The New Law
Buck: �Mister, you'd better be prepared to fight for these guns, 'cause that's the only way you're gonna get them.�
Marshal Bryce: �If it comes to that, so be it�
Chris: �You don�t want it to�
Nathan: �Without us, you got no backup�
Josiah: �Except the good lord� and he�s got lousy aim�
Maria: �So cowboy� what can I do for you?�
Chris: �You can start by not calling me cowboy�
Ezra: �Never thought I�d wear the Union Blue but I always did fancy being a colonel�
~*~
Sins Of The Past
Maude: �Honestly Ezra, you�ve been as sour as a grape since I arrived�
Ezra: �Well perhaps that's because I have a distinctly uneasy feeling about you and I both owning businesses on the same street in the same town.�
Buck: �No, no. This is nonsense. All right? It's nonsense. I'm not the father of that baby. I'm not the father of that baby, and I'm not about to get married. No. No-o�
(Lucy runs out of the saloon)
Nathan: �Well Buck, looks like its time to get yourself a ring and a new suit.�
Ezra: �Physician on premises?�
Maude: �Well, I thought it would be a nice amenity for the patrons. Dr. Jackson is fitting in very well.�
Ezra: �Doctor Jackson? He�s not a doctor�
Maude: �Well he should be�
Ezra: �Hey Nathan, get back here! You can't have Nathan. He's one of my investors.�
Maude: �Funny. He didn't mention that when he signed on. Now, can we discuss this some other time? I have a rendezvous.�
Josiah: �Good afternoon Maude. Woman like this renews a man�s faith�
Ezra: �In what?�
~*~
Love And Honor
(Ezra and Nathan are teasing Buck about being turned down by Inez)
Ezra: �Where you goin', Buck? �Nunca sounded an awful lot like tonight.� �
Nathan: �Let me translate for you Buck�
Ezra and Nathan: �Never!�
Buck: �Aw hell, it wasn�t that funny�
Ezra: �It was rapturous. Why I never imagined you'd lose your touch so fast.�
Nathan: �At least you got a chance to learn how to speak Spanish.�
Buck: Hold on� Buck Wilmington never says never! Now that I put my mind to it, that girl's never is gonna turn into a yes
faster than a jackrabbit with its tail on fire.
Nathan: �I'd say your rabbit's already been cooked, Buck. Nunca.�
JD: �It's gonna be a scorcher today. Hotter than a burnt boot�
Casey: �Hot enough to wither a fence post�
JD: �Hot enough to sunburn a horntoad�
Casey: �It�ll be so hot, we�ll have to put the chickens on ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs�
JD: �Its going to be so damn hot that� that if a man died here and went to hell, he�d feel like writin� home for a blanket�
(It�s at this point while they are fishing that Casey knocks JD into the water. How�s that for having the last word! Although he does pull her in too!)
Chris: �You know Buck, I've known you 10 years and every time you see a pretty woman, your brain drops right below your belt.�
Buck: �Now, I thought we've known each other 12 years.�
Casey: �Sure must like Inez a lot to go and fight for her�
JD: �Just met her, but that�s Buck, the fool�
Casey: �Ain�t so foolish if you really feel something for a person�
JD: �I suppose not�
Casey: �If I were Inez and you were Buck� would you fight for me?�
JD: �Not with no damn sword, I wouldn�t�
(Great pickup line, JD!!)
