In the smoky dark he vapourised
Before my ever wandering lonely eyes
Bringing forth a furrowed brow
A head-down swagger, well worn now
As habituated years before
Now etched in my memory circuitry forever more
As I breathed his scent
He materialised his colours
That when spent I felt within
To carry him along his lonesome trek once again
In stock of an imagination divine
A mind recklessly confined to fantasy, desired deed
He came, he went
Yet his sweet memory is all I'll ever need.

Sift through the long days 
To ensure I retain your ways 
Syphon long nights 
Remembering forever more
The stroke of your hand
Through my hair and 
Over my restful heart 
Bewildering my world 
With peace never known 
With how the simplicity of cherish 
Can progress to mean almost too much
Especially when no more 
And waiting alone 
For a mere glimpse 
Of your ghost 
Would I cry 
or sigh 
To see you smile at my own 
Once more?

Candles flicker without debate: 
Once, twice, sold .... 
Sinking into the warm, dreamy dark 
Forever with you. 
Eyes roll restfully in quiet 
As you hold me 
Near and still, 
Just tight enough 
To keep my fill, 
Of promises .... 
Bundled up so nice, 
More than suffice 
To stroke your needs. 
My will is done 
By sweet deed, 
My decreed of love 
Previously revealed is now
Forever signed and sealed. 

I'm always holding on to every moment 
A second too much too long; 
When you're gone 
I'm relishing more, 
I'm inhaling your every single breath, 
Perfectly created to deliver peace and calm, 
With the caring charm of a warm 
But wise smile 
That twinkles mischievously even in the dark
And always to guide me home to your love. 

Your love leads better days through 
Fantastical nights 
My hand 
Forever in the palm of your own.

This poem was written especially for my boyfriend Neil. Nothing would make me happier than to one day marry Neil. I am so grateful that I am able to experience such a wonderful relationship -- thank you Neil, you've been such a gift. I love you ;) 

Where should I go to search for love? 
Somewhere full of romantic dreams? 
In the passionate heart of Italy 
Or some other exotic or lavish
Foreign city? 
Or should I anchor far out to sea 
Away from suburban clutter 
Or far up the rockiest mountains 
Where only the wild-life mutter 
Indistinguishable news
For long hours with me as their muse 
With my complex sorrow
My yearning for a love-filled tomorrow
That may never arise ... 

How the path ahead lies 
I cannot know 
No matter where I go 
Love is no clearer. 
And I can still hear the 
Long gone plaintiff cries 
Your begging me to stay -- 
Perhaps they held some truth 
As being away 
Has only further let my mind play games 
With this confused heart of mine ... 

And we both wonder as I wander more aimlessly 
When will I acknowledge you're worthy of love 
Or will I set myself free 
From this commitment? 
Bringing on yet another it's-not-you-but-me 
Ending to something that could have otherwise been 
Longer lasting 
And I swear by now I should have learnt 
Because being burnt 
Is less painful than being self-cheated.

Now I'm just back to life on a carousel 
A little of the up and down 
And mostly perpetually around and around 
Will I ever grow up and up 
To realise that although he stunted 
My world 
It's still mine 
And there's still my time ... 

To search for true love.

Of years gone by I thought I’d found my way 
Worked so hard to achieve countless accolades 
Especially a Father's love 
I disguised the real me with high distinctions 
Afraid to fail at being ordinary and average 
Having lost every thing 
I realised what I had sacrificed for glory
Realised how the novel of pure fiction had become 
So much more romantic than the real story 
A history of compulsion, obsession through fear 
An unsuitable heritage 
And one which I will undeniably pledge 
To the past and specifically the ‘Never Never’ 
Content to be happy with my present standard lot 
The two of us so meaningfully together 
I think I have finally found my inner peace
A freedom from grief 
Loving me, 
Loving you, 
With enough love for three 
Or how ever many there may pass to be

Comply with chance 
Dance with danger 
For the rhythmic affection 
Of yet another stranger 
Stranger than the perpetual spin 
Of my peripheral-vision-gone-by world 
Colder than the ice of her last breath good-bye     Fleeting its heartless foot-prints 
Upon my ego's eye 
Not so surprised to see her go 
She's just one of many in a rather significant row 
Of yester-years and tears of dismay 
In this weight dice 
Of life non success 
That's left me with 
A baited arsenic of trust at best 

Sold out too young;
Now too old 
To mend the past 
Whizzing on by 
Much too fast 
Beyond the years that left me forever bitter 
Yet by chance I caught one sad quiet minute 
In a thrashing tormented day -- 
I wasn't so surprised to see you move far away
Again from my flailing clasp 
From my perpetually weakening grasp on reality 
Too many times to more, 
I watch you forever caress the exit 
Of that ghostly good-bye door.

