The Soul's Rainbow Pt 2
By Sarah Wait
Disclaimer: See pt. 1
Six arns later
John woke up to an unusually bright light flooding his quarters. He threw an arm over his eyes, muttering irritably about Moya's malfunctioning systems.
"It's not Moya," a strangely familiar voice replied, tinged with humor and a bit of impatience. Hesitantly, John lifted his arm to squint at the figure before him.
"Larraq?! But... but you're dead!"
The deceased Peacekeeper nodded in agreement. "So I am. Which is precisely why I'm here."
John smiled, suddenly realizing that this insane scenario must be a dream. Those food cubes must have been spoiled, and this was the result. "Lemme guess. You're the Ghost of Christmas Past. No, wait - you're the first guy. Marley." He laughed, shaking his head. "But you've got it wrong, buddy. I'm no Scrooge."
"Who?"
John shrugged. "Okay, so maybe you're not Marley. Why don't you just tell me what's up?"
"Everyone touches many different lives, Crichton, in ways you never realize. You believe that the lives of those aboard Moya would be better had you not come through the wormhole. Perhaps you're right. With my assistance, you can find out for certain - Captain."
John nodded knowingly. "Okay, so I'm Jimmy Stewart."
Larraq looked at him strangely, then apparently decided to ignore the human's comment. "First we will observe some of your crewmates as they are now, so you will have a clear picture for comparison."
John stood and threw off his bedcover, more than willing to go along with this interesting dream. He bent to grab his clothes off the floor, then hesitated. Last night when he had shucked them off and dropped them unceremoniously next to his bed, they had been filthy and torn, a testament to the altercation on planet. Now they were clean and intact, yet there were no signs of repair. He glanced down at his left arm. The bandage was gone. He poked at the smooth skin, finding no indication of the cut that had bled so profusely only arns ago. His brow furrowed briefly. Self- healing cuts and magically mending clothes. Pretty cool. With a shrug John hurriedly dressed and followed Larraq out into the hall.
As they walked through Moya's halls, John looked around, impressed. He didn't know he had it in him to dream in this much detail. He could hear the subtle humming of Moya's systems; see the intricate patterns on her walls. Not bad...
Rounding a corner, they came face to face with Chiana. "Hey, Pip, what's up?" John asked jovially. Chiana didn't even spare him a glance. Instead, she continued on her way as if he didn't even exist. John watched her walk away, then turned to Larraq. "Well, that was rude. It's my dream; you'd think she'd talk to me."
The Peacekeeper shrugged. "She can't see you. No one can see you while you are with me."
John smiled obligingly and nodded. "Oh, yeah. Right. Of course, how silly of me."
Larraq offered no suggestions, so John turned to follow Chiana. Hopefully she wasn't headed to his room to 'acquire' any of his possessions. Instead, the young Nebari passed by Zhaan's quarters. The sound of chanting carried out into the hall. Chiana briefly peeked through the lattice, then continued down the hall. John paused at the door, averting his gaze from Zhaan's nude form. He should be used to it by now, he reminded himself, but stumbling across his naked crewmates was still a bit unsettling. Human modesty, he rationalized. Larraq observed the Delvian for a moment, then turned to John. "She seems fine," he commented with a slight tilt of his chin.
John shook his head. "She only meditates like that when she's trying to calm her mind. When she's upset. I mean, think about it - what does an 800-year old priestess need with me? She's always been kind of responsible for me, and it must be like the baby-sitting job from hell with me around."
He set off down the hall once more, Larraq following silently. They caught up to Chiana outside the Center Chamber. Rygel was already inside, halfway through a heaping plate of food cubes. With a disgusted snort, Chiana straddled the bench across from him. "Eating again, toad?"
Rygel stared balefully at her. "Impending death always makes me hungry."
Chiana rolled her eyes and grabbed a food cube, deftly avoiding Rygel's swatting hand. "Ah, c'mon, you weren't even on the commerce planet with Crichton."
John quirked an eyebrow at Chiana, then sighed. Well, it was better than nothing... At least someone was cutting him a break.
Rygel grunted again, waving his hands in the air in exasperation. "I didn't have to be anywhere near him! That Sealgairian ship could very well have destroyed Moya, and me with her!"
Chiana paused with the food cube halfway to her mouth. "Well, you do have a point..."
*Figures.* John strode back into the hall, not sure why he was surprised by Chiana's change of heart - or why he was so disappointed. He yawned, suddenly impatient. "Okay, so where are we going next?"
He opened his eyes, and with a start, John realized they weren't in the hall anymore, but in D'Argo's quarters. The tall Luxan stood across the room, his back to them. Suddenly D'Argo whirled around, his face contorted in an angry scowl. Visibly shaking, he let loose with a string of Luxan vocabulary that John's microbes didn't even attempt to translate. The lone DRD that had taken up residence near the door beeped in alarm and beat a hasty retreat.
