| I BRACKET Match 1 - Alexander Strub Maximus Decimus Veridius vs. Gollum The Colosseum. Maximus recognized it very well. He had fought hundreds of matches here, in front of 50,000 cheering Romans. He had slain all who had risen against him, even that fierce, "unbeatable" champion from Gaul. He wondered why he was here now. The giant amphitheater was completely empty, not a sound to be heard, except the wind. In the shadows of the catacombs under the arena, a slimy, disgusting creature crept slowly out of the filth. It smelt the blood of a human, a victim! It hadn't eaten in so long, so long! No fish, no slugs here to devour, not even a goblin to ambush, kill and eat. "My preciousssss...." it groaned. Maximus felt uneasy. He knew something was afoot, something was very, very wrong. He drew his gladius, his short sword. The creature found its way to a strange contraption. He stepped upon it. It rose slightly. "Gollum, Gollum!" it croaked. Yes, this would take it to its prey. Maximus looked around suspiciously. He looked at the arena gates cautiously; would something emerge? Gollum rose slowly on the arena lift from the catacomb, suddenly appearing out of the sand covering the Coliseum floor. Maximus was sure some horde of enemies would flow out of the gates at any time, probably a secret ambush by that murderous Commodus, probably a ploy to eliminate him by treachery without the populace realizing it. Suddenly a thought came into Maximus' head. The gates weren't the only way to get to the arena... Gollum saw his prey; he crept forward. He would throttle him from behind, then bite his throat, and then... Food! "The lift!" Maximus thought. That was how he and his comrades entered the arena; it was bound to be the way his enemy entered! But it was almost right behind him. There it was, it's back was turned, it wouldn't see him coming! Gollum was ecstatic was his cleverness. Just a little closer, closer... Maximus swung around and saw his assailant. A slimy wormlike creature was moving forward with its jaws slavering. It rushed forward in desperation. Right onto Maximus' sword. Maximus ripped the blade out of the guts of the monster, then hacked off its head. The slug-like corpse slumped to the ground. This disgusting creature reminded him of that worm, Commodus. Maximus knew he had to avenge his family's blood. "I am Maximus Decimus Veridius!" he shouted, "And I will have my vengeance, in this life, or the next!" Winner: Maximus Match 2 - Aaron Bartholomew D'Artagnan vs. Data The crowds at the arena roared at the announcement of the next death match. Out of one opening in the pit walls walked a pale man, with orange eyes, dressed in a black and yellow uniform. From an opposing opening strutted a young Gaul lad, armed with a thin sword, and dressed in hose, tunic, and a surcoat. D'Artagnan, the French musketeer viewed his opponent cautiously, the man must be an albino, but with dark hair? Anyway, he was not visibly armed, and as such would quickly fall before the Musketeer's blade. Rushing his opponent through the arena the young Frenchman quickly closed with the albino. Suddenly the man extended his arm, and out of instinct, D'Artagnan ducked. A bright beam of light passed through the air where his body had been, and it's buzzing didn't sound harmless to the king-man's ears. The crowd howled at the antics displayed for their benefit. Quickly, rolling to a crouch, the young swordsman sprang, and thrust his rapier through the other's body. The hoard of howling onlookers cheered! Gasps rose from the crowd as the man failed to react whatsoever to being impaled, but merely turned, pointed his hand at D'Artagnan's body, and a beam of light again seared the air. The Frenchman's body dropped to the sandy floor of the Roman arena, lifeless. Trying to understand the purpose of human sadism, in finding enjoyment in such things, Lt. Data put away his phaser, and calmly pulled the rapier from his body. Its entry had damaged no vital internal functions. He walked calmly from the arena's floor. Winner: Lt. Data Match 3 - Brian Ailshie 8 of 12 vs. Xena ROME - The Colloseum, this is the height of the Roman Empire, at its most blazing glory. The sun is shining and the world's first giant stadium is packed with thousands of screaming gladiator fans. They are screaming for blood and they will have it today. With a blast of fanfare our two 'gladiators' enter the arena. Entering from the golden west doors is a woman clad