| O BRACKET Match 1 - Alexander Strub Tremor Worm vs. "the Bunny" Hot. It is very Hot. The Tremor Worm senses motion. It feels his opponent near. Sure enough, it emerges out of the parched soil to come face to face with its enemy, the dreaded Bunny of Monty Python infamy. For a second, incarnate destruction faces another of its manifestations. The Bunny ponders its rival. Then the Tremor Worm dives and swallows the bunny in a gulp. It burrows back into the sand. The worm slowly feels a stomachache coming on. And then the Bunny, having devoured the intestines of the Worm, erupts out of its side. The Worm is obviously no more, and Bunny has apparently liberated itself. It realizes too late that it is 30 feet below ground level. Suffocating in the Earth's crust, and severely burned by Tremor Worm digestive juices, the dreaded known as the Bunny perishes also. Winner: NONE "Bye" Match 2 - Brian Ailshie Minotaur vs. Red Sonja With a flash of light the Minotaur appears on the barren Arizona landscape. As far as the for miles the land is mostly flat and even in the twilight hours, the radiating heat from the earth is nearly overwhelming. The Minotaur knows that his best defense will be some maze-like structure. Hefting his great spear he trots off to find something that might be suitable. The second flash of light revealed Red Sonja. Her bright red hair lay in a braid down her well muscled back ending at her sword belt. Sonja draws her sword and begins walking west. For some reason she can't quite shake the vivid "dream" she was having of being throttled by some strange metal skeleton with glowing red eyes (Sonja was killed by the Terminator in Rumble '99 her previous Fantasy Fighting appearance). Shaking her head to try to clear the dream, Sonja picks up her pace. This battle should be easier she has to fight a Minotaur. At least it is something she has heard of before. The Minotaur looked over the long narrow ravine. It wasn't a maze by any stretch of the imagination. But it was the best defensible position he could find. It would have to do. The Minotaur squatted down, spear ready, to wait for the "silly little girl." Hours later Sonja decided that what looked like flat barren land was really more maze-like than she cared to admit. Narrow little ravines crisscrossed the landscape and made good hiding places for enemies, the Minotaur and others. She had already been attacked by a thin doglike creature (coyote) that she had killed rather easily. She would have to be cautious. Ahead another ravine branched out from the larger one she was now in. Sonja decided to check it out and climbed in. The left wall was quite sheer, but the right one was a little more sloped. As she worked her way in, Sonja climbed the wall so she would have the higher ground if she met any more opposition. Suddenly a loose stone shifted under her weight and she slipped a few feet down the hill. At the same time a huge spear flew out and struck her in the shoulder. Pulling the weapon out of her shoulder, Sonja thanked her mixed luck. If she hadn't slipped the spear most likely would have gutted her before she saw it coming. No time to really think of that though the Minotaur was charging head down and savage horns swishing from side to side. Turning, Sonja dodged a horn that tried to gore her, and parried the other away with her sword. The creature was fast; Sonja barely had time to parry the horns with her sword and get clear of them. Parry after parry her sword arm began to ache from the continued effort, and sweat pored down her head stinging her eyes. Finally Sonja's luck runs true. The left horn snapped off as she parried it and the Minotaur bellowed in pain. Butting her with the side of his head, the Minotaur knocked her down and tried to spit her with its remaining horn. However another savage strike snapped the second horn from his head. Again the bellow of pain, but the Minotaur fought on, dropping on Sonja he attacked her with his weight, trying to bite her. Struggling to get out from under him, Sonja couldn't avoid his teeth and he tore a huge chunk from her injured shoulder that ripped into her neck. Sonja screamed in pain as blood sprayed from her jugular. Desperately Sonja swung her sword around crashing it into the behemoth's back. She had the joy of hearing the sickening snap that meant the creature's back was broken as all went black. Winner: ***Bye*** Match 3 - Brian Ailshie Malificent vs. Hulk Hogan The early morning sun glinted off the fake sweat dripping off the Hulkster's heavily muscled body. Before long the false sweat would be replaced by true sweat as the blazing Arizona desert sun rose toward the zenith. Hogan may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but he knew he needed to find water before too long. That or dispose of this woman in the black cloak he was supposed