| You Know You're A Softball Junkie If... Every thought in your head is somehow softball related. You count down the days until your first practice of the season. You have played ball your whole like and still can't get enough. Your schedule is booked because you are playing ball. If you're not playing, you're watching others play. 80% of your T-shirts are softball related. You think dressing up is a clean softball tournament shirt. You put softball as your first love on those online surveys. You play for more than three teams, you play four games a week and your still looking to play on the weekend. Everyone of your friends tells you that you are obsessed, and you are proud of it. You are willing to play in 5 inches of snow, so that you won't have to postpone your first game of the season. You just finished your last game of the season, and you wonder when is the first game next season. Your room is totally decorated with softball stuff. Your idea of a vacation is going to an out-of-town tournament and playing. You would gladly take double headers and tournaments over sleep-overs. You find yourself eating dinner more with the team than with the family. Your cleats are your most comfortable footwear. You pitch every day and through the winter to prefect your 7 pitches, throw 16 strikeouts in a game and you are still mad at yourself because you managed to give up 2 hits. You play 10 months out of the year and practice indoors the remaining 2 months. You have a six inch tan, softball socks cover your lower leg and sliding shorts cover your upper leg, leaving you with brown knees. And you have two tan lines one your arms because you league team wears T-shirts and your travel team wears sleeveless shirts. And of course we can�t forget the tan line on your wrists from your batting gloves. You�re playing in 40 degrees weather and you can�t feel your hands but you still want that next line drive to come at you. You give up a Saturday of shopping at the mall for the team fundraiser. You walk everything off no matter where you got hit. You wear your uniform the whole day before you game that night to get yourself pumped. All the umpires in your district know you by first and last name and fear your fastball. You actually sat here and read all the ones before this, and thought to yourself that�s me! The Typical Girls Fastpitch Softball Player The TGFPSP is first and foremost somebody's little girl. At one time she looked cute as a button, dressed in pink with pony tails. She played with dolls, helped mom bake cookies, and has probably earned a few bucks baby-sitting. She has been, and always will be daddy's little girl. The TGFPSP still has all those little girl attributes. The only difference is now she looks cute dressed in sliders and shorts. If she is wearing ribbons in her hair, they are probably team colors. She still bakes cookies -- for the team bake sale; and has probably earned a few bucks -- at the team car wash. Now she is, and always will be daddy's little first baseman, or shortstop, or pitcher. The TGFPSP takes pride in how much dirt she can collect each weekend. Go to dinner on a night that she is not playing and it takes her an hour of primping to get ready. Go to eat after a game and she'll walk right into a restaurant with a streak of dirt across her forehead, ratted hair, stained shirt, and brownish white socks -- or brown toes with sandals -- and yell "Let's EAT!" The TGFPSP is ready and willing to play softball at the drop of a hat! If she can get away with it, she will play on two teams (in the same day no less). She has a huge wardrobe -- plenty of tournament shirts, and shorts from all the teams she has played on. Her parents do her school shopping every weekend at the tournament T-shirt booth. When you say, "wear something nice", she thinks it means a tournament shirt without dirt stains. The TGFPSP needs to get an athletic scholarship. Her parents have spent $100,000 on camps, private instruction, batting cages, gloves, bats, equipment, uniforms, player fees, concession stands, travel, and lodging. THEY'RE BROKE!!! The TGFPSP is a fierce competitor. She knows you get out of something only what you put into it. She is not the type of kid to take the easy way out! Standing maybe 5'2" and weighing 100lbs soaking wet, she is willing to stand in against a pitcher throwing heat from a distance so close that even pro baseball players would get nervous. She is fearless as she plays first or third base at 20 feet from home plate, saying I dare you to bunt -- just try to drive one down my throat!!! But mostly she is proud, for no matter what size she may be or what position she might play, no one can tell her that softball is soft -- she knows that throwing like a girl doesn't mean what it used to. The TGFPSP is playing the game for all the right reasons! SHE LOVES IT! She could hang out at the mall, stay home and watch TV, or spend her summers at the pool. Instead she has a tight schedule with limited free time, hangs out on the practice field with a coach in her face, and spends her summers getting baked on a 95 degree field with no shade. But The TGFPSP has her priorities in order: tournaments, league games, team practices, schoolwork, individual batting practice, family, private softball instruction, church, conditioning, softball camps, and boys (maybe church comes before the batting practice -- at least on Sundays). The TGFPSP has more spirit than maybe any athlete who plays a team sport. At least it sounds that way. Softball is the only sport where a player's ability to cheer can sometimes effect roster decisions. Sooner or later, every fastpitch coach will find a player who can't bunt or hit, is a liability in the field, and spends a lot of time on the bench -- but you've got to love her because she always wears a big grin and cheers constantly! The TGFPSP learns many valuable lessons during the course of her softball career, like: - How to get from home to every softball field within a 100 mile radius. - Last year's sunflower seeds that she found in the bottom of her bat bag aren't too bad if she washes them down with enough Gatorade. - You can stay at Holiday Inn for $6 bucks a night if you are willing to go 8 to a room. - Hotels don't monitor pool usage and you can go swimming anytime, whether you're a registered guest or not. - The hotel's continental breakfast means: 3 bowls of cereal, 1 bagel, 2 donuts and 4 glasses of OJ. - Never wash your socks when you're on a winning streak. - Never wash your socks when you're on a hitting streak. - Never wash your socks after you've scored the winning run, scored any run, or were close to scoring a run. - Never trust a mother who says she won't wash your lucky socks. The TGFPSP dreams of double plays, slap bunts, sacrifice hits, and future gold. Regardless of all the sacrifices, the money, the occasional bad coach, and the little hardships like having to drink water that people have put their hands in. The TGFPSP has a lot of fun every summer -- enough to make her come back each year. While The TGFPSP knows she will always be daddy's little girl, she also knows that her destiny is to become tomorrow's modern woman. Softball Player�s Prayer Lord, give me the strength to hit the ball And if I do don't let me fall Help me to pick the pitch that's right Then let me knock it out of sight. Then let me run with deer-like grace Don't let me miss but tag first base Then on to second, stay with me, Lord, Cause this one out, we can't afford. Then let me zoom like a flying bird Right down the line and on to third Then let me slide with feet out-thrust Across home plate in the swishing dust BUT FIRST OF ALL, DEAR LORD, I PRAY JUST TELL THE COACH TO LET ME PLAY! Why Softball Players Are Good In Bed -We like getting dirty -We do it in 9 different positions -We make it easy to get around the bases -We make sliding into places seem easy -We don't let you foul out -We love going for extra innings -We switch positions at least 7 times a game -We have great coordination with both hands -We like keeping the lights on for night game -We play our game hard and fast -We are used to scoring no matter what base we�re on -We have great stamina -We always use a glove -We like to touch every base carefully -We never strike out -We have the perfect grip -We stroke our balls hard an low -We take the extra base if we can get it -The game's not over until someone scores... Insults |
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| Insulting an umpire:
Your missing a good game blue! Hey blue shake your head...your eyes are stuck. Get a clue blue. Hey blue, found your glasses. Insulting the runner: You could time 'em with a sun dial. He runs like a deer, a John Deer. Un-hitch that trailer, maybe you'll run a little faster! Insulting the batter: I've seen better cuts in a deli! Even a blind squirrel fines a nut once in a while. I've seen better swings on the play ground. Insulting the pitcher: I've seen a better pitcher on a wall. This isn't burger king, you can't have it your way. And insulting the fielder: Someone call the fire department, cause you just got burnt. |