in skimpy armor. She carries a short sword and a circlet of pain, her chakram, at her hip. Her name is Xena, Warrior Princess. Across from her, entering from the silver East doors is a man clad in black and glittering with metal body piercings (Borg implants but the Roman's don't know that). He carries only a small chunk of metal. His designation is 8 of 12, of Borg. With a piercing scream Xena begins the battle "Yeeyeyeyeyeyyeyeye!!!" Whipping her chakram from her hip she hurls it at the Borg. He reacts in lightning speed and raises his chunk of metal (phaser). Suddenly a blazing blast of light shoots out from the metal and hits the chakram, disintegrating it. However, unfortunately for 8 of 12, the chakram somehow reflected a portion of the blast as it evaporated and that blast hit his phaser, destroying it. Xena hefts her sword and charges her adversary with a fierce yell. 8 of 12 sees that he cannot fight her hand to hand when she has a sword so he backpedals quickly. However he stumbles over a larger stone in the gravel floor and falls. Xena is upon him in an instant, slicing into his arm. Blood spews forth and the crowd explodes in cheers. Not until then did 8 of 12 notice the crowd. With an almost effortless push he hurls Xena from him and stares at the thousands of spectators. "Resistance is futile, you shall all be assimilated." He says, though no one hears him as the crowd screams Xena's approval as she charges in again. 8 of 12 continues striding toward the stands and reaches them only seconds ahead of Xena. She thrusts her sword into his leg as he steps into the stands. Again the crowd cheers, except maybe those who are too busy backing away from the charging borg. He backhands Xena and she falls from the railing. Meanwhile 8 of 12 has caught some of the fans and has started to assimilate them. There are now 7 Borglings changing on the stands as Xena jumps up again and chops at 8 of 12. This time she scores a serious hit on him. His arm falls off at the elbow and sparks shoot out. With his other hand 8 of 12 grabs Xena by the neck and "ZAP" she has now begun assimilation too. The judges rule that although Xena is not technically dead, being assimilated is close enough. They call the match over. 8 of 12 is now surrounded by 10 other Borg, including Xena, whose designation is now X. Winner: 8 of 12 Match 4 - Brian Ailshie Madmartigan vs Jesse James Two more flashes of light appear in the great Colosseum of Rome. The spectators give an expectant, if somewhat nervous, roar of approval. They want the show of gore and blood, but they don't want another commotion like the last match. The first flash of light brought a swordsman dressed in dark clothes, leather and rags. The sword he wields is large, but light so he can still swing it in one hand if needed. He is Madmartigan, the greatest swordsman of Daikini kind. His opponent is also dressed in dark leather, but of a very different cut. He has leather chaps, vest and hat, and two six-shot pistols at his hips. He is Jesse James perhaps one of the old-west's most fearsome outlaws. The two warriors face each other at opposite ends of a row of wooden house mock-ups, set in the middle of the coliseum for this match. Jesse James eyes his opponent, his hands hovering over his pistols eagerly. Madmartigan doesn't see a sword in strapped to his opponent�s hip, so he approaches cautiously. Wizards and other powerful beings often go without swords so better safe than turned into a pig. Madmartigan steps toward one of the buildings, and starts to draw his sword. Suddenly the other warrior's hand twitches by his hip and possibly the loudest **BANG** Madmartigan had ever heard echoed across the arena. At nearly the same instant, a pain erupted in his gut like a flash of lighting. He dove into the building as two more **BANG** **BANG** shots echoed out. Chips flew out of the wooden door frame. Madmartigan looked at his stomach and saw that he was bleeding, rather badly too. He quickly ripped a piece from his shirt and stuffed it in the wound. He rolled and leaped out the door as he heard his enemy running in the dirt outside. Thinking quickly, Madmartigan scrambled to the side of the building and noticed a short stair leading to the top of the building. Ignoring the pain in his stomach he hurried up the steps to the roof. Out front, Jesse James stepped up to the door frame, looking in from this side he couldn't see anyone inside, however the guy could