SEX DOESN'T ALWAYS GROW LOVE 

Reckless sex, an inevitability of a modern society With a much higher priority 
Than the sacred institution 
Of marriage. 
Just a miscarriage of morality -- 
The birth of biblical blinkering 
And the baby comes next 
To leave a confused young mother 
Saddened when the unwilling father 
Is unnecessarily perplexed 
By finances unprepared 
For a second let alone a third 
Soon stampeded by a herd 
Of little feet 
Never to retreat from whence they came 
And every day rolls past 
As the same; 
A replica struggle of the last. 

Love should be the first piece of the puzzle 
For with out it the masterpiece is not complete 
And trust will never be replete.
Love is not merely a toy 
To be played with by children adults 
Driven too soon to temptation and flesh filled need 
This sin should be decreed 
As shameful as of years gone by -- 
The patience and perseverance of true love
Should never be recklessly defied. 
 

EVEN FUN HAS ITS CONSEQUENCE 
 

The woman says: 
"I've got the itch, honey, 
To get hitched." 
Well isn't it funny 
That he's now miles away, 
Just searching for his lucky day 
To bring on a life without 
Responsibility and with out a doubt 
The necessity of endless sex. 
Yet one day reality lassoes his next 
And messes with the rest for ever more, 
When several babies come 
Knocking at his pent-house door, 
With their angry mothers' in tow 
To drag his footloose feet to ground 
And to blow his fancy free world away 
Giving birth to a new-found reality 
And a regretful series of day. 
If he could just take it all back; 
Take the forfeited monogamy track 
Leading to should-have-been love to share .... 
He'd now play every day true and fair 
And he'd still be there with the first, 
With an endless appetite and quench-less thirst 
For her love. 
Uttering those vows to signify commitment forever 
With honesty and joy to tether 
This crazy world and his now staid heart, 
Never again to depart, 
Her beautiful grace. 

I'm one of those in the "Generation X", where perhaps X signifies an immorality that is best left not stated. I remember being a teenager and watching many of my girl-friends take the fall, into the bottomless pit of promiscuity. Then came experimentation with drugs and mixed with a lack of self respect, soon harder drugs entered the sorry picture. 

Electricity of my anticipation 
Of my deliberation 
Shall I meet you again at the station? 
Will I recognise your walk 
Or your familiar absent-minded stare? 
Shall I look into your chocolate eyes 
And see the longing for me still there? 

Shall we walk to my place 
With only the light from the moon 
as our guide? 
When will this fantasy finish? 
Will it become too dark to venture
much too soon? 
Will you leave your bags packed
With your two changes of clothes also neatly stacked 
Along with a reality stacked heavily against our dreams, 
Odds not in favour; a flavour of something not quite right, 
Yet dreams and fantasy too easy to saviour 
Especially when flesh is no longer forthcoming 
Kisses have no companion 
And touch meets a random molecule of air 
And no matter how much I wish, beg, cry, deny, or even try to imagine 
you're just simply not here, but there.
Miles and smiles away 
Giving birth to a darker, lonely set of days. 

Was I just a pass-over in between rides?
An initially appealing idea soon tossed aside 
A phase completed (perhaps a little wistfully) 
To then descend upon a destination better known 
For an opportunity to rediscover the occupants of your home 
I'll never return to greet the steam and coal of your blackened soul 
I've tired of feeling second rate, deserted 
So perpetually, invincibly alone.

So shall I again farewell you at the station? 
Worlds apart, a complete cosmic departure
From togetherness 
Space junk lust, remnants of an awesome once-was love 
Dreams, wondering regret, and this time a budding third 
A new consequence of unbridled passion, with out commitment 
And this time, forever after. 
Will those small, innocent eyes gaze upon their other corresponding set?
Of a father never met 
Leaving a former insatiable lover 
Now a shattered, worrisome mother 
Filled with an endless regret.

