| Match 1 - Brian Ailshie Shrek's Team vs Leader's of Evil Group AA - Shrek's Swamp Jar Jar Binks: Ooh, da swamp! Me-sa liken this one. Brian: Here comes Ra and Chaos. Shrek and Fiona stand side to side ready to fight. Jar Jar: Ooh, thissn gonna be messy. Brian: You ain't just a kidding. Donkey just charged out from the side and kicked at Chaos' legs. Chaos simply smashed him flat. Jar Jar: Me no watchin' Brian: Fine, go help John find his marker. Jamie: What!?! Don't do that! Brian: Don't worry, I got some 'EZ cleaner' and hired some of those orc bodyguards to do the cleaning. Jamie: Good idea Brian: That's why I'm the President. Orcs: All hail Ailshie! All hail Ailshie! Brian (smiling): It's good to be King! Dick Vitale (ESPN Sportscaster): Anyway, this thing is just heating up, Shrek and Fiona just dodged a fire blast from Chaos, and then Puss jumped out of a tree onto Ra's shoulder. The cat's little sword just plunged right into the 'Sun God' skewering him from shoulder down to the lower ribs. The cat leaps at the winged demon just as Chaos connects with Fiona. The Ogre-mistress slams against a tree and falls into the water. Oh! She won't be back, some tentacles just snared her and dragged her under. It seems that Ursela has finally joined in the fray. She drowns Fiona then slithers up to help Chaos, who has just caught the booted-cat and given him a different kind of boot! But Shrek delivers a crushing blow with a tree branch and snaps Chaos' leg at the knee. The demon howls in pain, until Shrek slams his branch down on the demon's head. It's one on one now, but Ursela has set herself up while Shrek was fighting Chaos. She latches on with 2 tentacles to each of the Ogre's limbs. She slams him against the ground, a tree, and into the water. Shrek struggles for all he's worth, but the squid witch is too much, especially in her own element. With a final cry to Fiona, Shrek drowns in the murky swamp water. Winner: Leader's of Evil (1-1) Shrek's Team (1-1) Match 2 - Robert Newell Team Hogwarts vs The Wizards Group E - Xavier's School After trading a few shots of magical energy back and forth, Elminster thought he knew how these two strange mages operated. Their magic was focused in the wands that they carried. Mystra's Chosen called to mind a Mage's Disjunction spell and let loose at Dumbledore and Snape. The tsunami of dispelling magic caused their wands to crumble to powder. With all of their defenses breached, Elminster followed this with a terrible word of power. Translated, Elminster merely said, "Die!". But augmented by his mighty magic and spoken in the tongue of sorcery, it had the effect of a killing curse, not dissimilar to Avada Kedavra. Killing curses are not forbidden in battle, even to champions of good, where Elminster hails from. Dumbledore and Snape fall lifelessly to the ground. Spelldor was in trouble. He and Wuntvor had been able to fell the giant, but this Cerberus was more resistant to their magics. It would have to be, as it had been used as a guard in a wizarding school. Wuntvor lay dead, his throat ripped out by Fluffy. Spelldor was about to go down, when Elminster appeared in the doorway and banished the hell-hound to the ninth circle of Baator. You just need to know how to handle such beasts. Winner: The Wizards (1-0) Team Hogwarts (1-2) Match 3 - Mark Ailshie Last Alliance of Elves and Men vs. Ghostbusters Bracket V - Minas Morgul "Okay, this time lets follow my lead," says Ray to his fellow Ghostbusters. "Okay, Ray," says Peter wearily. "You're the boss this time. What's your great plan." "Good," says Ray Happily. "Um, follow me." Ray leads the four men with powerpacks and ghost traps around the ghostly mountain, searching for their foes. "Should be around here somewhere," he mutters. "You DO know what you're doing, don't you?" says Winston. "Of course, I do," says Ray. I read the Lord of the Rings in college. I remember these guys." The Ghostbusters creep around a corner, and come face to face with Elrond, Elendil, Isildur, and Gil-Gilad. The noble elves and the fathers of the dunedain spy the ghostbusters immediately. "Prepare to attack!" says Elrond in Sindarin. "Okay, uh..." says Ray. "I think they see us, Ray," says Egon. "Draw weapons!" Elrond calls, still in Sindarin. The air rings with the sound of swords leaving sheaths. "Uh, Ray? Now would be a good time," says Peter. "Okay," says Ray. "I have a plan, get ready..." "Charge!" calls Elrond, and the four warriors shout a challenge