| Match 1 - Brian Ailshie Tir Asleen Champions vs Harrison's Heroes Group C - Tir Asleen Brian: This will be the last match for Tir Asleen. They've done well. Mr. Statistics: They have. Of course it's too soon to say, but it's pretty likely that they'll get a ticket to the next round. John Madden: Anyway, let's get to the match. Brian: Not while your fingers are all sticky from those chicken wings. Go wash up and I'll tell the story. Madmartigan and Sorsha appear inside a tower, and Eric is just outside the door. On the other side of the castle, Harrison Ford and his 'clones' appear together. Ford: Jack, you take the left; Indy, you take the right. Brian: They fan out and head down a hallway inside the castle. Meanwhile, Madmartigan has similarly spread his forces to defend the tower they are in. Sorsha is just inside the tower's door to the main courtyard and Eric is guarding the door to the inner parts of the castle. Madmartigan himself is halfway up a flight of stairs leading to the upper story of the tower. His sword is laying across his legs, and a crossbow is in his hands. Eric: I here someone. Get ready. Sorsha half crosses the small room and ducks behind some stacked barrels as the door opens. Jack Ryan pokes his head around, see's no one and jumps in. Harrison follows, when suddenly a crossbow bolt catches Ryan in the chest. Madmartigan drops the bow and charges across the room yelling. Rrrrrraaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!! <BLAAAMMMM> Brian: Oh, Indiana stepped out of the doorway and fired his gun. Madmartigan yell stops as he crumples to the ground. But Indiana starts to yell a moment later. It seems Eric stepped out over cover and chopped the professor's gun arm off at the shoulder. Jones falls to the ground bleeding badly. He won't last long. Madden (returning from the bathroom): It's over anyway. See there? Sorsha spins out from her hiding spot and pins Harrison to the wall with her sword. Winner: Tir Asleen Champions (3-1) Harrison Heroes (1-1) Match 2 - RJ Harris Order of the Phoenix vs English Enemies Group P--Camelot RJ: Well C3PO, what is your assessment of this match. C3: No good can come with that horrible Bunny around. I think he wants people to suffer, like its their lot in life. R2: BOOP BEEP WHHHIIII C3: Yes I know R2, the Order certainly dealt the Empire a blow. But this is different--these enemies---oh never mind I shouldn't expect a bucket of bolts like you to understand all this. Come on, we're leaving. RJ: There is no need to go, stay and watch the match. (Both stay and C3 looks away from R2.) Jamie: See why I never got into that story? (Lucas is heard crying from the TOR, Tolkien laughing again.) Anyway, the wizards advance cautiously up the castle steps. It is night and each lights their wand with some words. JK: You mean "Lumos" Jamie: Yeah, I guess so...anyway, the wizards find their first foe, the Sheriff. RJ: A quick flick of the wand and stunning spell from Mad Eye and the "Honorable" lawman is done for.. Mark: But a stunning spell doesn't kill? RJ: No, but a banishing spell out of bounds eliminates the Sheriff from future play in this match. It appears that the Order will only kill, if necessary and against a crooked cop, it wasn't. Jamie: The Black Knight is next. This one ends a little messier. Mr. Obvious: Yes, Sirius takes care of this foe with a great move. He levitates the Knights sword and when he looks up to see where his sword has gone, Sirius drops it right between the Knight's eyes. I even saw Sirius smile at that, which made Minerva McGonaggal scowl. Mark: So only Maligant and the Bunny remain. They find only a Transfiguration teacher to properly battle this foe. McGonaggal changes the english rat into, well, a rat. The rat is quickly devoured by the Bunny. This wins a smile from all. Because transfiguration isn't allowed on a student as a punishment, but there certainly is no rule against using it against a foe. All that is left now is the Bunny. RJ: My favorite Professor, RJ Lupin, comes next--and it isn't just night now--it's a FULL MOON NIGHT! And I bet Remus didn't take his potion. JK: Looks like he didn't--he changes into a werewolf. And as powerful as the Bunny might be, he is no match now for a werewolf. This too ends messy. Jamie: Before we end here, it occurs to me that all of these English Enemies were alone--why? Mr. Obvious: The Bunny and Black Knight always work alone and Maligant would trust the Sheriff only as far has he could throw him. Jamie: But why only have one wizard attack each? JK: It is hardly fair for 4 powerful wizards to attack 