Then ... 
When we were not fearful of promises 
Of you and me together 
Throughout time. 
Of when things were about the foresight; 
The  forever rather than never, 
Naivety blanketed us with such a wonderful sheltering curse 
But with time it yielded to disperse 
The fantasy from reality, 
The true compounds from the blend,
Now seeing us for the first time as a poor mixture, a mess 
(A nightmare of two at best). 
What happened to us and when? 
Which particular nano-increment of time 
Did we miss the truth to find it only moments later... 

How come we couldn't see it happening back then?

A blood red flower web of promises
Spun by her grace
Capturing nights spent with long kisses and passion
Entwined in silk and miles of lace
Her long legs draped over mine
Holding me still
The scent of a woman
Musky and sweet
To leave me forever weak
And open my world to her opportunities
I'm spell-bound
Bound up in her ways
Caught helplessly in her magic
That she weaves at every interlude
Leaving me stunned and vulnerable 
While she preys
Upon my heart
I don't want for her to unravel this lust nest
And let me take the fall
But I can't wait for the next moment of meeting
And I never want for it to be the last
She's forever and all --
More than I'll ever desire.

Swirling waves of fairy dust,
Spreading delirium,
Stay awake… I must.
Close my eyes
To see you encounter me.
A masquerade ball,
Sexy disguise.
Hold your stare,
I dare,
To remove your layers.
Intoxicated,
Recklessly holding your sight,
I think I just might…

|~|

She's like a sea-shell -- 
I have to hold her closer 
Than most 
To learn what lies within, 
And with trusting time 
She's revealed to me 
Many a secret as whispered 
Sweetly and gracefully -- 
Lulling my desires with the most haunting pan pipes 
Of the mysterious sea, 
Bringing tales from afar 
Beyond the wash-up of my sheltered shore, 
With me now to always treasure 
Forever and more. 
And to think 
Whilst strolling nonchalantly 
I almost mistook her for 
Yet another grain of sand; 
I almost overlooked her 
To let her slip through 
My suppler hands 
In exchange for something 
More colourful and pretty, 
And less tainted with unforgiving time 
But it matters not now 
Because she is the chime of reason 
The endless vessel of quiet wisdom 
The mother of pearl of my world 
And above all, my infallible love. 

Inspired by two of my friends, Kelly and Michael, who just recently married. Kel and I have been friends since I was born -- (obviously she's a fraction older than me!). His comment (in addition to the rest of his heart-felt speech) set the tears flowing in all the wedding guests: "Just seeing her beautiful smiling face at the end of a hard day makes it all worth while." This made me think about true, undying love and the effort that we put into the things that we do for those who we love and cherish above all.

Paralleled, dazzling blind
A mixture of man-made fire-fly glows
And stars encasing
A life-long journey
Random lights flicker fast
As drowsy eyelids
Shield weary eyes
(That have long missed
What has whizzed on past)
Now only one destination in mind
Knuckles white with sustained grip
Embracing the wheel for countless miles
Like yesterday and the day before
And probably like tomorrow
Possibly forever more.

Just running on your anticipated smiles
Are these roads or tracks?
What ever happened to the freedom vision
Financially constrained, now driving in familiar sleep
Worn sleepers bedding the ingrained tracks, rusted enthusiasm with time
More real, day after day, week after week
After the usual charade
Chaotic and even disturbing
Stress and toil, turmoil
All contributing to tease to soil
Hopes and dreams.

The road back home only comforting in one respect
The greater meaning -- an eternal purpose sealed with vows
Our family and their smiling faces, your grace and warm embrace
Giving me a brief escapism, peace and cherish
Beauty defined deep in my mind and soul
So much love confined
 In these four walls we need to work to own.

Just enough inspiration mixed with motivation
To board the morning ride
Chimed by the boss money alarm
Always too early, too soon, shattering your spell
With the call of financial burden
But for them the acceleration, the bump, the whirr, then grind
The wind and then unwind and over again and again
(I'm a yo-yo with frayed string with your loving hand to stroke my woes)
It's all worth the grime and escaped time
Your cleansing love the most amazing, life changing find.

