| Match 1 - Brian Ailshie Fantastic 4 vs Mean & Green Group J - Sci Fi Movie Set Madden: And the plant alien takes a fist from Johnny Storm and goes up in flames! Now it's 2 against 4! But look out Thing! Here come's Edgar! He slugs Thing sending him flying this way (John starts to draw on the window again) Stan Lee: I'm going to override Madden's mono-long and sum up by letting everyone know that when Ben got up, he charged the human-skin wearing bug. Thing: It's clobberin' time! Stan: He slugs the bug hard enough that he flies clean out of his 'skin'. Edgar then runs for his life. But there just isn't that much room to run. Especially when Sue and Reed join the fray. Reed wraps himself around a few set props and makes a wall, and Sue sets up a 'force bubble' wall. Seeing he's trapped, Edgar turns and starts swinging at our rock-hard hero. This time Thing is unfazed and he pummels the bug to pulp. Madden (seeing his markings were going unnoticed): Well what the Fantastic foursome didn't notice, was that they missed one of their enemies. Stripe decided to get lost. He found a bathroom in the back of the set. Now there are nearly 45 gremlins and more coming all the time. Stan: But the whole 4 are enough to take the horde of Gremlins out. Johnny, Sue, and Ben systematically take out the gremlins until Reed notices where they are all originating from, and takes out the mastermind behind it all. Winners: Fantastic 4 (3-0) #1 Seed Group J Mean & Green (0-4) Mr. Statistics Note: #2 Seed Group J - MIB (3-1). Even if Fantastic 4 loses to the Hollywood Action Stars (not likely) they still are 3-1, and have the tie breaker over the MIB, so they take the #1 spot. Obviously if they win, they sweep and the same is true. For those who care, Swashbucklers take the #3 spot with a 2-2 record and the tie breaker over the H.A. Stars (the #4 of the group) should they beat the F4. Of course with an 0-4 record, Mean & Green takes the bottom spot. Match 2 - Robert Newell The Aes Sedai vs House Atreides. Group U - Arakeen, Arrakis Lan was holding his own against Leto, Halleck, and Idaho. He had learned a little about the strange shields House Atreides wore from his fight with House Harkonnen. Lady Jessica was worried that her three teammates couldn't handle one man, so she spoke to him with the Voice. Moiraine and Nynaeve, who had been sitting this one out again since they were in no danger and weren't facing Shadowspawn, burst into action. From their perspective it appeared that Lady Jessica had used Compulsion on Lan. Moiraine wrapped Lan in a shield of Air, both to protect him from his foes and to keep him from turning on them under the influence of the Voice. Nynaeve began to beat them all with clubs of Air. She wanted them to suffer for what they did to Lan. After a moment, Moiraine commanded Nynaeve to stop. Aes Sedai did not torture people with the Power, she explained patronizingly. (This is not really the case, but Aes Sedai have a way of making the truth dance a jig when it suits them). Nynaeve responded by killing Jessica. Moiraine was about to object, but Nynaeve cut her off with an argument that she must have been one of the Forsaken to have used Compulsion on Lan without them sensing the Power being wielded. Moiraine could argue with the logic, but decides against it. The Aes Sedai finish off their helpless foes without further argument. Winner: The Aes Sedai (3-0) House Atreides (0-1) Match 3 - Brian Ailshie Agent Smith vs Evil Myths Group K - Minotaur's Maze Brian: Agent Smith is unstoppable. Mr. Statistics: Well that remains to be seen, but the Myths had little chance here from the get go. Brian: Yes, Smith took over the Minotaur, and that only added to his understanding of the maze. After that, Cerebus and Medusa went down pretty easily. Hercules: That's the first time anyone's ever used Medusa and the word 'pretty' in the same sentence! Winner: Agent Smith (3-0) Evil Myths (0-2) Match 4 - RJ Harris Disney Baddies vs Pirates of the Carribean Group L--Disneyland Kermit the Frog (in his report's attire): Hello, Kermit the Frog here with some exciting news. The L Group is finally finished! We are for another pointless match--Hulkmania has already secured the #1 spot and the New Jedi Knights will be #2 (Stan Lee and George Lucas cheer). This lone match here at the "happiest place on earth" is just to save face. The Disney Baddies have not had any luck at all--the only thing they have been bad at is winning and except for the box office the Pirates have well sunk. (The audience boos the horrible puns.) RJ: Hey be nice to the little green guy--after all it isn't easy bein' green! Kermit: Yes, I agree--besides I am just reading this little tele-prompter. Who is