| Match 1 - Brian Ailshie Lords of Gondor vs The 3 Musketeers Group G - Minas Tirith Brian: This is one of those matches where the Home Court should play a real advantage. See, they're using it already. Boromir and Denethor are challenging the Musketeers, while Faramir sets up a shot with his bow. *>THWACK<* Madden: Down goes D'Artagnan, with an arrow in his throat. Athos goes down a moment later, an arrow between his ribs. Aramis and Porthos charge the two foes they can see, hoping to get in close enough that the hidden archer won't be able to hit them. Porthos gets an arrow in his thigh, but continues. However, his fencing blade isn't much against Boromir's greater strength, and stronger blade. He goes down pretty quick. After that, Boromir turns and helps his father finish off Aramis. Denthor: You were supposed to take them out before they got to us! Faramir, this one was only wounded! It's good we have your brother here to finish your work! Faramir: I shall try harder next time father. Winner: Lords of Gondor (1-0) 3 Musketeers (0-3) Match 2 - Cindy Ailshie Order of the Phoenix vs The Empire Group P - Camelot The members of the Order recognize a dementor's presence immediately upon entering. Sirius grows very pale and grim, but he joins with the other three in raising his wand. "Expecto Patronum!" A quartet of formidable Patronuses (Patronii??) immediately charges the dementor, and it flees, greatly weakened. The Emperor merely cackles. "You think to frighten me with those pitiful sticks?" And he unleashes a barrage of Force-lightening upon the Order. McGonagall casts a shield charm just in time. "Proteo!" It protects them from the lightening, but it is rapidly weakening. Sirius, at the edge of the shield, is the first to be impacted by the lightening, and falls to the ground unconscious. Grievous laughs wheezily and draws his sabers, pulling out his extra two arms to wield four of them. Mad-Eye glares at him. "Ugly bloke, isn't he?" His magical eye, meanwhile, is penetrating Grievou's exterior, so he gets an idea of the mechanism within. Trying to figure out the weird Muggle ekeltricity, Mad-Eye decides it might be related somehow to the Emperor's lightning. Before he can act on this hypothesis, however, McGonagall's shield shatters. They all duck and begin running about in an attempt to dodge the Emperor's attacks. Remus pauses to check Sirius, who is beginning to come round. Quickly Remus pulls him to safety behind a fallen wooden table. McGonagall, meanwhile, attempts a stunning spell. "Stupefy!" she cries, aiming her wand at the Emperor. He stumbles backward, but shakes it off in a moment; apparently the Dark Side makes him particularly resilient. She quickly darts away before he can strike back. Mad-Eye tries a different tack. Casting a Disillusionment charm so he blends in with his surroundings, he comes right to the Emperor's side and whispers a spell that makes his lightning ricochet off the ceiling right back upon him. In a blinding flash, punctuated by the Emperor's maddened howls, he is turned to a smoking crisp. Unfortunately for Moody, some of the lightning spills onto him and he is killed as well. McGonagall and Remus now confront Grievous, while Sirius slowly gets to his feet, not quite able to walk in a straight line yet. "Foolish humans," Grievous wheezes, "my lightsabers can slice your sticks in two." "But can your flashy sword do this?" Remus asks. "Accio lightsabers!" And all four lightsabers fly neatly toward him. "Remus!" McGongall says in horror. "Are you sure you want those things to land in your hands?" "Good point," Remus realizes. "Reducto!" And before the sabers have quite reached him, his spell turns them into metallic dust. "That gives me an idea," McGonagall smiles, and casts the same spell on Grievous. And the next moment all that remains of him is heap of shiny powder. Winner: The Order of the Phoenix (1-0) The Empire (0-1) Match 3 - Robert Newell Team Dragon Reborn vs The Bears Group W - Pride Rock Robert: Before this match begins, I'd like to make a special Public Service Announcement. I know many rumors have been spread in the past about Robert Jordan's health (author of the Wheel of Time). Unless he's lying to us, it really is bad this time. http://www.locusmag.com/2006/Features/03JordanLetter.html So I'd like to ask you all to pray for him and his family. He's givenso much to all of us who have read his books. Robert