so quickly.

Sascha Savarino, meantime, is furious over her loss, and she does not hesitate to take it out on the referee, who is very quickly left motionless in the center of the ring. A squad of FAWN security officers swarms the ring and finally manages to drag the enraged battler, kicking and screaming the entire way, backstage.

TAMMY: So, Maiden America gets a 'W' in her column tonight, but I don't think this is the end of her troubles with Sascha. Nevertheless, she scored a victory for truth, justice and the American way. Don't you agree, Buck?

BUCK: I am so moving out of this country. What's England like? They speak American there, right?

TAMMY: God save me....