be hiding just behind the doorway on the other side of the wall. For safety's sake Jesse leaped through the door, guns blazing. "$@*#! Two more bullets wasted!" Jesse cursed. He was pretty sure he had hit him with the first shot, but it was not a lethal wound, obviously. Suddenly he heard a creak out the back door. Jesse ran out the door, turned around and raised his pistols. Suddenly someone yelled and leaped from the roof above. Madmartigan knew he had to catch the wizard by surprise before he could conjure any more 'bang' magic. As soon as the man came out the door he yelled and leaped from the roof, sword over his head. However he wasn't quite fast enough, **BANG** **BANG** two more lighting pains this time in his chest. With the last of his strength Madmartigan swung his heavy sword over his head. As life ebbed and things started going black, Madmartigan was pleased to see his sword cleave into the man's skull, and down to the lower jaw. Both men crumpled to the ground, and the crowd went wild! Winner: NONE, Bye for 2nd round opponent. Match 5 - Brian Ailshie Paksenarrion vs Mulan For the eighth time the Coliseum walls enclose two fantastic fighters. Both are in full metal armor, and carry a sword. One the plate-mail and dragon blade of Ancient China, the other chain-mail and broad sword, both blessed with magic strength. The two warriorettes circle each other slowly. Each is sure that she is the best of her people. Only one can be best here tonight. With a lunge, Paksenarrion slashes at her opponent. Mulan parries with her sword and kicks with her leg. The blow connects with the side of Paks' knee and the Paladin tumbles, rolling away as she falls. Mulan chases her, banging her sword into the dirt closer and closer to the rolling Paladin. Suddenly a great light bursts forth and the Chinese soldier is momentarily blinded. When she recovers, she finds her opponent is the source of the light and she is now facing her, sword held forward. Again and again the two warriorettes slash and cut at each other. Both are well trained in combat. However the strain begins to show on the younger, less seasoned warrior sooner. Taking advantage of a slow parry she lunges in again and her blade dips behind the plate armor covering her opponent's shoulder. With a scream of pain, Mulan kicks out again, however this time Paks is ready and her blade drops into the knee cap of her opponent. "You are a worthy opponent, sister. May the gods you worship watch over your soul." This said Paksennarion swipes the blade between shoulders and chin and Mulan falls dead. Paksennarion carefully wipes the blood from her blade before re-sheathing it. Winner: Paksenarrion Dorthansdotter, Paladin of the High Lord. Match 6 - Robert Newell The Mummy vs. Cyclops (X-Men) The two combatants faced each other across the bloodstained dirt. The Mummy looked condescendingly at the man he was to fight. He knew that he was immortal and that nothing short of the Book of Amon-Ra was powerful enough to stop him. What could this pathetic creature do? He began to approach, ready to rip his opponent's heart out. Cyclops studied the man across from him carefully. His opponent appeared to be unarmed. He hated to strike an unarmed opponent, but he had no choice, he has to kill this "Mummy". He let loose a massive blast of energy from his eyes. The Mummy's left leg exploded. He fell to the ground. Much to Cyclops's horror, the Mummy began to regenerate. Cyclops fired again, this time hitting the Mummy in the head. The Mummy kept coming. Cyclops fired again, this time in a wider beam, and he continued to fire. The Mummy disintegrated, his constituent atoms were scattered across the coliseum floor. The crowd was mostly ecstatic, but some complained to the judges that the Mummy still wasn't killed . . . only scattered. The judges disagreed. True, the Mummy wasn't dead, but this was as close as anyone could get and the Mummy couldn't fight back anymore. Winner: Cyclops Match 7 - Alexander Strub Count Dracula vs Buffy the Vampire Slayer It was a dark and stormy night (I know it's a corny opening line, but it was). The Coliseum stood abandoned once again, the fog slowly rising from the surface of the arena. A shadowy figure stood atop the rim of the giant amphitheater, clad in a dark cloak. Count Vlad Dracula ran his fingers along his thin pointy mustache, ponderously. It had been centuries since he had persecuted the poor peasants of Transylvania in such