| Match 1 - Brian Ailshie Leaders of Evil vs PowerPuff Girls Group AA - Shrek's Swamp Brian: The PowerPuff Girls are elated to see each other again. It seems they were really upset about getting hurt by the Gargoyles. But now they're ready to take on the world again. And they'll have to take on three worlds. The world of Chaos, the undersea world, and the conquered world of RA. John Madden: Speaking of which, here they come again. Chaos blasts an ICE4 attack at the girls, but they are heated by their fury of being attacked again. Buttercup lashes out with her laser vision, and slices through Ursela who was just trying to sneak up on the girls. Blossom and Bubbles fly at Ra and Chaos. Bubbles delivers an upper cut that actually sends the winged demon into a tree, but Ra catches Blossom and chokes the life out of her. Of course that infuriates Buttercup more and she turns her laser vision on Ra. The self proclaimed god dives for cover, but doesn't quite make it. He lands behind a tree stump only to realize that his legs are now stumps as well. Bubbles catches the 'sun-god' with a kick that sends him into the swamp water. He thrashes with his arms and might make it out before he drowns as Chaos has returned to the battle. He roars something in an unknown language and suddenly Bubbles is RUBbed from existence. Now Buttercup is REALLY mad, so she severs every limb from the demon lord. She then sees Ra exhaustedly pulling himself from the murky water. She laser's off his arms and kicks him back into the water. He drowns fairly painfully. Winner: PowerPuff Girls (2-1) Leaders of Evil (1-2) Match 2 - Robert Newell The Nazgul vs The Creatures Group V - Minas Morgul The urban landscape of Minas Morgul is quite disorienting to the Creatures. Bigfoot is used to forests, Swampthing to swamps, the velociraptor to jungle and the tremor worm to deserts. None are in their element, but the Nazgul most definitely are. Bigfoot is the first to fall as the three Nazgul rush the Creatures. Three morgul blades through the chest is enough to ruin anyone's day. The velociraptor launches itself at Ankhorahil, its talons looking for a decapitation, but the Nazgul moves too fast and the clean strike is missed. The velociraptor's claw is broken on the Nazgul's armor. Ankhorahil finishes it off with a quick sword thrust. Khamul is eaten by the tremor worm as it pops up out of the ground. In hindsight, this was probably a bad idea, for with the Easterling Nazgul is killed, his sword is not the most healthy thing to ingest. The foul magics that ensorcel the blade kill the worm after a short, agonizing time. The Witch King of Angmar faces off against the swamp creature from the black lagoon. It really isn't much of a contest. The chief Nazgul disarms (literally) the beast in a few seconds. A reverse stroke lops off the creature's head. Winner: The Nazgul (3-1) The Creatures (1-1) Match 3 - Alexander Strub Loony Toonys vs. Tolkien's Heroes Group R - Hobbiton Gandalf uttered some mystical elvish words and slammed the butt of his staff into the ground. Nothing happened. Daffy Duck retorted, "Thith ith inthufferable!" Then it happened. Gandalf's "Word of Power" exploded from the base of the staff, sending a massive energy wave that knocked all of the Looney Tunes 30 feet up in the air and then sent them crashing down. Elmer Fudd. Wile E. Coyote and Yosemite Sam were killed instantly. Daffy groaned in agony, all of his cartoon limbs broken. Gandalf held Glamdring aloft and a lighting bolt struck the blade. He then plunged said weapon into the hapless duck, finishing him. Taz attempted to do his trademark tornado move against the wizard, but the effort proved too much for his battered body and he suffered a heart attack and died. Bugs, apparently uninjured, approached Gandalf gingerly, while chewing his carrot. "Eh," he said, "What's up, doc?" At last Gandalf saw the truth. The real reason Bugs was able to mysteriously survive the mischief of all the other Looney Tunes so often was because he was really undead! Gandalf lifted his staff; "Go back to the abyss!" he cried. A solid blast of white light emanated from the tip of the staff, instantly evaporating the dark shade that is Bugs Bunny. As the Istari Light faded, Radagast and Bilbo approached, smoking pipeweed and eating meat pies and other pleasures of the Shire. "Did we miss the match?" Bilbo, asked, his mouth full of pie. "No," replied Gandalf, "You didn't miss much of anything." Winners: Tolkien's Heroes (1-1) Looney Tunes (0-1) Match 4 - Brian Ailshie Shrek's Team vs Gargoyles Group AA - Shrek's Swamp Brian: Goliath looks mad. Mr. Obvious: Well, he not only got beat, he got humiliated by a pack of little girls. Brian: Well they are little girls with super powers. Mr. Statistics: Granted, and over looking them seems to be a recurring theme. Just ask Ra and his team about it. Brian: Very true. Ok, so here goes the gargoyles. They've split up; Brooklyn and Hudson, and Goliath and Broadway. Goliath sees Puss and Donkey before long, and though he might normally ignore what seems to be two harmless animals, today he thrashes Donkey and then is glad he did when he sees Puss plunge his sword into Broadway. The Goliath mutilates the cat with minimal damage. John Madden: Meanwhile, Hudson and Brooklyn have encountered Shrek and Fiona. Shrek grabs a tree branch to