3 Muggles and a sadistic mammal is it? RJ: I guess that it true. "And the rest is silence." Hamlet: Hey that's my line! R2: BEEP BOOP BEEE WHHHIII BREEP C3: I agree, R2--the Order's match against the Karate Kings now is very important. Well, we best be off to the next match. Winner: Order of the Phoenix (2-1) English Enemies (0-3) Match 3 - Robert Newell Powerpuff Girls vs Shrek's Team Group AA - Shrek's Swamp The Powerpuff girls should be able to take this match pretty easily. They have super strength, laser eyes, and many other strengths. They were not counting on facing Shrek's secret weapon. They burst into Shrek's house just as Shrek's team was finishing up dinner. This is the worst possible time to ambush ogres. Shrek's digestive system was working hard, and something from dinner wasn't sitting quite right with Shrek. He didn't even notice the door breaking, because just as it happened, he let out the most tremendous flatulence ever known to man or ogre. "Excuse me," Shrek grimaced "All that haggis must have gone a wee bit bad." The Powerpuff Girls collapse and pass out, along with Donkey and Puss in Boots. Shrek looked around and saw the passed out heroines. "Och, time to take out the trash. But how did these lasses get 'ere?" Shrek disposed of the girls quickly. Winner: Shrek's Team (3-1) Powerpuff Girls (2-2) Match 4 - Brian Ailshie Gargoyles vs Leaders of Evil Group AA - Shrek's Swamp Brian: Man, I only thought that Goliath looked mad last time. He's much more upset looking now. Mr. Statistics: Well that is understandable, his Gargoyles got trounced twice in a row. Brian: Well, for his sake let's hope that doesn't happen again. I imagine three loses will REALLY tick him off. John Madden: Yeah, yeah. Let's get started. The gargoyles decide the divide and be conquered tactic doesn't work, and they stick together this time. They're walking along the shore of a particularly deep section of swamp when suddenly a trio of tentacles leap out and grab the smallest gargoyle . . . Brian: That would be Brooklyn. Madden: Yeah. Anyway, the tentacles drag him under. The other three gargoyles leap in and attack the Squid Queen. Hudson stabs with his sword, and Goliath and Broadway attack with their claws. But Ursela is definitely advantaged by the element. Brian: Though she is also fighting against the 4 on 1 disadvantage. Madden: True. And there it is. After much thrashing around Hudson scores a hit. The Sea Witch goes belly up, and the tired, wet, and wounded gargoyles drag themselves from the water. Brian: But look, Broadway is dragging Brooklyn with him. Looks like he ran out of air. And looks like Hudson's sword got caught in Goliath's leg sometime during that whole scuffle. Madden: Yeah, but he's tough, he'll carry on. They continue through the underbrush of another swamp area. Hudson is hacking a trail through the overgrown weeds. Suddenly a streak of 'LITning' hits Hudson, just as he was about to strike. The aged gargoyle falls to the ground. The Gargoyles stagger back as Chaos crashes out of the trees on their left. Ra leaps out with a spear from the opposite side and jabs Broadway. The young gargoyle hollers in pain and slams his fist into the face of the 'Sun God'. Ra falls back and Broadway leaps on him. It only takes a moment for him to finish the crazed humanoid. Brian: But that leaves Goliath, who is wounded remember, alone against Chaos for a moment too. Chaos slashes the Gargoyle chief down. Goliath sinks his claws into the demon's leg, but Chaos just stomps on him. That's when Broadway leaps into the fray. He thrusts Ra's spear into the Demon's chest. Chaos howls in pain, and Broadway smiles. His friends may be down, but they're going to win this battle. But then Chaos cast CUR4 on himself. The spear wound, and claw marks disappear. Broadway's smile turns to a look of shock, as the giant demon swats him into a tree. A blast of 'FIRe' ignites the last of the gargoyles before he can recover. Winner: Leaders of Evil (2-2) Gargoyles (1-3) Group Finished GROUP BREAK DOWN Shrek's Team: 3-1 (#1 Seed) Power Puff Girls: 2-2 Leaders of Evil: 2-2 Pokemon: 2-2 (#2 seed) Gargoyles: 1-3 Since the Pokemon have beaten both teams they are tied with, they take the #2 spot. Match 5 - RJ Harris Creatures vs Last Alliance Group V--Minas Morgal R2: BEEP BOOP BREE WHHHII BEEP C3: Yes, it was a quick trip R2--President Brian installed Teleporters because we have so many venues this year. Quite ingenious, much better than flying! RJ: Well, this match is all but over before it starts--the Alliance has come out fighting hard--taking of the