| Match 1 - Robert Newell Super Beings vs Rohirrim Bracket 4 - Bonneville Salt Flats Robert: It looks like Wonderwoman has gotten separated from her Kryptonian teammates. Alexander: She probably thinks that she can take on the Rohan nobility by herself. Yoda: Overconfident she is. Foolish.. hmm? Robert: Right you are Master Yoda. Her bracers may do an excellent job of blocking bullets, but calvary charges are another thing. She manages to lasso Theoden and sends him back to duel with Eomer, but she didn't see Eowyn coming at her from behind. She is cut down by Eowyn who has had enough of her uncle being mind controlled. The Maiden Warrior takes the lasso off of her brother and ties it to her waist, it just might come in handy. Comic Book Guy: Ooh, Eowyn with Wonder Woman's Lasso of Truth! She can lasso me anytime she wants to. Robert: (Noisily vomits) Alexander: Yeah, um... that has got to be a technical foul of some sort. (shudders) Can we get this guy out of here? Two burly Gammorreans haul Comic Book Guy off to the detention area. Robert: Oh wow, that was horrible. Anyway, it appears that the match is now about over. Eowyn captured Superman with the Lasso of Truth and is making him fight Supergirl. Alexander: After Superman finishes off his "cousin" Eowyn orders him to fly into the sun. He does so. While this doesn't kill him, it does cause him to leave the arena. Robert: So in what may be the upset of the entire rumble, the Rohirrim knock off the Super Beings to move forward. Winner: Rohirrim (4-1) Super Beings (3-2) Match 2 - Alexander Strub Fellowship vs. Kurgan's Killers Quarter Finals Bracket 1 - Ancient Babylon Gimli swung his axe at the Headless Horseman, but the blade went right over his head, er, shoulders. "I coulda sworn that'ed work!" the dwarf muttered angrily. Aragorn stabbed Kurgan in the chest, but the evil man laughed, proclaiming, "There is only one way that mortal man may kill me!" With that, Legolas took five arrows and shot Kurgan in the chest, who exploded in a tumult of lightning bolts and thunderclaps. "I am no man." Legolas proclaimed. "I'm an elf." "Besides," retorted Gimli, "you didn't kill him anyway. Those arrows did. You were supposed to cut off his head! I don't think we can count this one." "Not fair, dwarf!" Legolas angrily countered, "That makes 12,914 for me, and 43 for you." "Hey, where's Aragorn?" wondered Gimli. "I don't know." said Legolas. The elf and dwarf called out the Dunedain ranger's name. "Over here!" he responded at last. Legolas and Gimli discovered that their Mannish friend had just decapitated Ray Park and Toad, who were having an "I can do aerial flips better than you" contest. Alexander: Not bad for the heir of Westernesse. Two with one blow. Robert: Darth Maul would've beat them both anyway. Q: That's stupid! They're all the same person. Talk about your pathetic mortals' temporal fluxes. Alexander: Well, that's another match down. Robert: Not so fast, what about the Headless Horseman? Alexander: Oh yes! Aragorn stabbed the Horseman in the chest, proving once and for all that the Horseman is not some evil necromantic entity, rather Abraham "Brom Bones" Van Brunt, a gruff, dirty man who wanted to eliminate his rival from a love triangle. Van Brunt falls to the ground, and Gimli opens his clothes, revealing that his coat was pulled over his head. As it happens, Aragorn stabbed him in the throat. Winners: Fellowship (3-2) Kurgan's Killers (3-2) Match 3 - Robert Newell The Empire vs Batman and Friends Quarter Finals Bracket 2 - Lamp Post Woods, Narnia Two batarangs glanced harmlessly off of General Grevious' armor. Batgirl and Robin had never faced anyone with quite the level of power of the cyborg Separatist. Robin tried to kick one of Grevious' legs and broke his ankle. The crippled Boy Wonder didn't last much longer and was cut down by a blue lightsaber. Batgirl knew that she was outmatched and fled... right into the grasp of the waiting Dementor which sucked out her soul. Batman and Batman Beyond were stalking Emperor Palpatine elsewhere in the woods. Batman Beyond wanted to strike quickly, but could only barely be restrained by his mentor. Sensing their conflict through the Force, Palpatine called out, "I can see you. I know wht you are thinking. Go ahead, strike me down. An old, defenseless man who has done nothing to harm you. " Batman was not fooled by the ruse, but Batman Beyond was. Not so subtle Force Persuasion pushed him over the edge and he attacked Batman. The Dark Knight was taken by surprise. Batman Beyond was too fast and too strong to hold off for very long, and as it turned out, he did not have very long. As they struggled in the snow, Emperor Palpatine walked up and blasted them both repeatedly with Force Lightning. The heroes couldn't withstand the malevolent blasts. Palpatine cackled evilly. Winner: The Empire (4-1) Batman & Friends (3-2) Or if you like here's