Crackers Don't Matter

 

 

John: So he's like one of those mechanics on 60 Minutes who says he's going to help and then he screws us.

John: That's a wanted beacon.
Aeryn: I saw ten of them in the market In the city. I had to get off the planet straightaway in case anyone figured out who we were.
John: It does make a beautiful souvenir, Aeryn.

John: You know, I once bought a set of knives from this guy on TV. Cat swore to that they could cut through bone, metal, shoes… Hell, he could cut through my damn car and still dice tomatoes. You know what? He was lying.
T'raltixx: I don't understand. If you don't wish my services-
John: Bingo! Give Brainiac a fluffy doll!

Pilot: While vaguely concerned about you, I am much more interested in how this will affect Moya.

Pilot: Do you trust him?
John: Hell, no. I don't trust him. Do I look stupid to you? No, please, don't answer that question.

John: Anybody feel anything?
D'Argo: Nope.
Rygel: No.
Zhaan: I do. I feel good. The light…
John and D'Argo: Oh, great.

John: What are you doing?
Chiana: I'm having sex with three Hynerian donkeys. What does it look like?

Rygel: Well, he's not coming in here.
John: He wouldn't want to go in there, cranky. All of his senses are heightened, including his nose. You might kill him without intending to.

John: Zhaan, where are you?
Zhaan: I'm up in the maintenance bay, John, about to have a fight with Aeryn.
John: Don't do that. Remember what T'raltixx said about the pulsar light?
Zhaan: That's right. Yes, he said it affected lesser species. That might explain her behavior.

T'raltixx: I think there's something wrong with Zhaan. She seems to be in some sort of trance.
Pilot: Is she smiling?
T'raltixx: Yes, I think so.
Pilot: She's probably just enjoying the pulsar light. She's a plant. Put her in the light, watch her smile.

T'raltixx: Crichton and the rest on Moya... Do you like them?
Pilot: You know, I don't think I do like them.

John: Have you noticed anything different around here, shellhead? In case you haven't, let me be the first to inform you that people are starting to act a little strange.

Chiana: She won't play the message. There's a hidden message on there and she won't show it to me.
Aeryn: She's out of her frelling mind. There's nothing on there.
John: Show her the message.
Aeryn: What?
John: Show her the message. If there's nothing secret on the beacon then show her the message and she can get the hell out of here.
Chiana: Wait a minute. Why do you want me to watch it? What is on there that you want me to see?
John: You know, Aeryn's right. You're freakin' insane.
Aeryn: Thank you!

Chiana: They're up to something! They are. They're working together. First they don't want me to watch the beacon and now they want me to watch the beacon!

John: We're fighting over lousy crackers and secret messages that don't exist. You know, we were never normal, guys. Someone want to tell me what's happening?

John: The ionic radiation gives her photogasms, unless she's faking it. They can do that. Hey, Zhaan, you faking it?

Zhaan: Shut up. We are not turning back. I want Moya to stay right here, and go around in circles.

Aeryn: I don't like you, Rygel. You're a coward and a zannet. But maybe that's why I can trust you. You'd be too much of a coward to betray me.
Rygel: I trust you, too, Aeryn. Aeryn: Shut up.

D'Argo: What do you want, Zhaan?
Zhaan: More light.

Pilot: I'm only judging on my experience with you, but I've never seen such a deficient species.
John: Have you run the scan on the pulsar light yet?
Pilot: How do you humans make it through a cycle, even half a cycle, without killing each other?
John: We find it difficult. Have you run the scan?
Pilot: You have no special abilities, you're not particularly smart, can hardly smell, can barely see, and you're not even vaguely physically or spiritually imposing. Is there anything you do well?
John: Watch football. Have you run the scan?
Pilot: Nobody trusts you, Crichton, do you know that? Sometimes they pity you because of your imcomp-
John: Mama always said, if you want something done, you've got to do it yourself.
Pilot: Don't touch my console!

John: Food. Is that what this is about? Is it? Okay. Then where's my ice cream?
John: Where's my damn ice cream!
Rygel: I have no idea what 'eyes is green' is.
John: Is that it, Sparky? You gonna take the road well traveled? Gonna play dumb? I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream. Baskin Robbins, Ben and Jerry's, Good Humor... What's your favorite? Creamsicle or fudgesicle?

John: Did you kill Zhaan?
D'Argo: No. She was walking around all zapped out, so I… (makes tonguing noise)

John: Gilligan and Mary Ann. Maybe you're Ginger. I'd have to see you in a Wonderbra to know.

Chiana: We're getting off Moya.
John: In my module? I don't think so. You need this to fly.

Aeryn: I'm planning on stealing your food, Rygel.
Rygel: I know.

Rygel: If you don't watch it, bitch, I'll jump back into an air duct and-
Aeryn: Run away, as always?
Rygel: I never run away! I strategically maneuver!

John: Here's Johnny! Hi, honey!

John: I might be crazy, could be, but I've got a plan. What do you say we all put our guns down, lock them in a closet. This way, nobody gets hurt?
Aeryn: No.
John: Honey, please?

Aeryn: Next time you'll be a crouton, Crichton!

Pilot: Is something wrong, Crichton?
John: It's that damn Peacekeeper bitch. She's barricaded herself in command. I think she's trying to take over the ship.
Pilot: I'm aware of her actions.
John: Shut it down. Lights, power, all of it.
Pilot: I'm sorry, John. I can not do that.

