I fail to make you numb I fail to make you dumb I fail to make you anybody else All the drugs in this world won't save her from herself
joshie c
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| May 29th 2004 | ||||
| Hey there everyone... it was recently pointed out to me, quote unquote, "So what is this you're leaving the family". On some of my previous entries I have exibited bouts of anger... just so you know you guys never made me as unhappy as you may think or I made it out to seem. You know just because I don't come around all the time now doesn't mean I'm fucking dead. Well obviously I am... for the most part none of you even miss me in the slightest. It hurts but all well, it's not any of you, it's me who abandoned everyone. I'd just like to formally say that I am sorry... I am sorry for any harm I ever may have caused... I am sorry for making any impact what so ever on any of your lives if thats what you want to call it.... I am sorry for existing to be a point of conflict... I am sorry for ever letting any of you know who I truly am... and more than anything I'm sorry for that truly am not being strong enough to handle people who have showed me so much love and care all along. Anyways I don't even think it matters anymore, does it? And if it does I need a little more proof than random "fishing trips" and what have you. Man that was never what I intended or wanted from any of you... to be on this oh hi hello how are you basis of communication... it's not supposed to be that way.... I guess it just goes to show who my true friends are going to turn out to be. For any of you that may still care, my life is going great... not all that much really but does that matter? I mean its not any better than before other than the fact that I think with a way clearer head... "my seclusion" as I was trying to call it, brought about only sadness... I hate life and I hate the way things end up... I just want everything to be the way it was again... all of my friends and lovers and family and community and even drugs for that matter to drift back to the way it was... though not everything was clear then, there was a common circle that I could juggle and still access for care.... whatever this isn't going nowhere I would like it to... I just want to say that I am sorry for being so ignorant and so uncaring that I would make any hurtful bits of defication from my mouth. I love you all.... I always will... when the time comes forth you will all understand... hopefully. I fail to make you numb I fail to make you dumb I fail to make you anybody else All the drugs in this world won't save her from herself joshie c |
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