D'Argo hissed louder as his target sped out of range. He stomped towards the doorway, stopping directly in front of John. Instinctively, John tried to back up, only to find a wall behind him. Larraq leaned over and quietly whispered, "I told you he can't see you. No one can hear you, either."
"Then why are we whispering?" John whispered back.
Larraq shrugged. "Just pay attention, human."
Pounding his fist into the wall an uncomfortably short distance from Crichton's head, the Luxan growled once more, his shoulders slumping as the anger drained out of him. John let loose the breath that he had been holding despite Larraq's reassurances about his safety.
Turning slowly away from the wall, D'Argo lifted his hand to his chest. John winced reflexively as D'Argo drew out a small, familiar cylinder. "His family," John breathed, feeling a stab of guilt. "Yeah, that's one of the reasons I wish I wasn't here."
A moment later, the picture of Lo'laan and Jothee shimmered to life and D'Argo's sighed, his expression becoming wistful. "I *will* find you, my son. Someday, I promise."
Larraq looked questioningly at John, who explained, "If we weren't so busy running all over the universe trying to avoid Crais, he could actually be out there looking for his son. But I dragged him down with me, instead."
He watched for a moment more, then turned to Larraq and asked somberly, "Who's next?"
Larraq held his gaze, and when John looked away a moment later, the scene in front of him wrenched his heart. "See, I shouldn't be here."
"This is why you wish you had never come through the wormhole?"
"Yeah, that's why," John whispered.
In front of them, Aeryn put herself through her Peacekeeper training workout, spinning and kicking, pushing herself harder and harder. Sweat dripped off her body, running over the various cuts and bruises she had accumulated that day. The men observed her in silence.
Larraq suddenly turned to John with a look of remorse. "I never wanted to hurt her, you know."
John's thoughts inescapably returned to Hassan. He nodded, understanding fully, and Larraq continued. "I'm not apologizing for circumstances that were beyond my control, but... I wanted you to know that. I never wanted to hurt her. She's special."
John's lips quirked sadly. "Yeah, I know."
Larraq looked at him with a knowing smile. "Yeah, you do," he agreed softly.
"What's that suppo-" His question ended abruptly as the figure in front of them collapsed in the middle of the mat.
Concerned, John took a small step forward. Aeryn lay still for a moment, then curled onto her side. Exhaustion may have finally won out, but Aeryn still seethed in anger. Angry tears coursed down her cheeks as she cried, "Frell you for this, Crichton!"
Her accusing cry cut him to the quick. A searing flash of guilt and regret tore at him, causing pain more acute than any of the superficial injuries he had suffered from the Dioladan's weapons. He stared at her, suddenly understanding that this was no food-cube induced dream. "This is real, isn't it?" he asked Larraq soberly.
Larraq merely nodded.
"Look at all the lives I've screwed up just by being here. Everyone would be better off if I had never come through that damn wormhole."
"Then it's time to find out if you're right, isn't it?"
John shrugged. "Show me what you've got."
*******
John found himself standing on the porch of a house he had never seen before, watching the sun slowly descend towards the ocean - a very familiar sun, and a very familiar ocean. His eyes widened in disbelief as he spun around to face Larraq. "Wait - where are we?"
"Earth. Your home." The Peacekeeper moved to stand next to John, surveying the scene with detached interest.
Confused, John looked around, taking in the surroundings. A surfboard was propped near the edge of the porch, and across the small yard he could see his convertible sitting in the driveway. He never thought he'd see it again. He never thought he'd see *any* of it again. All familiar, but at the moment, anything but comforting. "But... I thought you were going to show me what happened to my friends."
Larraq shrugged noncommittally. "We'll get to that. But right now, we're going to see what would have happened to you, had you never come through the wormhole. If you had never built Farscape." He smiled at John's look of surprise. "What, did you think you would just cease to exist?"
"Well, yeah, pretty much," John muttered, reminding himself that Larraq probably hadn't seen the movie...
A moment later the back door of the house swung open. John's jaw dropped as he watched himself walk out onto the porch. He stumbled backwards, feeling the sudden need to observe from a distance; to remove himself from the picture. That way it seemed more like he was watching a big-screen home movie, rather than starring in it. And a dual-role, nonetheless... 'John' dropped into a chair near the middle of the porch. "I'm just gonna watch the sunset," he called towards the house.
From inside, a familiar voice answered. "Okay, hon. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes."
John stared at the door. "Alex."
"Yes. With no Farscape project to tie you to Florida, you went to Stanford with her."
"I followed her dream instead of mine."
Larraq seemed to consider that for a moment, then nodded. "I suppose you could look at it that way."