heads of the charging Bigfoot, Black Lagoon, and Velociraptor in 3 swift swings from Eledil, Gil-Galad, and Elrond. Unfortunately Isildur fell victim to the Tremor worm. One loss is not much here though--the other 3 finish of the Worm when it next resurfaces. Match to the Last Alliance of Men and Elves! Mr. Statistics: That win now gives us 2 more seeds in the next round. The match between the Creatures and the League is irrelevant--the Ghostbusters at 3-1 and the Nazgul at 3-1 will advance. And since the Ghosbusters pulled the upset, they will get the #1 seed and face Dragon Reborn at a place and date to be determined. The Nazgul, with the #2 spot will likewise face off against the Dragon Riders of Pern! What a Rumble! Winner: Last Alliance (2-2) Creatures (1-2) Match 6 - Mark Ailshie Hulkmania vs. New Jedi Knights Group L - Disneyland Leia loosened her blaster in its holster. She carried her lightsaber on the other hip, but she was still much more confident with her shooting skill than with her fledgling jedi abilities. Luke and Mara walked ahead of her, unlit lightsabers in hand, eyes closed and reaching out with the force. Leia wasn't quite so good at that trick--when she reached out, all she felt was an uncomfortable itch at the back of her neck, as if someone were constantly sneaking up on her. Suddenly, Luke and Mara stopped moving simultaneously. With twin hums, their lightsabers sprang to life, and a roar that sounded like Jabba's Rancor come back to life blasted through a wall. A huge green monster followed the roar, and charged into the midst of the trio. Luke and Mara raised their swords, but the creature slapped Luke with the back of his hand and knocked him through a wall. Mara struck with her saber and slashed off the monsters left arm. The Hulk responded with a monstrous cry of rage and pain, followed by a right hook into Mara's face that literally reduced her head to a pulp. Mara's hands shot out in shock, and her body collapsed into death throes. Hulk still thrashed with pain and anger, the stump of its arm splashing blood and gore into the street. Leia took careful aim and fired. The blaster bolt struck the beast in the eye and tore through into its brain. The beast gave a low moan and collapsed into the street. Leia gave a shuddering gasp. What was that thing? "Luke!" Leia cried and dashed toward where her brother had landed. It was no more than a tingle, like a whisper in her ear. Leia dropped to the ground and a six-foot "Small World" boat smashed into the wall no more than a meter over her head. "Quick dodge, kid!" said a voice, which Leia soon identified as belonging to a huge green skinned woman, obviously the source of the thrown boat. "Let's see how you fight hand-to-hand!" Leia raised her blaster, but the woman was unbelievably fast. She yanked it from her grip and casually ground it between her fist and palm. It crumbled to dust. The woman grabbed at her, but Leia spun away and ignited her saber. Now the green woman hesitated. She had seen what one of these weapons had done to her kinsman. Leia balanced on the balls of her feet, not daring to take her eyes off the woman. The she-hulk dropped her shoulder, and Leia struck, stabbing the lightsaber in a quick arc like Luke had shown her. The blade landed on air as the woman leaped to one side and slugged Leia in her side. The princess cried out in pain, as she felt the ribs cave in like toothpicks. She dropped to the ground, fighting to keep air in her body. The green woman telegraphed a fatal kick. But suddenly, the woman froze in mid kick, and sailed backward as though she from a strong wind. Leia turned her head slightly and saw Luke--his face purpling with bruises where the Hulk had struck him and one eye swollen shut. But he was on his feet, one hand in front of him, pushing the she-hulk away. Behind him, Leia saw a tall half-naked man with wings on his ankles, carrying another of the Small World boats. Luke was obviously too incapacitated by the Hulk's earlier attack to sense the threat. Leia tries to cry a warning, but could manage no more than a croak of pain. The boat crashed down on Luke's head, killing him instantly. Leia's sight was beginning to blur. A voice penetrated the haze. "Nice shot, Namor." "As you say, Jennifer. Are you well?" "Sure." "Finish off the other. Make it quick: she suffers." Leia felt massive hands on either side of her head, felt a sudden wrenching feeling of pain. Her last memory was of the disquieting sensation of looking down at her own back where her stomach ought to have been. Winners: Hulkmania (2-0) New Jedi Knights (0-1) Match 7 - Brian Ailshie Highlanders vs Stallone's Stallions Group C - Tir Asleen Brian: This one aught to be quick. John Madden: You mean quickening! The McLeod cousins just caught Stallone and Rocky and relieved them of their heads in short order. Rambo faired only a little better. He let go with his massive gun and ripped into Ramirez. However, imagine his shock when the immortal stood back up a moment later. Too bad his shock didn't last long. Duncan realized there would be no quickening and took Rambo's head as well. Winner: Highlanders (2-1) Stallone's Stallions (0-3) Match 8 - Mark Ailshie Superbeings vs. Crime Lords Group AD - Chicago subway system Mark: With the Smallville theme pulsing in my brain, I can't help but do this one. Superman runs through the subways at super-speed, trying to locate Lex, who he has determined (correctly) is the only real threat to them. Lex is well hidden, however, in a sealed chamber with lead walls, and has sent his cronies out to do his battles for him. Lex: Jack, there's a woman coming down the subway track toward you. Be advised. Mark: Jack the Ripper taps the strange machine in his ear that his new captain gave him. He doesn't really know what to do with these new gadgets, but he knows what to do with a single woman in a dark alleyway. Jack ducks into a corner and pulls out the strange green-bladed knife which Luthor insisted that he use. In a few seconds, he hears careful footsteps. He prepares to strike. Suddenly, the footsteps stop. Lex: Move Jack! She's spotted you! Mark: The Ripper hesitates a second, wondering how in the world his intended victim could have spotted him from the other side of a solid stone wall. Suddenly, the stone wall is not so solid as Supergirl smashes through it with all her strength. A moment after crushing Jack under the wall, she feels the weakening effect of the kryptonite knife, and crawls out of its range. Lex: Dang! Capone! Blue boy headed your way! Open fire, ten o'clock!! Mark: Al Capone doesn't hesitate. He's faced the last son of Krypton before. He spins and starts blasting green glowing bullets out of his tommy gun. Superman, running at super speed, only barely escapes getting filled with holes. He ducks behind a concrete barrier. Lex: Good! You got him pinned down! Now circle to the left and finish him off! Don't stop shooting, or he'll reach you! Mark: But Al Capone knows his business. He keeps firing, keeping Superman's head down, and circles to the left for the killing shot. The kryptonite bullets are landing all around them, and Superman is starting to feel light-headed. Lex: Good job! Get'm Capone! Oh! Watch out behind you! Mark: Capone spins in place, his gun already blazing, but kryptonite bullets bounce off silver bracelets as Wonder Woman leaps to Kal'el's rescue. She closes the gap between them in seconds, and an amazonian punch to the jaw is enough to put Capone out of the fight. Diana crosses to Superman and drags his body away from the krypotonite bullets before they can do any further harm. Lex: No! No! Bonnie and Clyde, move to sector 75-G immediately, before Superman can regain his strength. Mark: The two bankrobbers move to comply, but are blocked by Supergirl. The couple point their pistols, but a blast of heat vision melts the barrels instantly. Bonnie and Clyde pull the triggers, and the powder explodes in their hands. The Kryptonite bullets are still safely shielded inside the gun's casing, and Supergirl finishes them off quickly. Lex: Dang it! Why must I be surrounded by idiots? Mark: Suddenly, one of the walls on Luthor's lair smahses inward and Superman walks in. Lex: You! How did you find me? Superman: You encased yourself in a box of lead! All I had to do was look for anything I couldn't see. I knew you were somewhere close by, since I could hear you talking to your cronies in their earbugs. Lex: Clever! Surprising that you didn't realize I'd do something like this. Mark: So saying, Lex presses a button on his coat and the lair is immediately flooded with Kryptonite radiation. Superman chokes and falls to his knees, but before Luthor can say any witty comments, Wonderwoman flies through the smashed door and wraps her lasso around his arms. WW: Come on, Lex! You know Superman would never have actually killed you anyway--it's not in his nature! But I will... Mark: and she slugs Luthor in the face hard enough to cave in his bald-pated head, before dragging the someday father of her child (See the graphic novel "Kingdom Come"--very cool!) out of the Kryptonite drenched room. Winners: Superbeings (1-0) Crime Lords (0-1) |