Lightness (Is this a proper English word?)
 

by Leontien

DISCLAIMER: I'm glad to say that I don't own the

various characters that were tortured and mutilated

during the writing of this fic. How's that for a

disclaimer?

SUMMARY: No! No summary available at this time…

<VBEG> Okay, after Gilina dies, she comes back and

pesters Aeryn, until she jumps off the Terrace.

Kidding, of course.

ARCHIVING: Yep! Ask me though.

NOTES: Sequel to Darkness (and no! The title had no

meaning what so ever. This one has no meaning either.

I can't give stories proper titles without muse.)

And as usual, I didn't watch that part of the PK Tech

Girl episode again.

NOTES2: It's kinda jumping from Aeryns POV to Crichtons

POV. No shippy things here, since I didn't get my

cookies.

FEEDBACK: All presents, comments, Crichtons will be

accepted with a big goofy smile. All flames will be

dealt with by the Fire Department. (And no, we haven't

made peace yet!) So send everything to this address:

[email protected] (until I get my Farscape

address :-)

 

---

Lightness.

He stood there, watching the stars… watching as the

box carrying Gilina drifted away into darkness. I had

performed a Sebacean ritual for Gilina, as much as I

disliked her. But I did it for John, because he had

loved her and he was my shipmate, as he had called it

on board the Zelbinion. And Gilina had been a Sebacean,

a Peacekeeper, like I was once. It had been my duty

to perform the ritual.

I stood there, in the shadows, watching him grief. I

wanted to go over to him, to say something to him, but

I couldn't move. "Coward." I said to myself.

Suddenly John turns, and sees me. As I watch his face,

I notice the red eyes, the result of his tears. He

walks towards me, leaving the Terrace. After the

initial shock of the Tech's death, he ignored me,

didn't utter a single word towards me. I know he

blames me for her death, I didn't protect her when

those thugs shot at us on the commerce planet. He

never noticed that I was wounded as well. This makes

me wonder. What if it would've been me who was dead?

Would he be grieving? Would Gilina have performed

the ritual? Would there be a funeral?

As he passes me, he stops to look at me. As I look

in his eyes, the once sparkling blue eyes, full of

life, I see… hatred? But then it is gone, and so is

he…

I'm alone now, lonelier than I've ever been in my

entire life. I watch the stars for a few microns, and

then I turn and leave as well.



******

I watch her… and as she drifts into space, I wonder

what could've been. All I see is darkness… nothing.

Was she meant to die there, on that planet? Vaguely

I remember a movie I once saw about ghosts, coming

back to haunt their loved ones… "Why did she had to

die?" I softly ask to no one in particular. Why her?

Why Gilina, the only one out here that understands

me. The one that had enough patience to teach me so

much.

Life really sucks. The words bring back a memory,

one that changed my life completely.

"Life sucks…"

"It brought us together."

"It sucks a little less."

I almost smile at that. Almost… because it hurts to

smile. Everything hurts right now and it makes me

wonder if I'll ever feel like I used to. I turn

around and see her, the other one, standing there in

the shadows, watching me. Or is it watching over me?

Ever since Gilina died, either Zhaan or Aeryn has

been following me around, watching me. I don't pay

too much attention to it, but it annoys me. Sometimes

I feel like lashing out at them, just yelling at them.

I wonder what Aeryns reaction would be. I already

know what her reaction is, because it already happened

once, when I was protecting Gilina. Gilina simply

accepted Aeryns hatred towards her, but I didn't. For

once, Aeryn was going to lay off, she wasn't going to

pull rank on Gilina again.



"Aeryn! I need to talk to you right now!" I yelled,

barging into her room. She was sleeping, after

spending the entire night in Command. I didn't mind

waking her up, but obviously she wasn't too happy

about it.

"What do you want!?" she replied, half asleep.

"Stay away from Gilina, you hear me! If I ever get

to hear you pestering her again, I will personally

knock you out cold. And I don't care what they say

about hitting a woman."



I remember the look on her face when I said that. She

wasn't afraid, she probably knew I wouldn't be able

to knock her out cold without getting hit a few times

myself. But she saw the anger in my eyes, I knew that.

She had crossed the line and I was going to make it

clear what would happen the next time. There wasn't

going to be a next time, because Gilina wasn't here

anymore…

I walk towards Aeryn, intending to leave the terrace,

but as I pass her, something makes me stand still.

She's looking at me and I stare at her. Was she

really concerned? I laugh at that. Aeryn and

concerned? Never…

As she looks in my eyes, she obviously sees something

that disturbs her. But then, I walk on, towards my

room.