another version of this match Match 3a - RJ Harris The Empire vs. Batman & Friends Quarter Finals Bracket 2 - Lam Post Woods, Narnia RJ: General Grievous has done all the hard work here too! Will I get to commentate on a match at all? With his 4 lightsabers, the Droid General decapitated Batman, Robin, Batgirl, and Batman Beyond. I did notice in the replay though that none of his foes moved at all. It must have been a combination of the fear the Dementor dispelled and a the Force used by Palpatine. Either way, Batman is out and the Empire moves on. Winner: The Empire (4-1) Batman and Friends (3-2) Match 4 - Brian Ailshie Incredibles vs. MIB Quarter Finals Bracket 1 - Ancient Babylon John Madden: Our two teams meet in one of the open markets today. Mr. Incredible whispers to Dash and the boy takes off. He runs circles around 'L' kicking up lots of dust. She seems rather confused. Suddenly Mr. Incredible steps out of the dust and gives 'L' the biggest (and last) headbutt of her life. Al Michaels: While that was happening, Mrs. Incredible and Violet attack Zed. Violet uses her shield power and envelops the MIB commander. Mrs. Incredible rips a door from it's hinges and slingshots it at Zed and takes him out. Madden: At roughly the same time, 'J' and 'K' take out Frozone. The ice-powered hero get's hit with a blast from J's 'Little Cricket.' Michaels: The family Incredible then meet up with the MIB heroes in epic battle style. MIB's weapons can't penetrate Violet's shield, and Mr. Incredible uses that distraction to lob things at them. Finally 'K' is taken out when a vegetable shop cart lands on him. Madden: 'J' proves harder to hit however, and he manages to penetrate Violet's bubble! The girl falls to the ground and her mother cradles her in her arms. Michaels: Dash runs in and drags 'J' to the open where Mr. Incredible topples the Ishtar Gate on him. Madden: And that's the end of that battle. Winners: Incredibles (5-0) MIB (3-2) Match 5 - Robert Newell Team X vs The White Hand Quarter Finals Bracket 1 - Ancient Babylon Saruman looked over at his old, crippled opponent. He was merely a man and had no hope of defeating Saruman of Many Colors! "Prepare to die, foolish man!" Saruman bellowed and launched a fireball from his staff. Professor X gave a slight nudge with his mind, and the fireball was deflected harmlessly into a nearby building. Saruman was flabergasted. How had he missed. Was he really facing a wizard? He tried using his Voice to compel the old man to do his bidding. Professor X was not used to fighting opponents who had mind-controlling powers on par with his own, but his defenses held. Realizing the gravity of the situation, Professor X struck back with all of his mental might, knocking Saruman silly. The rogue Maia staggered for a second and then fell. The building he had ignited a whie earlier promptly fell on him. Professor X frowned and wheeled away. He abhorred such violence, but sometimes it was necessary. Colossus and Beast were across the city in the bazaar. They were trying to find Gambit who seemed to have wandered off. Abruptly, they came across a being at least as big as Juggernaut. The Ogre Champion of Grimorgg charged and swung his massive fist with all of his might at Colossus. Colossus reflexively turned into his metal form. He still flew back from the blow, but the Ogre's entire arm was shattered internally. Beast had leapt to the relative safety of a nearby roof. From there he spotted Ugluk. He dove down from the roof on top of Ugluk, breaking his neck. Meanwhile, Colossus and the Ogre were in a knockdown, dragout fight. Coossus was getting the best of it though. His defenses were nearly impervious to the mundane means the Ogre had at its disposal. After a titanic struggle, Colossus snapped the ogre's neck and sat down, panting. Just then, Gambit emerged from a building holding a bowl of food. "This baba-lon foodis the best, I gar-on-tee!" Beast just sighed and the three of them went to find the Professor. Winner: Team X (3-1-1) White Hand (3-2) Match 6 - Brian Ailshie Jedi Masters vs House Atreides Quarter Finals Bracket 2 - Lamp Post Woods of Narnia Mr. Statistics: Well, well! Lady Jessica and Mace Windu face off again. The last time was in Rumble 2004, and that time Jessica didn't do to well. Brian: That's putting it lightly, she got Mace's lightsaber in the back! While those two renew their Bene Gesserit vs. The Force battle, let's look elsewhere. Mr. Obvious: The rest isn't going well for House Atredies. Brian: Another understatement. Qui-Gon Jinn struggled for a moment against Ct. Leto's shield, but finally his lightsaber sliced through. Yoda was even quicker. He struck down Gurney and Duncan before they could even arm their shields. The two Jedi Masters turn to help Mace finish off their last opponent. Mr. Statistics: After a gigantic struggle, Jessica manages to strike Windu with a Gom Jabbar! Mace drops