Series Premiere: Ghosts of the Confederacy
Virgil: �You walk off with that rifle, and you�re fired.�
Vin: �Hell, I�ll probably get myself killed. Now I got to worry about a new job, too.�
Man: �You only got one shot left in that popgun.�
Ezra: �Well, then... you best discuss amongst yourselves which one of you is going to die.�
Mary: �I'm just trying to scare the bad element away from this town.�
Chris: �Lady� I am the bad element�
~*~
One Day Out West
Lucas James: �You stay out of this cowboy. This ain�t your fight�
Chris: �Did he just call me a �cowboy� JD?�
JD: �I think he did Mr. Larabee�
Ezra: �At least once�
Josiah: �He hates that�
Chris: �Did you just call me a �cowboy�?�
Lucas James: �No� no I was just sayin� that it ain�t your fight�
Chris: �Not yet�
Ezra: �Well sir, now that we are rid of that loathsome curmudgeon you may effect my emancipation�
JD: �Huh?�
Ezra: �Let me out�
Buck: �Do something for me right now would you. Just get rid of that hat.�
JD: �No, Bat Masterson wears a hat just like this one, Buck�
Buck: �You�re no Bat. You�re not� you�re not like any of them.�
JD: �Well, I still ain�t changin� my hat�
Vin: �Looks like a few more than we planned on�
JD: �How many more?�
Vin: �The word �regiment� mean anything to you?�
~*~
Working Girls
Emily: �You want us to what?�
Ezra: �To become mail order brides�
(women laugh)
Ezra: �Getting married is the only permanent solution to your predicament and I am just the man to arrange it for you.�
~*~
Safecracker
Buck: �I thought we were getting paid to protect the town not escort some damn prisoner. Now, I ought to be sparkin' and snugglin' with Blossom Call this morning instead of sucking dust.�
Nathan: �That wagon should be coming over the ridge�
Buck: �I tell you� some mornings it just don�t pay to get up and get out of bed�
Nathan: �Other side of it is you ain�t lose another pair of boots�
Buck: �Well, Blossom�s fella, he does show up when you least expect it�
Buck: �Six years old she�s already figuring to make some man miserable.�
Nathan: �You�re the authority on that�
Buck: �I tell you� women� they got your number from the day they�re born�
Vin: �So, how�s your Spanish?�
Chris: �No bueno. Yours?�
Vin: �What�s �no bueno� mean?�
Ezra: �What�s your pleasure Olivia? How about Go Fish?�
Olivia: �Five card stud, deuces are wild�
Ezra: �What a delightful child�
Josiah: �Betcha she wins�
~*~
Witness
Ezra: �Mother?�
Josiah: �Mother?! I always thought Ezra was raised by wolves�
JD: �What are you trying to do to me Buck?�
Buck: �Hey can I help it if I got animal magnetism�
JD: �Animal what?�
Buck: �Animal magnetism. I read about it in a magazine. Its-its-it�s a power I�ve got no control over. Once women get a whiff of it� what can I do?�
JD: �Take a bath�
Josiah: �Satan's up to his old tricks again, eh?�
Vin: �Yep. And apparently, he's using a .44 these days.�
Josiah: �Except this time Satan ain't no all-powerful demon. If he was, he'd know Billy couldn't finger him.�
Chris: �Yet.�
Vin: �So, how we going to flush this guy out?�
Josiah: �Could put an advert in Mary's newspaper.�
JD: �Maybe you should try your animal maggotism on him Buck�
Buck: �That�s animal magnetism boy and you can plainly see it only works on the ladies�
~*~
Nemesis
Jock Steele: �Well, I've never seen a �man of the cloth� carrying a gun before.�
Nathan: �Josiah can get very �Old Testament� on occasion�
Jock Steele: �You wouldn�t happen to have a card, would you Mr. Standish?�
(Ace of Spades magically appears)
Ezra: �Matter of fact, I would�
Josiah: (reading from the dime novel Steele wrote) "And so it ended in that as the cruel ironic hand of death encircled the killer in flames as it had done to Chris Larabee's wife and child so many years before. Yet, was it the end or would Chris Larabee ride again with the hard, complex men he'd come to know? Gunmen like Buck Wilmington and Vin Tanner, the bounty hunter with the price on his own head. The gambler Ezra or the greenhorn JD, Nathan, both healer and destroyer and Josiah, placing his faith only in God and his gun."
~*~
The Collector
Josiah: �Whatever comes, but I ain't doing nothing that's going to keep me out of town on Saturday the 14th.�
Buck: �And why is that, Josiah?�
Josiah: �I'm just telling you. And I don't aim to be killed before then, either. Hyah!�
Buck: �I�m riding with him�
Vin: �Miss Nettie, you probably don�t know this but Ezra here is a gambler�
Nettie: �He sure ain�t a ranch hand�
Ezra: �Thank you�
Vin: �He�s savin� his winnings to buy a saloon�
Ezra: �What are you attempting to suggest, Mr. Tanner?�
Vin: �That you got more than $300 tucked right there in that fancy boot�
Ezra: �Which you think I�m going to donate to this wizened crone? (looks to Nettie) No offense ma�am (then looks back at Vin) Have you taken leave of your senses?�
Nettie: �I ain�t takin� charity�
Vin: �It won�t be charity ma�am. Now give her the money Ezra�
Ezra: �When the sanctified dead rise from their graves to receive judgment, I�ll start doling out cash�
Top Hat Bob: �You�re a low down Yankee liar if you say we�ve never met�
Buck: �Seems to me a man�d remember an ugly one eyed coward, six and a half feet tall with no hair and a sissy hat�
Top Hat Bob: �You been scared of runnin� into me since we met�
Chris: �There�s a couple of ladies that I�m scared of running into but you�re not one of �em�
~*~
Manhunt
Buck: �It could get ugly. And I do hate ugly�
Ezra: �Well then brace yourself Buck� here comes ugly�
Rafe: �Hey, that renegade tracker of yours damn near took my head off. So don't you tell me to calm down.�
Ezra: �A head wound? Why that might be serious. Perhaps I should examine it.
JD: �Josiah, those� Josiah those men are naked in there�
Josiah: �You noticed�
JD: �Kinda hard not to�
Josiah: �It�s a sweat lodge�
Mosley: �Don�t let these gun slinging scoundrels prevent justice. They�re sinners. All of them�
Ezra: �Was that intended as an insult?�
~*~
Inmate 78
JD: �Your sense of humor's about as good as your last hand, Buck. Let's see, uh, a three-legged dog walks into a saloon, right? And walks right up to the bartender and he says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."( laughing ) Oh, come on.�
Nathan: �It ain�t funny�
JD: �You don�t get it. The dog has got three paws� �
Nathan: �I do get it; it ain�t funny�
Buck: �JD, you couldn�t tell a joke if your life depended on it�
Ezra: �Y�all are worse than General Sherman on a Georgia plantation�
Buck: �What?�
Ezra: �If I may, allow me to interview the deputy�
Buck: �Why you?�
Ezra: �Don�t take this the wrong way but you gentlemen occasionally lack the essential skills of tact and diplomacy�
Buck: (somewhat offended anyway) What are you sayin�?�
Josiah: �I think he�s saying we�re rude�
Ezra: �Rude? No, rude would be a definite improvement. I�m saying you scare people and perhaps terrorizing them won�t buy you any answers this time�
Vin: �What have you got in mind�
Ezra: �I believe a little subtly is in order