| Title: Of Past and Present Author: Kitsune Spirit Warnings: ANGST, sap, alcohol, homophobia, child abuse, violence, shounen ai. Romance. Translations at bottom. R Part 14. ~Drunken Confessions and an early life of pain and sadness~ During lunch that day, as they fed each other and got drunk on the sake, Kala-nesh had also brought earlier, the conversation turned to Zesian. "Zes..." Kala-nesh whispered. "Mmmmm?" Zesian smiled, drinking back his sake, giggling at the nickname. "You're drunk," Kala-nesh all but giggled back. Sticking his tongue out, Zesian crawled closer. "Am not" he slurred into Kala-nesh's arms, picking up and playing with the amber hair that flowed around him. "Are so," the other giggled, tickling the smaller body in his arms and watching him squirm. "Mmmmmm...ok, but if I am, so are you" Zesian said, pouring another glass of sake, offering it to the other before snatching it and drinking it himself. "Tease," the other accused, smiling as Zesian squirmed around to look at him, pouting. "Am not." And so the banter continued for a few more moments until they were out of sake. "Oopsies," Zesian giggled, tipping the bottle upside down, sticking his tongue out to catch any remaining drops of it. Kala-nesh raised his eyebrow. "Oopsies, ne? Remind me to never let you drink again," he giggled as the other tried to hit him, but lost his balance only to be caught before his nose hit the floor. He turned over, lying in Kala-nesh's lap staring up at him. "You're pretty," he smiled, a hand trying to trace the contours of the other's face, almost poking him. "Oops...." He was stopped as a hand covered his mouth. He nibbled at it before giggling again, closing his eyes and staying there, a smile gracing his lips and a soft sigh escaping his mouth. Both sat there content and listening to the fire snapping twigs under the heated pressure. "Zesian," Kala-nesh called, whilst playing with Zesian's hair. "I'm not drunk," the other giggled. As hair was traced over his features, he opened his eyes, giggling at Kala-nesh's frown. "Mmmmm...what is it?" he asked, twirling a lock of silky amber hair around his fingers. "Zes..." Looking up again, Zesian noticed Kala-nesh was frowning, like he wanted to ask something but was afraid to. "What is it?" he asked, grasping a hand a squeezing it, wrapping the arms around himself. "I...I was wondering...w...why you became a merc?" the last part was rushed out. "Nani? Huh oh..." was all Zesian said. Tapping his forehead softly, Kala-nesh whined. "Well?" "It's simple really," Zesian answered, playing with hair once again. "Zesian!" Kala-nesh said louder, getting slightly frustrated. "Ok...Ok". Zesian said before giggling again, trying to sit up until he was pulled up by Kala-nesh, settled in his arms, and hugged from behind again. "Otousan, well my 'real' otousan, was a drunkard, my okaasan was afraid of him, she was to scared to stop him from doing anything to us". Kala-neshs breath caught, he worried about what Zesian was going to say. /please don't let him have abused them, please/ his heart and mind cried in distress. "It was nothing severe at first you know, if my brother or I did something wrong we were clipped around the ear, was to be expected, but when he lost his job he started to drink. He called mother names. He liked to call her a gaishou, that she was beneath him and that he wished he'd drowned us at birth. He didn't start hitting us until he found my older brother in the barn with his best friend; father found homosexuality repulsive, he blamed that on mother as well. That night he beat by brother and forbid him from seeing Lo-ki again. My brother couldn't deal with his wishes and kept seeing Lo-ki secretly, one night after about 8 months father found out again. He pulled Zanan out of bed, hitting mother and me as we tried to stop him. That night he beat him so badly he couldn't walk, crippled he couldn't defend himself or me as he'd always tried". A tear fell down Zesians face as he told the story, quickly whipping it away. Kala-neshs heart filling with anger at the way Zesian and his family had been treated. He continued to hold onto him tightly as he continued, letting him know he was there. It got worse after Zanan was crippled. Father couldn't make him scream anymore so he went after mother. I was only 9 at the time I was terrified. After one harsh beating on mother he came out of the room blood on his face. The next day when I woke up mother was in my room, she kissed me and gave me money to hide for my brother and myself and then she left. I begged for her to stay and take us with her but she said Zanan was too weak to move, so we stayed there. When father found out he beat Zanan unconscious and then took his whip to me. Zesian unconsciously traced the scar through his clothing as he spoke one hand clutching onto Kala-neshs. /so that's where he got it/ Kala-nesh thought, bringing his free hand to trace it with Zesians. "As you might have guessed that was how I got the scar, it bled for days and made father more angry. He never touched our faces however and we were to scared to tell anyone, he said a disease had taken Zanan, that had crippled him but I knew the truth. Each day I prayed that mother would come back, it was that hope that kept me alive, and the fact that I had to be