Scary Movie 3
Rated PG-13
I suppose when I hear the words scary movie I think wayans brothers, who did a great job with the original and a better then average job with the 2nd. If you this was also your first thought when you heard that third of possibly trifecta has been released, just remember the 3 most frightening words in cinema. God Father 3. Ok I probaly shouldnt have said that to you the uninformed viewer, and once the convulsions and the naseau die down you might continue reading this review, but then you will be a masochist, who knew eh? But I like you more already.
Now when creating a horror movie spoof you need a decent character with a great sense of comdey timing to drive the flick. For some reason the director decided this important task should fall on the frail shoulders of Anna Faris. Shes a pretty enough girl, and sure she is willing to allow herself to be portrayed as a ditzy blond and read whatever lines are stuck in front of her but she sincerly lacks the ability to carry the key role of a movie parody. Honestly when I look back at her character only one name comes to mind as being able to pull it off in a convincing way and possibly saved the otherwise cow flop that is this film, and that person would be Christina Applegate, and if shes busy Rebecca Romijn.
David Zurker the director of this filthy peice of shit should be so ashamed as to go down to his parents house and beat them with a shovel for allowing him to live to create such a craptastic film, not only did he have enough cash to waste on a worthless opening from the fading pinups of Pam Anderson and Jenny McCarthy to do an inane and simeon opening act which much like Dubyahs ability to master a tongue twister in front of a camera is a total failure to illicit horror, comedy, or even some eroticism, hell I would have far rather have watched the clip of Dubyah saying "She sells sea shells down by the sea shore" 10x fast then see these two attractive blonds half heartedly read lines in a pathetic attempt at self depricating humor and cat fight, Ive been more turned on by watching the Teletubbies (ohh that Tinky he/she/it is such a tease) but now is not the time to talk about my mental problems, I m here to get you to NOT see this film ever, in fact if the options are sending your sister off with Kobe Bryant or watching this film I strongly suggest you re-evaluate the relationship you have with your sister.
The script is loosely based on horror and non horror crossover spoof with fails much like the crossover of the one armed man from the fugitive against Kenyan (kmart) Martin. But there is a greater possiblity at least of the one armed man hitting a few open shots then Scary Movie 3 is to deliver laughs. The Parodys of Lord of the Rings, Matrix, 8 Mile, Signs and so on are not only blatantly obvious and can be seen coming from miles away but they are weak and not even likely to draw a stir from the chortle zone (you know that area that gets tickled when you see someone whacked in the nutz with a football or baseball bat or any other such having their spine ripped out by the Predator).
Leslie Neilson some years became no longer funny, probably the same time as Micheal Jackson jokes (speaking of which one of these is delivered (and I mean the type of delivery of passing a bowling ball through your spinchter) in the film as well), Charlie Sheen an excellant comedy actor is under utilized as the priest from Signs who has lost his Faith(why his wife in the film was not called faith Ill never know (in fact why the entire promise he made to his dying wife was never actually actualized in the film, and could have drawn at least a gahoof if not a full busting of guts, thats right little bits of jake guts everywhere)). Also after spending so much money on the other actors there was nothing left for bright and shiny special effects or alien costumes.
In summation if you have Anna Faris, Pam Anderson, and Jenny McCarthy and yet the film still fails on any level to entertain or excite me you have pretty much taken a 10 million dollar check and traded it for 2 nickels cuz 2 is more then 1. David Zucker your filthy bitz wipe I hope an Aids infected monkey somehow permantly attaches itself to your rectum. That is all.
MMJ says, 'Ummmm damn who knew something so offensive could be so not funny?'
MSBNGJ says, 'Next on Fox when good movie talent goes bad."
MAJ says, 'I love burritos at 3 am, Parties that never end, a sextet with Jenny, Pam, Anna, and TWINS! But damn I
hate this movie!"
RJ says, 'Still born I have become'.
PLOT :: 0
Acting :: 2
Blowed up (fx) :: 1
Ass Kicking:: 1
OVERALL:: 1