| Match 1 - Brian Ailshie Green Flash vs TV Cops Group AD - Chicago Subway System Mr. Statistics: Well this will be an important match for the Green Flash. If they win here, they get that all important 3rd win, one win (over the Special Agents) shy of a sweep. John Madden: Yeah this will be a good match all around. The TV Cops may not have won a match yet, but they've fought hard, and one never knows what that MacGuyver will think up next. Well here we go. Both teams appear on opposite ends of an express train running from the North end to the South End of town. They start heading toward each other. The Flash is running full steam through the middle of the train cars, Flash Gordon takes a little more exciting way and heads out a window onto the roof. Green Lantern, it seems, has decided to move more slowly from car to car. It looks like he's studying something. Al Michaels: It looks like some kind of telescope. But how he could see his foes through all the cars and such is beyond me. Madden: Yeah, but remember, that green ring of his can create anything he can imagine. Michaels: Let's zoom in and see if we can tell what he's seeing. A camera angles in and then super expands the picture visible around GL's eye. Madden: It seems that he is watching his foes after all. In particular he's watching MacGuyver create another set of traps for the Green Flash Team. Michaels: Whoa! There's a huge, green bubble forming around MacGuyver. He's totally surrounded now. Madden: Mac looks up in time to see the bubble close. He drops the tube-sock-bomb he was working on and bangs a fist against the bubble. No effect. He backs up to the opposite side, runs, and rams the bubble. Still no effect. But Mac doesn't give up. He returns to his bomb. Michaels: But look at the bubble, it's getting smaller now! Madden: Your right. Mac looks up to see the bubble slam him in the face. The bubble continues to shrink crushing Mac inside of it. The sock-bomb goes off, still no damage to the bubble, and Mac's a goner. Michaels: Meanwhile, the Flash has met up with the furthest forward of the Cops. He runs between Bristow and Magnum, and they open fire. Unfortunately, the speedy hero is too fast, and they only hit each other. Crockett and Tubbs are smarter though, they wait for the Flash to pass them before firing. Still the bullets miss, so they chase the hero back through the train. Madden: All the while, Flash Gordon is moving along the roof toward the far end of the train. Michaels: All four fighters meet up at the end of the train where MacGuyver met his demise. It seems the green bubble took out some of the train's roof as well. Flash Gordon sees Crockett and Tubbs shoot the Flash now that he's trapped at the end of the train. However Flash Gordon takes aim, and blasts them both with his ray gun. Winners: Green Flash (3-0) TV Cops (0-3) Match 2 - RJ Harris Super Beings vs Special Agents Group AD - Chicago Subway System RJ: Well! This will be quite a match here today. We have two, 2-win teams that desperately need this win to secure a playoff bid--especially Superman and Co. This is their only chance for that magical 3rd win. Even if the Agents lose here--they can still get a 3rd win vs the Green Flash. Lex is out as well as those TV Cops. 2 spots remain and with a tight Wild Card race you want a secure spot. Jamie: The match begins with the Agents appearing at the station beneath Wrigley Field. The Super Beings are at the Sears Tower. As they start moving toward each other, the Agents discuss strategy. It appears that Ethan Hunt is holding a small case of 6 green bullets. Mr. Obvious: Kryptonite! RJ: Yes, but if I am to wager a guess, I bet Superman is aware of their find, as he has been listening to their conversations with his supersonic hearing. Once he is sure of the Agent's plans he tell his team of theirs. Jamie: After a while, the Agents run into 2 very beautiful women (a man in a suit and glasses hangs out in the background). For being Super Agents, these guys are not very bright. Mr. Obvious: Yes, they are being too exact in looking for Superman and his gang--not realizing that the only people in the subway system right now have to be their current competitors. RJ: Bond starts putting the moves on both Supergirl and Wonder Woman, while the other 3 teammates stand around talking strategy--Clark Kent still keeps to himself. It takes Hunt about half an hour to finally realize that they have been tricked. By this point, Wonder Woman has taken Bond's gun and when Hunt opens fire toward Supergirl, her "lover" Bond foolishly jumps in front of the bullets. He takes 3 shots--and falls dead. Jamie: But I thought they were Kryptonite bullets? RJ: Yup, bullets will still kill him no matter what kind they are. As Hunt fires again at Wonder Woman, she has pulled out her bracelets and deflects 2 more shots and they hit, of all people, Bourne and Anderton. With only one bullet left, Superman steps from the shadows--Hunt fires and the Man of Steel falls, but with no more Kryptonite bullets, it does not take his Super friends long to beat the stuffing out of the MI Agent. Winner: Super Beings (3-1) Special Agents (2-1) Match 3 - Brian Ailshie Random Team vs House Atreides Group U - Arakeen Van Pelt: The rules of the Game are simple. I must kill you all. (He fires his gun repeatedly at Count Leto) Leto: I don't think so stranger! (the personal 'Shield' he, Gurney, and Duncan are wearing stops the bullets) Van Pelt: Perhaps, but perhaps not (He shifts his gun slightly) Leto: JESSICA! (Lady Jessica slumps to the ground) Leto: You WILL die stranger (The infuriated Count Leto attacks Van Pelt, hacking him to death with his knife) Herbie: Beep BOOP, Beep Beep BEEEEEEEEP (The little car races around the small courtyard the battle is occurring in) Gurney: Duncan! Hit that little rover vehicle. (Both Duncan and Gurney fire at Herbie with their Laz-Guns) Herbie: Beeeeeep Bop Breeeepp! KABOOM! (Herbie explodes, knocking Count Leto to the ground.) Casper: Why do we have to fight! Can't we just be friends? Leto: No! You are evil, and must die. (He shoots his Laz-Gun at Casper but it goes through his ghostly body) Gurney: I'll get him my Lord! (He to fires at Casper, repeatedly. The Ghost runs around the courtyard, despite the fact that the Laz-Guns are missing him entirely) Duncan: Careful where you're shooting . . .! (A mis-aimed shot from Gurney's Laz-Gun hits Duncan's 'Shield') Narrator: Anyone who has played Dune the Board game knows what happens when a Laz-Gun is used against a 'Shield'. The explosion kills all in the area. Including Casper who's ghostly atoms are just as scattered by the atomic blast as anyone else. Winners: DRAW! House Atreides (1-1-1) Random Team (1-2-1) Match 4 - Robert Newell House Atreides vs House Harkonnen Group U - Arrakeen City, Arrakis Robert: Numerically, this is an even match. In reality, it isn't even close. Frank Herbert: That's definitely the way I wrote it. Robert: One question though, why are the Sardaukar such pansies? Weren't they supposed to be the most elite fighting force in the galaxy? Frank Herbert: They have grown soft and overconfident, using their reputation to intimidate, not their actual prowess. Robert: Makes a lot of sense. Ooh, there goes the Beast Raban. Duncan Idaho and Gurney Halleck trisected him... gruesome. Frank Herbert: And there goes Feyd Rautha. Duke Leto beat him worse that his son will eventually. Robert: And a judicious use of the Voice by Lady Jessica cuases the Sardaukar to shoot each other. Flawless victory for House Atreides. One last question for you Mr. Herbert. Why were all of your Dune sequels so horrible? Frank Herbert: (Stunned silence) Robert: No answer... oh well. Winner: House Atriedes (2-1-1) House Harkonnen (1-3) Match 5 - Brian Ailshie 13th Nightmare vs Mongol Horde Group A - Camp Crystal Lake Brian: The Mongol Horde rides again! Mark: Of course we've already established that . . . Brian: Yes. I know, I know. They're not really Mongols. So what. Here they come and Mike Myers and Chucky are right in their way. Mike swings his chainsaw threateningly, but Crazyhorse pins him with a spear. The Horde rides on trampling Mike's body and the doll as they go. Bart Simpson: Whoa! Look at that man! That crazy doll just climbed Shan Yu's horse as they rode past. Now he's biting a huge chunk out of that horses @$$! Homer: Why you little . . . Bart: GACK! GRRRK! Homer: GRrrt! No Swearing! You Little . . . Montgomery Burns: And the horse goes down, crushing the Chinaman under it. Excellent! Bart: Ghengis and Attila turn their horses and attack that demon toy. Their swords make quick work of him. And here comes Jason with his axe! He leaps at Ghengis cutting him down, but my good old Attila the Hun spears him down. Brian: Suddenly the forest starts to melt around the two remaining 'Mongols' like a melting chocolate. Homer: Mmmmm, Chocolate! Uhhuhahaha! Bart: Get a grip Homer. It's Freddy Krueger using his nightmare powers. Brian: Crazyhorse howls in rage and fear, and Attila is screaming too. Bart: Yeah but Attila is screaming in pain. Freddy just jabbed his claws through his chest. Marge: Oh How awful! This is more violent than an episode of that Itchy and Scratchy show! Bart: Yeah, isn't it great! Brian: And there goes the battle! Freddy just clawed into Crazyhorse as well. 13th Nightmare wins one in nightmarish fashion. Mr. Statistics: That also assures the Vampire Slayers get the #1 spot in Group A, since now only the Classic Monsters could tie their record, and the Slayers beat them in the head-to-head. Winners: 13th Nightmare (1-2) Mongol Horde (1-2) Match 6 - Robert Newell Aes Sedai vs Heroes of Lonely Mountain and Dale Group U - Arrakeen City, Arrakis Robert: It looks like Nynaeve and Moiraine are arguing again. Alexander: What is it this time? Robert: I don't know, probably something about the Three Oaths, or Lan, or something. Alexander: But they are going to miss the whole match. Robert: Yeah, it looks like Lan will be done soon. The Uncrowned Lord of the Malkieri is making short work of the dwarves. Alexander: Ouch, that pun was actually physically painful. Robert: And the man of Dale goes down to a combination of Needle of Light followed up with Reaping the Barley. Now Lan has to go back to listening to Moiraine and Nynaeve argue. I fell kind of sorry for him. Winner: Aes Sedai (4-0) Heroes of Lonely Mountain and Dale (1-3) GROUP FINISHED Aes Sedai (4-0) #1 Seed House Atreides (2-1-1) #2 Seed |