Midnight of sapphire blue and you 
An electric buzz of warmth, 
Of excitement and of strangers united by a common frustration and desire, 
By a glimmer of hope, 
Luring me towards one of many magically masked, 
In pursuit of an accolade for which human nature never tires, 
Through which passion transpires 
And perhaps a feeling of happiness, the synergism of a loving two, 
To which most masked conceal but truly aspire 
Attention gifted to you… 

A touch of your hand so slight 
Leading me blindly as we dance disguised to a disjointed song, 
Barely standing but floating, drugged as you hold my sight 
Only our eyes meet, smiling and knowing 
Showing 
Giggling secret plans for our transparent electricity 
Our longing banishes doubt, leaving only the simplicity 
Of our common need 
To entice us crazily, 
Without a thought for abandoning our journey, 
For questioning its authenticity 

You take my hand, 
Firmly within yours to inconspicuously set plans into motion, 
Take command… 
And I'm away, 
Sink into the ground so soft, serving to solace my fruitless whim 
To leave my soul to dance wonderfully as my body is set to play 
Senses squirming, writhing, so intensely as my chocolate eyes melt into their carbon copy so perfectly 
And I allow myself to sigh 
Breathing in magic mushroom emissions of lovemaking… to be whole 
Feeling weak but elated 
Bright crimson sky envelops me as I float on by and by, 
Higher and higher until I reach your soul 
To collapse together in release 
Companions to stars dying, falling, sated. 
Directed in their path, ignorant of the aftermath 
Crashing to reality, destructing upon impact, 
In pursuit of love, challenges of masquerading lust to distract. 

Cold
The palm leaves rustle with
The tell-tale breeze of storm
The surrounds abide
Waves a crashing splendour
Sink and churn
Scatter the sand with a forceful command
And a demand of more
Pitter, patter, drench
Rocket chunks, pelted with ice from despondent grey
Delicately hued with the setting of another give way day
Seeking to chill-burn the softest of delicate mortal skin
But with you ever so warm 
With enough strength and courage
To disarm the cannon bullets firing from above
Calm the thunderous clang resounding in a weary mind
Soothe the swollen skies and tear-soaked eyes
Tormented cries
Diminished to yield to a whisper only of my love
Tonight and ever more
But never before

I implore
You.

I never knew, 
'Til I met you, 
The tingle of tenderness, 
Ebbing countlessly with every tick of time. 
I never knew the sweetness, 
That love, could be something of mine. 
Yet I know fact from fairy tale, 
and so few, 
share something like you and I, 
something that is so undeniably true.
 

I cannot ever express the magic,
The calmness of warmth that you breathe, 
The angel dust that you leave, 
Beyond our times spent together. 
The enlightenment, the reprieve, 
From wandering alone, from wondering 
if ever, 
never? 

Dreams, enchantment, the spell that you weave, 
With the simplicity but cherish of your touch, 
Your words, your ways, you, 
How best to tell you what you do, say and feel for me, 
means so much? 

Fortification of feelings almost every day, 
Leaves me speechless, 
Feelings and thoughts you understand though I cannot say. 
I embrace growing closer, 
Treasure every moment of truth and sharing, 
I am privileged to be a part of your current being, 
Eternally grateful, for ever beyond the present, for your special caring. 

She arrived too suddenly --
Unexpectedly, with out warning
And ripped right through town,
Like a vengeful tornado
Leaving destruction in her wayward path,
Moving precisely through suburban family homes
Like a finely tuned compass
With the sexiest smile
Always plastered on her dial,
And those methodological legs that ran crazily for a mile
Beneath a tightly fitting littler black dress
Than I'd ever seen before
And the rest
Is just a shocking history,
With her eventual whereabouts
Still a mystery ....
But she'd stroke up a storm
In many a man's groin
To reckon fearlessly with his senses,
Ablate his half-hearted defence
For the monogamy ploy
And blow his better intentions
Far, far away.
The regretful memory is much too clear
To this long past, weary day ....

