| Match 1 - Brian Ailshie Team Nebuchadnezzar vs Star/War Craft Group K - Minotaur's Matrix Maze John Madden: This promises to be an exciting match-up. Morpheus and his matrix runners, Neo and Trinity; against the expandable power of Kerrigan's Zerg and Cho'Gall's Orc legions. Andy Katz: The Matrix guys can move fast and kick some serious butt. However, if they get lost in the maze and give too much time to the Zerg and Orcs there could be serious amounts of enemies in a real quick fashion. We saw how devastating that can be with the Greek Heroes match, that was gruesome. Madden: And with the size and complexity of this maze that is a good likelihood. You see they gotta go up this way and then around this way... no, maybe this way, and around that way . . . [Madden starts drawing all over the window with a marker again] Brian: Morpheus, Neo, and Trinity start down one of the stone corridors at a brisk trot. Morpheus: We have got to move fast, these guys will take over in a real fast fashion. Brian: The Orc Peon has built a couple farms and a Barracks. He's starting on a Lumber Mill. There should be an Orc Warrior appearing at the same time he finishes that. The Zerg are moving along just as fast. But where did Kerrigan and Cho'Gall get too? Weird Al Yankovic: They have gone to set up delaying tactics for their enemies while the little ones grow up into an army. Looks like they have started setting booby traps of some kind. Not that much is likely to hurt the Matrix guys. They're too fast. Brian: Well, as time goes by, Morpheus and company are getting closer, and the Zerg and Orcs are getting more numerous. As Morpheus rounds a corner, he trips on a wire stretched across the darkened corridor. He leaps as he falls and manages to avoid the avalanche as the wall collapses. Unfortunately he is also now separated from his teammates. Neo and Trinity begin digging into the mess, but the wall was rigged, well and keeps falling in as they dig. Even with Matrix speed this could take a while. Morpheus on the other hand can't help dig as he is attacked by a horde of Zerglings. Individually they're nothing he can't handle, but he is beginning to be overwhelmed by their sheer numbers. Neo and Trinity start to hear the scuffle and redouble their efforts. As they finally break through three different things happen. Madden: And all of them are bad! First you've got a troop of Orcs and Troll axe-throwers enter behind the Zerg group, here. Second Morpheus goes down under a pile of Zerg, right here. And lastly you got Cho'Gall and Kerrigan coming up from behind them, here. [all of this accompanied by a dizzying array of marker on the window] Brian: Aaah, yeah. Anyway, Neo and Trinity turn around to look at their enemies behind them. Neo: Go rescue Morpheus Trinity! I'll handle this. Brian: Cho'Gall and Kerrigan laugh. But not for long. Neo leaps at Cho'Gall and snaps his neck with the first blow. Kerrigan falls beside him before she can use any of her attacks. Neo turns around and sees that Trinity is in trouble. The Troop of orcs was followed by some more Zerg, and behind them were some Ogre-Mages. Neo starts shooting the rock from the collapsed wall at them, as he chops and kicks his way through. He rescues Trinity, and working together they make short work of the little army, but its too late for Morpheus. Leaving their fallen leader, Neo and Trinity continue down the corridor, and suddenly there is a whole city of buildings, swarming with Orcs, Zerg, Trolls and Ogres. Neo and Trinity charge in, and the mess is quite gruesome. Trinity goes down under a swarm of Orcs and Zerg. Then, just as it looks like even Neo will be overwhelmed, it's over. It seems the original drone and peon were caught in the melee, and since they were the original team with Kerrigan and Cho'Gall, it is over now that they are dead. Winner: Team Nebuchadnezzar (1-0) Star/War Craft (1-1) Match 2 -Mark Ailshie The Fellowship vs. WWE Greats Group O - Madison Square Garden Gorilla Monsoon: Hello, everybody and welcome to Madison Square Garden. I'm Gorilla Monsoon, here with Bobby "the Brain" Heenan, Tazz, and Jerry "The King" Lawler coming to you live. Brain: And right now, the Fellowship are standing in the middle of the ring, their weapons bared and ready. Tazz: Well, they better be ready, Bobby, because only the best of the best ended up in this team. Sound: Clash of symbols, followed by deep thumping drums King: Oh, here we go! From Parts Unknown, weighing in at 247 pounds, the Ultimate Warrior! Brain: and Warrior charges down the aisle at the fellowship, like the overgrown muscle head he is, and-- Tazz: Not so loud, Brain. He'll hear you and stuff you back in that weasel suit. Gorilla: That's right, he'd probably love to get his hands on all three of you after all the unkind things you've said about him in that DVD. I was safely dead at the time, so I'm safe. King: Legolas is raining arrows down on the Warrior,as he charges at the ring, chock full of adrenalin, but either the arrows miss or Warrior is shrugging them off, and now he's in the ring, and he knocks Legolas over with a mighty Clothesline! Brain: This looks