parry Hudson's sword, but it is weakening when suddenly he howls in rage. Fiona has just gone down. Shrek catches the sword in his teeth and bites through it. He clotheslines Hudson and stomps on his neck. Hudson gurgles and dies. But Goliath has now joined Brooklyn. Shrek's anger induced adrenaline rush helps him quickly bring the death of Brooklyn. Now it's one on one. Gargoyle against Ogre! Shrek latches onto Goliath's arms, and tries to throw him. Goliath however latches onto Shrek's shoulders and they both fly into the air. Goliath flings Shrek through the roof of a small shack. Brian: What Goliath doesn't realize is that shack is Shrek's home. Shrek comes out a moment later with a small sword in one hand and a burning torch in the other. Goliath lands and charges the ogre again. But Shrek throws his torch into the gargoyle's face! Goliath hollers in rage and swipes his claws at the ogre. The torch has done it's damage though, Goliath is momentarily blinded and the claws miss, though only barely. Shrek takes a swing with his sword and manages a hit on Goliath's leg. They're both mad now. Goliath seezes the ogre in a bear hug. But Shrek gives him a mighty headbutt. Goliath drops him and Shrek has a chance to retrieve his sword. Goliath closes again, but Shrek is just a slight amount faster, the short sword plunges into the gargoyle's chest. Winner: Shrek's Team (2-1) Gargoyles (1-2) Match 5 - Robert Newell The Ghostbusters vs The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Group V - Minas Morgul Robert: Five on four, not very sportsmanlike. Fezzik: Five? I only see four extraordinary gentlemen. Vizzini: That's because you're an imbecile you big oaf. The invisible man has gone invisible as his name should suggest to anyone with half a brain. Fezzik: Gee Vizzini, you don't have to be so mean, I keep our hideout pretty clean. Vizzini: What did I tell you about ryhming?! Robert: Anyway, back to the fight. THe Invisible Man may have gone invisible, but that doesn't even slow the ghostbusters down. They are used to hunting invisible creatures after all. Egon tracks the Invisible Man with his scanner and Peter directs Winston and Ray to take it out. They blast him with their proton packs, which really shouldn't be used on people, as the have the unfortunate tendency to cause living flesh to explode. Fortunately for those of us with weak stomachs, the invisible man stays invisible after his guts are splattered all over the walls of Minas Morgul. Fezzik: Five gentlemen are down to four, maybe these ghostbusters will show them the door? Vizzini: STOP IT NOW!!! Robert: That's it, no more disruptions, to the time out room with you. (Two burly orc gaurds haul off Vizzini and two more motion Fezzik to come with them.) Now that that is finished, we can return to the match in progress. Inigo Montoya: I am sorry, but that will not be possible. You see, while you were distracted, the match was finished. Robert: What, inconceivable. Inigo Montoya: That word... (trails off after a vicious glance from Robert). Err, well, it seems that Alan Quartermain took a shot at the Ghostbusters, and his bullet breached one of their proton packs. The resulting blast killed everyone except for Egon who was buried under a pile of rubble, but still clings to conciousness. Robert: I see, sometimes dumb luck takes the day. Winners: The Ghostbusters (3-1) The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (0-3) Match 6 - Mark Ailshie The Warriors vs. Team Hidden Dragon Group Y - Tombstone, Arizona Mark: This is the match that will decide this bracket, if you ask me. Conan's brute strength Warriors and the flying Asian powerhouse of Hidden Dragon can take out anybody else. Not Santa: Ho, Ho, Ho! It looks like the Cimmerian barbarian is crossing swords with the young Jen Yu right now. Jen seems confident. I expect the Arizona desert will be licking up the blood of one of these warriors momentarily. Ho, Ho! C-3PO: Oh my! It seems the Green Desytiny sword was more powerful than Conan's broadsword--Jen slices Conan's sword in two. Ghost of Robert E. Howard: Don't count Conan out yet. He seizes the Green Destiny sword and yanks it out of Jen's hands. A thick meaty fist smashes in Jen's astonished face, and the Hyrkanian wench falls prone, choking on her own blood! Ang Lee: Hyrko-what now? She's Chinese! Howard: But now the other Hyrkanian wench is fighting the wild Vanir swordmistress. The paladin has a better reach, but clearly the Hyrkanian is the better warrior. She knocks aside the wench's sword, and raises her arm for a killing blow. In her last thought, the paladin reflects that things might have gone better if she had dressed properly--If she had worn nought but a gossamer veil, she would have... Elizabeth Moon: Paksenarrion is thinking no such thing! She utters a quick prayer to Gird, and light blazes from her body. Yu Shu Lien is momentarily blineded, and Paks swings her sword through Shu Lien's unprotected abdomen. She should have been wearing armor! Howard: Wenches are not meant to don full plate. Meanwhile, Red Sonja, who is arrayed properly in a red-metal corsetier... Moon: A metal bikini, in other words. Howard: It is the proper attire of a woman warrior. Mark: Oh, this can only end bad... Howard: Anyway, Red Sonja crosses swords with Li Mu Bai. She is by far the stronger of the two, but the