brutal and bloody torture that they final realized his dark origins and cast him out of their midst with an elixir of garlic. It had cost them a lot, however. They didn't call him Vlad the Impaler for nothing. "Ah, nothing is sweeter than the blood of my enemies," he thought. The misty air touched Buffy's face as it blew her hair in the wind. She felt somewhat uncomfortable in the cold, as she was clad in one of her familiar inappropriate TV style outfits. She could sense the presence of the vampire, but didn't know where to find him. She was very familiar with the children of the night, and had done many of them in since entering the profession of vampiricide, but this one seemed different. She clutched the sharp wooden stake in her hands all the more tightly. Vlad saw the one who was to kill him. A tender young thing, he thought. Quite beautiful, he thought, it will be a pleasure to turn her. In a puff of smoke, the menacing vampire disappeared and was replaced by a small, black bat. It was very quiet. Buffy felt uneasy. She looked out into the darkness, searching for anything, anything that might give her a clue as to the monster's location. Then she heard a tiny noise, almost unperceivable: but there it was, plain as day: the screeching of a bat. But it was too dark or the bat was too small, and she didn't notice the tiny creature fly right behind her and then rematerialize into human form. Then she felt a cold hand caress her neck, and then the prick of two sharp fangs in her jugular. The force of the bite and the feeling of being drained as her blood was sucked was such a powerful feeling that she almost dropped the stake. She reached up and felt a head of hair, slicked back. "So," she thought, "the old-fashioned kind." Then Buffy went very pale, and she realized that in some sort of twisted way, having her blood sucked felt... good. She felt different. She reached up and felt inside her mouth. Two tiny fangs pricked her finger. She sucked the blood out of instinct. Then she realized the fangs were her own! She was a vampire too! She turned around to face her assailant. "Come to me!" he said, "I am Dracula! Come, be my queen, and we will rule the night together!" Buffy came close to the count, embraced him, and shoved the stake right into his heart. Buffy was never one to play second-fiddle. Now we see a figure far more menacing before, clad entirely in black, face pale as a full moon, blonde hair flowing behind her. "I am Nosferata, and I rule the night!" it shrieks. But not even vampires can live forever. Winner: Nosferata, Queen of the Night (formerly Buffy the Slayer) Match 8 - Aaron Bartholomew Gimli vs Simon Belmont Onto the floor of the coliseum treads Simon Belmont, Vampire Hunter. Haughty and proud as ever; armed with his mighty whip and several stakes; he stands prepared for the worst undead that Transylvania can throw at him. Unfortunately the short creature stumping towards him is fully alive, and this is not Transylvania. Gimli approached the tall Man cautiously. Not only was this dark looking stranger not wearing any armor, but also his only apparent weapon was a whip. Of all the foolish, weak, elfish, sissified, weapons for a Man to use. Yet despite his choice of weaponry, the Man was tall and well muscled. The two combatants circled each other in the sand as the crowds cheered them on. Simon's whip clashed again and again on the dwarf's chain mail, impacting but doing no damage. Seeing the absolute futility of the Man's attacks, Gimli closed in. Two quick strikes with his notched axe, and Simon lay dying on the sands, his life blood mingling with that of the other previous combatants. Winner: Gimli ROUND 2 Match 1 - Alexander Strub Maximus, General of the Felix Legions vs. Lieutenant Commander Data The two great warriors stared each other down in the center of the Colosseum, Maximus with drawn sword, Data with phaser aimed. "You know," said Maximus, "Whoever wins this round must take down this dreadful Borg creature. It cannot be allowed to win." "Affirmative." agreed Data, "Do you believe that you have the capacity to eliminate this threat?" "Of course not," was the response, "I'm only a man who can use a sword." "I do not feel adequate to the task either, with my raging emotion chip..." Data cringed. "You must take my sword and kill me!" Maximus suddenly said, "You are the only one who can best this monster; let me die like a man....Go to victory! I'll be resurrected