and begin to sweep toward them. "Alright," says Ray. "Ready? GET 'EM!" Four eternal warriors raise swords to attack. Four Nuclear-powered streams of energy split the darkness. Four elvish and dunedain champions are instantly reduced to little more than dust. "'Get them?'" says Peter. "Your great plan was 'get them'?" "Well, it worked, didn't it?" says Ray sheepishly. Winners: Ghostbusters (2-1) Last Alliance of Elves and Men (1-1) Match 4 - Brian Ailshie The White Hand vs Fangorn's Friends Group F - Cloud City Saruman: Finally, a chance to return the favor to that obnoxious Ent. Victory will be MINE! Ugluk! Take the Ogre and . . . wait! What's this? Ogre: Me no know!?! Whad is it? Brian: It seems that Saruman has found a computer station. This one happened to not only be on, but open to a map of Cloud City. A few minutes and Saruman has mastered the device, at least for his purposes. He finds a back way from where they are to the "Gamorean Gables Casino." He and the others move out soon after. Mr. Statistics: Meanwhile, Fangorn and his team have been looking around in stunned astonishment. They've never seen this many buildings, especially metal ones, in such a tight space, unless you count their last match, but that went by so fast that it hardly counts. Just wait till they get a clearer shot of the sky! Or better yet, if they get to the edge and see their's no ground below them. That'll really stun them! Brian: Not as much as that stun blast just did. Looks like Saruman found the weapons room at the Casino again. Gwaihir goes down, though he's only stunned. Beorn transforms to his bear form and charges the Ogre. The Ogre throws something at him, but Beorn just keeps coming. Saruman: And now, my leafy friend, you will DIE! Brian: He fires the bowcaster at Fangorn. The blast ignites the Lord of the Ents, who wails in pain as the fire consumes him. Saruman and Ugluk wisely stay out of the way of the thrashing tree. They look to see how the Ogre is doing against Beorn. That's not pretty. Beorn just disarmed the Ogre. Mr. Statistics: You mean he took the blasters the Ogre was throwing? Brian: No, he took the Ogre's arm, the left one. Saruman: Kill them, kill them both. Brian: Ugluk grins and fires his blaster. The Ogre and Beorn crumple to the ground. A moment later, and Ugluk makes sure that Gwaihir won't wake up from his stun blast. Winner: White Hand (2-1) Fangorn's Friends (0-2) Match 5 - Robert Newell The Last Alliance vs The Nazgul Group V - Minas Morgul Robert: Homecourt advantage is going to play a big part of this match I think. JRR Tolkien: Indeed. The fell powers of Sauron are exceptionally strong at his outpost of Minas Morgul. Though the men and elves that face these Nazgul are aware of the dangers. Robert: The men and elves' numerical advantage looks like it will be quickly evened. Khamul and Ankhorahil have cornered Elendil and Isildur away from their elven allies. Tolkien: Divide and conquer ever was the tactic of the followers of Morgoth. Robert: I thought Morgoth was long banished. Tolkien: Yes, but Sauron was a disciple of Morgoth and learned everything he knew from him. In fact... Robert: Umm... how about I read the Silmarillion again later. There is no time for a history lesson right now. Ooh. That has got to hurt. Elendil and Isildur have fallen, though they managed to mortally wound Ankhorahil before they fell. Tolkien: Hardly, the ring wraith will be back, given enough time. Robert: Well, for the purposes of this match, he looks out of it, but so are the men. Khamul regroups with the Witch King and they set out to find the elven heroes. Tolkien: Gil-Galad fought Sauron to a standstill. He will make short work of the lesser servants of the Dark Lord. Robert: Hey, who's writing this? You may be the original author, but I'm in charge here. I agree that Gil-Galad is the mightier warrior, but homecourt advantage works in interesting ways. Not to mention the prophecy that you are conveniently forgetting. The Witch King sends Khamul out as bait. The elves take it and chase the Easterling ring wraith into the dark recesses of Minas Morgul... right into an ambush. Elven senses are keen, but the unnatural darkness of this evil place have dulled them just enough to let the Witch King get the drop on them. Khamul and Elrond are both killed after a brief, yet violent, exchange. Gil-Galad is also wounded. After the obligatory taunts, the two mighty warriors clash in a whirlwind of steel and magic. No