to his knees muttering somthing about 'anti-toxin' Brian: I think he's trying to fight the poison with his Jedi skills. Mr. Obvious: Doesn't look like it will work though. Brian: Yet another understatement. She takes his lightsaber while he's focusing and cuts him down. Yoda and Qui-Gon then enter the fray however, and are more than enough for Lady Jessica. She's not used to the lightsaber and her opponents are masters. Mr. Obvious: Jedi Masters. Brian: Yeah, whatever. She goes down with a nice green lightsaber protruding from the back of her skull. Winners: Jedi Masters (5-0) House Atredies (2-2-1) Match 7 - Robert Newell Fantastic 4 vs Witch Army Quarter Finals Bracket 3 - The Stone of Tear Robert: Inasmuch as the Witch Army already lost to the Incredibles (who seem loosely modeled on the Fantastic 4) it seems quite unlikely that they will prevail. Alexander: Yeah, Mr Fantastic and Elastigirl have the same power. Violet and the Invisible Woman have very similar powers. The Thing and Mr Incredible are both super-strong and super-durable. Frozone is the opposite of the Human Torch. The only one that doesn't match up is Dash. Robert: I hardly think that will matter. The Thing has already broken Kail and Sorsha's swords. The Human Torch swoops down from the sky to finish them off. Alexander: Mr Fantastic and Invisible Woman are making short work of Bavmorda. Invisible Woman is blocking all of Bavmorda's spells with her force fields and it looks like Mr Fantastic has the evil witch in a chokehold. Ooh, now she can't breathe at all. She slips into oblivion rather fast. She didn't look too healthy to start and it seems the lack of oxygen triggered a cardiac episode for her. Just like we thought, the Fantastic 4 had no trouble dispatching the Witch Army. Winner: Fantastic 4 (5-0) Match 8 - Cindy Ailshie Venture�s Quest vs. Ungol�s Surprise Quarter Finals Bracket 2 - Lamp Post Woods of Narnia Rog doesn�t waste any time. He takes a running start in the snow and leaps onto Shelob�s back, hacking and slashing with his axe. He quickly realizes the blade isn�t much use against her hard shell, not to mention the fact that she has begun writhing beneath him, flailing her frightful pincers. Rygara rushes to come to his aid, coming from the back where the giant spider won�t notice. She manages to cut off two legs with Labyrinth before Shelob screeches and scuttles around to confront her, all while Rog continues to cling to her back and fend off her pincers. Venture, meanwhile, has been trying to get in a good shot from his bow, but he�s afraid of hurting Rog or Rygara. "Get off of it!" he cries out, frustrated and worried. "�Gara, get away from its legs!" But both warriors are heedless to his pleas, caught up in the heat of battle. During all of this Yonder lingers at the sidelines, troubled by a sense of some secret malice. He had intended to rush forward with Rygara, but something held him back. Now he realizes what it was. As Venture lifts an arrow to his bow, his hands shaking while he searches for an open spot to aim for on Shelob, a slouching shadow creeps up from the trees behind him, fingers stretched out like claws. "Ven! At your back!" Yonder cries. Venture whirls around, and Gollum hisses, seizing him by the throat. The bow and arrow fall to the ground while the two grapple, weaponless. Yonder charges forward just in time to save Venture from falling unconscious from Gollum�s strangling hold on his neck. He swears by his patroness Mian before delivering a killing blow to Gollum�s head. Venture, his throat still raw, chokes out his thanks, but he doesn�t waste another moment before rejoining the others still fighting Shelob. Rog has fallen from her back now, injuring his shoulder, but he wields his weapon as ferociously as ever, swinging blow after blow upon every section of Shelob that becomes exposed as she dances from one position to another. Rygara is exhausted, only managing to cut off part of another leg before her sword clatters from her aching hands. Venture hurries to her side, pausing a moment to deliver an arrow at point-blank range into Shelob�s underbelly. The creature lets out a chilling howl of agony. Yonder, close at Venture�s heals, directs his spear into the same place with all the strength of a paladin warrior. The spider�s remaining legs are twitching weakly now. Yonder delivers another blow. A foul liquid gushes out. Venture shouts as it touches his skin, burning and smoking, but Yonder will be able to heal that. Shelob, meanwhile, is finished. Winners: Venture�s Quest (4-1) Ungol's Surprise (2-3) Match 9 - Mark Ailshie Nebuchadnezzar vs. Hulkmania Quarter Finals Bracket 3 - Stone of Tear Morpheus puts the cell phone to his ear "We're gonna need guns, Dozer. Lots of guns. And, give us a download on Marvel super heroes and their weaknesses while you're at it." He puts the cell phone away, and just in time as the Incredible