Jordan: Thank you Robert... good name by the way... don't worry, I plan to be around for a very long time. Much, much longer than those bears are going to be, that's for sure. Robert: Yeah, the bears don't seem to be ablt to put up much of a fight. Aviendha and Elayne have blasted Kenai to little scraps of bear meat. Homer Simpson: Mmmm... bear... Robert: Right... and Rand has decapitated Zummi Gummi and Baloo with his sword of Fire. Walt Disney: Noooooo! Robert: Yep, your disney-heavy team is about to go 0-4... Brian, is that the first team to lose all their matches? Brian: Yes, though there are others who look to join that 'distinguished' group. On the opposite side of that, there has only been 1 team so far who has won all of their matches, though there are still several 'undefeated' teams who could still join that more prestigious group. In other news, this will also be the first grouping completed. Robert: Yeah, because Min was sick of being left out of the party and neatly disembowled the Carebear. A flawless victory. Winner: Team Dragon Reborn (3-1) The Bears (0-4) Match 4 - Alexander Strub Random vs. Aes Sedai Group U - Arrakeen Lan Mandragoran sliced Van Pelt to ribbons before the fool could load his gun, and without even pausing to yawn. Such work was so beneath him, but he had to obey Moiraine. Nynaeve opened a gateway and pushed Gumbi through it. The trouble was that the gateway opened in the middle of Johnny 5, and Gumbi's atoms scrambled the idiot robot's systems. The resulting explosion destroyed the pathetic LoveBug Herbie. Moiraine suspected Casper was an evil magical creation of the Dark One and shielded him with the One Power. Having never experienced the Power, Casper's reaction was unpredictable. He disappeared. After waiting 98 hours for Casper to return, the Judges declare a forfeit for the Random Team because Casper has apparently left the arena. Come on, this fight was totally mismatched! It's time for some real competition. Winners: Aes Sedai (1-0) The Random Team (0-2) Match 5 - Brian Ailshie Solo's Smugglers vs The White Hand Group F - Cloud City John Madden: Saruman is lost. As you can see, he and his monsters have wandered over here, over here, and over there looking for the weapons they had last time. Jamie: Ok, enough of that! Give me the marker. (Madden puts up a small fight, but finally relinquishes the marker. However, as soon as her back is turned he smiles and pulls out another from his pocket.) Madden: Anyway, the Lando tapped into the Cloud City Central Computer to rack down where the other team was. They take a short cut, and appear outside the 'Gamorean Gables' Casino, just a second after Saruman's group enter. Saruman: Finally! Quickly, get the weapons from that back room. I hear them coming. Brian: He sends them running, then ducks behind the door as the Lando and Chewie barge in. They open fire, and Ugluk goes down. The Ogre bashes through the door, then returns a moment later. He fires the bowcaster and catches Lando with it. Han and Chewie dive for cover. Howling, Chewie fires back. The wookie is a better shot, and the Ogre goes down as it's own shot goes wide. Saruman: There, my friends, we've finished them off. Let's get out of . . . *<BRRAZZPP>* Brian: Han, Chewie, and Lando were too close friends to be fooled by Saruman's voice control Winner: Solo's Smugglers (2-0) White Hand (1-1) Match 6 - Mark Ailshie The Empire vs. Karate Kings Group P - Castle Camelot Daniel Larusso waits in his classic Crane Kick position, but the dementor advances, completely unafraid. Suddenly, the fear and the cold strikes him, and Daniel is reminded of all the times Johnny, or Chozsan, or Kreese beat the snot out of him and made him feel all quiet and alone. He shrivels up ina ball and starts wimpering. "Help me, Mr. Miyagi!" he cries. The Dementor comes closer. Mr Miyagi has a greater focus, and is able to force out the horrible image of getting that letter about his wife dying over, and over, and over. He focuses and throws a mighty chop at the dementor. Not that it does much good to the dementor's empty form. The creature swoops down on Daniel and administers the Kiss, sucking out the little whiner's puny soul. Then it comes for Mr. Miyagi. "Hiiii-YAGH!" Hong Kong Fooey attacks with a flurry of karate moves, and while his moves don't connect either, he has the added ability of being a cartoon. His judo chops literally