to find. Perhaps over the next rise. Malificent knew she could control this simple mind with little effort, but with this burning sun, she was Getting tired and wasn't sure how well her magic would hold when she fought with him and his warrior instinct kicked in. So she had to find a way that he might dispose of himself. Aaah! Here we go. Sleeping Death, the perfect spell. Now to confront the muscle-bound oaf. Hogan crested the hill and looked down into the valley below. The woman was hunched over a small cactus. Hoping to end the battle and then find the water in safety, he charged her. He wasn't running quietly but she didn't even look up as he neared her. He felt a little bad about fighting a girl, but killing an unprepared girl was more than his honor could take so he yelled as he charged. Still she didn't move. Oh well if she didn't care if she got pummeled he would be glad to do it. Then just as he was upon her, she jumped back. As she did so the cactus leaped upward with her. It some how grew to about seven foot tall covered with 2 1/2 inch long barbs. Hulk couldn't stop fast enough and ran headlong into the cactus. The barbs stuck into his skin and stung, but not far enough to seriously wound him. Two seconds later Hulk started feeling woozy. Another two seconds and he fell backwards to the ground. The poison hadn't killed him, but put him to sleep. He was bleeding all over his chest, legs, and arms. That lasted for about 30 minutes then the heat dried and scabbed up the wounds. About an hour later, sun blisters began to break out on the wrestlers unprotected skin. Lying bleeding in the open sun, Hogan didn't take even 12 hours to dehydrate and die. In the mean time Malificent had moved on, found some water, and 'enlisted' the aid of a pack of hunting coyotes to help her battle. She had shed most of her dark cloak as it weighed her down and collected heat. That she didn't need. Winner: Malificent Match 4 - Alexander Strub Velociraptor vs. Hudson Hudson moved suspiciously between the cactus. He held his pulse rifle at the ready. "Come on!" he shouted, "I can take any no-good lizard any day of the week! Get out here and fight!" "Do they honestly consider this a fair fight? I'll womp the critter!" Hudson retorted. He heard a strange noise. "What's that?" he asked, but there was no one miles around. He turned to his left and noticed a sagebrush blowing along. He failed to notice the rustling of the bush behind. He turned around with just enough time to scream. The Velociraptor tore his throat out and feasted upon his corpse. Unfortunately, Velociraptors don't know how to use firearms, or you'd have one heat-packed Dinosaur. Winner: Velociraptor mongoliensis Match 5 - Robert Newell King Kong vs. JigglyPuff There was not a soul around for fifty miles in any direction. That was until two flashes of light dropped the two combatants into the middle of the Arizona desert. The match-up seemed rather odd. On one side was King Kong, a gargantuan ape. On the other was JigglyPuff, a small marshmallow-like Pokemon. At first, King Kong didn't see JigglyPuff. He began to move around looking for his diminutive foe. JigglyPuff didn't have any trouble finding the ape. She floated slowly towards Kong and started punching him in the leg. King Kong still could not find the Pokemon for he could not even feel the puny punches. He began to be very frustrated and let out a tremendous bellow. JigglyPuff saw King Kong bellow and she thought that she was beating him rather well. To 'finish' him off, JigglyPuff decided to float up to King Kong's face and sing him to sleep. At this point, King Kong was livid. He could not find his opponent. JigglyPuff, after a long flight, finally reached King Kong's face and began to sing. King Kong never even saw JigglyPuff before he fell asleep. As Kong began to fall, JigglyPuff realized the trouble she was in. Kong had almost reached the ground when JigglyPuff began her sluggish flight to safety. She had barely moved when King Kong hit the ground, smashing the Pokemon against the desert, killing her instantly. King Kong slept soundly, not even realizing that he had dispatched his foe. Winner: King Kong Match 6 - Aaron Bartholomew Wolfman vs. Shredder A full moon, shining bright filled the night of the Arizona desert. Many hours had passed since the broiling sun had passed the horizon, and a chill breeze swept the desolate terrain. Coyotes howled, the mesas' walls reflecting their baying in a chorus of echoes. A sudden wolf's howl broke the echoes, as the Wolfman loped across the desert floor, his nose leading him on the track of his intended prey. From the opening of a nearby mineshaft, the ninja Shredder, leader of the Foot Clan watched his opponent follow the false trail that he had laid. In the time since they had both appeared, in a flash of brilliant