| Match 1 - Brian Ailshie G.I. Joe Ninjas vs Video Game Ninjas Group N - Cobra Island Weird Al (to the tune of "Eye of the Tiger"): This is the . . . Fight of the Ninjas, as they fight for their life. You can bet that the . . . Tolkien: Ok, that's about all I can stand of that. What's happening here George? Lucas: Well, it looks like the teams have appeared all massed together this time. They each take an enemy and tangle into battle. Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow are fighting the Double Dragon brothers; Jinx has squared off with Ryu, and Scarlet has locked up Thomas. Tolkien: It looks like that first match up is a little lop-sided. Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes cut them down with their katanas rather quickly. Lucas: On the other hand, the young, girl-ninja finds herself a little out classed by Ryu. After a few clashes of their swords, he spins the blade from her hand. As she runs to retrieve it, he takes her down with a shiruken to the back of the head. Two Headed Race Announcer: That's gotta hurt! Lucas: Yes quite. Scarlet has found some room and is shooting crossbow bolts at Thomas; but amazingly, he's kicking them out of the air. Tolkien: Ryu goes to join Thomas, but is blocked by Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. A true Ninja battle ensues, but after all it is 2 on 1. Ryu wounds Snake Eyes, but Storm Shadow cuts him down. Lucas: When the two of them join Scarlet, Thomas is destroyed rather quickly. Winners: G. I. Joe Ninjas (3-0) Video Game Ninjas (0-2) Match 2 - Robert Newell Star/War Craft vs Evil Myths Group K - Minotaur's Maze Cho-gall knew exactly what to do when his Eye of Kilrog turned to stone looking at the Medusa. He directed the orc peon to rush for dragons and, in a few minutes when he had them since bases go up very quickly, he sent a dragon flight to hit Medusa from a distance. The resulting conflagration killed Medusa and the Minotaur as well. Cerberus, being the hound of Hades, was unaffected by the flames. He was not unaffected by Kerrigan's psionic storm. It ripped him to shreds rather quickly. Winner: Star/War Craft (2-2) Evil Myths (0-4) Match 3 - Brian Ailshie Vampire Slayers vs 13th Nightmare Group A - Camp Crystal Lake Brian: We join this match already in progress. Chucky is on fire having been doused with flaming oil from Simon Belmont. Simon Belmont: Burn baby burn! Buffy: I realize that the toy was possessed and evil, but enjoying it? You're sick. Van Helsing: The death of evil is always a joyful occasion. Freddy Krueger: Now it's time for my Nightmare! <<The following has received a rating of G: Grossly inappropriate, and has been edited for content by the Fantastic Rumble decency committee.>> Simon Belmont: Whoa! What happened here? Why is everyone bleeding and dead? Man I hate not being able to sleep! Winners: Vampire Slayers (2-1) 13th Nightmare (0-1) Match 4 - Robert Newell Willow's Friends vs The Mystery Men Group I - Bavmorda's Castle Alexander: Ooh, who is going to win this one? Robert: Who cares? They are both pathetic, I mean, how is either team going to do anything to the other? Alexander: Hmm, I don't know. But one of them has to win... right. Robert: Actually, not necessarily. Sure enough, in a stunning conclusion (that was too boring to even describe)... they all died somehow. Winners: DRAW!! Willow's Friends (0-3-1) The Mystery Men (0-3-1) Match 5 - Brian Ailshie Cartoon Heroes vs Cobra Group N - Cobra Island Brian: Well, the home court advantage certainly didn't help Cobra did it? Mark: No, but remember that they simply don't like each other either. I think that played a bigger factor than the 'home court advantage. Brian: I agree. But maybe that will be less of a factor this time, as Cobra has appeared in 4 different parts of the island. Nemesis Enforcer is in the Jungle, where Gizmoduck and the Tick are. Cobra Commander is in the grounded boat and it looks like Popeye is heading his way. Serpentor appears on the Beach and sees SpongeBob. He grabs the sponge and sets him to dry with a rock on his legs. Finally, Destro is in the main Cobra base. The Mask has just found him. Mask: Hey there, my brother from another mother. Nice Mask! Wanna trade? Brian: Without waiting for an answer he rips the mask from Destro's face, causing some pain. However that is forgotten when Ipkiss tosses the Mask (note the capital) at Destro who changes into 'Super' Destro and destroys Ipkiss rather violently. Destro decides to leave the base and head for the jungle area. On the way he meets Serpentor. Madden: As they make their way there, let me tell you what's happening in the land bound ship. RJ: just keep it brief. Ok. Madden: All right. Popeye started getting clobbered by the Commander, but then he remembered his spinach. Ripping it out and taking a huge bite, the sway of the fight shifts dramatically! Popeye punches Cobra Commander and sends the Commander soaring right through the roof. His neck breaks on the way out. Still munching on some spinach, Popeye heads toward the jungle as well. If you'd like I can show that better with this marker . . . Brian: That's ok. I'll take over from here. In the jungle, the Nemesis Enforcer has cornered GizmoDuck and is literally tearing him limb from wing. Then the Tick jumps him from behind. Tick: Spoon! Don't ya know? You're supposed to "Be Kind to Our Web Footed Friends" Brian: He breaks into song and yet is still able to fight well against the winged guardian of Cobra-La. It seems the fight might be over for the N.E. Mark: Not yet. Here come Serpentor and SuperDestro. Brian: Serpentor grabs the Tick in a choke hold, and Nemesis Enforcer slips away. Unfortunately for Serpentor, that means that the blue clad super