With the wink of her eye
She sucks me deep into her being,
Consuming my entire world
In less than a quick breath of time.
Held in her ravishing control
For the few seconds of destructive magic
I mesh with her powerful need,
To only moments later be spat back out
Like the discarded, broken trash that I now am,
To mingle aimlessly with the other
Confused and dazed occupants
Of her personal junk-yard, wasteland.
With her retreat
My eyes first meet the devastating truth
Left by the passing of her merciless wrath;
The aftermath of a mere
Hundred or so
Collectively shattered egos,
Further shamed by their partners' saddened hearts
And a town still counting 
The irreparable damage --
The ever amounting priceless cost
Of family love carelessly traded
And now forever lost

To the once howling wind

Now much too quiet

For those alike Melanie and David Olsen -- married 06/01/2001 -- For Always)

With You
The night dazzles with more sparkling splendour
as reflected in your eyes only for mine.
Electric skies resonate the dulcet tones of sweeter cherish
and a twosome private embrace,
even through the darkness's of time.
The day burns with more calming warmth, sighing love, and radiating promise
at an intensity pitched so deep within my soul's heart,
as an ever-expanding place set to start
being filled with more of you, for now and always.
Your love ebbs with frequency within and then it flows freely and lucidly without,
seeps and saturates entirely,
completely,
within every crevice and otherwise hollow, empty part of me.
Now whole,
even when at rest,
even when asleep.

The birds chime longer and sweeter:
a symphony of grace, enriched with the tone of respect,
blended with sincerity,
as a commitment tribute to you so dear
and deepest within my heart
(also singing its your-praises),
and my mind calling silently at a note that only you can hear …
longing for your embrace.
Counting down the minutes until you open the door
to our home --
a long awaited novelty
of our very own.
A new life through
our marriage gift.
The beginning of something even more wonderful than we've yet known 
foretells of others on their long way home,
Yielding little tiny footsteps
as permanently painted imprints in the Earth of being.
Alike the magic of seashell echoes,
 for only the spellbound to hear,
you whisper sweet oursome something's in my ear,
as we rock together gently through minutes, hours and days,
and our kindred spirit is yet again set to play.
For although we've matured together
we'll always be young in our cherish --
our love will be endless, eternal, forever
never undone.
Never done.

Contemplation Resolution (in three parts) 

I. 

Water rushing, warm but still frozen, 
Satisfaction? Happiness? Of fantasy and fable? 
Joyous memories? Only delivered as transient rewards of modern living, 
A smile? Now barely able. 
Rush and hurry. The bother so busy and so much what for? 
Floating transparently in a crowd of individuals lost in harmony to the same tune, the same common flaw. 
Lethargic… and weakening still to the routine ‘tick tock’ of ever hastening time. 
Can't remember what of that ticking was ever claimed as mine.

Previously not soon enough, now too soon.
Satisfaction? The ‘NEVER’ increasingly nurtured… 
The burden of reality that fantasy eases, 
A mere consolation. 
Pessimism teases, 
Optimism frequently deserted… 
Disconcerted. 
Tell and accept more lies, 
A collection with which to grow old. 
Tripped outside amongst the living of non-human form, 
Breeze stealthily rushed over and through skin so shallow, too cold… 
Conscience dissolved, consciousness barely resolved. 
 

II. 

Captured by the ever enchanting glistening, 
The stillness, the capacity for calmness superimposed with the excitement of night. 
Of romantic possibilities that remain sacred though recklessly exposed, 
Glimpsed upon by other lovers with forbidden passion held within their sights. 
Breath withheld in awe, stars blinking back tears at my ever-smaller stature, in release. 
Encapsulated by our blanketed security, 
You become my source of only scrutiny, 
My destiny. 
Tied together by nature's law of planet spin time, 
Left to wade through tides told by the moon, 
And to wonder magically as shooting stars leave home, 
So soon, 
Deny monotony, and continue to roam… 

Crazily as the fireflies buzz and glow, 
Previously I’d wandered so 
Now I wonder more of you and so 
I presume to know. 

The fire of an awakening soul arises, 
Reclaiming lost time, forgiving former sins, 
This is where the outward-radiated love, 
Inside begins. 

Trust to unveil my mind's soul 
Dare to expose emotions for you, so sincere. 
Celebrate the wanting of you here, 
Of then, now… always near. 
A time to dream, 
Floating in bliss, 
To wake up, still dreaming, 
To the gift of your soft, ever-caring kiss 
 

III. 

Head lost, spinning in colourful gypsy land, 
Hypnotized by the fiery eyes of intense passion and wisdom. 
Barefoot walk the wild-flower studded dirt trails, 
Holding your hand, 
To nowhere further than most are headed right now. 
High on living, giving, sharing, loving. 
Fervently succumb to the explicitness of what has passed is unquestionably done… 
Tasting the essence of life's spirit… inhaling deeply to become 
Free from the responsibilities of superficial achievement, 
Void of unrealistic dreams to turn sour, 
Emancipated… living day by day, hour by ever changing, unpredictable hour. 