light, he had been preparing an ambush for his stalker. The Wolfman loped around, as the trail curved, and ran towards a nearby outcropping of rock. The smell had grown stronger, and listening, he heard a nearby noise. Shredder leaped out from his hiding place, and with a drop kick, brought the Wolfman to the ground. Springing back to his feet immediately, the werewolf charged, only to be stunned as Shredder blocked the charge, throwing the half-man half-wolf to the mesa wall. Dropping to his knees the wolf-man snarled in pain and confusion. Bringing his blade-spiked arm back for a powerful punch, the ninja master Iroku-saki prepared to finish the mutant. As he punched, the wolf-man revealed his feint. Quickly dodging the fearsome blow, the Wolfman lunged, and locked his jaws upon the ninja's upped arm. Howling with pain, Shredder tore his arm from the wolf's jaws, and with a few swift kicks brought the wolf moaning and whining to the ground. Bloodied, and enraged, the ninja master grabbed a nearby rock, and pounded the Wolfman until its whines ceased. Tossing the rock away, the Shredder began to bind the bite wound on his arm. The rock glittered as it landed upon the desert floor, a small speck of silver catching the moon's light, as it tumbled to rest upon the desert floor. Winner: Shredder Match 7 - Aaron Bartholomew Shelob vs. Arnold Schwarzenegger In a cleft in a mesa on the Arizona desert, thick webs block out much of the sun. Shelob, daughter of Ungoliant herself, lurks within. Ah-nold, stranded alone in the desert, lost and thirsty stumbles through the sand, near evening he falls into the sand, sprawled. Later that night, Shelob left her makeshift lair, lured into starlight and moonlight by the scent of meat. Dragging Ah-nold back to the cleft mesa, she hungers, and begins to feed. Winner: Shelob Match 8 - Robert Newell Chun Li vs Edgar the Bug They faced each other, neither quite knowing what to expect. Chun Li wondered why this tall, bulky man in overalls was called "the Bug". Edgar wondered what this human would taste like. Chun Li made the first move, her lightning-fast reflexes allowing her to kick Edgar several times before he could even react. Edgar was mad. This human thought that it could fight a Bug! "Well well" he thought, "we'll just have to see about that". Edgar absorbed blow after blow, seemingly unhurt. Chun Li was beginning to wonder why she could not damage her opponent when he exploded. Not outward so much as upward. He broke out of the human skin that he had been inhabiting and towered over Chun Li in his true form. He picked up the struggling girl and ate her in one gulp. "Not too bad" he thought... too bad she was so small, she actually tasted rather good. Perhaps Edgar should have taken more time to enjoy his meal, because Chun Li was still alive in the belly of the beast. Edgar began to feel queasy. Chun Li was punching and kicking Edgar from the inside. She was not doing enough damage, and the acid in Edgar's belly was beginning to take its toll on her, so she began shooting fireballs. This was a very dangerous thing to be doing inside of such a small space, but she had no other choice. After two or three of her Ha-do-Ken fireballs, she burst out of Edgar's stomach. She continued to pummel Edgar until he quit moving. At this she collapsed on the desert floor. Normally, she might have recovered, but the combination of acid, fireball splash-damage, and the inexorable heat of the desert finished her off after about an hour. Both combatants lay dead. Judges call: BYE ROUND 2 Match 1 The Byes in Match 1 and 2 of Round 1 create a Bye here as well. Match 2 - Alexander Strub Malificent vs. Velociraptor The Desert was very, very hot. And dry. Arizona, the "arid zone," in summer. Malificent really couldn't stand it at all. At least not in her humanoid form -- all those heavy, sweaty witch robes really bogged her down. And to top it all off, there was the measly creature she was supposed to kill. It hadn't spotted her yet, wait, yes it had! Malificent was delirious with the heat and couldn't focus on the monstrous dinosaur. How could she fight it off in this state? She could barely aim her wand, she was so hot! Wait a second... her dragon form was cold-blooded! It needed heat just to move! Malificent quickly transformed into her dragon state. The dreadful Arizona heat was just what it needed. It even gave her fire-breath, an added kick. Malificent was so envigorated that she blew flames all over the place, slightly burning the Velociraptor, who still hadn't closed on its prey. What Malificent didn't realize was that since it was so dry, all the nearby plants and brush were dry too. So dry, that the slightest spark could set them off. Needless to say, a fire-breathing dragon is somewhat more than the slightest spark. The entire desert caught fire, blazing