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The opinions expressed are solely those of The Unc. Fantasy Football Experts is not responsible for hurt feelings nor condones or endorses The Unc's opnion.
My nephew Steve has asked for and received permission from his Uncle for a few minutes of your time. He would like to get something off his chest. My rant will follow my nephew's choice words... (and Happy Birthday Nephew Steve!)
It now appears that the police have in custody those responsible for the absolute horrific chain of events that have paralyzed the greater DC/Maryland/Virginia area the last 3 weeks. One is an adult, the other is just 17 years old.
I would like to take this opportunity to get something off my chest and into the American pysche as quickly as humanly possible.
I realize I am jumping way ahead of the game here but I want you all to think of this when the appropriate time comes -- and it is coming.
I know it is going to be said and bandied about so before it does...
What I am referring to is this: I do not, and I mean DO NOT want to hear ONE FREAKIN TIME, not ONE PEEP, not ONE IOTA mention of A) an insanity Defense for the Adult and B) that the punk-ass kid WON'T be tried as an Adult.
If I hear (and I know I will unfortunately) this kind of Defense being raised, I will puke up everything I have ever eaten dating back to 1973, when I ate a whole box Ring Dings and washed it down with a 6 pack of Tahitian Treat!
I am serious. Dead serious. These f&$%ing bleeding heart liberals who care more about criminal's rights more than they do victim's rights better keep their f$%#ing mouths shut on this one. The mere fact that we have to waste, WASTE our time on a trial is abhorrent enough.
Just want you all to be prepared for the inevitable and to get your air sick bags ready.
I thank you for your time.
Nephew Steve
Ken Lay, Jeff Skilling, Andrew Fastow of Enron � You cost me $8K. For that alone, you must die!
Bernie Ebbers of Worldcom � Didn�t cost me a dime. But, you�re a clueless thief who looks way too much like Civil War historian Shelby Foote. I like him. You suck. BANG!
Martha Stewart - This country�s biggest bitch. You know how I feel. Die, bitch, die!
Kathy Lee Gifford � But, not before I sleep with her. Hell, I wanna see her dead just so hubby Frank can continue his video career. Bite Frank�s Crank for the last time ruthless hogan!
Barbara Streisand - Yea, you got nice, big breasts for an old broad. But, you never stopped crossing your eyes looking down the end of that big schnoz at the little people. Sayonara to your liberal commie, pinko, ass!
The Baldwin Borthers � I wouldn�t piss in your collective mouths if you were dying of thirst. Die commie, pinko, Die!
Keywshawn Johnson, Warren Sapp, Terrell Owens, Latrell Sprewell, Allen Iverson, and Derrick Coleman � Look in the dictionary for the dreaded �N� word. Their collective pictures are there. Boys, you�ve set your people back a 100 years. I wouldn�t give the lot of you the corn out of my crap if you were starving.
Bob Costas � I don�t like little dopes like you and your unabashed idolatry of that drunken spousal abuser Mickey Mantle made me sick to my stomach. But, your single biggest damning achievement was for declaring Nebraska the 1994 National Champs BEFORE Penn State took the field. A one way ticket to get nailed-ville for you, you little cretin.
Al Michaels � You self-obsessed piece of crap. The Miracle on Ice now makes me sick because of you. Jim Craig should�ve run over your ass when he was drinking and driving. BAM! Al�s a hood ornament!
Anthony Newley - You suck for eternity. I can�t believe no one has iced your ass yet.
Robert Goulet � Elvis shot out a TV when you were on it he hated you so much. That�s good enough for me. Your only saving grace is that you slept with Carol Lawrence for years.
Red Buttons � You one trick pony for the glue factory! �He never got a dinner.� Never funny. Die, you flaming carrot-topped scumbag!
Oprah � Do I really need a reason here?
Mike Wallace � Your 60 minutes are up!
Big Ten Football Officials Who Screwed Penn State This Year � Die, motherf'ing Zebras!
Commissioners Tagliabue, Bettman, Stern, and especially Selig � You all suck Keyshawn�s Johnson. Choke the bone and die!
Phillies President Dave Montgomery and GM Ed Wade � You ruined baseball for me. And, I�m a goddamn legacy. Assume room temperature you freaks!
Fidel Castro � Your beard is scraggly. Your military uniform stinks. You�ve literally turned your nation into a less than 3rd world teeming cesspool of a country. Give it up, Fidel. Your life that is.
Yassir Arafat � Someone needs to choke off your oxygen supply with the towel on your empty head, you camel jockey!
Members of the Saudi Royal Family - You did nothing to stop this Bin Laden bastard and now you criticize us? You should be the next to die, gas asses!
Saddam Hussein � Bush Sr. just couldn�t seem to get it done. It�s up to the son to clean up the mess the father left behind. What the hell are we waiting for? Goddamn Saddam! I say.
Last but not least, Bin Laden. No joking here folks! He needs to be tortured to death (if he�s not dead already). There isn�t a fate bad enough for this insect and his ilk.
I could go on and on. But, you get the idea. Kill the worthless pieces of crap whose very presence invades our home and our collective pyches. Trust me. The world would be better off without all those on this list.
And, write me if you feel there are some deserving of death motherf'ers out there that I missed. But, above all, have a pleasant day!
The Unc.