familiar! Aragorn and Gimli are taken a bit off guard, and he clotheslines each of them as well. And now he comes off the ropes with a flying shoulder tackle at the elf, and Legolas is busted wide open! Tazz: That's right, Brain. And now the Warrior is shaking the ropes as only he can, and now he seizes Legolas and presses him over his head. . . Gorilla: Press slam, and a beauty! Warrior sends Legolas out of the ring and into the announcer's table, which collapses under him. And the doctors report that Legolas' neck is broken, King! King: It sure is, Gorilla. And now Aragorn and Gimli make their presence known with two slashes of bladed weapons, and now the Warrior's intestines have spilled out all over the ring. Tazz: That's gonna make things slippery. I think Warrior was able to surprise the fellowship with his raw adrenalin, though, and now the Macho Man sails off the turnbuckle with an axe handle clubbing Gimli in the head. Aragorn moves to help, but meets a big boot from the Hulkster! Gorilla: The Hulkster, out of nowhere! Brain: And now Hogan sends Aragorn over the ropes with another boot, and slips out after him. He starts punching Aragorn in the face, but Aragorn brings his sword into play, and splits open Hogan's gut! King: Ooh! Ugly! And that's exactly what the Fellowship need to do is use their advantages--use those weapons, don't let the wrestlers turn this into a physical brawl, because that's where the WWE advantage becomes insurmountable. But, look! Hulk's not out of it yet! Brain: Oh, this definitely looks familiar. Gorilla: He's hulking up, becoming impervious to pain! Aragorn smashes him in the face with the butt of his sword, to no effect. And again, to no effect. >SWIPE!< Tazz: Ohh! That had an effect. Hulk has been cleanly beheaded by Aragorn's sword. Meanwhile, what's been happening in the ring, king? King: Well, Macho man has been using his speed to great advantage and overwhelming Gimli, but he made the mistake of locking the dwarf up in an attempt at a suplex. Gimli blocks it... Brain: And Gimli's axe swipes through the Macho Man's knee, and he's on the ground, bleeding profusely! Gimli: Nobody tosses a dwarf! Gorilla: Oh, he spoke too soon! The big show is behind him, and seizes him by the throat--Chokeslam! King: Holy cow! Did he ever nail him with that! I think he may have just broken his rib, or maybe even cracked his skull on that hit. Tazz: and now the Big Show picks up Gimli's axe, and drops with all his weight onto Gimli's throat! Brain: He smooshed him. Didn't even use the blade, just drove with the haft, and the weight squashed Gimli's throat like an eggshell. Gorilla: And now Big Show gets to his feet, and he's glaring down at Aragorn, and Aragorn is probably wondering if that sword is big enough. Brain: Well, Aragorn's better trained with that sword than Big Show is with Gimli's axe. Oh, but it doesn't look like he'll get a chance! Andre the Giant seizes Aragorn by his long greasy hair and slams his forehead into the back of his skull. Tazz: Ooh! What a headbutt, Brain! He's grand-kids are gonna feel that. Gorilla: And even worse for him, he's dropped Anduril. And now the Giant's hands have closed around his throat, cutting off his air. Tazz: And here come the Big Show! Look, he's putting down that axe well out of Aragorn's reach, and kicking the sword aside too. Brain: And now he's going under the ring for a steel chair, and wham! He belts Aragorn in the head with it! Gorilla: Well, the Show's not trying to kill him with this, he's just trying to wear him down. King: Exactly, so he can't get the strength to pry off the Giant's fingers. And now, he's passing out. Brain: Yeah, there he goes. He's out! And now, the Giant just leans into the choke, going for the kill. Gorilla: And that's an awful lot of weight closing down around the throat. Aragorn won't last long. King: Great! A win for the WWE, and now let's go on to the Sailor Scouts! Gorilla: You're despicable, King. Brain: You're such a lech. King: What? Tazz: Yeah don't you have a wife and kids, too king? King: What? What? Winner: WWE Greats (1-0) The Fellowship (0-1) Match 3 - Brian Ailshie AlienVPredator vs. Alien Killers Group AB - Onboard the Enterprise D John Madden: Well this one aught to be interesting. That Predator alien is pretty mean. He aught to wreck some havoc on these pitiful mortals. Andy Katz: What and you aren't a pitiful mortal? Brian: While they argue that pointlessness, let me tell what's happening. Riddick has led his team onto the bridge. They know that the beasts will come looking for them eventually, and Riddick is smart enough not to split up, like most horror movie morons. Of course that also means they'll be bunched together when the aliens attack. Let's see if it works. Riddick: Max, you block that door. They could come through that meeting room, or through the elevator tubes. Hudson, I want you to wait just inside that door. It's the Captain's office. Just the one door, so you can come out and jump them. Hudson: I don't know, we're all gonna die man! It's all hopeless!!! **SMACK** Ripley: Keep it together man, we're gonna pull through this one. Brian: Hudson