quarter is asked nor given. The Witch King fights with the smug assurance of the prophecy that no man can kill him. Gil-Galad has heard of the prophecy, but hopes that it does not include elves. The point ends up being moot, as Gil-Galad's wounds slow him down just enough for the Lord of the Nazgul to land a mortal stroke. Battered yet triumphant, the Witch King stands over his foe, gloating. Winner: The Nazgul (2-1) Loser: The Last Alliance (1-2) Match 6 - Mark Ailshie Power of Moria vs. Zartan and the Dreadnoks Bracket M - Florida Everglades The Ogre Champion of Grimorgg stalks through the swamps, his huge mace ready to swing. The only warning he gets is the roar of a swampcycle's engine. Suddenly, Torch, Ripper, and Buzzer plunge out of the swamp at high speed. Buzzer makes a quick pass with his chainsaw, neatly striking off the ogre's arm. He roars in pain and frustration, an swings wildly with his mace. In a lucky shot, he slams his mace right into Torch's face. The dreadnok's body is mashed into paste and his flamethrower explodes, blinding the ogre. Buzzer moves in for the kill, slicing through the ogre's throat. "Yeeeee-haw!" shouts Buzzer, as he sails away, his chainsaw over his head. >THWIP!< A black feathered arrow punches into Buzzer's chest. The dreadnok gasps for breath, loses control of his bike and smashes into a tree. Ugluk roars in triumph. "Y'wanna shoot off, eh bloke?" calls Ripper. "Try to match speed wif dis!" He opens up with his machine gun, and Ugluk falls lifeless into the mire. "That's what y'get for tangling with me mates!" says Ripper. He circles around the clearing to make sure the orc is dead. Suddenly, a huge shape, a shadow and a flame, staggers out of the trees. Ripper skids to a halt, spins a donut in the mud, and opens up his throttle. The Balrog roars at him and gives chase, snapping his firey whip in the air. "Perfect," Zartan thinks to himself, as Ripper brings the Balrog closer to where he sits concealed in the trees. Zartan pulls the arrow in his bow to his ear, aims for the Balrog's eye. Between the force of the bow and the speed of the Balrog's charge, the arrow ought to pierce the beast's skull. Ribber sailed by beneath, the Balrog almost on top of him. Zartan loosed his bow. >THWIP!< The Balrog roars as the arrow slams into it's eye. He roars even louder as more arrows punch into his throat and chest. All is going according to Zartan's plan. Except that the Balrog is still roaring. And now it sounds more like anger. The Maia's flame bursts upward, he stares directly at Zartan in the tree, his eyes burning with hatred, and screams. "Uh, oh," says Zartan. "Problem." Zartan leaps from the tree, just as the Balrog swipes at it with his flaming sword. It smashes into cinders, as the Cobra Master of disguise hits the ground. Immediately, Zartan is on his feet, changing color to blend in with his environment, but a whip of fire snaps around his ankle, and he suddenly finds himself snagged into the air, landing in a huge paw whose very skin is burning him. Zartan draws his daggers and prepars to sell his life dearly. The Balrog opens his maw and bites down hard. Zartan's knives attack the beast's face and neck, but The Balrog's teeth are more than a match for him. In seconds, Zartan is disemboweled. The Balrog's flame pulses again. The beast is severely hurt, but it is alive. For the moment. "Y'killed Zartan, y'schlub!" squeals Ripper. The Balrog had nearly forgotten the dreadnok. Ripper crashes his swamp bike into the Balrog's gut, penetrating his molten flesh, bayonet slicing and machine gun blazing. The Balrog seizes the Dreadnok in his claws, ripping and tearing, but the damage has been done. He feels his life force ebbing away. And then the Balrog's flame hits the bike's gas tank, and the machine explodes with viciuos force, ripping away the last vestiges of the Balrog's life. Ashes fall on the waters of the Everglades. Winner: DRAW Power of Moria (3-0-1) Zartan and Dreadnoks (2-0-1) Match 7 - Brian Ailshie Bounty Hunters vs The Power Rangers Group F - Cloud City John Madden: Ok, that went so fast that even our Slow-motion camera's had a hard time catching it. Jango and Boba ignite their jet packs and zoom straight in. They take down Blue, Red, Green and White in about half a second total. Before the Rangers can even adjust, IG88 and Zam charge in from the other side and take out Yellow, Pink and Black. Boba: Nice one Dad! Winner: Bounty Hunters (2-0) Power Rangers (0-3) |