i am like frances bean and i too will have revenge on my seattle joshie c
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| feb oh shit its march 2nd 2004 | ||||
| hey there people i fucking need a nap its only like 8:00 which really sucks its too early... i figure these days they're so confusing and i just want to stop being such a puppet and falling apart at the seams. but i guess you kinda have to conform to being a puppet for the system to acheive this. i doubt that made much of any sense to any of but a few. i cannot handle anything anymore and everday i see myself dying slowly inside more and more. one day just maybe one day i can find some peace and this will all be over. i will escape this hellridden town and destroy the standards and beliefs... i have to keep telling myself this... sadly this misbelief is all i have left to linger on or at least for the most part.i have this and friends... i would say family but i don't even know anymore. fucking i have everything here before me and all i see myself doing is throwing everything away... everything being my life my heart and soul my whole world and i crush it repeatedly and yet i still rise to do it again... its as if i know nothing else but selfdestruction and falsified spurts of what one may concieve as love coming from a cold heartless deadly beast... you'll all see someday... it will happen... not neccesarily my death nor yours ... just my end. it will come it is coming i feel it breathing down my neck everyday now more and more. if i don't stop this now i dfear i cannot later... i am just a broken machine in need of a tuneup and nobody is giving it to me no more... this is the first time in my life i might actually have to work for myself and it is a scary thought... i'm not ready for this i'm not ready for anything especially all of these realities and responsibilities that i have started to encounter... on this note i would like to say that i am sorry to any of you who might actually have read this... that might actually have thought to understand me... i would like to appologize to anyone i may have hurt in the recent history even in the slightest even if it means that i didn't really do anything to you but what i may have done to myself... i feel like i am on my last breath... god my life is such a mess or maybe i'm just an overdramatic spoiled middle amercian teenager yeah thats probably it but fuck it the other sounds true too ugh fuck i am like frances bean and i too will have revenge on my seattle joshie c |
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