in time for the next Fantastic Rumble." "No, I cannot do that. My ethics chip will not permit it." Data's pupils moved back and forth for a few moments, as if the android were deep in thought. "I believe I may have found a solution... You will best my android body but keep my head for advice...I will be out of the tournament, but you will have the benefit of my intellect. Sometimes when contenders defeat their opponents in this tournament, they take their enemies tools and supplies; you will have my phaser, my tricorder, and my brain -- you will carry my head into battle." "Won't you die?" asked the Roman. "I am an android; I cannot 'die,' though I can be turned off." said Data. "The key is to press this small button, then turn and remove my head." Data indicated a small button on his cranium. "I will lie down." Data laid himself on the dust, and Maximus removed his head. "You may wish to take along my phaser and tricorder;" suggested Data, "they will assist you." Maximus removed the tricorder from Data's waist pocket and put it in his own belt. He struggled to remove the phaser from Data's iron grip, but couldn't. He finagled with the hand for a while, and he accidentally pressed the release button. Data's hand popped off. Maximus sheathed his sword and picked up the hand, phaser and all, and took it with him, Data's talking head tucked carefully under his arm. "I'll hide your body," said Maximus as he sent the motionless android body down the primitive elevator shaft. Winner: Genl. Maximus Decimus Veridius, with Lt. Cmdr. Data's head and hand Match 2 8 of 12 takes the Bye from Match 4, Round 1. Match 3 � Brian Ailshie Paksenarrion vs Cyclops Paksenarrion watched the dark clad man opposite her. She could sense no evil in the man. As a mercenary she had fought many men she might otherwise have been friends with. However she knew that this man stood between her and the evil beings she must destroy in this tournament. Cyclops' hand hovered inches from his visor. He knew he was quite good in hand-to-hand combat, but bare hands would do very little against a longsword. He had to defeat her before she could come in range. Suddenly the man's hand flicked to the odd mask covering his eyes. A beam of power shot from his mask and vanished inches from Paksenarrion. Waiting no longer, she charged. A second blast screamed out and this time it hit. Paksenarrion fell to the ground. "That really stung! If this guy hits me any harder with that thing, I could really be in trouble, magic armor or no." Cyclops shook his head in disbelief. That second shot should have obliterated the woman. Perhaps she was a mutant with the power to dissipate other mutant's powers around her. Cyclops prepared to try again. However, Paks didn't wait. Rolling from the ground she lunged forward with her longsword. The point pierced between the man's ribs and stabbed out his back. As he fell to the ground, a third and final blast leveled a third of the coliseum. "Thank Gird and the High Lord that didn't hit me!" Paks murmured to herself. Winner: The Lady Paladin Paksenarrion Dorthansdotter Match 4 � Alexander Strub Nosferata, the Vampire Queen vs. Gimli the Dwarf It was dusk in Rome, and the Colosseum was quiet and empty. Nosferata pondered recent premieres - was she really did or not, or is it undead now? TV could be so confusing. She soared over the amphitheater in her bat form, seeking her target. She at last found him, walking around the building's rim, with his great axe slung over his shoulder and singing off-key in his thick brogue, "Your natural food it is tatties and herring, tatties and herring, oh! Your natural food it is..." Nosferata, or "Nuffy" for short, had already had enough of this peddlesome pixie, or whatever he was. She flew in front of him and metamorphosed into her black leather-clad humanoid form. "Your blood is mine!" she shrieked, her arms raised high in the air, aiming her long fingernails at him. The dwarf remained absolutely calm. He didn't even flinch. He simply opened his mouth wide and blew on her. Gimli's intense garlic breath was overpowering enough for mere mortals, but it nearly bowled over the sensitive vampire. "You'll pay for that, you filthy gnome!" she screamed. "Gnome?" the dwarf was now slightly perturbed. "Ya got a belly fulla haggis, lass! I hae ne'er known sucha shoogly* lassie as yoorself. Na since Rivendell, a'least!" (For those of you who don't speak Dwarvish or Scots, shoogly means "shaky," though why Gimli uses this colloquialism here is anybody's guess.) "Huh?" Nuffy was absolutely stumped. "I said, lassie, that I'm no' a gnome! Gnomes make styupid flying machines that would'na threaten ma' ol' granny! We wee dwarves make cannons, mortars, primitive firearms, and... axes!" Gimli drew his large battleaxe with relish. With a high-pitched banshee-like shriek, Nosferata reverted to her bat-form and flew off. "Dunnae run awa sae hasty!" bellowed the dwarf after her. Nosferata circled high overhead several times until the little man had calmed down again. Just when she thought his guard was down, she landed behind him and prepared to sink her teeth into his sunburned bullneck. Gimli suddenly turned around, his eyes full of fire, and slashed with his axe. He missed. Buffy again transformed, but wasn't as fast this time. With a swish of the axe, the bat lost one of it's wings. Nuffy was forced to transform. Bloodied and shaken, with her leather batsuit torn, Nuffy made one final go of it. She slashed with her claw-like fingers and half-blinded the dwarf, who stumbled backwards and fell off the edge of the Colosseum, smashing into the ground below. Nosferata tried to heave his heavy mithril axe but couldn't even lift the wooden handle. She had to leave it lying there for some other rogue to try his luck, and hobbled away. No more flying for you, Nuffy! Winner: an injured Nosferata, Queen of the Night ROUND 3 Match 1 � RJ Harris Maximus vs. 8 of 12 Maximus walked into his home turf with pride. Here he had won. Here he had conquered anything thrown at him so far in this so called tournament. Now, with the help of some newly acquired weapons and advice (courtesy of Lt. Data), today would be no different. On the other side of the Coliseum, the Borg, 8 of 12, marched into the arena with about 20 of so extra assimilated Borg. There were more elsewhere in the arena, but the were doing their own job of assimilating the spectators. (RESISTENCE IS FUTILE!) The Borg walked out to the center and waited. Maximus was stunned at what he saw. He had fought odd things before, but nothing like this. He looked down at Data's head; his eyes were closed, deep in stratagem. "The one at the forefront is their leader," spoke Data softly. "Try to kill him without getting attacked by the others." Both parties knew that any interference that resulted in an opponent's death was no allowed; nevertheless, Maximus proceeded with caution. 8 of 12 noticed the phaser in Maximus' hand. His first shot as the Gladiator approached not only shot the hi-tech weapon out of his hand but exploded his arm. Drops of Gladiator blood flew everywhere; some hit the Borg in his eyepiece and hindered his viewing for a bit too long. Maximus drew his sword with the only arm he had left, and charged the futuristic monster. His heavy steel blade tore at the blinded Borg's cybernetics and short circuited his machine components. Most of the spectators were totally unaware of what was going on the field at this moment, for they were all being assimilated; yet, every head turned when a final explosion destroyed 8 of 12 and left only charred remains of the Gladiator. Data was also no more. The Borg only looked on for a moment, completed their assigned job of assimilation, and slowly left the Coliseum--every spectator was now Borg and had gone out into the Roman world. Winner: *BYE* Roman Colloseum now empty Match 2 � Robert Newell Paksenarrion vs. Buffy the Vampire Slayer Nuffy was in exquisite pain. That dwarf had nearly bested her. The wounds from his axe were only beginning to heal. She saw another woman approach her. The very presence of the other woman made her shudder. She was an embodiment of virtue and light, a Champion of the Light. She must strike quickly. Pakse, this is the name that her friends call her, drew her sword. She caused light to shine, illuminating the arena for added effect, though everyone watching was actually already dead, including her opponent. She spoke... " In the name of the High Lord and by His Servant Gird, I abjure thee, spawn of Liart. Go back to the pit that spawned you. She easily parried Nuffy's swing and neatly beheaded her with a quick riposte. Nuffy fell lifeless to the floor. Paksenarrion walked out of the arena, winner of I Bracket, and coincidently, the only survivor of the entire arena. Winner: Paksenarrion of Duke Phelan's Company ROUND 4 Match Paksenarrion takes the Bye from Match 1, Round 3. |