create a wind that blows the dementor's airy form of it's target. The dementor falls through a window, and plummets to the moat far below. Not dead, but temporarily out of the way. "Very Impressive, puny humans!" Wheezes a very ugly voice. General Grievous lurches into view, separating his arms and lighting his lightsabers. "Now, meet your DOOM!!" Mr. Miyagi and Hong Kong Fooey are forced backward by "Dracula-Droid," with no idea how to combat a four armed metal monster with lightsabers. Meanwhile, Bruce Lee and Emperor Palaptine have found one another in the courtyard. Palpatine hisses, and draws his lightsaber. He leaps across the courtyard, spinning like a dervish. Bruce Lee calmly steps inside his reach, catches the hilt of the lightsaber, and yanks it away! Lee moves so fast, he can match Palpatine's force-enhanced reflexes. In seconds, Bruce Lee crushes the lightsaber hilt in his bare hands, while Palpatine is rubbing his broken wrist--snapped cleanly in two when the lightsaber was snatched away. They stare each other down. Suddenly, Mr. Miyagi and Hong Kong Fooey retreat down a staircase, right into the courtyard. General Grievous follows, slashing as he goes. Finally, Mr. Miyago goes down, slashed into bloody ribbons. Palpatine uses the force to snatch away one of Grievous' sabers, but the remaining three are more than enough to finish of Fooey. Grievous turns to Bruce Lee with a sneer. "Now, human, I will kill you! Ha, Ha, >cough<!" He swings the lightsabers, but Bruce Lee leaps and smashes the cyborg with a flying kick, knocking him backward. Before the droid can recover, Bruce Lee punches straight into his breastplate, smashing his coverings, and crushing his volatile insides. Grievous explodes in a shower of sparks. Now, Palpatine readies himself for a bigger fight than he anticipated. The Dragon hits an offensive stance and prepares for battle. Suddenly, it begins to get cold, and Bruce Lee feels the tiniest flicker of fear. The Dementor floats into the courtyard, and Lee and Palpatine experience their worst memories. Both recover almost instantly, but Palaptine is just a hair quicker. Blue bolts of evil power lance from the dark lord's fingertips and strike Bruce Lee. Lee tries to leap aside, but the force bolts surround him. With a cackling laugh, The emperor turns up the power, and within moments, Bruce Lee is a char-broiled corpse. Winner: The Empire (1-1) Karate Kings (1-1) Match 7 - RJ Harris X-Men vs Autobots Ewok Village - Group Z RJ: Well Rumble fans we have another good match today--the first night match here on the Forest moon of Endor. Do you think this will matter to any of the contestants, John? John Madden (devouring chicken wings): Wha'? Oh, am I on now? Where's my marker? (He starts to mumble to himself and leaves the room) Mark: You wouldn't have anything to do with this would you Jamie? Jamie: (With innocent eyes): Why no, of course not! (She hides his marker yet again--this time on an Orc guard.) Brian: Can we get on with it now? RJ: Yes, sir, Mr President! (Brian sighs.) The X-Men are first to appear--Storm takes to the night sky and Wolverine goes out to scout. Jean stays back to observe and Cyclops stays to protect his wife. Jamie: The robot guys come in next-- Audience: They are the Transformers known as Autobots-- Jamie: OK! The Autobots come in next. They fly in low and land quickly. RJ: It appears that they have learned from the quick demise of the Decepticons. Optimus Prime: OK, these X-Men have supernatural human abilities--keep a sharp eye out for anything peculiar! Jamie: Suddenly a woman's voice screams out. Jean: LOGAN!! NO!! RJ: It appears that Logan, aka Wolverine, has had enough scouting and leaps into Bumble Bee for an attack. Storm comes in and sends down hail upon Prime and Mirage. Jamie: The sudden attack has caught the other 2 Autobots by surprise, but quickly realize that they need to start firing at Storm and, when possible a clear shot at Wolverine--who is quickly making Bumble Bee wish he were somewhere else. A shot from Optimus Prime temporarily knocks off Wolverine and a quick red blast from Cyclops finishes off the VW Bee. RJ: Cyclops and Jean run out to where Wolverine fell. While Jean attends to her friend Wolverine sneers at Cyclops. Wolverine: Listen, One-Eye, when I want help from you--I'll ask for it! Cyclops: Whatever, Logan, we are a team and as leader I will help out wherever I deem it