joshie c
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| may 6th 2004 | ||||
| so a mighty big hello to everyone i'm not even going to take the time to use proper grammer or punctuation i'm way to busy you know to waste my time with that not really just thinking a lot and its not like anyone actually reads this right so here i spill my guts to the few who may actually need updates and what have you which is rediculous period this is just becomeing a thing for me to do when i'm bored and feel a need to explain myself to noone... purpose of a journal of course so um man i don't know a lot of things have occured lately that are starting to open my eyes and though this is good its bad simply based on the fact that i feel the only way to advance now is to throw away most of my outside family which is hard but i've done it before and i know i will again i can't handle dealing with reality and my life when everyone else constantly has to tear me to pieces... and for what cuz they choose to cheif with me i don't ask for that all i ask for is some half ass respect that doesn't require me getting cocks drawn on my face or bruises or cuts... and so on it doesn't end i ask to be able to talk even if you think its retarded at least hear me out but you know fuck you all i'm tired of this game of being everyone's toy and source of amuzement it's time for a change and if it takes everyone of you every last fucking one of you out of my life all well i don't care anymore i seem to finally have said fuck people totally fuck people if they have a problem with me or even their own little tiny bit of trouble coming to me for any help fuck em... at this point all i am concerned about is my well being it doesn't really matter to anybody anymore like i did in the first place you know and so i say battle on i'm gonna come out on top and you will all see me destroy the mold literally and surpass what you expected and if you deny this or you say never than fuck you you're only interests are getting high and beating the shit out of me and tearing down what little self esteem i have every fucking day thats all any of you do to me for the most part and its like fuck that you don't care you know and i don't want that so fuck you all i'm sorry i just had to say this... its bothered me for a long time and right now i realize the whole penticle of this mess is me... and a million fish attacking one piece of falling apart bait is never a good thing... so you know yeah... now for those of you that care i've started updating this a little and yes i do still write in fact in seclusion i have found the time to start my first true script it sounds good now but its gonna suck i know it but who knows you know its just something for me anyways something i've always wanted to do and need to do... i'm sorry if i offended any of you at all with my previous statements like i could actually mean it right but i do seriously its like this is what one may call "josh time" and maybe someday you all get me back but if not sorry you're loss its out of your hands i've asked you all too much for strength and for every bit you have all shown me there are a million things you have done or said to take that away so yeah you know i don't care its in my hands now i will conquer you all and prosper more than any of you expect and if you disagree fuck you cuz you know this is like the best i've felt about myself honestly for the first time in years and years and its amazing to me you know so fuck that i'm not going back to who you all let me become and who you continued to mold into a circus animal i refuse to stay caged so yeah fuck fuck fuck its good to get this off my chest even if nobody reads it you know so yeah thanks to the one person who may actually read this even though i mean no harm and i want nothing maybe someday you will all grow to appreciate me as much as you pretend to now... kudos joshie c |
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