| Match 1 - Brian Ailshie Street Fighters vs Vampire Slayers Group A - Camp Crystal Lake Buffy: Ok, I'm not sure what happened that last time, but let's not try that again! Belmont: Agreed. Let's form some defenses using these tables. Narrator: They turn the picnic tables on their sides and form a circle. Buffy stands in the middle, while Van Helsing and Simon Belmont are on opposite ends. Suddenly there is a deafening roar. Blanka comes spinning from the trees. He hits Buffy full in the face. She's electrocuted on the spot. Blanca gives another deafening howl. Then, he is riddled with crossbow bolts. Van Helsing's automatic crossbow is brutal! Van Helsing: Belmont! You all right? Belmont: Yeah, a little banged up but basically ok. How are you? Van Helsing: I was attacked by some dude in a mask with claws on his hands at the same time as that beast jumped Buffy. Belmont: Some girl with lightning fast kicks attacked me. Luckily she's not immune to burning oil. How's Buffy? Van Helsing: Dead. That beast cooked her on the spot somehow. Belmont: Now what? There's one more of them somewhere. Let's . . . Narrator: Just then that last one attacks. Col. Guile yells and sends his sonic boom into the cluster of picnic tables. Belmont and Van Helsing leap to the side. Guile leaps toward Belmont. Belmont tosses his boomerang, but misses. He is rewarded with a powerful uppercut. Belmont attacks next with his whip and manages to tangle the Colonel with it. Van Helsing: Here you go Belmont! Narrator: He fires his crossbow and ends the Colonel's life and the battle. Winners: Vampire Slayers (3-1) Street Fighters (1-2) Match 2 - Robert Newell New Dragon Army vs The Avengers Group D - Baladox Tower Robert: Now that is something that you don't see every day. Ender Wiggin and his New Dragon Army lost to Thor's Avengers. Does Ender ever loose? The Great Vizzini: Inconceivable! Robert: Umm, can we get this guy out of here? [A burly orc and an equally burly Gamorrean escort Vizzini to the time-out room] Alexander: Much better, what were saying Robert? Robert: It almost seems like Ender threw the match. He didn't deploy his forces nearly as effectively as we know he is capable of. Ender Wiggin: It was a strategic calculation. Similar to my assault on the Formic's homeworld. Robert: Please explain. Ender: There, I sacrificed my entire fleet for a victory. Here, I took a "loss" when we are basically already guaranteed to advance. THis "loss" as you put it, will likely move us into Quarterfinal 1 rather than Quarterfinal 3. I haven't seen the results from any of the other matches, but it seems likely to me that we will be facing the mortal Tir Asleen Champions first rather than the Immortals. We match up much better against the Champions than the Immortals. Beyond that, it is much harder to predict who we will face, but I am confident in my gambit, and my team backs me up. Robert: The moral of that story is to never second guess a certified genius in his field. Mr. Statistics: Of course, that genius is betting on that The Avengers will win all of their remaining matches. If they lose to either the Mind Twisters or the Forces of Dulba (but not both), and which ever team beats them also wins their other remaining matches, then that team, Ender's Team and the Avengers enter a 3 way tie for first place (all would be 3-1) and the tie-breaker score could still put Ender in first place. Of course if the Avengers lose both of their remaining matches, then Ender takes the #1 spot for sure as well. So, 'genius' or not, it is still statistically possible for Ender's plan to backfire on him. Winner: The Avengers (2-0) The New Dragon Army (3-1) Brian's note: Robert, on the off chance there is a tie, I need to know: "who died here?" (both teams) Match 3 - Brian Ailshie TV Cops vs SuperBeings Group AD - Chicago Subway System Brian: So do you think Superman can pull his team back together? Mr. Statistics: Well, he did clobber Luthor and company. He shouldn't have any trouble with the Cops. As long as he doesn't stumble over the idea of fighting police officers in the first place. Brian: True. Well let's see what happens. Here's Crockett and Tubbs. They see Superman and open fire. Of course lacking kryponite bullets, the shots simply bounce off. After a few attempts at telling them to 'cease and desist', Superman gives them both a super-punch, sending them onto the tracks. Crockett lands first, and Tubbs lands half on top of him, his hand hits the 3rd rail, and Miami Vice becomes Miami Fried Rice. Madden: And you thought my marker was annoying? Stop with the lame puns! Let's go see what's happening on the other side of the station. That's where SuperGirl and Wonder Woman are being attacked by Sidney Bristow and Magnum P.I. Sidney's shots bounce off SuperGirl, and Wonder Woman blocks Magnum's shots with her bracelets. Suddenly there is a huge explosion! Brian: It seems that MacGuyver has engineered a pipe bomb with Kryptonite shrapnel. The two super females are killed, of course the Kryptonite is especially for SuperGirl, but shrapnel of any kind will pierce and kill the human body. Magnum and Bristow are killed in the blast as well. Brian: The explosion alerts Superman and he charges to the 'rescue'. He hardly even notices the man in a trench coat he bumped into, or the subway train as it rushes into the station, pulverizing the man's body. Superman is only concerned for his lost cousin. Of course, he has inadvertently killed MacGuyver as well. Winners: SuperBeings (2-1) TV Cops (0-2) Match 4 - RJ Harris Fantastic 4 vs Hollywood Action Stars Group J--Sci-Fi Movie Set RJ: Well it looks like this was over quickly too, and... Venzzini: INCONCEIVABLE! RJ: You know you are still not using it correctly--this was TOTALLY conceivable. Am I right? Mr. Obvious: Of course--four amazing superheroes battling four mortal albeit great Action Actors, I'd have to go for the superheroes every time. For a quick wrap up, here's Mr. Statistics. Mr. Statistics: Thank you, Mr. Obvious--Well each of the Fantastic 4 took on one of the not-so-fantastic Action Stars. The Thing crushed Arnold Schwarzeneggar and Mr. T about what would be round 3 of a WWE fight. The Human Torch, ever the fast and furious, flew in and incinerated Jean Claude Van Damme & Clint Eastwood rather quickly. The Invisible Woman worked her charms on Chuck Norris (a bit of a womanizer)--he never had a chance once she pulled her invisible but naked trick--she took a sword from the movie set and ran him through. Lastly Mr. Fantastic literally hugged Jackie Chan to death. And with that we have our 8th 4-0 team (officially). Winner: Fantastic 4 (4-0) #1 group J; MIB is #2 Hollywood Action Stars (1-3) Match 5 - Brian Ailshie Classic Monsters vs 13th Nightmare Group A - Camp Crystal Lake Tolkien: The Classic Monsters are the only 'Real Monsters' here. They are much better than these 'Horror show losers'. Lucas: You know, for once we agree. Not much challenge. Frankenstein's Monster tears Chucky to shreds, while the Wolfman shows Krueger what claws are really for. Tolkien: At nearly the same time, the Count drinks Myers' blood and Imhotep crushes Vorhees' skull. Winners: Classic Monsters (2-1) 13th Nightmare (0-2) |