That he brushed away
Little broken pieces
That should have stayed
Violated
Hidden for years
Sealed securely with fears
Although now it appears
That you, my sweet, have taken some pleasure
In applying a sticky but sweet concoction
To the re-surfaced remnants of good
Creating a permanent masterpiece
A rare relic
Now priceless
All because you believed
In the first piece that you so valued,
To patch the hole in my deflated heart. 

She's Like, He's Like Poems

He's like Fool's Gold --
and I though him a fine specimen,
So lucky,
a finger-tip catch of immense proportions.
His sex appeal is daunting,
Glistening muscles etch their way
Into my hungary eyes,
Marking them brandished 
As his property
Not to be touched by another
But rather to feast only upon him,
Whilst he devours and ravishes another lover
That is not me.

Now I see the tarnish,
The truth hidden deep within,
And I can finally begin
To challenge his worth
As only a fool's value
Too easily tricked by
Mortal senses
Too eager too dispense
Logic of weight
Until much too late
For I've paid my price,
And I've lost but now,
More wisely I bare
My cross

He's like the penny that dropped
In an otherwise
Too familiar, nonsensical world
Where his internal beauty
Juxtaposes with
Bleaker days
And I suddenly realise
The barely budded love
Manufactured from years
Of respect
Tears dried with the
Sweet breath of his
Ever calming words.
Now I'm rich
With this out-dated friendship
Rolling into romance
And joy
I hope it lasts
As I grasp this penny chance
Close to my willing heart.

She was like a ticking bomb
Waiting for a precise time
To explode,
To diffuse
Her precious and ferocious news
Into his world and beyond,
Leaving debris
In her wake
To shake his senses about and apart --

But he loved her to bits

He's like the gravity of my world --
To pull me toward
His ever open arms
And prevent me from falling back away,
To make the night sweeter
The path clearer
And to make sense
Of every new and unique day.

Could let you go,

Yet I can't let you know,

I can't just love you now,

Knowing I'll lose you then,

And I can't forget you now,

To not miss you then,

Can't say good-bye,

Then you'd never be back again.

Yet I console myself when we are together,

These memories, if nothing else, are for ever.

Digging for extras
That never existed to find,
Etching faults into my dreams
Because you can't make up your own mind,
On what you want for your future
Aside from wanting it tomorrow,
Of what you can't give up from your past
So addicted to the familiarity of endless pain and sorrow,
Work, work and more,
Rocketing in turmoil to the stars,
Such a lonely place,
When you've travelled so fast,
That you can't recognise how far,
From happiness to compulsion,
From clarity to a thick emulsion,
Of mixed emotions in dysfunctional proportions,
And plans gone astray,
From simple times of love and warmth, borne of patience,
To the cold obsession of having to be a robotic hero,
For every one else but me, today.

Realms of numbed turquoise skin, 
Tear-carved with a spectacular landscape of pain. 
A memento… to forfeit love in vain, 
Is as to gamble without hope of gain. 
For after all of these years permanently etched with effort, 
The reminders now regrettably remain, 
Of how when you've loved once so deeply, 
That kind of love shall never with another be the same. 

Weeping alike willow, 
Whilst seasonal rings mark the passing of time… 
Will never help to solve a problem created, 
By wasting something so precious and divine. 
An endless and boundless creation of suffering prevails, 
As an eternal sign, 
That what is taken for granted grants within time, 
A sorrow deeper than the centre of this sunken soul of mine. 

The world is not round --
I should know because I'm dangling from the edge, one handed
and where are you?
You're too busy claiming its sphericity
Basking eagerly in your prosperity through my pain
Never questioning the authenticity
Of your desires and deeds
Your numerous wanton needs
Now apparently the gain always justifies the loss
Your love always the cost
The loan too great
The interest gained at too high a rate
Complacently placed jewels fall Earthwards from a great height
and whereabouts they fall to crater is far beyond your sight
Hanging on to the pieces of the former me
I'm grasping these essences of our former love too deliciously.

