| Match 1 - Brian Ailshie Swashbucklers vs Mean & Green Group J - Sci-Fi Movie Set Brian: Oh, that was quick. Everyone: No it wasn't you're two days late! Brian: No, Look there! Inigo just hit Stripe with his sword. The Gremlin goes flying onto a stake set up for whatever move that had been filming here. Unfortunately for 'Mean & Green', he's also under a spotlight. The Gremlin howls but can't climb off the stake fast enough. The light kills him. Vizzini: Inconceivable! RJ: You keep saying that word. I don't think it means what you think it means. Brian: Fezzik sees Edgar and grabs him in a crushing bear hug. Too bad the 'Bug' is super strong. He tears out of his borrowed skin and swallows the gentle giant. Zorro blasts him with his black powder pistol, as Wesley stabs him with his sword. K: The sword blow is useless. Luckily though, the pistol shot went right through the bug's small cerebral cortex. Guess we don't need to call Orkin after all. Brian: Now all that's left is Serlena. She'll be rather hard to defeat for these guys with just swords. Here she comes. Inigo and Wesley leap at her and thrust in their swords. The 'plant' alien just laughs and wraps them in her vine-tentacles. Suddenly, with a 'whip-crack' Zorro lashes onto her with his whip. As he yanks back, she is off balanced, mostly because of the two Swashbucklers in her grip. She falls . . . Vizzini: Inconceivable! Brian: I�ve got to join you on this one. What are the odds that she would fall into one of the pyro-technic machines. The plant-alien bursts into flames. Inigo and Wesley can't escape and are char-broiled as well, but Zorro is alive so the Swashbucklers win this one. Mr. Statistics: The odds are about 1 in 5268. That's based on square footage of the pyro-technic machines versus the square footage of the rest of the set. Brian: So the Swashbucklers got lucky this time. Mr. Statistics: I'd say so. Winners: Swashbucklers (1-1) Mean & Green (0-1) Match 2 - Robert Newell Three Musketeers vs. Merry Men G Group - Minas Tirith Robert: The Frenchmen have a firepower advantage, but the English have the edge on rate of fire. They are already letting loose at each other. Alexander: Hmm, French versus English, this should be pretty obvious. Robert: Right you are. The Merry Men are loosing a dozen shots a minute whereas the Three Musketeers are lucky to get one shot off every minute. With the hail of arrows making the Musketeers keep their heads down, Richard and Little John are flanking the Frenchmen. Alexander: Ooh, that'll leave a mark. Robert: I bet Little John would be playing baseball if he were a modern person. His quarterstaff connected solidly with Aramis' head and the Musketeer goes gown in a heap. Richard is dueling Porthos while D'artagnan and Athos are barely keeping Little John's staff away from them. Will and Robin take this opportunity to shoot the remaining Musketeers down where they stand. Alexander: Well, this match was an exercise in futility, but the Merry Men do gain the honor of avoiding a sweep. Winner: Merry Men (1-3) The Three Musketeers (0-4) Match 3 - Brian Ailshie Agent Smith vs Star/War Craft Group K - Minotaur's Maze Lucas: Even with the special effects, this is still rather boring actually. Agent Smith clones himself into every creature he meets. The first Zerg he clones himself into taps into Kerrigan and she goes berserk. Cho'Gall dies of his wounds shortly after killing her. The rest is pointless. By the time it ends, it looks a lot like the end of Matrix 3, Agent Smith's everywhere. Winners: Agent Smith (1-0) Star/War Craft (1-2) Match 4 - Robert Newell House Harkonnen vs The Aes Sedai Group U - Arakeen City, Arrakis Lan and Feyd Rautha are dueling in the streets. Feyd's shield is the only thing keeping him away from Lan's blade and in this match. Lan was still puzzling out why his sword won't strike his opponent when Feyd landed a lucky blow with his poisoned dagger. This was more than enough for Moiraine and Nynaeve. With Lan's life in danger, they could use the Power as a weapon. Moiraine immoblized all of the Harkonnens with weaves of Air. Nynaeve, enraged that Lan was injured, blew Feyd's head off with a fireball. Moiraine sniffed loudly and began to lecture Nynaeve on the proper use of the One Power, when suddenly they realized Lan's wound was not superficial. Nynaeve rushed to his side, weaving Healing on her was. She got to him in time, leaving only a small hole in Lan's shirt to show for the blow Feyd had landed. Nynaeve was really upset now. She looked over at the immoblized Harkonnens with murderous thoughts on her mind, only to find them already dead. They had taken poison to avoid what they figured would have been a very unpleasant captivity. Winner: The Aes Sedai (2-0) House Harkonnen (0-2) Match 5 - Brian Ailshie Vampire Slayers vs Classic Monsters Group A - Camp Crystal Lake Van Helsing: Ok, we can do this. This is what we've trained for. Simon Belmont: I'll take Frank. Buffy: I'll hold off Dracula, can you take the other two Van Helsing? Helsing: Definitely! John Madden: And they head out. Belmont meets his chosen foe first, and attacks mercilessly. He stuns the creature with his whip and casts bottle after bottle of flaming oil onto Frankenstein. Before long the creature is a flaming heap. Andy Katz: Meanwhile, Buffy has ran into the Count. She distracts him with a false show of fear, and then lays into him when he gets close. Madden: Belmont rushes to help her, but Van Helsing hasn't finished his work yet. He saw the wolfman, and took him out rather quickly, but taking out Imhotep has proven a little more challenging. Of course the 'left hand of God' loves challenges. Helsing whips out his repeating crossbow and runs through a case of quarrels in no time. And to no effect. Katz: It takes more than holes to stop the Mummy. It takes . . . Oh that will do it. Madden: Van Helsing just lit a car on fire trying to slow the mummy. The little flame didn't scare Imhotep, so he leaped over it. Or I should say he tried. Just as he cleared the top of the car, the flame caught the gas tank. Imhotep is incinerated! Van Helsing charges off to help his teammates. Katz: Buffy is on the ground and Dracula is astride her. Looks like she's his next bride. Belmont doesn't just let her go though. He jabs a cross shaped stake into the Count, and follows with a good dousing with Holy water and garlic. The count just backhands him though. Leaving Buffy half dead on the ground he leaps at Simon and slashes the vampire hunter's chest. The cross and stake fall from Dracula's side. Van Helsing: Those don't really work. There's only one way to take out Dracula himself. Madden: Howling ferociously, Van Helsing leaps on the distracted Dracula, and bites into the Vampire's jugular. It is then Dracula's turn to howl, as his essence leaks from his bleeding neck. Vampire Slayers (1-1) Classic Monsters (0-1) Match 6 - Robert Newell America's Heroes vs the Hobbits Group AC - Hogwarts School Robert: Well, after Dick Tracy mowed Sam, Merry, and Pippin down with a burst from his tommygun, Frodo slipped on the One Ring and ran away as fast as he could. Alexander: How are America's Heroes ever going to be able to find him? Robert: Well, they won't have to. Frodo fled the scene of his friend's deaths and kept running until he couldn't run anymore. He sat under a tree to rest and removed the ring. Alexander: Oh wait, I think I see where this is going. Robert: Yep, Frodo sat under the Whomping Willow tree. After he removed the ring, the tree sensed him and smashed him so hard that he was long dead before he finally hit the ground. It looks like another win for America's Heroes on the Fourth of July. Winner: America's Heroes (3-1) The Hobbits (1-3) |