Mulling Larraq's revelations over in his mind, John stared out at the sunset. The scattering of clouds turned pink, then deepened to a blazing red. The vibrant colors reflected in the water, making it seem as if the sea were on fire. He never realized how much he had missed seeing the sun over the ocean. Even after all the things he had seen on Moya, it would always be one of the most beautiful things he'd ever witnessed. Apparently his non-Farscape self was of the same opinion, as the other 'John' stared unwaveringly at the water.
As the sun was slowly swallowed by the gentle swells of the Pacific, 'John' reached over and picked up the cordless phone that had been sitting on the small table next to him. On his left hand, a plain gold band glinted in the dying light. He punched in a string of numbers, then slumped back in the chair.
Eventually the tilt of his head revealed that someone had answered. "Hey, DK, it's me. Merry Christmas. ... So how's it goin', man? ... Yeah, same here, pretty much. Just watching the ocean, and thinking. ... Ha ha, very funny. ..." John smiled as he imagined his friend's voice. He could almost hear DK talking; knew exactly what he was saying. Closer than brothers, John missed DK as much as he missed his father. The tapes he made were his lifeline to Earth, but what he wouldn't give for just one phone call home... John jerked his thoughts back to the present as the other 'John' resumed his side of the conversation.
"Wondering about Dad again. Seen him lately? ... Really. Well, that's good, I guess ... Nah, not yet. Maybe next Christmas. ..." Frowning, John studied his other self, surprised by the irritation in 'his' expression. "Hey, he could always call me, you know. ... Yeah, yeah, I know, sorry. I just - I hate feeling like I'm such a disappointment to him. Yeah, fine, so I didn't follow in his footsteps. I always used to tell him that I couldn't be his kind of hero - and he always said I had to be my own kind of hero. But when I left the program, it was pretty damn clear that there were some definite restrictions on that one. Heroes were in the space program. I wasn't."
John's brow furrowed as he watched the emotions play across 'his' face, blatantly conveying his other self's thoughts, frustration - every inner feeling. He prided himself on his ability to read Aeryn's expressions, but it was unsettling to see how much his own face revealed. Not to mention just plain eerie. "Yeah, yeah, I know. That's what you keep telling me. He says he's trying to give me space, I say he's shutting me out." 'John' laughed, a short, bitter bark. "*I'm* stubborn? Yeah, well, we both know which side of the family tree I got that from." Running his hand through his hair, 'John' sighed. "Damn, I'm sorry to keep pulling you into the middle of this, man. It's not your fault."
'John' dropped his hand to rub his eyes as he continued. "And I'm sorry to drag you down on the holidays and all. It's just - sometimes I wonder, you know? About what we could have done. About the ideas we had, and the insane plans we came up with. ... Yeah, like that module thing. Exactly. ... Really? Huh. Well, I guess we'll never know now, will we? ... Yeah, I guess. You're probably right. Don't let it go to your head." He laughed with DK for a moment. "So how are things on your end?"
Pushing himself to his feet, 'John' wandered over to the edge of the porch and propped his shoulder against one of the posts. John followed him with his eyes, then let his gaze wander out to the ocean as he let the conversation play over and over in his mind. He only half-listened as 'John' spent the next few minutes responding to DK's end of the conversation and watching the last remnants of the sunset slowly fade to dusk. "Well, I just wanted to say hi, happy holidays, all that stuff. Take care, and get out here to visit us soon, all right? ... All right. Later, man."
'John' hit the disconnect button, but continued to hold the phone as he stared out at the sea and the rapidly darkening sky. "But I still wonder," he murmured softly.
With a pensive look, 'John' slowly began to dial a familiar number. When he paused, John silently cheered him on. *Do it, do it, do it... It was a misunderstanding, that's not what he meant.*
He recited the numbers under his breath as 'John' continued to hit the buttons. He was on the next-to-last digit when the voice from inside called again. "John, are you ready to eat?"
Starting slightly, 'John's' gaze jerked from the phone. He stared pensively at the waves for a moment, then with a small frown, he moved his thumb to hit the power button. "Yeah, be right there, hon." Finally tearing his gaze from the waves, 'John' pushed away from the post. Tossing the phone onto the seat of the chair, he walked inside without a backwards glance.
John watched his other self walk through the door, wondering if he was supposed to follow. He didn't want to. Sure, everything here seemed fine - he was married, making enough money to afford a house on the beach, healthy enough to surf on a regular basis... and not on speaking terms with his father. Half a continent away from his best friend. Always wondering what could have been. Somehow that created a worse hole in his gut than longing for Earth usually did.
Larraq studied him silently for a moment, then turned back to the sea. As if giving John time to process his thoughts, it was a few minutes before he spoke again. "Are you ready to see the other side now? The other side of the wormhole?"
John nodded. "Yeah, sure. Why not?" He had time for one last look at the ocean before it disappeared.
~~~~~~~
end part two