Unconquerable days,
reproachful ways
A prism of colour
Emanates through your silken hair
Pollen dust floating far from the scene
Of a trial
The daisies cowering beneath
Your commanding body
You're all that I ever sought to be
With and for
If you were just someone
That you're not
In this green plastic flesh
Standing tall amongst the
White, yellow and the crystal
Prisms of your colder stare
You know I'm forever with someone else
When I close my eyes to the light.

|~|

If I could just find a place
Where a child's heart could
Be at peace
In an adult's head
Where emotions would not be dead
To protect sanity
Where vanity would not exist
Tolerance reigned
And finances were not the key to gain
Where I wouldn't have to fight
On a daily basis
To prove my worth
Through birth of
Knowledge, ideas
Through intellect
That's bored beyond my years
Frightened with fears
Of daring to be different
Unique
Straining to speak
Over and above the interference abound
Of the real joy, the joy of love.

--

I'm still grieving for you
I still feel you
When I close my eyes and inhale deeply
I still sense you, smell you
I'm still filled by you
I still can't be filled by too much of your being

Why this long? 
Why this much?
Surely this is the truest love?
Or but a dream
An unrealistic fantasy
Of the greatest type
Built by lonely years
Founded by long nurtured fears

I just wish for this one dance,
Floating in my dream land bliss
Longing for your lips to meet my kiss
Stretched towards an eternal ponder
Abounding forever in wonder
Over the unreal you
How perfect you were
How perfect we were
That we disbelief encountered
For a dream is easily fragmented
Though set to be maintained in pieces
Remembered for all its
Abstract qualities and lustre
It's passion, its daring, its pure love
Where motivations are absent
Blind, deaf, only the vaguest sense
But oh so strong
I've been without you for far too long

--

Where are you now?
What are you thinking and feeling at this universal hour?
Did you know that you're my only and always?
Can't explain the other people days
Save to say a vague filler
The previews before the movie
The entree before the feast
The memories that are least
Remembered upon having you back
From the black hole that ripped us apart and then
Insidiously voided my heart.

--

Swirling sky your thoughts so bland
Fall but for my captured hand
And when a sigh
Floats to meet a knowing eye
And reveal itself for its trusting worth
That alone on all of this Earth
Through being one and being done
A completeness, the sweetest fruit of love,
Producing the strongest seeds
Commitment sown for our future
A love enough for any challenge
Not tainted by their disapproving words or ways
For this joy is but our own
And our own love gave birth again today.

|~|

Days do months
Months steal years
With the stifled protest
Of misled vanity
As trophies turn to trash
Immortalised dreams
Only stimulate cynical laughter
Mocking splendour fantasies
Of the enigma of youth
When we were going to
Do it all 
Be it all
Capture the stars
And throw our fortunes
Wildly, madly
At the dizzy heights of fame
But adult poverty does reality
Stakes its claim
Captures hope
Even with the head start
Of still youthful optimism
But now my finishing line
Is too far ahead
To stay on-course 
With your romanticism
Lust denied our truth
Now I must deny lust.

Rollercoaster ride --
The thrilling chasms,
Drilling their twists & turns
Within my soul
Of fire;
My burning desire
For your full devotion.

Can you sail the oceans
Of my salt-saturated fears?
These depths in which I've drowned, &
Sank beyond dark despair
For too many long years.

Can you turn my world around
So that I'm not hanging on
To the edge by a fractured fingertip of hope?
These severe angles of lost light
Revealing the lost time that I've denied.

Can you calm the tsunamis 
Of my most overwhelming pain?
These needs most met
If you were to tame a sane shade of grey
Bringing about a torrid end
To the black & white days.

Can you deliver to me
The peace of a baby's sleep
Beneath her mother's powdery breast so sweet
Where nothing else but love matters
Such security & warmth;
I long for that kind of rest.

More than the stone cast past
The fossilised promises
The hope still etched deep in my hollowed memory space
I need for you to change my hour
Now & forever more
Discover my needy land of you
Come dock your war-torn, dream-laden ship
At my much anticipated shore

|~|

At night I sing you passionately
Into my soul's concerto of agitation;
I am a prodigal genius --
This bitterness requires no toil.

You captured my life
When I was studying the truths of the real world
Barely beyond my school uniform
But you watered my scars so religiously
That the flood of promises grew my love for you with time.

Soon I graduated with the letters Ph.D.
Before my name and thereby staked my claim
On a shallow kind of wonderful.
We sipped to toasts of one another's ego-filled void
And I was ravished by your mind's powerful erection.

