Won't Get Fooled Again

Jack Crichton: John?
John: That's my name, don't wear it out.

John: I did have this terrible nightmare. I was on a ship full of aliens.
Bettina (Aeryn): Is that why you went after your father and bruised two of his rims?
John: Yeah. He looked like he was human but he had alien goo on the inside that was pretty freaky huh?

Bettina (Aeryn): You called me Aeryn.
John: Old girlfriend. You look a lot like her, except you have prettier hair.

John: (going into women's room) Won't be fooled again.
Woman: Hey, you mind?
John: Sorry I thought it was co-ed.
Woman: Co-ed? What planet are you from?
John: Not this one.

John: Zhaan.
Jane (Zhaan): Zhaan? Adjective or name?
John: Name.
Jane (Zhaan): Then I'm afraid you're mistaken.

John: And you are a psychiatrist?
Jane (Zhaan): Mmm hmm.
John: I don't think so. On earth psychiatrists don't come in blue.
Jane (Zhaan): Do you have a problem with people of color?
John: I have a contextual problem. You're an alien.
Jane (Zhaan): Yes that's true but I do have a green card.

John: Come out, come out wherever you are and see the young man that fell from the star.

John: Gary Ragel has tentacles.
D.K.: Yeah.
Gary (D'Argo): Oh my God. Oh my God it's the street boy.
John: What, he looks normal to you?
D.K.: It's a lifestyle choice. Anyways, his looks are the least of his problems; he's a jerk.

D.K.: We don't have time for a beer.
Gary (D'Argo): Oh, no time for a beer.
John: Beer? Keys.
Gary (D'Argo): My friend, one thing you have to learn. There is always time for beer.

John: I am some alien's personal science project.
Gary (D'Argo): I so know how you feel. Life's a bitch. Let's get another drink.

John: Dig your style Ringo.
Scorpious: John we haven't got much time.
John: Twins - Pity your mother.

John: So, what's your name? Who do you play in this fun house?
Scorpious: You know my name, Scorpious.
John: Scorpy, you don't fit the pattern. You got no Halloween costume, got no assumed name, you're not playing a role. That suggests something to me, you're the man behind the curtain.

John: Strange I miss Moya. A ship of aliens becomes so normal.

John: Thin face, pale skin, bad set of choppers, likes leather.
Jack Crichton: I've only talked to him on the phone. I don't know.

John: (seeing Rygel as D. Logan) Guido! You're here. Ho hey fella's meet the new boss, not the same as the old boss.

Logan (Rygel): (As John's throwing business cards at him) Quit with the cards!

John: So that's the play. The play, the play the play is the thing. I re-enact my initial mission I show you how I create the giant blue twister that sucks me down to Oz, aaaaahhhh. Forget about it; don't know how I did it.

John: The guy's a two-foot green slug on a golf cart.
Jack Crichton: What does a man's disability have to do with anything?

Logan (Rygel): Crichton I wasn't finished with you.
John: Oh honey, I'm sorry. Let's kiss and make up (kisses him and pulls him out by the head upside down)
Logan (Rygel): Are you deranged?
John: Well yes of course I am. Let me show you…
Logan (Rygel): How dare you!
John: …how I crash-landed the Farscape module.
Logan (Rygel): I'll have your hide. Crichton!
(John drops him)

John: Come on what's up hombre!
Bettina (Aeryn): John, I'd like you to meet a good friend of mine. This is Jessica.
John: Oh my god, everybody's finally here.
Jessica (Chiana): You're an astronaut too?
John: Yeah
Jessica (Chiana): Oh I like astronauts.
John: You're an astronaut groupie?
Jessica (Chiana): Yeah.
John: That works for me.

(John is driving D'Argo, Chiana, and Aeryn in a convertible)
Gary (D'Argo): We're on fire! C'mon John you're driving like a chicken.
John: I got a new theory on life, you want to hear it?
Gary (D'Argo): Oh yeah man, lay it on me, lay it on me.
John: Life sucks, nothing matters, screw it all, let's party.
Gary (D'Argo): I am so there.
Jessica (Chiana): Enjoy it while it lasts Johnny boy.
John: You betcha especially when nothin's real.
(Scorpious lands on windshield)
Scorpious: This is no time to be having fun John.
John: (using windshield wipers) Get lost
Scorpious: You've got to focus. Fight this delusion.
John: What, like I'd believe anything that you'd say. Get over it.
Scorpious: John listen to me.
John: It's time to bail Scorpy. (Runs into truck)

John's mom Leslie: You've changed.
John: People change to survive.
Leslie: But did you have to loose so much? You were so innocent, so full of wonder. It's all gone, you've become callous, you've killed.
John: You can't know that.
Leslie: It's true isn't it. That's what bothers you that's why you can't sleep nights.