bug can turn his full attention to the choke hold. He rips Serpentor from his back and slams him into a back breaker. There is a sickening pop and Serpentor goes limp. As the Tick turns to Destro. Super Destro: Now you just gotta ask yourself one question. Do I Feel Lucky? Well? Do ya, Punk? Brian: Destro pulls his arms back as he says that, and then whips them forward full of a wide assortment of guns, rocket launchers, swords, and other weapons. The Tick is unimpressed, or perhaps to stupid to figure it out. He charges, and Destro blasts him. Destro chuckles to himself, that is until Popeye leaps over a tree limb, slurping down a last bit of spinach. Spinning like a whirlwind, he tackles Destro who is caught off guard by the spinach-eating sailor. Popeye knocks Destro down, then picks him up and hits him again. After a few moments of random pummeling, Popeye stands on Destro's feet and rolls off a series of punches at Destro as if he was a punching bag. He finishes with an uppercut that knocks the Mask sailing through air and Destro slumps to the ground. Looks like another win for the Cartoon Heroes. Madden: Not so fast. Look! Brian: Whoa! A clawed fist just leaped out of Popeye's chest. Madden: You forgot Nemesis Enforcer. He snuck up while Popeye was finishing Destro off, and punched straight through the sailor a moment after the blow that killed Destro. Brian: Well, that keeps Cobra from getting shut out, at least. Winners: Cobra (1-2) Cartoon Heroes (2-2) Match 6 - Mark Ailshie Team Shakepeare vs. Avengers Group D - Baladox Tower The Avengers explode onto the scene at last! The mighty Thor sails down from the top of Baladox tower, his hammer spinning. Mercutio's rapier is no match for Mjolnir, and it snaps in half. Mercutio leaps aside, but Thor is far too fast and smashes him clear to Queen Mab. Quicksilver sprints down the stairs, blazing by Brutus before he can even try to stab him in the back. Noticing the Roman backstabber, the mutant son of Magneto swerves and attacks, punching and kicking like a weed whipper. Brutus is overwhelmed! Can nothing slow him down? Hamlet: "O, that this too too solid flesh would melt Thaw and resolve itself into a dew! Or that the Everlasting had not fix'd His canon 'gainst self-slaughter! O God! God! How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable, Seem to me all the uses of this world! Fie on't! ah fie! 'tis an unweeded garden, That grows to seed; things rank and gross in nature Possess it merely. That it should come to this! But two months dead: nay, not so much, not two: So excellent a king; that was, to this, Hyperion to a satyr; so loving to my mother That he might not beteem the winds of heaven Visit her face too roughly. Heaven and earth! Must I remember? why, she would hang on him, As if increase of appetite had grown By what it fed on: and yet, within a month-- Let me not think on't--Frailty, thy name is woman!-- A little month, or ere those shoes were old With which she follow'd my poor father's body, Like Niobe, all tears:--why she, even she-- O, God! a beast, that wants discourse of reason, Would have mourn'd longer--married with my uncle, My father's brother, but no more like my father Than I to Hercules: within a month: Ere yet the salt of most unrighteous tears Had left the flushing in her galled eyes, She married. O, most wicked speed, to post With such dexterity to incestuous sheets! It is not nor it cannot come to good: But break, my heart; for I must hold my tongue." Quicksilver has only enough time to blink before Brutus plunges his dagger into the mutant's breast. The Scarlett Witch screams at the killing of her brother and lets loose a hex bolt at the Roman general. Hamlet:"Good night: but go not to mine uncle's bed; Assume a virtue, if you have it not. That monster, custom, who all sense doth eat, Of habits devil, is angel yet in this, That to the use of actions fair and good He likewise gives a frock or livery, That aptly is put on. Refrain to-night, And that shall lend a kind of easiness To the next abstinence: the next more easy; For use almost can change the stamp of nature, And either [ ] the devil, or throw him out With wondrous potency. Once more, good night: And when you are desirous to be bless'd, I'll blessing beg of you. For this same lord, I do repent: but heaven hath pleased it so, To punish me with this and this with me, That I must be their scourge and minister. I will bestow him, and will answer well The death I gave him. So, again, good night. I must be cruel, only to be kind: Thus bad begins and worse remains behind. One word more, good lady." Wasp: No! No more words! She attacks with her sting, blasting the Danish prince off his feet, and the Scarlett Witch plasters him with a hexbolt as well. Wasp: Three down, two to -Urk! Lady Macbeth throws a rope about the Wasp's neck and begins to squeeze. Lady M:Out, damned spot! out, I say!-- But the Wasp shrinks to tiny-size and flies away. Then she flies around the Lady's head to distract her, and the Scarlett Witch blasts her again. >SWIPE!< Suddenly, the Thane of Glamis is there, his broadsword singing, slicing the Witch between chin and shoulder. The wasp turns to attack him, an his promptly swatted aside. Macbeth bends over his wife. Macbeth: She should have died hereafter; There would have been a time for such a word. The Wasp turns and smites Macbeth with her sting. The wicked king only laughs. Macbeth:I bear a charmed life, which must not yield, To one of woman born. Thor: And what of one born of Jord and Odin? Macbeth grimaces and draws his sword, but he is no match for the strongest of the Norse Gods. In moments, his head is caved in and he is killed. Winners: The Avengers (1-0) Team Shakespeare (0-3) |