Madman

This came to me whilst suffering a block from my other fic. But I�ll be doing a POV for Crawford for this soon.

~Can a madman have feelings?~

*Schu bashing, he�s a complete bastard here. Swearing, references to sexual abuse, and likely OOC*

POV of Farferello

I sit at the kitchen table, legs crossed and digging a knife into the table. It�s expected of me. Play the fool like usual. But at least my choice of seating allows me to watch our cold leader through a convenient eye. He sits reading his paper, turning the pages and sipping his coffee before he growls at me.

�Do not do that, I am not replacing another perfectly good table�.

And like a good boy, after a moment I stop. I hear Schuldig�s snicker before I see him. He smirks at me before getting himself some coffee.

/Whipped/

I glare at him but knows it�s true. Crawford could ask me to kill myself and I�d ask how. I don�t know how I began to fall in love�. Yes that�s what it is. I do love him, and Schuldig knows. He came into my cell one night when Crawford was at a meeting, untied me and forced me to my knees.

�Suck�. He ordered. I blinked at him stupidly before I caught on and began to rise. �Fuck you�. I growled but he forced me back.

�Unless you want him to know Farfie.... Suck�.

I peered at him, wondering if he knew.

/I know liebe, I know all your dirty thoughts containing Crawford/
He grinned at me and dropped his trousers, pressing me forwards. And like a slut, I took him in, bringing him off slowly, my lack of experience showing.

�Good boy�you�ll be an excellent cock sucker soon�.

He patted my head and left before I crawled untied onto my bed, being sick wasn�t the worst of it. I sometimes wonder why�. I thought he would have had more pleasure telling him, but who needs to go out and find someone to play with when he has his own cock sucker at home. It continued like his. Whenever he was needy and Crawford wasn�t there he�d get me to suck him. I was surprised he wasn�t afraid I�d bite it off and one night he told me.

�If you tried to bite me Farfie, I�d know before you did, and good old Bradley would know your secret wouldn't he?".

I couldn�t help but nod as I closed my single eye to him and began to suck. Sometimes I could imagine it wasn�t him I was doing it to�. But to Crawford. Though the bitch always picked it up and started to call me names.

�My little bitch aren�t you Farfie�. Such a fucking tease�. My good little whore�.

Then after he�d pull me up and stare me in the eye.

�Would precious Crawfy ever call you that Farf? Do you think he�d actually want you? A dirty little whore like you�. Sucking off his�. Friend for the better words as you can�t have him?�

�That�s not true�. I growled at him, I only did it so he�d keep it secret. I use to hate all the little times he�d catch my eye or grin, telling me he�d come to see me later.

�Yes, but Farfie, who is he most likely to believe? Me�. Or some fucking nutter?� Then he hit me.

I wasn�t expecting the hit and knew better than to retaliate. He snickered as he left my room.

/Pathetic/

And I knew I was.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It went on for a few months. I dreaded being near him. Why you ask? How?.... How can a nutter like me hate being near him? Try having him choke you on his cock, saying nasty things, and being a royal asshole to you and then you may see.

Even Nagi noticed. How I jumped near him, tried to stay as far as I could. I knew this behavior was odd for even me, and I tried desperately to contain it. I couldn�t let anyone know, and had to play Schu�s sick twisted games. He loved it.

I refused on the odd occasion. But he always yelled out for Crawford, if quietly to show what he meant, or threaten to call him when I was doing it so Crawford could see what a good little bitch I was. Schu said he was preparing me to be good if anything ever did happen. I wished that Crawford wouldn�t be like him, if ever that were true. Could I face it? Could I deny him if he was? I didn�t know. But I felt if he didn�t know I�d never find out. It made me both sad and happy.

I bet you�re asking. Why the fuck should anyone care? Or how can you love when it�s a good emotion, given by god to make his humans happen.

Simple.

If I take that emotion, and I have it, then what better way to hurt god, having this emotion, most killers don�t. Or even have it and use it against him. A killer using an innocent emotion. But that wasn�t my aim. I tried to deny it but couldn�t. Every time I saw him�. It just hurt.

One mission I came home caked in blood. Not my choosing this time. Abysinian had gone off on one from Schu�s teasing and had decided to cut me up. I didn�t feel it. I didn�t care until Schuldig draped himself over Crawford to belittle me. And Crawford? He just sneered at him. Told me to not ruin his car seats. I guess I shouldn�t have expected anyone to care. When we got back I went to my room, stripped my now stained jacket off before walking to the bathroom. I could hear the yells from Nagi where I�d dripped the blood from the wound across the hall floor before I closed the door. I stripped fully before sinking into a hot shower. My head against the wall before I felt something wet cross my cheek, and it wasn�t the shower spray.

