Crichton Kicks

John: (to female Pilot) Well it could be worse. If you hadn't rolled in I'm dead a long time ago. Besides I've almost cracked wormholes for dummies, why would I stick around after that?

Sikozu: This is a dying ship. There shouldn't be anyone on board a dying ship.
John: Absolutely correct Tinkerbelle. Okay, my turn. Who, what, when, where, why and how?

John: Once upon a time I was happy here, a little on the lonely side but that's okay because Winona only had to start cooking fires, you know, fire whoosh, fire. Module's out of fuel. So it's not going anywhere. So I'm workin' like a mofo and everything is finally coming together on these crates here till you smash through, pissing me off just a little bit.

John: (to Sikozu about her job of finding Leviathans) So you can cut them up into sushi.

John: So you Jacques Cousteau upstream to where they die.

John: (about female Pilot) She's Mother Teresa of the uncharted territories.

John: (Yelling Klingon-type language) You didn't get that one did you because it's Klingon.

John: It's a show of force. It's the only thing that Klingons understand.

Sikozu: Make them think you're dead.
John: Okay Sputnik.

Sikozu: This is big (John's wound)
John: Obviously, you need to get out more.

Sikozu: They know we're here.
John: Oh, nothing gets by you does it?

Rygel: I'm worth seven million, that's frelling with her head (Chiana punches him)

John: Before that we got to find a way to screw the pooch and I'm gonna need a rope, a rabbit and a membrane.

(Day-dream)
John: That's a great kick. Boy.
Aeryn: Yeah girls do kick harder.
John: Maybe it's not mine at all.
Aeryn: You just won't let that rest will you?
John: Maybe it's got a little pointy tail or a teeny tiny goatee.
Aeryn: Maybe.
John: Maybe it has half a metal face on it.
Aeryn: Maybe.
John: Maybe it's a royal pain in the ass. Eats all the time and farts a lot.
Aeryn: Then we'll know it's yours.

John: I'm not obsessed.
Rygel: Wormhole, Aeryn, Earth, Aeryn, Scorpious, Aeryn, I'm out of fingers. Want me to keep counting on hers? (holding Sikozu's severed hand)

John: Did she say anything to you before she left?
Rygel: Oh Crichton. For once listen. When a woman is your wife, your lover, or a slave you purchased to be your wife or lover leaves you repeatedly, take the hint.
John: Well that was the plan, but you know how my plans go.

Sikozu: Chiana I told you I can go places you cannot.
Chiana: I'd love to send you to one myself.
Sikozu: Sarcasm, the hallmark of the sub-educated.
Chiana: The only hallmark you're going to be is a small small smudge in the wall after I shoot you.

Rygel: (talking to himself) He has absolutely no appreciation of my worth in a crisis.

John: Red rover, red rover, send Cujo right over.

John: (showing dog his butt) C'mon want some of this? Yeah. Grade A fine American beef.

John: (to Sikozu) Okay here's the deal. We're going to be really really quiet so the Pirates of the Caribbean don't hear us. Okay.

John: Chiana you don't have to do this if you don't want to.
Chiana: I said I would Crichton. Just go.
John: Yeah, but if you don't want to…
Rygel: Oh for yotz sake she gets more blind from drinking Raslack.

John: (when Rygel misses catching him) Rygel you bastard!
Rygel: I tried.

John: (to Sikozu) Alright here's the thing. You might not want to come with us. We are not the best traveling companions.

Female Pilot: No dream is guaranteed Commander. The price of age is, we learn to accept.

(Day-dream)
John: I'm not coming here anymore.
Aeryn: Why not?
John: It doesn't change anything and it makes me sad.