nods and ducks into the captains ready-room. Only a moment later, and the door Mad Max was watching explodes inward. Max is knocked down by the blast, and before he can get up, the Alien is on him. Ripley fires a blast from her Pulse Rifle that blasts the alien to smithereens. Unfortunately it finishes off Max as well. Riddick: Be more careful with that thing! Brian: Before Ripley can make a retort, the Alien Mother leaps through the doorway with a deafening shriek. Ripley blasts at it, but misses as it leaps on her. Hudson jumps out from the ready-room and fires wildly. He hits the Alien Mother, Ripley and several of the computer consoles. Suddenly one of his shots sizzles into a blurry spot on the wall. Sparks fly from the Predator's cloaking device, and a blast from his shoulder cannon finishes off the space marine. Riddick swears and leaps at the Predator. He locks arms with the beast and shoves him into one of the sparking computer consoles. The shoulder cannon sparks and dies, and the beast growls menacingly as it shoves back at the convict turned hero. Riddick knees him in the groin, to little effect. The Predator throws him bodily across the room. Howling in rage, it leaps after him. Luckily for Riddick the Predator threw him next to Ripley's corpse. Riddick grabs the pulse rifle and blast a hole through the Predator. Riddick surveys the scene for a moment. There is no remorse for his fallen teammates at all. Riddick: Idiots. Winner: Alien Killers (1-0) Alien v Predator (0-1) Match 4 - Mark Ailshie Harrison's Heroes vs. Stallone's Stallions Group C - Tir Asleen Castle. "Okay, fellow Fords," begins Harrison ford, putting on his director hat, "I'm glad you all made it, and I'm even more glad that Han Solo loser didn't. I always maintained he should have been killed off in Return of the Jedi, in order to..." But a spray of bullets cuts Harrison off, and virtually cuts him in half as well. Indiana Jones and Jack Ryan dive for cover as Rambo shouts like a mandrill, shooting his machine gun in the air. Jack Ryan takes careful aim and shoots Rambo between the eyes. "Thank you," says Indiana Jones, coming out from behind cover. He is met by a stiff right hook which knocks him against the castle wall. "Hey, yo," says Rocky Balboa. "I dunno who ya'ar, ohr wheh ya' comefrm, but yo! I gonna nok yoo out, y'no?" So saying, Rocky throws a couple of combinations,just to show Jones what he is capable of. Indy nonchalantly draws his pistol and shoots Rocky in the chest. "Hey!" says a slushy voice. "I wrote dat guy! I wrote BOF o'dem guys!" Jones whips Stallone around the throat, cutting off his air. "Please, please, stop talking," says Indy. "It offends the ears." In a few minutes, Stallone passes out and dies. Winner: Harrison's Heroes (1-0) Stallone's Stallions (0-1) Match 5 - Mark Ailshie Autobots vs. Brotherhood of Mutants Group Z - Ewok village Optimus Prime thundered through the forest, followed by his two brothers in arms. "Autobots," he calls in his deep bass voice. "Transform and attack!" Mirage leaps to robot form and immediately fades into the background. Bumblebee transforms and pulls out his blaster rifle. Optimus himself transforms, and the back of the semi truck disappears into the aether, as it always does. The robots open up their weapons, blasting at their opponents. Sabertooth, Mystique, and Lady DeathStrike dive for cover. Magneto only smiles. "Attacking me with giant robots," he laughs. "How quaint." With a wave of Magneto's hand, the three giant transformers smash together with more force than your average junkyard car crusher. In seconds, they are reduced to one perfectly regular sphere of magnetized metal, some three-and-a-half meters in diameter. Magneto waits for all electronic activity to cease, and then lets the sphere drop to the ground. Winner: Brotherhood of Evil mutants (1-0) Autobots (0-1) Match 6 - Robert Newell Alien vs. Predator vs. Star Trek's Next Generation Group AB - NCC 1701-D "Enterprise" Intruders were obviously on the ship. Riker had just woken from a nightmare of the Enterprise being blown up, only to be placed in a similar situation. This time, emergency force fields had been erected on every deck. Data and Worf were heading to where the aliens had been seen last. He and Lt. Yar were safe on the bridge... or were they. Riker turned to Yar to order her to accompany the others when he saw a hideous Alien right behind her head. He cried out, but it was too late. BITE! Tasha Yar fell lifeless to the deck. Riker tried to draw his phaser, but the Alien was too quick. Commander Riker was torn limb from limb. Data and Worf were searching Ten Forward, where the computer said the Aliens were last seen. Data was not even aware that the Predator was directly in front of him when he was blasted to scrap by the Predator's energy cannon. Worf pulls one of those ornate Klingon daggers from... somewhere... and charges the Predator. The hunter contemptuously fires his spear-gun and adds a new decoration above the bar. Worf's headless body collapses in a heap on the ground. FLAWLESS VICTORY!!! Winner: Alien vs. Predator (1-1) Star Trek's Next Generation (0-2) |