The Secret Life of Alison Preston

It all began very innocently. Alison e-mailed Shawn as a joke. She could never have imagined what would result from this.

Alison didnt know Shawn. Her friend Sarah had met him on the Internet and they exchanges e-mails from time to time. Sarah was in on the joke. Alison got Shawn's e-mail address and wrote this letter:

Shawn,

It has come to my attention that you are in contact with a certain Sarah Ratey. I advise you to cut connections with her as soon as possible as she can be very dangerous. She has been diagnosed with multiple personality disorder, depression, and pathological lying. She usually doesn't stalk people she meets on the Internet but you should be careful. If you have any idea of her whereabouts could you please send me the details at [email protected]

Thankyou,

Alison Preston

Department of National Security

She didn't get the response from Shawn that she wanted. Instead he forwarded the message to Sarah asking, "is this a joke?" Of course, Sarah wrote back saying she didn't know who Alison was. Alison decided to send another message that simply read:

Do not mock me. I can read everything you write. I am not a joke. If you continue to communicate with Sarah Ratey, I will be forced to begin a formal investigation to be sure you are not aiding her in any way.

Alison Preston

This time Shawn did reply. He asked her, "are you some kind of specialist or something?" She wrote back saying, "Yes. I am an eviltologist. I specialize in the field of evilitry." From this point on, the joke was over, but Alison and Shawn e-mailed each other quite regularly. All their messages would have something to do with evil. Eventually the e-mails evolved into a conspiracy. Alison wrote about her plans to take over the world. She wrote about armies of evil taco bell dogs and how she would weaken people's minds by forcing them to watch Heart Break High 24/7.

One day Shawn wrote, "If you are going to take over the world, please get rid of the queen. She is coming to Australia in June." Alison e-mailed him saying that her plans were all set up and she would take care of the Queen.

She waited for Shawn's reply but it never came. About two weeks later, there was a knock at the door. Alison opened it to find a man in a long black trench coat. He introduced himself as Detective Jarvis. He had a strong British accent. The Detective questioned her about her e-mails. He said that there had been a few attempted assassinations against the Queen and all e-mails containing the word Queen was red flagged and read by the British Secret Service. Since her e-mails had directly stated that she intended to kill the Queen, she was the top suspect. She tried to explain that she was only joking around but the Detective didn't find it funny. Before he left, he told her that he'd be keeping an eye on her.

The next day, Alison found a videotape on her porch. Puzzled, she brought it inside to see what it was. She began to watch the tape and soon realized that it was video of the Queen. Shocked, she wondered where it came from. Alison called her brother, Ryan, and told him what all had happened. He said that she should stay at his apartment just to be safe. Ryan had been in trouble before for hacking and he knew the lengths that secret agents would go to in order to get evidence. Alison brought the tape with her and Ryan hid it in a secret compartment behind the back wall of a cupboard where he used to hide illegal disks that he made.

A few days later, while Ryan was at work, Detective Jarvis, another man in a black trench coat, and a woman, came to the apartment. They had a search warrant with them. Alison let them in and they began searching though the entire apartment, pulling things out of drawers and throwing everything around. Alison was angry at the way they were treating her brother's things but didn't want to say anything. The woman picked up a CD case off a table and threw it into the kitchen.

"It's a bug," the woman said laughing, "I should know, I designed that brand." Alison was surprised because she didn't even know it was a bug or even that there were different brands of bugs. But she wasn't surprised that Ryan would have secret bugs around his apartment with his past.

"What's this?"

Alison turned around and saw that the detective had found the tape. He put it in the VCR and began to watch it. Alison didn't know what to do. She was in way over her head. The Detective began asking her questions. Why did she have the tape of the Queen? Why was it hidden? Why was the apartment bugged? She tried to explain but couldn't make him understand. He read her her rights and hand cuffed her. Alison begged him to believe her. She tried again to explain the joke. She had nothing against the Queen and never tried to hurt her.

"I think she's had enough," said the woman. The Detective only smiled. "Come on Shawn," she said, "tell her."

"Shawn?" Alison asked, "Shawn from the Internet?"

"What's the matter," Shawn said, his British accent replaced by Australian, "Can't you take a joke?"