Farts are just about the coolest thing to come out of anybody, so I made this suave site for those who agree. And if you think that farts are lame or immature, then you are probably retarded.

My name is Jeff and this site is awesome, and if you don't like it, then you are probably retarded!

Alright, so you came to my site, now your like "wow this sucks." If you are then you suck, hard! What makes farts so cool, is that everybody farts. To get you started off on the right foot, then I will go over the basics, because you are a lame, stupid idiot.

A fart is a gas

A fart travels very fast

Everyone farts

Ok back to farting, because you, being a stupid baby, had, to know the basics of farting. Everyone farts, even dogs and cats. When I first got my cat(fig. 1), we didn't have any cat food, so we fed him salmon. He then farted a lot which was awesome! Lots of people don't like to fart, but they suck. Speaking of things that suck, cows suck, hard. They sit in their little cow field eating whatever cows eat, and farting, which is awesome, but their fart friggen uppercuts the o-zone so then we get global warming which sucks(fig. 2). Cows are the crap de la crap and I choose not to eat them or even associate with them anymore, for that reason. Maybe if a fairy went up to them and poured magic sauce on them to stop them from farting, but untill then, cows really suck! But if that fairy ever came up to me and tried to pour that magic sauce on me, I'd flip out and slap her and be like "you suck!" A long time ago I wrote a book about farts, but I lost it, so it never got published or anything. I wonder if bees fart, that would be so suave if they did! But the only cool thing about cows is that they let you milk them. Farts smell bad, so they are especially fun in elevators or in closed spaces with a lot of other people. My brother told me that once some dude farted in an elevator and everyone died, except for a painter, who had one of them masks on, so they don't breathe in paint fumes! Once I heard that an old lady didn't want to fart anymore, so she sewed up her o-ring using a handystich. After a while she exploded, even ask my brother. I have a bird named Spike that I got when I was in fourth grade, he is a cockatiel and is really cool. I wonder if he farts. That would be awesome to see him totally uppercut a cow, and then be like "stop farting up the ozone, or I'll eat you. He'll do that, because he would be so pissed because global warming sucks major ass. That's probably why there are so many mad cows these days. God, I hate cows, they are killing everybody. Some people who are anti-fart just flat out suck (fig.3) They fart, or at least they should if they don't want to explode. When I read about farts, I just want to crap my pants, because they are so cool. so, lets go onto some fart scripts!

Fig. 1

Fig. 2

Fig. 3