writing this stuff anyway? RJ: Well let's look behind this curtain! (The audience gasps.) Bugs Bunny: Pay no attention to the wrabbit...ah, forget it. Ain't I a stinker? Jamie: Anyway, can we get on with this? If I may Kermit. Kermit: Ah, OK. Jamie: So, not all is lost for our Pirate friends. They split up into 3 groups Redbeard and Silver, Will and Elizabeth, and Jack--I mean Captain Jack--Sparrow. Red and Silver find Emp. Zurg over in Space Mountain--it seems that Zurg has taken control of one of the cars and runs Redbeard and Silver over. Unfortunately he doesn't watch were he's going and crashes in a blaze of glory. Now its down to 4 on 3. RJ: May I interject here, sweetie? (Jamie nods.) It appears that Will and Elizabeth have come across Captain Hook, Jafar, and Clayon in a war council on Tom Sawyer's Island. They are arguing where and when to attack--Jafar looks anything but pleased and Clayton and Hook are just livid. Will: Elizabeth, do you think you can distract them while I sneak up from behind? Jamie: How come you guys always want to use the ladies for bait? It's barbaric, it's.. Mark: It's working? (He gets a "look" from Cindy.) RJ: Well he's right--after a bit of coaxing, Elizabeth agrees and now has the attention of all three, but now fully. As Will sneaks behind them, Jafar sends out a blast from his staff. Suddenly Will is a miniature action figure! That has distracted Hook and Clayton enough that she smacks Hook, takes his sword, runs Clayton through with it, which sends off a shot that wounds Jafar, causing him to drop his staff. As he goes to grab it, Elizabeth has finished off Hook with a slice to the mid-section, which cause him to fall on top of Jafar and his staff, one loud explosion later, Will is back to his old self and Elizabeth has single handedly cut the odds back to a 3 on 1 match. Only Malificent remains. Kermit: Whew that was something! Could I get a diagram of all that? John Madden: Did someone say diagram? (He spends the next 42 minutes explaining every detail of what he calls the "Elizabeth BOOM-ing Swann Tuff-Action Leave 3 Disney Baddies in Traction part of the match's Action"--needless to say I spared all of you a great deal of anguish by once again editing his comments for the sake of humanity. You should all thank me and I should receive an award. Thank you.) Jamie: OK, John, no more from you--I hear Chicken wings being delivered in the break room, go and get 'em. (Madden and others leave to go get fed.) While John spoke on and on, Captain Jack had been scouting around the park for Malificent. She had already turned herself into a dragon (RJ: Oh no! I got a bad feeling about this) so she was easy to spot. Will and Elizabeth turned up later. Jack: It's just us then? Alright--I got it, you two go and hide and make you cuddly stuff--I know that you do--I'll go and ah... tame.... the beast. Elizabeth: So are you doing what is right or for your best interests? Jack: Wait and see. RJ: Jack heads up to the dragon and starts taunting her! He dodges blast after blast of fire and at last gets Malificent to eat him. Poor Jack! Mark: Not so fast--it appears that Captain Jack has sliced his way out of Malificent. He's bloody, bruised, and probably won't survive long, but Malificent is once again dead--her other self again her downfall. Jamie: And with Will and Elizabeth safe--the Pirates avoid the sweep. Winner: Pirates (1-3) Disney Baddies (0-4) Brian's Note (Elizabeth should have been Capt. Barbossa during this match, but since it really didn't matter, we'll leave the substitution) Match 5 - Brian Ailshie Team Nebuchadnezzar vs Heroes of Greece Group K - Minotaur's Maze Brian: Well this one may just go Matrix speed too. This time Neo flies up above the maze. He sees Ulysses a moment before the arrow whizzes past his ear. Neo waves to his friends, then dives at the Greeks. Achilles and Hercules attack with their swords, but Neo moves faster than a super computer processor (way faster than the Greeks). Neo kicks Xena in the face and breaks her neck as she tries to sneak up on him. At nearly the same time, Neo blocks Hercules' sword with the side of his hand (Matrix 2 style). While Achilles looks on in shock, Neo snaps Hercules' spine. Sound Effects Man: A loud <*BAAAMM!*> announces the arrival of Trinity and Morpheus, and the end of Ulysses. Brian: And now it's 3 on 1. Achilles may be nearly immortal, but he just isn't fast enough to fight 3 Matrix warriors at once. He takes quite a pummeling, before Morpheus finally lifts him and slams him through a wall. Seeing that he went 'head over heels' then hit the wall (feet first), his weakness allows him relief from the beating. Winners: Nebuchadnezzar (3-0) Heroes of Greece (0-3) |