A tear.

I blinked at it as my finger caught it, before it dropped off to join the rest of the water on me. I hadn�t cried for so long. But it wasn�t really a cry. Just a single tear. Maybe the last remembrance of something innocent or something I could have had. Turning off the spray I left, walking to my room solemnly past Nagi and into my room. Schu was already waiting, lounging on my cot.

�I see you wasn�t careful ne? Nevermind�at least your pretty little mouth is still functioning.

And so he forced me down, my mouth open and then pushed himself in. I scrunched my eye tightly in disgust and opened it sharply at a gasp. I turned to see Nagi in the doorway, bandages in hand. I guessed someone cared after all, even just a little. I tried to pull up only to have Schu grasp my hair tightly and push me back, making me gag and I watched Nagi run off, his door slam shut. He soon came with a moan and left with an evil grin.

�Maybe you can do the same favor to keep him quite nein?�

I sat, glaring daggers at him, but knew it�d be odd if I suddenly stabbed him and ripped his useless cold heart out of his warm body and shoved it up his ass. So I rolled onto my bed, turning away from him. He left with a chuckle and slammed the door closed, locking it. Maybe I didn�t want to leave anyway. Facing everyone had become a chore.

~~~~~~~~~~

I didn�t wake till I felt a small hand shaking me softly, before turning over and smacking them I looked and shut my eye again. It was Nagi.

�What is it?� I growled out. He stayed there not even flinching before moving to seat on the other side.

�Farfie, you�ve been asleep the whole day�it�s eight in the evening�.

I blinked, looking tiredly at the barred window; sure enough it was still dark. I nodded and rose, bringing my knees beneath me as I sat, looking away from him.

�Farfie�� He placed a hand on my arm, but I cut him off before he finished it.

�Leave it Nagi, it�s none of your business�.

He didn�t seem dishearten by this and continued.

�But Farf.. he.. he forced you, made you do it. You should tell Crawford�.

�NO!� I snapped at him, my gaze burning met his own.

�He can�t know�. And�. And he didn�t. I let him, he didn�t force me�.

�But you wasn�t enjoying it�I thought you hated Schu�. Well dislike him enough but why let him do this?�

I shook my head as his eyes pleaded at me to tell him.

�He�he knows a secret, no one else can know it�.�

Nagi�s eyes widened if that was possible.

�He, he makes you�. Do *that* so he won�t tell?�.

I nodded, it did sound stupid, but I couldn�t let him tell.

�Farf, what is it? You can trust me�.�

I shook my head. I probably could�. Who was he going to tell it to?

�I love Crawford�. I spoke his name on a bare whisper. My eye closing tightly as my head rested on my knees. I didn�t look up at his surprised intake of breath.

�Crawford�. But how? Ok that doesn�t matter how. But you should tell him, you can�t let Schu keep doing this to you�.

I nodded. I knew that, but I couldn�t tell him. Couldn�t see him laugh at me, or the disgust in his chocolate brown eyes. It had to remain a secret, though I guess I wasn�t doing such a brilliant job of that right now.

�I won�t tell him, but do something�. You have to before Schu�. Before he wants more�.

I nodded. Wondering if the kid was now a telepath. Schu had been hinting towards more the last few weeks. I shuddered in disgust. With a pat to my arm and a sympathetic smile he left. The door closing and I then heard a chuckle in my head.

/Only Crawford left to tell now Farfie/

The snicker lingered as I curled myself up again. At least in sleep I didn�t have to worry so much.

~~~~~~~~~

Weeks went on, Nagi gave me sympathetic looks. Crawford ignored me as usual, and Schu kept edging towards more. It was only last week he�d grabbed me and bent me over the bed and thrust against my cloth-covered ass. The only thing stopping him I guess was Crawford�s call of a mission. Since then it�d been ok. Schu hadn�t been alone with me, which frustrated him to no end. He couldn�t scream or even use me when they were here. Well Crawford, he didn�t give a fuck if Nagi knew what we were doing and just allowed himself to be louder and more nasty when it was just us three. Afterwards Nagi always gave me these looks, as if telling me he was sorry and to tell Crawford in the same look. I just shook my head with a slight smile as if nothing was wrong. I tried to block it out, as if I didn�t care, as if it wasn�t me it was happening to.

One night Crawford came to my cell. Well he usually came to lock me up but this was different. He peered at me as if I was tolerated and asked if I was ok. I was worried at first, thinking Schu or Nagi had told him. But if they did he wouldn�t be asking as nicely as he had been if he did, let alone wondering if I was ok.

