josh
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| May 30th 2004 | ||||
| hey there everyone... so it was brought to my attention that i am a total asshole. at least i think i am. let me lay down my true intentions... i do not have any. sorry i was so drunk... sorry i hurt you... sorry that i cannot be half the man i wish i could be. i never meant to hurt you... i never meant for anything of the sort. you all know who you are... i fucked up again... i always tend to do stuff like that. i can understand if you don't want to talk to me or be around me or what have you. i'm dying in myself and my prime... i say i'm happier but i'm not. i say i don't need any of you but i do. i act as though i'm getting better but no no its all a big lie that i have to keep telling myself. if i ever make anything of myself it will be amazing... but it will never happen without you. i will always care about you i will always remember you and the good friend you have been. all the fishing, and movies, and jewels, and churches, everytime i hear darkside or see a beach. i wish i didn't make my life the way it is becoming i wish i had some form of any way to prove that i still care but i don't know how. i don't deserve your friendship... i never did. thank you for helping me find a little bit of confidence in myself thank you for making things worth while thank you for giving me reason to think... you have played a bigger role than you will ever realize and that is really important to me... no matter what i say... i am a fucking idiot. i'm not mad at you and if i was i would tell you to your face... i cannot handle my messes without my friends... i don't know what i am really getting at i just wanted you to know that i'm sorry for everything i'm sorry for more than you realize i love you... josh |
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