********

A weeken later.

As I enter Command, I see Zhaan and D'Argo waiting

for me. "Good morning Aeryn." Zhaan says in her

usual soft tone. I nod to her and look at D'Argo.

"We're waiting for Crichton." He says.

"Oh." Is my reply. We don't bother to wait for Rygel

anymore, as he's mostly eating.

I ask why Zhaan called me. "We're nearing a commerce

planet. Rygel has prepared a list of things we

need, I suggest you look it over and add anything you

need. You and Crichton will have to go down, since I

think you both need some time alone." Zhaan suggests.

I sigh. Time alone with Crichton… suddenly it has

become something I fear. I didn't forget his outburst

a few weekens back. Nor did I forget his threat,

which, I presume, is still standing. We all turn as

Crichton enters Command. He looks like hell I must

say. Obviously he's been having trouble sleeping.

Sometimes, late at night, when I return from my

usual round, I hear him. He talks in his sleep, when

he's dreaming. I listen to his dreams then, but

mostly they are nightmares. Other times, they are

about his time with Gilina, then I move on quickly.

He looks at Zhaan and D'Argo, but his eyes avoid me,

like they have been doing for a weeken now. I listen

as Zhaan explains everything to Crichton and I see

him nod. But whether he likes some time alone with

me, I don't know.



*******

I watch Aeryn as she flies the transport down to the

planet. I understood Zhaans message clearly, by the

time we get back to Moya,

Aeryn and I need to be on speaking terms again. When

Gilina died, I blamed Aeryn, probably for not dying.

At that point I wanted Aeryn dead and Gilina to live

instead. But later on, I understood that it wasn't

fair to think of her that way. Aeryn had nothing to

do with Gilina's death. I agree with myself, I have

been harsh on her lately, by avoiding her and

basically ignoring her.

Aeryn simply accepted things and didn't try to begin

a conversation, although I think deep inside, she

wanted to. As she prepares to land, I watch her

more closely, while she ignores me. She seems almost

nervous, is she remembering what happened on the last

commerce planet? Or is it me, being alone with me that

makes her nervous? Is she expecting another fight

between us?

As we leave the pod, I follow her towards the small

town that lies ahead of us. She is, as usual,

carrying the small PK pulse rifle, prepared for

anything. I take a few big steps and adapt my pace to

hers as I walk next her.

"Hey." I say, to give it a try. Zhaan's expecting us

to talk, so we better talk.

For a moment it is quiet, then she replies. "Hey."

I smile, she must've overheard me and Gilina

discussing the word 'hey'. But does this mean she

doesn't want to talk? I decide to give it another

try. "Hey."

She stops and looks at me. "I don't want to

talk Crichton." She says and starts walking again.

"Suit yourself." I reply and follow her. And bump

into her as she suddenly stops.

"What!? What did you say?"

I sigh. "It's nothing. Have your own way I meant."

She starts walking again, and I trail after her.

After a few moments, I try again.

"You know I don't blame you anymore. It wasn't

your fault." Nothing. She keeps walking, but I

don't intend to give up. "Aeryn, it's clear why

Zhaan sent us on this little camping trip. She

knows how our relationship is suffering with all

this." Finally a reaction.

"What relationship? We're nothing more than

shipmates, right?" she snaps.

"We could be more. We could be friends again."

"What if I don't want to be your friend?" Dammit

Aeryn, why do you need to do so difficult everytime?

"The whole ship is suffering from our little

argument. Why can't we be like the way we were

before we found the Zelbinion?" Before I met

Gilina, I silently add.

Her mouth opens, as if she intends to say something,

but thinks better of it as it closes again. The

rest of the short hike was made in silence.



******

Why did I have to do so… unfriendly towards him? He

wants it back the way it used to be. Before we found

the Zelbinion. In my mind, I add 'before we met

Gilina'. Everything changed because of Gilina. I had

never seen John so protective of anyone else. I want

to answer his question, but I have no idea what to

reply. So I say nothing and increase the pace.

As we entered the town, I quickly spotted the goods

we needed and without saying anything to John, I

headed towards the nearest stall. The merchant looks

at my rifle for a moment and then turns towards John.

I don't listen as he buys the goods, I look around,

to see if there's any danger. Seeing none, I turn

towards Crichton again, happy to see him packing

the goods. Now we can return to Moya and he can

ignore me again.

As we both turn at the same time, I see a small group

of men approaching us. I also notice that they are

all armed…



******

Happy with completing our little shopping mission

so quickly, I smile at Aeryn, but she doesn't notice

it. As we both turn around, I wonder who noticed

the guards first. As they close in on us, I notice

from the looks on the face that they don't have too

friendly intentions.

