Often times when we sit in the office wondering deep and dark thoughts like, if I had to kill one of my co-workers, who would go unnoticed the longest before the cops started to look for the body, or if I really want lettuce or tomato on my jr bacon cheeze burger at lunch, and who are the best bad guys EVER. Indeed often deep and very important thoughts if I dont come up with answers too my head will just explode, the answers are Colin, NO, and the following.
Lets face it throughout cinema there must always be the anti-thesis of the 'good guy'. From westerns to sci-fi to fantasy, to spy flicks, to those daytime dramas on the oxygen channel I watch when I wake up far too late to make it to work, their must be a villan. But lets face it, half the time these guys are idiots, incompetant, ningcompoops whom you would imagine have WAY too much free time, cash, and hoardes of followers to carry out their evil bidding but the character of bonzai plants, some villans these days you wouldnt even recognize as villans by their appearance, actions, or dialogue, and without the goattee/being a white male/horns/scales you would assume might even be the hero given the number of lines they have wasted this far into the film.
Now then a great number of quality bad guys can be cast aside under the stupid rule, this would be the guy who is there cackling manically, his doomsday device primed and ready to go in the background, carefully, in extrodinary detail, and with the brevity of compressing their lifes work into so a minute and fifteen seconds complete with weak pts, and amazingly simple loopsholes they hadnt been able to work out due to lack of time, because some evil boss of evil bosses demanded they go live, the conversation might go something like this.
Evil scientist finally builds prototype weapon that burns cellulite in seconds useing alpha particles highly compressed through a ballasitic missle sized firing device, that has very odd reactions to the effect when the doomsday device itself is exposed to say tinfoil.
With this evil
Igor jr accidently walks through a super cheesy blue beam between doomsday device and a large target on the wall, hes licking away at a chocolate ice cream cone, and carrying what appears to be a rubber brain inside a pickle jar full of a translucent blue liquid. After entering the beam the hideously fake hump on his back begins to turn back into liquid jellow from wence it had been made while Igor Jr screams : Master
Evil Scientist looks on with interest every few seconds writing down something on a notepad with a pink crayon.
Igor Jr at this point begins to spontaneously combust, a really cheezy overlay of flame is set on top of the film of Igor Jr who begins to flail madly but remains standing in the 'beam' of blue light.
Evil Scientist turns toward the camera so you can catch that crazy gleam in his eye : Bwahahahahahhahahahah it works, I have turned my number 2 man Igor junior into a ball of flame, I always told him all those ice cream cones would be his death.
At this time the scientist turns to the smoldering pile of blue ash that is the rapidly disappearing Igor Jr inside a burst of flame and says "Sweet dreams Jr."
At this point the Evil Scientist puts down his clipboard and notepad, and mutters to himself I definately should have hired a new assisant before making such a mess', walks slowly over to the doomsday device and presses a giant red button that says ON/OFF underneath it, grabs a broom and begins to sweep up the dust that is now Igor Jr while humming 'If I only had a brain.'
While sweeping the camera swings over to the clipboard so you can read the good doctors notes. It will be first a doodle of a naked chick holding a microscope, then under that the name Igor Jr, and below that YES (that sick monkey wants the lettuce and tomato, how diabolical!)
At this moment the oversized giant Red phone rings, the mad scientist drops now a definate greenish ash into the a waste receptical that says on the top Micro$oft Install Procedure Insert Disk 1 here.
The Doc wanders over to the giant phone picks it up and in his most annoyed I was having a mad doctor moment here and you interupted me voice says : WHAT?! pauses a few Seconds, says Oh I see, <pause> But its not ready yet, a simple sheet of Tin foil coming within 30 feet of it will cause the waves of the ray to all refract at very odd angles bouncing off the steel walls of my lab and then collected via the concavity of these HUGE glasses i wear directly into my brain, and I still have all my baby fat! <another pause> I see well without my funding Ill have to move back in with mother <pause> Yes YES it will be done by brunch next week <pause> Oh and by the way is your sister, ya know the one with prostetic leg still seeing that guy in pris.. HELLO? HELLO?
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And so forth, I know I know youve heard It all before, but damn It there have been highly developed fairly Intelligant bad guys and I procede to rate the top 10 ALL TIME!
1. Darth Vader
2. Leatherface
3. Dracula
4. Predator
5. Alien
6. Jason
7. hannibal lectur
8. Bad Ash
9. scarface
10. gollum