| Match 1 - Robert Newell
The Bears vs. The Merry Men Toilet Bowl Round 1 - Atlantis "This one is really sweet Robin," grunted Will Scarlet as he had another helping of Gummybear. "Mm humpgh" was all Robin could say as he was busy devouring the choicest cuts of Baloo. Three bear carcasses hung roasting over open flames. King Richard and Little John were hauling the fourth (namely the Carebear) to another roasting pit. "It was jolly nice of whoever is in charge of this crazy thing to send some meat our way," said Little John, "I wonder who our next opponent is?" Loser: The Bears (0-5) Merry Men (2-3) Match 2 - RJ Harris English Enemies (0-4) vs. Looney Toons (1-3) Toilet Bowl Round 1 - Atlantis RJ: Well we join this fight all ready in progress. And believe me, you re glad we did. Mr. O can you sum up what has gone one so far. Mr. Obvious: Taz ate the Bunny and spun out over the water. By the time the Bunny ate his way out, he drowned. Poor Bunny, he was no ordinary rabbit! RJ: What else went on? Mr. Obvious: Bugs and Daffy have engaged the Black Knight into a battle of wits. Needless to say, the Black Knight so far is not doing well-he commits suicide to avoid any further cranial discomfort from the two Toons. Daffy leaves Bugs as he does not enjoy his company. RJ: Meanwhile, Yosemite Sam and Elmer Fudd had a fearsome gun battle with the Sheriff of Nottingham. The Toons have a bit of a secret weapon though, ACME. Their bullets seem to have a mind of their own and their shots are sure. Soon, the Sheriff is no more. Daffy joins them and congratulates his teammates Mr. Obvious: That leaves just Maligant. He sneaks up behind Fudd, Daffy, and Sam and slices them to bits. Now it is down to 2 on 1. RJ: Wiley E. Coyote has emerged from a shop in town and whistles to Bugs. Bugs gives a thumbs up sign and burrows a hole underground, as Maligant charges Wiley. Mr. Obvious: Just before he is struck down by Maligant, Wiley presses a button on a remote and an ACME bomb comes rolling out. It explodes and kills Maligant as well as Wiley. Bugs was safe underground and comes back to the surface. Bugs: Eh, that�s all folks! Loser: English Enemies (0-5) Looney Toons (2-3) Match 3 - Brian Ailshie Disney Baddies vs. Fangorn's Friends Toilet Bowl Round 1 - Atlantis Brian: Well this one seems like it's going to be rather one sided. Gwaihir sweeps down from the sky at Captain Hook. Infuriated by being attacked by another flying enemy, the moronic Pirate is torn to shreds by the great eagle's talons. A moment later, and Beorn leaps on Jafar tearing him limb from limb. Clayton takes aim with his hunting rifle, but drops it when a 'tree' he overlooked crushes his cranium. Tolkien: Yeah, the only thing good for Disney today is it will be quick. Walt Disney: Don't speak too soon. Here comes Malificent. Tolkien: Oooh. Evil fairy! Run for your lives. . . Disney: In dragon form. She breathes fire and your tree man is incinerated. Brian: Beorn mumbles something about the impossibility of Smaug's return, and barely leaps aside as Malificent unleashes another blast of fire. Gwaihir speeds to the battle and pecks at Malificent's eyes. She howls in agony and thrashes the Eagle King in her blind fury. Beorn leaps into the fray and tears open the dragon's jugular. However he is too late for Gwaihir. Disney: Or for Mr. Tree. (he cackles in glee) Tolkien: What are you laughing about, you just lost. Disney: Nope. (He points at the view screen) Tolkien: A toy? Brian: Oh this looks bad Ronald. (Disney continues to cackle) Zerg: Destroy Buzz Lightyear! Brian: Emperor Zerg fires a blast from his energy cannon. Beorn is vaporized. That was unexpected. I thought he just fired ping-pong balls? Disney: In a battle to the death? He's got to be armed with his equivalent weapon. Tolkien: Inconceivable! Vizzini: That's my line! Mr. Statistics: And that sets up our first match of Round 2. Fangorn's Friends vs. the Star Trekkers. Because of each of their records, we already know we will have at least one team in Round 3 that did manage to win a match. Loser: Fangorn's Friends (1-4) Disney Baddies (1-4) Match 4 - RJ Harris Three Musketeers (0-4) vs. Heroes of Greece Toilet Bowl Round 1 - Atlantis Not Santa: HO! HO! HO! What a great show! I love the flow of the Tournament 3 Toilet Bowl! HO! HO! HO! RJ: I thought Mark banished you from commentating. Not Santa: No so; I am here to tell the horrible tail of the Three Musketeers. Mr. Obvious: Don�t you mean tale and not tail? Not Santa: No, the four Frenchman stink so bad that they should be compare to a tail-like this limerick� Brian: The following was edited for the sake of humanity. RJ: Anyway, on to the match. Not Santa: This was so cool! HO! HO! HO! Xena uses her feminine wiles to lure all of the love crazed Musketeers into the huge, muscular arms of Hercules. He tossed them into the air like I do to the reindeer to teach them to fly. Only Frenchmen don�t fly. Mr. Obvious: Achilles and Ulysses are great shots; they take aim and� Not Santa: Athos, Porthos, Aramis, and D�Atagnan are popped like New Year�s Eve balloons. HO! HO! HO! What a marvelous way to die! Loser: 3 Musketeers (0-5) Heroes of Greece (2-3) |