She said that you hung my roses up to dry,
And they remained at your door until you moved on;
By this time they had gathered a film of suffocating dust
And the petals had begun to weep
As the door was thrust closed behind many a tortured lover beyond me.

Today I heard the echoes of whispers
Decorating the corridors -
(Where we'd kissed until the minutes disappeared)- 
With swirls of crescendo and diminuendo news
Dependent on my grid-laced position in life.

All the while the seeds of my regret
Sailed far on a wisdom-filled sigh
Breathed across miles and faces
To soil the ground and implant
Discordant chimes of warning.

Never heeded;
Foolishly ignored by the brashness of new lust.
You still have
Too many gravestones
To lace with your rose-scented deceit.

"What about MY quality of life?"
Rears its ugly head again
Gnashing teeth at them
Sheering the rock of stability
From its rendered and now petrified gold band
(So Dennis's love is not invincible
Now that they know one another better).
That afternoon they beheaded the Queen
(Any every other misplaced icon of Australian wealth)
As they anticipated halved assets.
She could only ponder
Why happiness was the commodity
That cost the most;
You could only be permitted to seek it
In their circles
When perfectly rich.
So Dennis flashed his license
At every single dinner party
Whilst she tried to hide her 'L' plates
From the poverty police
They unanimously frowned down
Upon how her grass is always greener
Only when it rains.
So Dennis bought a hectare
Of this year's most finest crop:
"Splendid, old chap!"
It withered at some time
(She couldn't really hazard a guess quite when)
Under the heat of his laborious frustration;
His excess mechanical dissatisfaction
Boasted prized pearls to the sun
(Didn't she know it was couture, cognoscente, accomplished
To always want more?).
At the end of the day
The beads of sweat
Finally fell like acid rain
Down his corrugated brow
Into his Guinness, keeping time all the while
As he pursued the ageing to the second
While she slurped that Scotch recklessly, passionately,
Should it suddenly dry up like their love.
Nothing like the Drop from the Old Country, 
He sighed. Where the grass was purple for all he cared.
The nail in the coffin
Because after all, and of course,
She did this to him.

Inspiration: I am loathe to reveal too much about this poem... every line has a cryptic meaning for me personally but Similarly I have tried not to reveal too much about the implicated characters... just a snap shot of who they are. They've been knocking at my brain for sometime now!

The drowner
Clambered at
The faults of sentimentality:
Daisy was now but an enigma;
A sketchy outline
Of a somehow different past
(He just couldn't grasp --
But he'd tried some
Hot wax coating
Some Gaussian blur
A little neon glow
Ever so gently around the edges,
Experimented until he'd found the effect
That appealed best
To his forlorn artist's soul...
It was very nice, even if it were unreal.)

In anoxic dreams
He'd grasped desperately upon
Her long dark lashes
Flashing their delights --
The shutters to her radiant soul
Lit up like a beaker
Just for his laborious exploration.
Neurons fired their last shots
(The call of duty prevailed)
At his ill-fated memory
And still he swore, even upon his last breath
That Daisy was his destiny.

 
At six pm
Flesh abides
Inside his dreams
Where life's seams
Suddenly seem to come apart
To reveal the soul
Of his weary heart
A long departure 
From the mask
Of the last puppeteer of love.
"If only he could tell thee
Of thy love foreseen"
He gestures to the crowd
Their mouths agape with woe
With empathy etched almost enviously
For a lost boy they've come to know --
Talent he displays piously
Rest he does not ever see
Until the part has played mournfully out
It's final slow count of misery.

At 9pm the gipsy fire
Torments his dancing soul
Beckoning the other circus folk
To collect his wanton toll;
They're now inebriated
"With the sweetest wine 
Of thine"
All smiles and laughs
Appliqued with the tears
To follow his fears through final dark.

They tried to retrace his steps
The puppeteer of love
None could be found
But ball and chain, and broken link
Lying devastated on the ground.

Packing his sackful belongings
He surveyed his frightful remains
The latest production
A slave for the making
An unwritten Shakespearean stage travesty for the taking
He'd finally sought his latest muse
Now it's in the breaking news --
His gain perfect theatre logic acclaim:
Though he's somewhat sorry for their loss.
The dawn does slowly accost
The day betrays the pregnant night stay,             
The silver moon in its lonesome carriage, 
Whilst justice takes death to tiresome marriage.
All that remains of truth to find
Is the revelation of inertia's child.