I nodded slightly, trying to keep my gaze from him. He was just about to have a meeting with Takatori at some club and was dressed in a slate colored suit, black shirt underneath. I tell you, I wanted to drool as I got hard. Yes he got me hard with just a look or what he was wearing. Seemingly happy with this he left the room, and I sighed, not looking up as Nagi walked in. He was going with him, I didn�t know why, but I wished he wasn�t. I�d be alone with Schu tonight, I hadn�t been for a whole week and it had been nice. Him not forcing his cock down my throat and expecting me to suck like a good boy on a lolly.

�Call me if you need help, if he does anything I�ll have him shoved against the wall before you can cackle�.

I nodded with a small smile adding, �I�ll be fine�. Then he left.

They�d been gone almost two hours before Schu entered my room.

~~~~~~~~~

�Farfie�how are you�. He grinned at me even as he got undressed. This time I noted fully.

�Not talking I see? Well I have something extra special for you tonight�.

He grinned at me and I swallowed a somewhat scared breath that had been stuck in my throat.

�Tonight�. You�re gonna get fucked�won�t that be nice?� He said it as calmly as if he�d just said we were getting ice cream.

I stood on unsteady feet and tried to move to the door, but he wouldn�t let me pass. Being both the stronger and taller he managed to get me onto the bed face down and I felt the blood from the scratch I made on his face during the struggle, drip down and he hit me hard in the face as he began to shred my clothes.

�I was going to be gentle but now you�ll take it like a good little slut. Hard and rough�.

I heard myself whimper pathetically as I felt his hand on my bottom, nails digging into the tender skin. I closed my eye tightly, gripping the sheets. Ready for what he was to do. I knew this was coming, I expected it. Just not so soon.

�You�ll enjoy it, not as if you can feel me when I rip you apa.... Eyaghhhhhhh�.

His sentence was broken by his scream and I felt a whoosh of air pass me and then arms slide around me pulling me close. I looked up to see Crawford staring down at me, turning slightly I caught Schu pressed against a wall, Nagi currently kneeing him in the crotch.

�You sick little bastard�.

I blinked. I hadn�t heard Nagi use such words before. He used his power to keep him pressed against the wall as Crawford wrapped a sheet around me and pulled me gently out of the room. Nagi soon followed and then I heard Schuldig screaming as he was imprisoned in my room. I was taken to Crawford�s room and set down gently. Arms staying round me, which I thought odd. Nagi came in after a moment and sat next to me, hugging me quickly before he left. I blinked confused as Schu�s screaming continued, this time in my mind. I flinched, hands grabbing my head as I groaned. I felt another hand against mine, soothing my hair and face.

�Fight him�. He whispered.

Nodding I tried, and soon the screaming stopped, but I realized soon Nagi had knocked him out instead as he yelled out for Schu to go shove it.

I tried to pull away from Crawford but his arms just tightened. I felt my heart beat a little faster.

�Let me up�. I growled softly but the arms refused to budge.

�Why didn�t you tell me?� He whispered. His free hand still stroking across my hair soothingly.

I blinked and tried to move again. �It wasn�t important, I could deal with it�. I lied badly.

�Not that Farfie��. He stroked my cheek and positioned me to see him. After a moment he continued. �Nagi told me everything�.

�Oh�� I gulped, adverting my gaze again, I could feel sickness take over at what was coming.

�I�m sorry you felt that you had to let him do that, for me to not find out, I wish you�d told me�.

�So you could laugh?� I choked. He shook his head and pulled me against his chest.

�I feel the same Farfie�. I won�t let him hurt you again�.

�I looked at him sharply and found no malice in his eyes, only gentleness, which for Crawford is somewhat an achievement.

�Don�t tease�.�. I tried to pry his hands off of me and escape his grip.

�I don�t do teasing Farfie�you should know me by now�. He turned my face again and my breath stopped as he lowered his face to mine. My eye widened and he kissed me. I pulled away to see if he was joking and the instance his eyes met mine I knew.

�Crawford��. My eye watered and he gently pulled me closer. �I love you Farfie, I didn�t think you could feel the same way��.

Shaking my head I buried closer. I didn�t know how he would act after knowing all I�d done for Schu, but if he could see before and be ok then I was glad. I didn�t know how Nagi or Crawford arrived in time but I was glad.

And after that Crawford didn�t ignore me anymore. He never hurt me either. And hurting god just seemed to slip in second priority. I thought I still hurt god anyway. It doesn�t matter which priority it came in.

And Schu? Well he got to feel what it was to be treated like the insane one. I think he�s chained up now. He gets let out for missions, and kept an eye on by Nagi, pressed against a wall and beaten if he tries anything. Would you believe he even stopped smoking. I think I might go see him now, my knives are fresh and sharpened.

I have what I wanted and Schu�. He got what he deserved.

~Owari~