wild Hyrkanian savage... Ang Lee: Savage?! Howard: ...is faster and more agile. He works his black sorcery to stun Sonja... Ang Lee: He touches Sonja's neck and renders her immobile! Nothing sorcerous at all! Howard:...and the vile wizard cuts down the valiant warrior. And now, the Hyrkanian wizard is alone against Conan of Cimmeria and the toothsome Vanir wench. Moon: What's a 'Vanir?' Paks is from Three Firs. Howard: No doubt, she will beg Conan to crush her milky form against his, but first to battle! Moon: Ew! You're a pig! Howard: Conan has taken the Green Destiny, and swings against Li Mu Bai! The wizard's strngth is no match for the might of Conan, and he leaps away in terror! Ang Lee: No! He sees he is at a disadvantage, and he flies away... Howard: By his black arts! Ang Lee: ... to the top branches of a large tree. The tree bends in the wind, but Master Li stays up there, daring Conan to ascend to fight him. Howard: But Conan utters a coarse barbarian oath and instead hews through the base of the tree with the Green Destiny! The wizard topples to the ground. Ang Lee: He lands on his feet, but Paks is there before him, and before he can react, she cuts him down. Moon: And Conan bows his head to see such a warrior vanquished. Conan is a man of honor, even if his creator is such a sexist, egotistical... Howard: The battle done, the Vanir swordsmistress must now lust for Conan's strong arms...She should be taking her clothes off any minute now...Any minute now... Winner: The Warriors (2-0) Hidden Dragons (0-1) Match 7 - Brian Ailshie Highlanders vs Kurgan's Killers Group C - Tir Asleen John Madden: Oh, this aught to be interesting. Connor charges the Kurgan, Duncan at his side. They battle back and forth and the Kurgan is powerless to help his team. Brian: Not that he's much of a team player anyway. I doubt he cares if they live, so long as he keeps his head. Speaking of which, Toad just lost his, followed quickly by Ray Park. Ramirez then turns on the Headless Horseman. Madden: He's seems a little confused as to how to kill someone with no head. Brian: Actually it looks more like he's stalling. He's parrying the blows but not going on the offensive, even when he could have. Oh, I see, he's been looking for the horseman's head. Now he dives a blow and scoops something from a pile of rocks. He lobs the head at the horseman and runs to help Connor and Duncan. Madden: You mean Connor. Duncan just lost his head. Brian: But here comes Ramirez, he takes advantage of the quickening storm and lops the Kurgan's head from his shoulders. Mr. Statistics: Well that throws things for a loop in this grouping. Winner: Highlanders (1-1) Kurgan's Killers (1-1) Match 8 - Mark Ailshie Darkshehaps vs. Superfriends Group R - The Shire Tazz: Alright, Cole, see if you can follow this one. The Darksshehaps appear in one corner of the map, and the Superfeinds appear over here, and Malissant and his brothers open up with the big purple fires... Michael Cole: I believe they're called 'Malice bolts,' Tazz. And one of Malissant's bolts hits Hawkman, and he pops into cinders. Tazz: And the Wonder Twins touch fists, and shout something about activating their powers... Cole: Jayna changes into a Pteradactyl, and Zan becomes a tsunami tidal wave! Funny how it just hangs there like that... Tazz: Oh! But Korps was unimpressed by dinosaurs and Zayna's reptillian body is blasted into dust. Cole: Zan howls in pain and agony, and..hey! Can he change back now? Cole: He can't! He's stuck as a fifty foot wall of water! And he strikes the shehaps, sweeping all the remaining partiipants into the hobbits' lake. Tazz: Now Aquaman is in his element, and he summons all the fish and eels in the lake to go after the immortal brothers. Malissant uses a blast of wind to propel himself back onto the shore, but Korps and Gasponac are just floating there and...oh. That's why. Cole: Wow! Gasponac has just changed shape into some kind of monstrous shark-thing with huge claws, and Korps has changed into a ten armed squid-kraken! Since these two shehaps aren't disembidied, like Malissant is, they have the ability to alter their shape. Looks like Aquaman wasn't expecting this--nothing in the lake that can compete with these things! Tazz: There sure isn't. Korps sends his tentacles snaking around Aquaman, and Gasponac punches through him with his claws. Scratch one more of the Superfriends. The two shehaps come to shore and resume a more humanoid form. Cole: Looks like The three brothers are discussing things. I'm not sure what they can do--Zan has changed into water, and now he's in the lake--how can they tell which water is their opponent, and which is part of the lake? Tazz: For that matter, how do you destroy water? Cole: Well, it looks like they've come up with a plan--They each move to a different point on the shore, and start blasting fire at the lake!! Tazz: well, it will take awhile, but that ought to evaporate the whole lake, and take Zan out as well. If the Darkshehaps won't run out of power, at least. Cole: It's gonna take awhile, anyway. Lets go to a long commercial break... >Some hours later< Tazz: Well, not much left anymore. What do you think, Cole--Did they get Zan? Cole: I haven't got a clue, Tazz, but at this point I'm calling the match. Darkshehaps with a shutout. Winners: Darkshehaps (2-0) Super Friends (0-1) |