| Match 1 - RJ Harris
Power Rangers vs. Kill Them All Toilet Bowl Round 1 - Atlantis RJ: And now to the first match! At Atlantis, the Power Rangers (0-4) are battling Kill Them All (0-4). The loser advances. Master Yoda, what is going on? Yoda: Hope does not remain for the Power Rangers. No Force do they have. RJ: But Kill Them All doesn�t have the Force either. Yoda: No, but some brains they do posses. Lucas: Well said. And look-Bullseye has already taken out the White, the Red and the Green Rangers-3 of the most powerful of the teen fighter wanna-bes. Not bad Lee. Lee: Right. Scorpion takes aim and knocks out the girls-Pink and Yellow. It is down to Blue and Black. RJ: And that is exactly what the final two Rangers look like after Carnage is finished with them. The Rangers just still have not realized that they cannot wait to be provoked as they often do. They have to come out in their best. Kill Them All has proved that they do not belong here with a convincing win. Their 0-4 status is due to their tough group and they are now out of the Toilet Bowl; however, the Power Rangers advance. Loser: Power Rangers (0-5) Kill Them All (1-4) Match 2 - Brian Ailshie Team Shakespeare vs Great Cops Toilet Bowl Round 1 - Atlantis Brian: And we find our two teams in a great amphitheater on the edge of the great city. Minor earthquakes shake the ground, but our two teams are unfazed by the tremors. Team Shakespeare is appropriately on the stage, and the cops are in about the 3rd row of the stands. Hamlet: "O, that this too too solid flesh would melt Thaw and resolve itself into a dew! Or that the Everlasting had not fix'd His canon 'gainst self-slaughter! O God! God! How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable, Seem to me all the uses of this world! Fie on't! ah fie! 'tis an unweeded garden, That grows to seed; things rank and gross in nature Possess it merely. That it should come to this! But two months dead: nay, not so much, not two: So excellent a king; that was, to this, Hyperion to a satyr; so loving to my mother That he might not beteem the winds of heaven Visit her face too roughly. Heaven and earth! Must I remember? why, she would hang on him, As if increase of appetite had grown By what it fed on: and yet, within a month-- Let me not think on't--Frailty, thy name is woman!-- A little month, or ere those shoes were old With which she follow'd my poor father's body, Like Niobe, all tears:--why she, even she-- Brian: As Hamlet catches his breath Murtaugh awakes enough to do his neck roll and slam a slug into Hamlet's head. The Dane drops to the ground dead. Mercutio yells and charges Murtaugh. Riggs yells back and sprays the fool with lead. Hunter: There's two more. Careful they've got knives. Brian: Didi and Hunter share a smile and then they gun the 'criminals' down. Riggs: Only one left! There he is. Whoever takes him out get's free donuts! Brian: With that silly comment the four cops open fire. Bullets slam into the Scottish lord's body, but his slow advance never falters. The cops are getting a little confused until Macbeth stops and laughs. Macbeth: Fools! I bear a charmed life which must never yield to one of woman born! Brian: The four cops each glance at the others. When none can claim having been born to something besides a woman they shrug their shoulders and continue to fire on Macbeth. The crazed Scot laughs again and continues his advance. He cuts down Hunter as the cop leaps to protect Didi. She then falls as well as the Scot's blade catches her when she screams and empties her gun into his face. Murtaugh and Riggs start to run, but Murtaugh is cut down as well as Macbeth charges them. Suddenly a wall of water crashes through a decorative wall filling the amphitheater with water. Weighed down with his heavy clothing and sword, not to mention dozens of rounds of lead, Macbeth goes under. Riggs swims for the stage hoping to find an exit, stage left. Mr. Obvious: He doesn't have to swim too long though, as a wall of water was not born of a woman, and Macbeth drowns. Loser: Team Shakespeare (0-5) Great Cops (1-4) Match 3 - Robert Newell Mean and Green vs Star Trekkers Toilet Bowl Round 1 - Atlantis Robert: Ooh, that is going to leave a mark. Edgar just ate 7 of 9. It seems that the Bug is not having any problem digesting the Borg. Alexander: And there goes Odo, Serlena ripped him in half and is drinking him in his liquid form. She seems to be suppressing his shape shifting powers somehow. Robert: Spock is now waxing eloquent on how illogical the being Stripe is to him. Apparently, it is violationg all kinds of laes of physics through its reproduction capabilities in water. Alexander: The man who has seen tribbles is making this argument? Robert: Yeah, you have a point. In any case, Stripe is reproducing so fast that he literally buries Spock under his progeny. Alexander: Ooh, wow. I don't think that we can describe what happened to Wesley on a family friendly website. Robert: We can try. Wesley was [CENSORED FOR EXTREMELY GRAPHIC CONTENT] Alexander: And that is the match. Loser: Star Trekkers (1-4) Mean and Green (1-4) Mark saw this one going the other way, but Robert got his in first (by about 5 hours is all) so his is the official version. In case anyone's interested, here's Mark's version. Match 3a - Mark Ailshie StarTrekkers vs Mean & Green Toilet Bowl Round 1 - Atlantis Serlena, Stripe, and the Bug in the 'Edgar Suit' appear in one of the marbled hallways of Atlantis. Serlena