(John shooting everyone)
Logan (Rygel): Can't we please get on with our meeting now? (shot)
Jane (Zhaan): Is anyone else hungry?
Bettina (Aeryn): I'm starving.
Jane (Zhaan): Shall we send out for some lunch?
Logan (Rygel): Oh, anything but Thai food (shot) (shot)
D.K.: Pizza?
Bettina (Aeryn): No, I'm sick of pizza how about deli?
Jack Crichton: Corn beef on Rye for me.
John: Stop!

Officer (Crais): (holding dog)I like your style hombre but this is no laughing matter. Assault on a police officer, theft of police property, illegal possession of a firearm, five counts of attempted murder. That comes to $29.40. Cash, check or credit card. Toto (walks out).

John: This thing has gone completely off the rails.

Scorpious: Your mind is about to crack and I cannot allow that I was here first.
John: No you weren't.
Scorpious: True, the ancients were here first implanting the worm hole knowledge I seek. But when the Aurora chair failed to unlock that information I had to implement a second strategy.
John: You put something in my head.
Scorpious: A very sophisticated neuro chip. It contains, well it contains me. Or a mental clone of my personality.
John: That explains the visions I've been having.
Scorpious: Precisely, I was supposed to remain hidden, but ah now and then your subconscious would become aware of me.
John: That's why I couldn't kill you on the royal planet.
Scorpious: Of course a simple fail safe, but my main function is to access the worm hole knowledge you have in your brain, no matter how long that takes.
John: (laughs) You're Harvey. Or is it Clarence? Guardian Angel. Invisible rabbit. Harvey.

Jane (Zhaan): You look like you're ready to have some fun.
Bettina (Aeryn): We certainly are.
John: What are you doing?
Bettina (Aeryn): Nothing you won't like.
Jessica (Chiana): Nothing you haven't already fantasized about.
Jane (Zhaan): Admit it you've had sexual thoughts about all of us haven't you?
John: Not me.
Jessica (Chiana): Oh c'mon, you're a male…
Jane (Zhaan): It's just the way you've been wired.
Bettina (Aeryn): Nothing to be ashamed of, not when females are willing.
Jane (Zhaan): What's your pleasure boss?
Bettina (Aeryn): I'm a doctor, just relax.
Jane (Zhaan): I can wear a Freudian slip.
Bettina (Aeryn): I'll find new places to take your temperature.
Jessica (Chiana): I can teach you left and Latvian rodeo (?) torture.
Rygel: All of you bitches out now. Crichton is mine. This is for calling me Sparky (whips), and this is for Fluffy, and this is for Buckwheat, whatever that means. (John punches him)

Officer (Crais): Freeze, you're under arrest. You have the rights to the remains of a silent attorney. If you cannot afford one, tough noogies. You can make one phone call. I recommend Tracey 976 triple 5 love. Do you understand these rights as I have explained them to you? Well do you punk?
John: No.
Officer (Crais): Then I can't arrest you.

Gary (D'Argo): John, I really need to just unburden myself on you.
John: What?
Gary (D'Argo): Well, lately I've been thinking about you in a very different way.
John: Uh hmmm.
Gary (D'Argo): Mmm Hmmm and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind participating with me in a little Luxan bonding ritual. Here's the thing okay? What we need are some chains, my Qualta blade, just a little squirt of luxar oil and ohh, Chiana.
John: Chiana.
Gary (D'Argo): Yeah, she wants to watch.
John: Oh no.
Gary (D'Argo): Oh yes.

Gary (D'Argo): Hey John, get down and boogie.
Bettina (Aeryn): Boogie Oogie Woogie
Gary (D'Argo): Hey man, get down, boogie or die.
John: Oh no, no, no, no I don't boogie.

Scorpious: I'll go back in your subconscious mind now.
John: Don't get too comfortable. I'm going to get that chip out of my head.
Scorpious: There's no chip in your head John.
John: Yeah there is, you told me there's a um men…
Scorpious: You were saying?
John: …men-tal chip…mmmm
Scorpious: As you were saying?
John: What am I saying? I'm…
Scorpious: As it should be. I won't trouble you again until I need to.

Scorpious: I leave you with your shipmates John. But rest assured I'll be with you always, keeping you (safe/sane?)