Once upon a time, back in the days of my youth, when I was both immature but was short enough that it wasn't held against me, in this nation, on normal TV was shown a sport called boxing. Also known to those practitioners of the sport as the sweet science. By the time I had reached my intellectual peak (somewhere around the age of 5, and then began its decline around the age of 12. (time can do terrible terrible things to a person) We had title fights on normal television. As I grew older the big heavy weight fights became more and more a product of HBO and the other 'Premium' cable channels (showtime).
This was back in the day when the corruption wasn't so bad as to have people guessing who the champ was (sure their might have been 11,235 weight divisions, at my earliest recollection but you know who was the top dog of each) since that time it seems we have ballooned into approximately 237,519 weight divisions with 3 'major' titles. They are called major titles because they are more then just regionally held titles, meaning they must be recognized by at least 3 different counties plus a farmer.
I suppose most people out there really dont care about anyone even associated with the sport, not that they are less inclined to watch 2 people wailing on each other, but most refuse to pay Caesar to watch the gladiators in combat. 1. Because their might be a weight division between 92 lbs 6 ounces and 92 lbs and 9 ounces, but once you achieve 'heavy weightness' (220 lb or 100 kg if you are of the metric persuasion (and you if you are metric repent repent you weren't born that way pagan!) there is simply one division. So light heavyweights like Mike Tyson (212 in his prime) and evander holyfield (222) most charge into battle with the super behemoths like Lennox Lewis (245 lbs 6'4') and Vladimir and his brother whose name eludes Kliticko (6'5 and 6'6 and around 255) Not only is styles so different it means the shorter man most run in and gun to score the 'money' shot off his opponents chin to be declared the winner of the best ghey porn scene if they want any chance at all.)
More apathy I suppose has been created in my childhood when a vicious youth by the name of Mike Tyson ate the children of his opponents after hitting them so hard you would think it was the night before in mikes hotel room with a beauty pageant contestant. Making a mockery of his competition up until mike lost all desire fight and beaten by James 'Buster' Douglas.
Since that point in time any number of posers have held the title making people believe anyone and I mean anyone could claim the crown of what once was the most savage of sports. All of them lacking charisma, with the exception of George Foremans return to the ring at 40 to recapture the title. The stagnant waters that is the heavy weight division continues and gives old George the idea of returning once more at 50! Larry Holmes even came out of retirement to give a beating to butterbean.
What has caused this massive lack of talent to move into the heavyweight pools. First the emergence of the NFL from a weird flukey game of the 70s to become the game of prominence in this country, so now if you large and strong you play a game where your knees and beef jerky are thrown the dogs on a weekly basis.
The walking shells of men that now are former heavyweight fighters, who now speak as if they have ridden the short bus or are doing a 'TIMMAY' impersonation. Ali, Frazier, and even Holyfield who still wants to fight all suffer from this, the lack of talent in the division is soo bad the aged stay past their primes for big paydays, luckily mike talked like a chipmunk even before he became a fighter so we can only hope he gains a little bass to his voice by the time he is bounced from all cards, sadly that will not be for several more years even though at this point he is irrelevant, but his name still sells tickets.
And now the only heavyweight even has any claim to completely not sucking on the verge of retirement, (Lennox Lewis, the heavyweight not the air conditioner salesman, or the mother of all O/S's damn it) Leaving the belts up for grabs so more people like Juan Ruiz can grab one and lose them to the likes of Roy Jones Jr (the best middle weight EVER). A heavyweight losing to a middle weight, and a middleweight who is past his prime! If it was younger Roy Jones it would have resulted in a knockout as opposed to the 10 round unanimous beating that Jr gave Ruiz. People who were actually at the fight described it as an intimate evening at Ike and Tina's the early years. You guess which was which.
So a once impressive national sport has fallen in ruins, and suffers scandal after scandal, with heavyweights left bankrupt after making corrupt promoters millions.
Now for answers how do we fix the problem, I'm not just here breaking the news for ya, I'm making it.
1. Monkeys, to regain the publics trust all fights will now use trained monkeys as the refs, and all fighters are going to be rubbed with banana smelling oils prior to fights, this added element of surprise and impartial refing will help restore some respectability to the sport.
2. Don King must now use words like 'dope' 'fshizzle my izzle' and allow a migrating pack of geese live in his hair, with sexy results.
3. Midgets, these guys make anything better, take the man show or Jerry Seinfeld for instance.
4. Bobbie traps inside the ring
5. Screw taking away pts from hitting low, introduce the one cool thing soccer has, penalty shots. This is 1 blow from your opponent unobstructed, this well help move cheap shot artists like Franz Botha out of the sport.
6. Cows will work the scorecards, and think its hilarious to squirt fighters with milk in the back of the head when they aren't looking.
I'm confident that these simple, yet practical changes will help put the sport back on the road to public interest again. Hell it cant hurt it any.
MMJ says, 'Boxing is simply peoples ability to be inhuman to man.'
MSBNGJ says, 'Are you sure this just isn't a ghey sport? They do an awful lot of hugging(clenching)'
MAJ says, 'I hate that guy, I so killed him!'
RJ says, 'I hear he died of Aids, good work MAJ.'
MSBNGJ says, 'I havent seen this kind of crap acting since the swamp thing'
RJ says, 'Damn I wish she would beat me like that'
MAJ says. 'WTF wheres the titties'
PLOT :: 1
Acting :: 2 (it would be a 1, except... well ya know)
Blowed up (fx) 3
Ass Kicking 2
OVERALL 2