there for Zanan. Lo-ki visited us one evening with his father, he had told his father of the abuse but we were both to scared to say anything, Zanan lied, he was scared for us and they left. Father became angrier, beating us both unconsciouses. He started going out, bringing friends and whores back. They drunk played poker and had sex, my brother became ill and when I was 13 he died. He was only 20. Father didn't care, said it was one less mouth to feed. He became worse, got into debt with his poker games. He sold furniture and family items, he found the money mother had given me I wouldn't let him have it saying he was the devil, and that he killed Zanan and made mother leave. He laughed saying he was better off without them and went out to drink. He came back with six men I hadn't seen before. I was 15 by then, my father didn't know but Lo-ki had become my friend, he was planning an escape for me, teaching me to read and write and how to fight so I could leave the old man. The night I left well ran away was when father had those strange men at the house. He had cheated in poker and they had beaten him, they were ransacking the house for money when I returned home from Lo-ki's. They looked at me and got all these disgusting looks over their face. I was scared, I knew they would hurt me if they could. I ran out of the house before they could catch me and ran back to Lo-ki's. He gave me food and what money he could and then his father got me a boat. I rowed and came to a small place. First night there I was robbed. He chuckled slightly at the incident, squeezing his hand on Kala-neshs. "I was a fighter but only 15 I was no match for thugs with knives, if it wasn't for the thick coat I had been wearing I would have received more scars". Kala-neshs eyes closed over a faint white scar he hadn't noticed before. It ran up the inside of Zesians arm. "I was on the streets for about a month before the man I called my father took me in. I had turned 16 the week before; I had flu and was very sick with fever. Saitou was the man who had found me in the streets. He took me to his home and helped me get better". Zesian smiled at the memory, closing his eyes as he continued, as if remembering. After almost a month I was better, I had nowhere to go and he let me stay. I worked with him in a store and he taught me more martial arts, with a friend of his Kodasai. They were both very nice people and I began to look on Saitou as a father. He was the nicest person I'd ever met and he loved me like his son. He and Kodasai took me out for dinner on my birthday, we had a lot of fun, but on the way home we were ambushed. Kodasai didn't want to give the thieves money, they stabbed him, in anger Saitou ran at them, he was cut down and they ran off. I was left in the streets hugging both of them, blood around me. Kodasai had died when the knife had hit him, Saitou died in my arms". Tears flowed down Zesians cheeks as he remembered the scene vividly. Kala-nesh felt helpless not knowing what to do but pulled him closer to his body. "I found out that in their wills all their godly items had been left to each other, but because they had died everything came to me. I couldn't go near the store without crying. I sold it along with some other stuff. Depression hit me hard and I got into the wrong crowd, most of my money went quickly on my so-called friends. If I didn't give it to them they would go and steal for it, I didn't want someone else to be fatherless, or lose a son, or daughter so I let them have their addiction. I saved some money though. I was introduced to a group of merchants; it's how I met Hawiga. I think he employed me first because of how I looked. He was a pervert and at 17 he liked me a lot. He sent me on jobs to receive goods, paid well but I hated being near him, he would touch me or get close to me, he'd look at me like I was nothing more than meat to a starving dog. I felt ill every time he contacted me himself. He had told me to get a katana for protection, and I scavenged bars and places for men to work with me, I didn't trust them but they were capable, if not crazy. I was thinking of leaving when I last met him, before the incident at the temple, and well... you know the rest". He became quiet as he let everything sink in for Kala-nesh, letting him analyze it all. "Do you hate me now?" the braking voice came, filled with sad emotion. Pulling Zesian up Kala-nesh turned him around planting a kiss on his forehead. "Of course I don't" Kala-nesh said hugging him. "You truly are more brave and innocent than I had thought", bending down he whispered "you are mine and I will not let anyone hurt you again". This time he sealed the promise with a kiss, it was barely there, a fleeting touch but it promised love and devotion. Zesian smiled, now sobered by the tale. "Kala-nesh" he asked. "Hmmm?" came the whispered reply. "Can we get some more sake?" Kala-nesh raised an arched brow at him before smiling. "Hai, whenever you wish koi". Zesian smiled and hugged Kala-nesh tightly. "I love you", he whispered, and they sat their as the wind howled, and the rain poured but inside they were more content than ever in their lives. ~TRANSLATIONS~ nani: what? otousan: father okaasan: mother gaishou: whore sake: type of alcoholic drink i think ^_^ koi: love, lover |