Hulk smashes through a wall and roars at him. Morpheus takes out his uzi and empties a few clips into Hulk. A second later, when the Marvel download kicks in, he realizes why he shouldn't have doen that. Hulk is now some 12 feet tall and very angry indeed. He snatches at Morpheus, and he springs away with Matrix enhanced abilities. Trinity is similarly trying to evade She-Hulk. Finally, in frustration, She-Hulk looks out of the comic panel and shouts "Byrne! What's going on?" John Byrne (one of She-Hulk's writers): She's in the Matrix, Jennifer. She can move way fast. She Hulk: Well, write me into the Matrix, too. John Byrne: But that would completely alter... She Hulk: Byrne, don't make me come out there! Suddenly, She Hulk is also fast. She grabs Trinity by the hair, and Trinity spins around and starts raining kung fu on her. It's just making Jennifer mad, though. Seeing her distress, Neo takes to the air and tries to help, but Namor takes to the air as well and the two start to fight in mid flight. Neo is faster, but Namor is stronger. The two smash through one of the walls and plunge into the moat! Namor pulls the One into the water, hoping to drown him. But Neo simply says "There is no water," and Namor can't drown him. Finally, She Hulk takes hold of Trinity by the face and levels her with a massive headbutt. She goes down with a skull smashed into oblivion. Meanwhile, Morpheus and Hulk are locked in combat. Morpheus is sweating with the exertion, desperately trying to remember that Hulk isn't really there, and thus cannot be stringer than him. Hulk's unstoppable strength is slowly changing his mind. "Hey Ugly!" shouts She Hulk, "Check THIS out!" Morpheus turns his head and his mouth drops open as a huge lump of stone flies toward him. He manages to dodge, but now Hulk puts him into a full nelson. It only takes a few seconds to snap his neck. "Good job, cousin Bruce," jokes She Hulk. "Two down, one to..." >>SLAM<<< Suddenly, Namor comes flying through a stone wall, bloodied and ruined. Neo is on the other side, his hair still perfect, his shades still slick, The foot he kicked him with raised unnaturally high. She Hulk's eyebrows raise, and she steps back. Hulk on the other hand, Roars in anger and steps forward. Neo gapes at the two emerald warriors, his mouth drops open to see Morpheus an Trinity dead beside them. There is only one word that he can use to describe the situation. "Whoa," Neo says. "HULK SMASH WHOA-MAN!" Hulk shouts and charges recklessly. Neo calmly dodges aside, then opens up with well placed punches and kicks. She-Hulk moves to attack as well, but Neo leaps over them and lets the two cousins collide into each other. "Bryne!" She Hulk calls out. John Bryne: On your own here, I'm afraid. He can manipulate the Matrix. You're better off outside it. Neo hears this and charges at She Hulk, diving into her. Hulk watches in confusion as Jennifer writhes in agony, and then her flesh splatters apart as Neo erupts out of her. Hulk seizes Neo in one massive hand. Neo twists the arm around and throws Hulk over his shoulder. Hulk lands in a heap, and Neo begins attacking him. Punches and kicks rain down, but Hulk only grows stronger. Finally, he lands a slap on Neo's face which sends him across the Stone. Neo pulls himself out of the stone dust and surveys the situation. He realizes this is the ultimate test of his powers. Unfettered, untempered, unstoppable rage against his calm, ordered, precise reactions. The Hulk is pure passion without reason, and Neo had to be pure reason without passion. That was why he was trying not to think of his dead friends. Hulk punches the ground, and the walls around Neo fall down, the ceiling starts to cave in, and Neo tries to evade the falling rubble, and mostly succeeds. However, in his attempt to evade the rocks, he forgets to watch Hulk. The Green Goliath locks him into a massive bearhug. Neo can feel his ribs snapping, and desperately tries to remember that it is not really his ribs snapping, not really his lungs popping like ripe fruit, not really his vitals spilling out around the Hulk's massive green arms. But his brain doesn't believe it. The Stone continues to fall, and now massive hunks of rubble smash down on both Hulk and Neo. Neo is dead before the dust settles, and Hulk has been knocked cold by the fall. But he still survives. Winners: Hulkmania (5-0) Team Nebuchadnezzar (3-1) Match 10 -RJ Harris New Jedi vs. Agent Smith Quarter Finals Bracket 1 - Ancient Babylon RJ: Well this was over before I really was able to start the match. The NJK were carefully walking around when Agent Smith appeared. He attempted to take over Mara Jade's body and 2 quick lightsaber strokes later, Smith had no hand and no head. With no Matrix to keep his program working, Agent Smith exists no more. Flawless victory for Jade and the New Jedi's move on. Winner: New Jedi Knights (4-1) Agent Smith (4-1) |