"Aeryn…" I whisper. "We need to get back to the pod."

From the corner of my eye, I see her nodding. As we

start running, I hear their leader yell "Stop!"

before they start pursuing us.

As we got closer to the pod, I look behind me and

noticed that the soldiers were still behind us. I

call to Aeryn to hurry up and she reaches the pod

first. As I reach the pod, I feel a searing pain go

through my leg and I enter the pod stumbling. As Aeryn

closes the door, I take a look at my leg and notice

a bright spot forming. Aeryn watches my leg for a

few microts. Then, hearing the soldiers banging on the

pod, she starts pre-flight procedure and lifts off…



*******

While piloting the pod, I steal a few glances at

Crichton. His leg doesn't look to good, although it

isn't bleeding as badly anymore. It's the rest of

him that I'm worried about. He's shivering, as if he's

having it cold, but I raised the temperature of the

pod as high as possibly, without me suffering from

Heat Delirium. As we leave the planet's atmosphere,

I look at him once more and notice that he's getting

paler. "This was not an ordinary bullet." I think to

myself as I see Moya coming closer. As I feel the

pull of the docking web, I rush over to Crichton.

He's almost unconscious, I note to myself and I catch

myself wondering what Zhaan would do.

I hadn't noticed that the pod had already docked, and

I look up as Zhaan enters the pod. Seeing Crichton,

she rushes over to us and feels his pulse. Then she

prays to him, in a language I can't understand nor my

translator microbes can translate. Suddenly D'Argo

barges into the pod and looks at us on the pod's

floor. Without saying anything, he pushes me away

and lifts Crichton in his strong arms. I watch Zhaan

leave after D'Argo, and I sit here, in the pod for a

moment, then I follow them. As I wait outside his

room, D'Argo passes me on the way out. He looks at

me for a moment, and I noticed something in his eyes.

He looked almost sad. But it is gone as he leaves me

here, standing to await Zhaan's report on his

condition.

As I wait, Rygel hovers into Crichtons room, followed

by two DRD's. It makes me angry that everyone can

enter his room, except me. When I tried to, Zhaan

dismissed me, telling me to wait outside. Yet D'Argo,

Rygel and the DRD's can enter. I look up as Rygel

floats into the hallway. "She wants to see you."

Rygel says and then hovers in the direction of the

mess.

Slowly, I enter John's room, and somewhere in my mind

I note that it was once Gilina's room as well. He

looks so small, so innocent as he lies there on the

bed. As I walked closer, Zhaan turns towards me and I

notice the sad look on her face. Quickly, I look back

at John and see his chest rise and fall as he breathes.

"He's not dead, isn't he?" I ask her.

"No, but he's very sick. I need to go to the lab to

test this blood sample for poison. Someone needs to

watch over him until I get back. I thought Rygel wasn't

the right person and since D'Argo is in Command, I

thought you could watch him for me." The priestess

explained.

I nod and sit down on his bed, my hand on his hand. As

I look back at Zhaan, I notice she's already gone. As

I wait for Zhaan to return with results, Crichton

starts to get delirious. For a while I listen to his

murmuring, but when I hear Gilina's name, I focus on

Moya's vibrating sound.

As I look around the room, I see the wet cloth Zhaan

used to cool Crichton's forehead. I grab it and use it

on him. Instantly, he relaxes beneath me and he is

quiet for a few microns. As I turn to lay the cloth

back down, his hand suddenly grabs my arm, so fast

that I hadn't noticed it until he pulled me down.

'He must think I'm Gilina.' I think and I don't resist

his pull. As I lay besides him, I hear his words. For

a microt I think I heard wrong, but as he repeats it,

I know that my biggest wish, besides returning

home, is happening…

"I love you, Aeryn." He murmurs. And as he lies there,

I lay my head on his chest and listen to the beating

of his heart…

*******

Zhaan returned half an arn later and found us both

asleep, holding eachother. Crichton's illness faded

soon after Zhaan administered an antidote. His words

weren't fever-induced, as he remembered them clearly

afterwards. We're friends now, even closer than

before we met Gilina.

After a few solar days, John asked me to move in with

him, so now we live together and spend every possible

moment together. At nights, when we can't sleep, we

go to the Terrace, and we sit there, his arms around

me and then we talk for arns, about everything we can

think of.

"What are you thinking about?" I hear him ask and I

move in his arms to look at his, in his blue eyes,

full of life…

The End.