~*~
Vendetta
Buck: �Hell Ezra, this hand�s got as much chance as a one legged man in a butt kickin� contest�
Ezra: �He folds�
Ezra: �Might I interest you boys in a game of cards or a drink while you wait?�
Nichols: �Gamblin�s a sin�
Ezra: �Then it would be our moral duty to have a drink. Oh, well. Enjoy your stay. That went well.�
Nichols: �The old man is staying with someone named Larabee. We know where he lives. So let's ride�
John Nichols: �Thanks doc�
Nathan: �You can�t ride until that bone sets�
John Nichols: �It�ll have to wait� I gotta ride�
Nathan: �Some people never listen�
(Nichols brothers leave)
Ezra: �Hold your horses, boys. This building doesn't appear to be on fire�
Vin: �They know where Larabee lives�
Ezra: �Well I should hope so. I gave them explicit directions. If they follow my instructions to the letter, they should reach Juarez by week's end. I believe we have about 2 hours before my deceit will be uncovered. Of course when they discover that I've sent them on a wild goose chase, I have their firm assurance they would come back to inflict upon me, and I quote, �excruciating pain� �
~*~
Wagon Train Part One
Vin: �We �bout ready?�
Ezra: �Mr. Tanner, the only thing I am ready for at this ungodly hour is the comfort of my down pillow�
Ezra: �Hey Buck, hold up. I see you've espied our comely young widow�
Buck: �Widow? Oh, I do love that word. They're so in need of comfort�
Ezra: �Well, unfortunately, despite her undeniable charms, she's a tad difficult to get close to�
Buck: �Ezra, no offense, but you�re no match for El Buck�
Ezra: �I'll admit that I'm not as indiscriminate in that area as yourself, Mr. Wilmington. However the point is, there's another rival for her affection.�
Buck: �So she has a beau. Well, that�s even better�
Ezra: �He's a formidable opponent. A rapacious, insatiable thief, stealing her time and attention like a rogue bandit in the night�
Buck: �Who is this devil?� (the widow�s spoiled brat throws lettuce at Buck and Ezra from the back of the wagon he is sitting in �Hey!�
Ezra: �That�s the gentleman over there�
Buck: �Why didn't you tell me that thing belongs to her?�
Ezra: �I suggest we agree to Mr. O'Shea's demands. Give him his ransom�
Vin: �We ain�t got the deed, remember?�
Ezra: �Well, fortunately, I had the foresight to bring it along�
Buck: �Take a look at that. You don't mind do you? Let's see here. (opens the �deed�) �Dear Mother, can you believe these fools now have me babysitting a wagon train of all things?� �
Ezra: �It goes on to say what a delightful time I�m having�
~*~
Wagon Train Part Two
(JD writes a letter to Casey only to be interrupted by Buck taking it out of his hands)
JD: �Buck, give me that. Buck, give it to me!�
Buck: (reads letter out loud) �Dear Casey� how are you?� �
JD: �Give that to me�
Buck: (continues to read letter) �I nearly got myself killed today. Got me thinkin� how much I miss fishin� with you?� What is that?�
JD: �What?�
Buck: �What?! You�re not holding hands with your sister here�
JD: �I know that�
Buck: �Well, women like love talk
Ezra: �That is your land Nathan and... I'll fight O'Shea all the way to the Supreme Court for it�
Nathan: �You ever get tired of kickin' up so much dust?�
Ezra: What� you�re right. My... pecuniary interests do shame me�
Nathan: �I�m glad something does�
Ezra: �But with my� with my greed� and your property, we could actually do some good. You see, if we use the gold to build a haven... for gamblers��
Nathan: �A gambling hall�
Ezra: �From which a healthy percentage of the profits would be dedicated to your hospital��
Nathan: �Save your breath. I already gave my share of the homestead to Jack's widow�
Ezra: �Uh... would that be the, uh... the obviously fertile beauty performing her ablutions?�
Nathan: �You just don�t give up, do you?�
Ezra: �Huh?�
Nathan: �Never mind�
~*~
The Trial
Ezra: �That woman's deviousness knows no bounds. First she purchases this lovely establishment right out from under me, and now she... she sashays into town and sells it to those unfortunate scoundrels at the first whiff of filthy lucre�
JD: �We can still drink here, right?�
Chris: �You ever heard of something called a fair trial?�
Sheriff Stains: �My family pulled up roots in Pennsylvania. We spent every dime we had on a plantation in South Carolina. My father, my brothers died in the war. I come back home to find scallywags and free Negroes had stole my land. Where's my fair trial?�
Chris: �Sheriff Stains, I don't give a damn about your past. You're in our town now�
Sheriff Stains: �I heard you�re fast�
Chris: �I heard that too�
Sheriff Stains: �You stole my bullets�
JD: �You�re not careful, mister, we�ll send them back�
~*~
Chinatown
Nathan: �I�m out of money�
Ezra: �No wonder the way you spend it�
Nathan: �You're gonna take those winnings, and you're gonna buy that girl out of her trouble�
Ezra: �Heh heh. That would be financially imprudent, Mr. Jackson�
Nathan: �You cough up that money, or else I'm gonna tell them where you're hidin' those extra dominoes�
Buck: �No more love potions for me. And I am through with that Inez. Finito! That's not funny. What are you laughin' at?�
JD: �Buck, I saw you buy that love potion. Me and Inez were in cahoots playin' a hoax on you.�
Buck: �A hoax?!�
JD: �Yeah�
Buck: �Playin' a hoax on me? So you drank it on purpose�
JD: �Yep�
Buck: �Uh-huh. Well, you fool, you know that could have been potent.�
JD: �Oh, come on, Buck! You know that kinda magic's� hooey!�
Buck: �Your ass is gonna be hooey when I'm through with you.�
JD: �Hooey!�
Buck: �Go! I said go, boy!�
JD: �Hooey!�
Buck: �Go!�
JD: �Hooey!�
~*~
Achilles
Lester: �Uh, excuse me, Sir. I was wondering, is this a God-fearin' town?�
Ezra: �Ha ha. Uh, this town and the good Lord are hardly even on speaking terms�
Ezra: �Oh, you�re an accomplished cheater� I�ll give you that but you�re still a, uh� help me out here, Buck�
Buck: �You are croockeder than a yellow bellied snake making his way through a prickly pear patch!�
Ezra: �Thank you!�
~*~
Lady Killers
Mattie: �What do you want?�
Ezra: �Well, it's not what I want that should interest you, but what I have to offer. You see, with your skill and my business acumen, well, my dear, I could make you famous�
Mattie: �Or I could make you dead�
Ezra: �And so charming, too�
Kirkland: �Well you think the judge will go easy on me?�
Ezra: �Oh that� yes� well did you perchance� uh� kill more than one person?�
Kirkland: �Well� yeah�
Ezra: �Well then you�re in luck. He can only hang you once�
~*~
Penance
Ezra: �Well, you know what they say. Those who can do, and those who can't, watch�
JD: �What�s that supposed to mean?�
Nathan: �That means that he�s trying to goad you into racing for that Winchester�
Pace McCormick: �You can blame it on the horse, blame it on the wind if you have to. But we all know it ain't the fiddle, it's the man holdin' the bow�
Buck: �Funny guy�
Ezra: �He's quite right but I fear your fiddle was out of tune. You'd have run poorly, too, if you'd been fed laudanum�
Buck: �Laudanum�
Ezra: �Yeah. It's an old hustler's trick utilized around the hippodromes back east. I've employed it to great effect myself. You can tell by the eyes�
Buck: �Oh, damn, you're right. He's roostered"
Ezra: �Yeah� poor thing�
Buck: �Now wait a minute. You knew that and you let me make a fool of myself so you could make some money?�
Ezra: �Well, your ignominy was an unfortunate byproduct of a most gainful venture. I am, however, prepared to share the wealth in this case�
Buck: �All of it� (glares at Ezra who is reluctant to hand over the money) �All of it�
Ezra: �It's not your greed that offends me. It's your ingratitude�
(Buck and Ezra decide to pay McCormick back for poisoning Buck�s horse by putting ipecac in his breakfast just before he races against JD)
Buck: �You know, folks around here don't appreciate a horse poisoning�
Ezra: �I suggest you find a quiet alley somewhere. Ipecac takes effect quite suddenly from what I hear.�
(Pace leaves retching)
JD: �Ezra, Buck, what did you just do?�
Buck: �Nothing�
JD: �Come on now. I can win this race on my own�
Buck: �Well sure you can son�
Ezra: �But it�s a matter of principle now�
JD: �Principle?! Since when do you two have principles?!
~*~
This is all I have seen so far of Season 2.
If you have any quotes you would like to see added to these pages� please e-mail me!