necessary! Jamie: Suddenly, Jean interrupts the argument... Jean: Scott, Where's Storm? RJ: It appears that the sudden stop of the hail has alerted the X-Men that their comrade has fallen--courtesy of a lucky blast by Optimus Prime again. Cyclops: OK, there are still 2 of these guys out there--maybe we can pit them against each other. Jean, get into the mind of the large one--he's most likely the leader. Then... Jean: Oh, I get you Scott. No problem. You and Logan just stay out of the way for now. Jamie: Jean leaves and goes straight to work. After Prime killed Storm he came over to Mirage to regroup. Prime: Ok, I think we may have killed off 2 of them, now Mirage..Hey, YOU!! I thought we didn't meet you until the next match, but no matter--I'll finish you off now too! Mark: What is going on? RJ: Well, it appears that Optimus Prime believes that Mirage is actually Megatron--he has fallen victim to Jean Grey's telepathy powers. A few well aimed shots and Prime kills off his Indy car friend. Jamie: Now it is 3 on one. Jean releases Prime and a quick slash from Wolverine and blast from Cyclops and the X-Men have gone undefeated--they move on to the next round as the #1 seed. RJ: That also means that the Autobots vs Decepticons match is irrelevant. Oh, OK Cindy you can tell them. Cindy: The #2 seed from Group Z is We-sa-Got-a-Grand Army! I'm so excited! RJ: I can see that. (A wipee is heard down the hall. John Madden says, "I found my marker again!") It looks like there is yet another happy Rumbler. On to the next match! Brian: Actually, this match was irrelevant too. Even if the X-Men had lost, they'd still be 3-1 (same as WGGA) and the X-Men have the tie-breaker over the Gungan's and Ewoks. But that's ok, it still needed fought, as does that last match in this bracket. Winner: X-Men (4-0) #1 seed for Group Z Autobots (0-3) WGGA is #2 seed for Group Z Match 8 - Brian Ailshie Tir Asleen Champions vs Kurgan's Killers Group C - Tir Asleen Brian: We join this match in progress. Sorsha is barely keeping alive against the Headless Horseman, Eric is outnumbered against Toad and Ray Park, and Kurgan is actually getting sliced up by Madmartigan. Madmartigan: This guy is harder to kill than Kail! I've hit him at least 10 times, but he just keeps coming! Brian: Sorsha and Eric are too busy to reply. Eric swipes at Toad's tongue as it shoots out at him. Toad hollers in pain as his tongue falls to the ground. However, his attention was off Ray for long enough that the martial artist leveled a kick to his head. Eric drops his weapon, stumbles and falls. He rolls down a small hill of broken rock in the crumbling castle. Ray leaps at him, and Eric lobs a few stones at him in desperation. Ray dodges these and lands a chop across the warrior's face. The nose breaks, and Ray finishes him before Eric can master the pain. Mr. Statistics: Meanwhile, Sorsha missed a parry from the onslaught of the Headless Horseman. An easy mistake to make, but difficult to pay for. It costs Sorsha her head. Suddenly the Horseman stops though. There are TWO heads on the ground. It seems that one of the 'stones' Eric tossed was actually the rotted head of the Horseman. You don't need to be a statistician like me to know that won't happen often. The Horseman picks up the head and fizzles away. Brian: Getting back to Madmartigan and the Kurgan; the Daikenie warrior is definitely a better swordsman, but he's just getting worn down, by the Russian's stamina. When Ray Park jumps into the fray, it only get's worse. Finally, Madmartigan goes down. Winner: Kurgan's Killers (1-0) Tir Asleen Champions (0-1) Match 9 - Alexander Strub Empire vs. English Enemies Group P - Camelot Emperor Palpatine electrocuted Maligant to death with Force Lightning and then slew the Black Knight with his light saber. The Bunny attacked the oh-so-out-of-place-and-outclassed Dementor and did some damage until the Dementor sucked out it's soul. Palpatine then killed the Dementor, offering merely this as an explanation, "I tired of him." Palpatine sensed the Sheriff hiding behind a bush and used Force Crush to lift him up in the air, fracture every bone in his body and then throttle the life out of him. Grievous complained "I didn't even get to kill anything in this match!" Palpatine responded, "I did not require your assistance to destroy these pitiful worms." Winners: The Empire (mostly the Emperor) (2-1) English Enemies (0-2) |