cacti now delivering not only a sting from the prickles but a nice third-degree burn too. Malificent roared in agony. Her insides may be fire-proof, but her outer scales sure can't take it. As the great dragon erupted in flames, the daring, yet stupid Velociraptor (with a cranial capacity that small, they weren't nearly as smart as Michael Crichton tries to trick you into thinking) leapt at it's prey, it's huge, sickle-like toe claws gouging at the tremendous beast. As the dragon snorted in it's death throes, Velociraptor dug its teeth into Malificent's throat. She returned to her human form, burnt to cinders. Velociraptor collapsed on the ground, exhausted and in great pain from its burns. Winner: Velociraptor Mongoliensis (though somewhat singed) Match 3 � RJ Harris King Kong vs. Shredder The full moon shown brightly over the now chilly Arizona desert. Although the temperatures rise high during the day, the night can often bring cold air. As Shredder, now clearly a werewolf, gazed over the landscape he saw a huge mount. "I bet I can see that blasted 'king monkey' or whatever from up there." The wolf-Shredder made his way over to the enormous formation. "It's strange," he thought. "I never saw this before." As he began to climb, Shredder noticed that instead of smooth rock, or even jagged rock, he was climbing on soft hair! He had found his opponent, King Kong, still fast asleep. "What luck!" shouted the wolf-Shredder. "My enemy will perish in his sleep." Shredder noticed as he moved toward the monkey's neck, that his breath could be seen in the cool night air. Shredder raised his blades to deliver the fatal blow. Suddenly the breathing stopped. "What's going on now?" thought Shredder. As he went down closer to get a better look, a huge eye opened and King Kong grabbed the wolf-Shredder and stood up. Shredder, now many feet up in the air, let his animal instincts take over. He bit King Kong in the hand. The monkey screamed out in pain and dropped his opponent. Shredder fell and the monkey followed, falling merely to its knees. If the impact didn't kill the wolf-Shredder, the monkey landing on him did. After a few moments, Kong arose again, with much more hair, fangs and a wolf-like face. Winner: King Kong, the wolf-monkey Match 4 Shelob takes the Bye from Match 8, Round 1. ROUND 3 Match 1 The Velociraptor takes the Bye from Matches 1 & 2, Round 1 (see also: Match 1, Round 2) Match 2 � Brian Ailshie King Kong vs. Shelob King Kong howled at the full moon. He still couldn't explain the weird feelings he had in his head. Part of him knew he was the king of apes, but another part of him insisted on howling at the moon like a wolf. Howling one more time, He stomped off to find this spider that would be his next victim. Shelob licked her lips of the last of Arnold's blood. He had been an easy kill, and a large one too. Very satisfying. But now her meal was over, time for a larger prey. Some part of her animal instinct told her that a new victim awaited her, larger than any other she had ever taken. A Giant web would be needed. She set to work, in a deep canyon, criss-crossing the whole span of the crevasse. Night was starting to fade when Kong found a bigger crease in the ground. This one was actually big enough for him to creep into. Pushing his way inward, he came to a thick blockage in the way. It was sticky and hard, and quite resilient. Tearing it took all of his power, and the residue stuck to his arm fur something fierce. Suddenly a thought hit the great ape like a pin prick. This stuff was like a huge spider's web, and his opponent was also supposed to be a giant spider. Too late, the thought also came that that pin prick of a thought was a sharp one. Reaching his hand up to feel the sore spot received him another prick and a woozy sensation. A moment later and Kong fell to the ground for the second time this tournament. However, this time he didn't crush his opponent, and she would be sure he would not awake again. Shelob began her feast. Winner: Shelob, daughter of Ungoliant ROUND 4 Match � Brian Ailshie The Velociraptor vs. Shelob Shelob heard growling that interrupted her feast. Crawling over the shoulder of the great beast she looked down on the intruder. It was a lizard like thing with razor sharp claws and fangs tearing into her food. There really was plenty to share, but sharing isn't something spiders do, especially Shelob. Launching herself at the creature she took it unawares and bit into it's neck. Working furiously with her eight legs and spinnerets she wound the thing up in her webbing, ignoring the small scratch it managed to inflict before the poison took full effect. Strapping the cocoon aside, Shelob saved it for later. True it would be weeks before she got to it, but she would be sure to savor it's juices when she was ready. Winner of Bracket O: Shelob |