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John (Green): I know it's not as bad as the last time. It's not the Cro-Magnon copy of the Alien Nation reject. But you can tell that I am the original right?
John (Black): Wrong. I'm the original.
John (Green): Try again pal. Have you been messing with my stuff?
John (Black): It's my stuff, and you are the clone.

Aeryn: You wear that (throws Green shirt at John (Green)) so I can tell the two of you apart.
John (Green): Wait, why do I have to wear it?
Aeryn: Because you're closer.

D'Argo: (in middle of fight) Every frelling planet.

John (Green): Anything?
Jool: Yes, I'm hungry and there's nothing sweet on this ship.
John (Green): I was talking about your patient.

John (Green): Zhaan took some tissue and DNA samples from me awhile back. I want you to compare them to me and the clone and figure out that I'm the real thing and he's the wannabe.
Jool: And why should I do your selfish and unnecessary work?
John (Green): Cause I know where Rygel stashes his wamelon cake and it's sweeter than a sweet thang, sweet thang.

Jool: (after John makes Crais release her throat) There I woke him up, now I hope he drops dead.

John (Green): Who did you piss off this time?
Crais: Talyn and I were not the agressors.
John (Green): Of course not you never are. So who is it? The Plachavoids? The Skeksies? The big bad wolf?
Crais: Peacekeepers. They want Talyn back.

Tolven: Father, these are known criminals. The path of destruction they leave…
Rygel: Don't believe those myths. You know how rumors get started.
Pralanoth: Then you deny your reputation?
Rygel: I deny its relevance.

Xhalax Sun:(on video to child Aeryn) My name is Xhalax Sun; I'm your mother. But you mustn't reveal to anyone that I was here, do you understand? I came to tell you something. Aeryn your life was not an accident and it wasn't an assigned birthing to fill the ranks. Talyn, that's your father's name, he and I choose to have you. You were conceived in love, our love. I wanted you to know this. It makes you special. We wanted you and we love you. Go back to sleep now.

John (Green): You can stay the hell away from my organs lady.
Jool: Well skin then, preferably something with the least amount of exposure to solar radiation.
John (Green): Shoulder, I use SPF 30.

Stark: It's not working, it's not helping. Talyn's dying, not waking up.
John (Black): Astro. Work now, freak later, work now…
Stark: Yes…
John (Black): Good.
Stark: How much later?

John (Green): Aeryn, I'm going to command, you stay with Captain Crunch.

John (Black): Crais I want you to find the fattest target you can. Government house, missile site, McDonald's whatever.

John (Black): Hello morons. You see this ship? Knock off the missile attack or we'll take our shot.
Tolven: Prepare another salvo.
John (Black): Oh you might want to check our resume first. We leveled a shadow depository and we're about to turn your city into glow in the dark sand.

John (Black): It's about damn time. Who the hell are you?
Pralanoth: Rinic Pralanoth, Sovereign of Kanvia.
John (Black): John Crichton, Wizard of Oz. You ready to knock off the macho BS and talk these things out?

John (Black): Criminals, no, no, no. We're businessmen.

John (Black): (with crab-like creature on his head) Damn, you people got a funky sense of humor, get this lobster off my head.

John (Black): We're here to buy the stuff and get the hell out of Dodge. Why is that so difficult for you to get through your tiny little brain?

Crais: (about Aeryn's mom) She's nothing. A thug. A mindless assassin. As you and I once were. But you can give her a chance to be something more than that.

Chiana: I say we just go get the guns and go steal the stuff.
D'Argo: We would have to complete ten robberies to do that.
Chiana: Yeah, so what's your point?

John (Black): (handed an instrument that turns to be a phone) Is this a proposition?

Jool: Sylveko, he's bleeding!
D'Argo: You have a keen grasp of the obvious.

John (Green): Take mine. (blood)
Aeryn: Really?
John (Green): Yeah I know he's an ugly loudmouthed son of a bitch, but I can't stand around and watch him die.
John (Black): It would be better for both of us if you did.
John (Green): Yeah I know, now shut up.

Jool: You're both perfect. If that's the right word. Copies of the original Crichton.
John (Black): Screw your test. I'm the original.
Jool: Of course you are. The other guy said the same thing. Why does this bother you? Don't humans have monozygotic double births?
John (Black): This is different. Twins don't start out fully formed sharing the same life. This sucks.
John (Green): It sucks big time. How're you doing?
John (Black): Crappy. On the up side it's easier to tell us apart now.
John (Green): D'Argo filled me in with your adventures with the Gotti family, but I need some details from you.
John (Black): Why?
John (Green): Because the show must go on.

John (Green): I want an apology.
Tolven: I want the truth.
John (Green): You can't handle the…ugh…let's cut the crap, let's get to the chase, stick this critter on my face.

John (Green): Whoa ho ho yeah, look at the suckers on that boy. Damn in some parts of the universe this thing would be considered good-eatin'.

John (Green): Cross my heart, smack me dead, stick a lobster on my head.

John (Green): Who's your daddy? C'mon, you know who your daddy is. Who's your daddy? D'Argo, tell him who his daddy is.
D'Argo: I'm your daddy.

D'Argo: Oh c'mon, crack a smile will you? At least he's out of your nose.
John (Green): Hair.
D'Argo: Yes, that's what I meant, at least he's out of your nose hair.

John (Green): He (other John) just better be taking care of her (Aeryn).
D'Argo: I'm sure he's taking care of her.
John (Green): You know what I mean.

Crais: You two will have to share accommodations.
Rygel: Unacceptable.
Stark: They'll be my side and your side, my side, your side.
Rygel: Don't start.

Aeryn: I will not let them get Talyn back, even if it means I have to kill her (her mother).