I see him everyday, though we never talk
we're both caught up in our own things
but whenever he passes me, there's
a coolness about the room, and all I
can do is sit dreamy and dazed as if
this were a kind of love, though
I know it isn't, no matter how much
my mind steals over the thought of him
and because of the way he looks at me
I can venture to think this way
because he so well knows my heart
the hollow fear turned into emptiness

do you know what I need right now?
I need the clothes to be ripped clean off me
I need someone to push me, pin me
against the wall and touch me all over
and lose control at the sight of me
and kiss me frantically
and cover me in the feel of his lips
cover every inch of my life
and press up against me and
carve me out and leave fingerprints
in my skin because I want
it to be painful, I want
him to leave my soul in shreds
I want him to moan and lay me
on my back so I'll know I can't get away
fully, lushly running his tongue over me
so I try to think back on all the things
I read about, but can't decide
on what to do, because I really want this
I want him to peel me open and
take over me in the ripening darkness
and just as everything goes black
his mouth will shine out like a clean
red gash and when I reach out for him
he's tangible and won't go away
so I'll embrace the pain, even if
it's deeper than the darkness
and we'll converge, and yet I'll fall
farther away, until I'm dead and
buried in the flames of Hell
and he'll just smile and nod as if
he's just pulled off a beautiful joke
and I'll laugh and gently kiss his neck
and by then it'll be summer again
and I'll be just another hole in the
ground where the earth was dug out
another heavy cloth you drag
across the floor, but I'll be happy
and at peace because I didn't have
to say anything, not a word
after all, it's possible for people
to grow older and change and weather
without deteriorating, up to a point
it's the past, it's time that's stained me
the point is I needed something from him
that I can neither believe nor forgive
it's hopeless, but wasn't it always?
the sooner I stop, the better
and still, I keep on
there's a sunset, as usual