Aeryn: Got a bit of a problem, Commander? Because now you've got one more. The only way you're going to get my weapon is if I'm dead.
John: Look at what you're doing. Look.
Aeryn: (laughing) Yes, you're right. You're so right. He's absolutely right. The power setting's too low!
(Aeryn shoots at John)
Aeryn: Thank you! So much better!
John: You missed!
Rygel: Shut up! I don't need a grunt to give me a military assault lecture. I wrote military assault lectures!
Aeryn: You? The only thing you've ever assaulted was a plate of food cubes. Now shut up.

John: I hate it when villains quote Shakespeare.

Scorpius: Go on, John, do it! Then we can go to the beach. I know a place with naked Sebacean girls and margarita shooters.

John: What? Am I being irrational? Oh. Well, have a little pain.

Scorpius: Finish him. Then we can go to that little Italian place I know.

Chiana: I can help you!
John: No, I'm still aching from the last time you helped me.

Aeryn(to Rygel): You're lying! You know how I know? Because you always lie. You have no honor, you have no integrity. You lie, you steal, you cheat, you stuff your face. That's you!

John: This is becoming a problem you're going to need professional help with. First you betray the Peacekeepers, and every vow you've made since you were born, and now poor Sparky here? Tell me, Princess, when you're old and fat, will you have anything to look back on with pride?
Aeryn: is that it? Oh, don't stop. Why don't you make another speech, you self-important, deficient little man! All you ever do is talk! Your father was the hero, you know. He did things. You're just a test monkey that screwed up your first experiment!
John: That is good! That is fantastic, coming from a frigid, flat-butted, Peacekeeper skank!

Scorpius: Go on. Kill her. Then we'll have pizza and margarita shooters. Do it. Do it.
John: Nobody has margaritas with pizza.

Scorpius: You're out of your mind.
John: I know.

Aeryn: Are you cracking up, little man? Hello?
John: I'm okay. Aeryn, listen-
Aeryn: No, no no no no no. I am tired of always having to listen to you!
John: Aeryn, listen. I just shot Scorpius.
Aeryn: Shut up. You're wrong, you know. When I'm old and fat- when I'm old, there is one thing I'll look back on with enormous pride, and that is killing you.

John: No one's going anywhere, not even Disneyland. Not until we all have the Breakfast of Losers.

John: Oh, look, everybody, Sunshine's awake!

John: Now that we're all here, and so happy, do you think we could all get along for three microts?
D'Argo: No.
John: But D'Argo, I need you to understand that crackers don't matter.

John: So class, today's assignment is... Anyone? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone? A brand new car! No, It's T'raltixx! T-apostrophe-R-A-L-T-I-double X... T'raltixx!

John: I've been acting twisted as well. Still am. Been seeing Scorpius like he's guest-starring on Hawaii Five-0. How crazy is that?

Zhaan: Stop bothering me, I'm busy.
John: Yes, yes, yes, private moment number 344.

Zhaan: When I was near T'raltixx, I was more affected than when I was in the light. He made me feel…
John: Enough. Let's make it 345.

John: So, I have- as much as I hate to do this- to ask for your help.
Aeryn: No.
John: Wrong answer!

Aeryn: Undo me.
John: Can I trust you?
Aeryn: No.
John: At least you're honest.

Aeryn: Unless you plan on actually pulling the trigger, don't ever pull a gun on me like that again.
John: I was making a point.
Aeryn: So was I.

John: I'm the only one keeping it even vaguely under control.
Rygel: Says who?
John: Says me, Buckwheat.

Chiana: Crichton's the only one not affected by T'raltixx because he's deficient.
John: Who are you calling deficient?
Chiana: You! You've got the worst eyes out of all of us. That's why your optic nerves aren't being affected.
John: I've got great eyes! They're better than 20/20 and they're blue!
Chiana: Okay, so can you read the symbols on the basin over there?
John: There's nothing there.
Rygel: Warning-
D'Argo: Don't flush corrosives-
Aeryn: Down the waste tunnel.
John: That's all right, that's a joke.
Aeryn: Excellent. If we're going to let Blue Eyes save the day, we'd better come up with a very good plan.

John: I am not deficient. I am superior. Humans are superior.

John: What the hell is this?
Zhaan: Heat-deflecting paste. You'll burn up in there without it.
John: It smells like puke.
Zhaan: I pre-digested it to increase its potency.
John: It's puke?

John: Does this strike any of you superior beings as a little bit ironic?
Chiana: What?
John: That I'm the deficient one and I'm still saving your butts.
Chiana: Bend over.

John: I look ridiculous, don't I?

Aeryn: We are going to die.

T'raltixx: You can't stop me! I have the light!
John: But humans are superior!

D'Argo: I'm sorry, Rygel. Can you forgive me?
Rygel: No. Not yet.

Chiana: Some of the things you said…
John: Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.
Chiana: Oh, no need to apologize. I was impressed. How did you come up with all that crap?
John: I don't know, Pip, it was just there.

John: Listen, uh, anything that I said…
Aeryn: I know. Me, too.

John: Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall... And all the king's horses and all the king's men…

John: Hey, Zhaan, how do we take it all back?
Zhaan: I don't know.