directs Edgar one way, herself another, and throws Stripe out a window into the rapidly advancing ocean below. The Gremlin cackles all the way down, until he hits the water and it starts frothing and bubbling like mad. Meanwhile, the Bug is the first to encounter an enemy. He steps out of the corridor and is struck with a phaser bolt. Wesley Crusher shouts triumphantly, but the Bug simply sheds the mangled body of Edgar and comes at him in his full cockroach form. Wesley back pedals, waving his phaser. The Bug opens his mouth and snags the phaser with his tongue. Wesley tries to run but the Bug grabs by throat and ankle and folds him in half backward. Another phaser bolt hits the bug in the shoulder, and he turns toward Seven, who is firing precision blasts, to try to weaken him. He rushes toward her, and with a tremendous gulp, swallows her whole. The bug gives a contented smile, which slowly turns into a moan of pain. It seems something about Seven did not agree with his digestion. Perhaps it is the nanads she is steadily pumping into his stomach. In a few minutes, the newly Borged Bug spits up an exhausted Seven of Nine. Seven has only a moments rest, however, as she spots a wave of gremlins body surfing toward the Atlantean shore. She mentally beckons to the bug, and they move to prevent this new threat. Meanwhile, Serlena has met up with Odo. Their common morphing effects make them natural enemies. Serlena morphs sends out long tendrils at the shapeshifter, who simply melts around their grasping loops, and then makes his arms into batt'leths to attack Serlena, who reforms after he cuts her up. Serlena is getting frustrated, and starts sending numerous tendrils after Odo, in an attempt to cocoon him. Thus, she is totally unaware of Spock's presence until he steps behind her and administers the Vulcan nerve pinch. She drops like a stone. Odo takes out his phaser, puts it on a wide band, and finishes her off with a blast of energy. Meanwhile, Seven and the Borg Bug have reached the shore, where Stripe's progeny have begun pouring onto the shore like locusts. Seven directs the Bug to ignore all the other Gremlins, and sends him into the sea after Stripe himself. The Gremlins approach her, and she begins striking out with her nanads, changing every other attacker into an ally. Soon, the Borgremlins are borging their brethren, and there is a tremendous Gremlin vs. Gremlin battle on the beach. The Bug swims out to the tiny reef where Stripe has settled, still producing numberless hordes of Gremlins swimming toward the shore. The Bug has several dozen of them clinging to his borged body now, but not enough to slow him. Stripe sees him and snarls. He tries to dive into the water, but the Bug is too quick, and snags him with his tongue, pulling him into his mouth and devouring him. There are still hundreds of Gremlins, but since the only living member of Mean and Green has been borged, the judges declare them the losers. Pretty good, unfortunately just a touch too late. But this last one was good too, and since no one else wrote it, it stands as is. Match 4 - Mark Ailshie Autobots vs. Superfriends Toilet Bowl Round 1 - Atlantis Optimus Prime, Mirage, and Bumblebee transform to robot form and take out their laser guns. Hawkman appears overhead and shouts down to them, "Come on, losers! You can't catch me!" Prime and Bumble bee send lasers after the bird man, and give chase, but Mirage hesitates--he has practiced enough deception to know a distraction when he sees one. Instead, he becomes invisible and goes off to see the other superfriends. "Wonder Twin powers, Activate!" "Shape of, a Sea Serpent!" "Form of, a Tidal Wave!" Under the direction of AquaMan, the Wonder twins set about helping Atlantis to sink more quickly. Mirage stumbles across this scene, and is confused. He leans over the edge of a battlement and sees hundreds of whales, giant squids, and octopi attacking the marble foundations of Atlantis, bashing its walls, and actively trying to bring it down. Zam is sailing around as a Tidal wave, smashing against the foundations, and Jayna is deep under the sea pulling down pillars. The city pitches and rolls, like a tremendous . . . "You know," says AquaMan aloud. "In my own world, I am the king of Atlantis. This is my home. And I know every wall and battlement. I can tell when something is out of place. Mirage turns around in trepidation to see Aqua man looking right at him. He turns back visible and draws his blaster. Aquaman spreads his empty hands. "I am unarmed, robot. I carry no weapon. My only weapon is my mind. Did I mention I can communicate telepathically with marine life?" Suddenly there is a tremendous shadow over Mirage's head, and then . . . >>WWHHUUUUMP!<<< A two ton sperm whale leaps out of the ocean to land right on top of him. Almost at the same time, Atlantis is shaken with a mighty rumble as the last supports break under the strain. In moments, the entire city begins to sink under water. Zam continues to hit the city with his tidal wave form, until there is no dry stone for the Autobots to stand on. After that, it's just a matter of time. Squashing Octopus Tentacles, Crushing Coils of a Sea Serpent, and just the water itself. It seems the Autobots don't swim very well. However, none of the Superfriends require solid ground to rest upon. I'm sure nobody -- and certainly not the Autobots -- expected this match to be so one-sided. Losers: Autobots (0-4-1) SuperFriends (1-4) |