| Match 1 - Brian Ailshie Swashbucklers vs The MIB Group J - Sci-Fi Movie Set (Hollywood) Mr. Statistics: Finally a match from Group J, you'd think after 80 matches that you'd have at least one from each group, but this is the first from this one, and we still have 5 other groups that haven't fought yet! Brian: Yes, yes. Come sit down, that soap box looks a little uncomfortable. Besides, both of those numbers will change today. Mr. Statistics: Ok, let's get started. The MIB appear on the far west side of the set. They check their alien weapons, and move out. The swashbucklers appear on the east side of the set. They take a little longer to organize. Fezzik: Where are we Inigo? Inigo: I'm not sure my friend. Zorro: We are in a strange land, and we are pitted to fight some strange enemies. Inigo: Roberts? Fezzik: No, Inigo, there is the man in black (he points to Wesley) Inigo: Two men in black? Wesley: No, my friends. I am who you know as the man in black, the Pirate Roberts. This is Zorro. A friend, and fabulous swordsman. We must get ready, prepare our defenses for enemies may attack. Fezzik: Don't look now, but we're surrounded by men in black. Vizzini: AAaaaahhhh! The rhyming must stop! Brian: Calm yourself, see it's stopped already. "L" put a shot through Fezzik with her cricket gun. I don't think he'll be making any more rhymes for a while. Jamie: At least he went out in style! Vizzini: AAAHHHH! (he runs from the commentators booth) Brian: Oh, "J" just shot Inigo, and "K" just took out Roberts. This doesn't look good for the Swashbucklers. Lucas: Well they are facing guns, with swords. Not very easy unless you're a Jedi. Tolkien: Whatever! Many of my characters could do it. Brian: Ok, guys, that's enough. It seems that Zorro escaped getting shot by Zed. At the last moment he shot out his whip and swung off toward another part of the set. The MIB give chase. The lighting in that section of the set isn't very good. Anyone see what's going on? *BOOM* Superman: With my x-ray vision I can see that Zorro used his black-powder pistol and shot Zed. The MIB chief is down. "L" was closest to him and she's now being attacked by the masked Spaniard. She blocks two swipes with a pole she found on the set, but Zorro is a master. He cuts her down with the third stroke. *KA-BLAMMMM* Superman: Well, that's that. While Zorro was finishing off "L," he was shot down by "J." Winner: MIB (1-0) Swashbucklers (0-1) Match 2 - Stacey Ailshie Outlaws vs Lawmen Group Y - Tombstone, AZ It's mid-May. It's hot. There is a slight wind, that kicks up dust so thick it coats your mouth, nose and eyes. Everything takes on an eerie appearance because of the heat waves. It's the main street of Tombstone, AZ. Jesse James glances to his right and to his left. Standing to his right are Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Off to his left is Billy the Kid. Dead ahead stand the opposing team - Davy Crockett, Daniel Boone, Porter Rockwell, and Wyatt Earp. Jesse sizes up the two teams. To his reckoning the only two real major threats are Rockwell and Earp. Crockett and Boone are just two backwoods boys who rely on their guns for food and entertainment. They don't know the pressure of packing a gun just for a little insurance. They don't know what it's like to look ahead with one eye while the other always watches the back. Jesse knows this is his lot for life. So he whispers for Butch and Sundance to keep sight of Boone and Crockett. Jesse and The Kid will take on Rockwell and Earp. Cassidy and Rockwell have too much history. Cassidy is a Mormon boy from southern Utah. Rockwell the well known bodyguard for the Mormons. The plus is that Cassidy knows something the other men don't. It's quiet. It's as if the town has been abandoned. That's good. Cuts out any unnecessary distractions. Well, now is as good a time as any. Ya can't finish if'n ya don't start. Jesse aims from the hip and lets off the first shot. Earp is just as quick. Jesse's first shot strikes Earp in the right shoulder. Earp's shot, unfortunately, goes straight to the heart of Billy the Kid. Jesse hesitates, but only for a second. The other men have all drawn their weapons. Sundance ducks behind a water barrel near the saloon. Butch takes cover on the same side of the street about ten feet ahead next to an abandoned wagon. Jesse takes the straight line down the middle. He's firing shot after shot, which finally pays off in finishing off Earp! Cassidy and Sundance are making their way forward to the opposing team, at the same time they are firing shots. Cassidy shoots out a window near Crockett. Crockett had taken refuge near the merc behind some bags of flour. Crockett takes the brunt of the spray of glass. A piece of glass lodges in Crockett's temple. That was quick. He's out of the running. So, it's down to Jesse, Butch, and Sundance against Boone and Rockwell. Cassidy is making his way to Rockwell. Jesse notices that Rockwell is also making his way towards Cassidy. Sundance stays about ten feet or so behind Butch. Jesse veers off to find Boone. Jesse is trying to figure out what Cassidy's plan is. It was just the distraction Boone needed. Almost by accident Boone and Jesse are face to face. Jesse turns just in time to notice Boone crouched behind the body of Crockett. Jesse had been headed in the same direction. Fortunately for Jesse, he's quicker with a gun and can shoot from just about any level. Boone never even saw the gun move before it was all over. Now, for Rockwell. The enemies are converging on each other on the other side of the street. Cassidy has his knife out. He shouts to Sundance, "Cover Me!" Sundance is shooting at lightning speed from a six shooter in each hand. Cassidy comes up behind Rockwell grabs and handful of beard and slices it off just below the chin. "Time for a shave Port!" Cassidy shouts and laughs. Rockwell's eyes are now wide with fear. Cassidy moves off into the doorway of the sheriff's office as Rockwell is pounded with shot after shot from Sundance. Rockwell falls to the ground with a massive thud. Jesse shakes his head and wonders what the shave bit was all about. Musta been that secret Cassidy knew about. Team Outlaw wins again with only a minimal loss. Winner: The Outlaws (1-0) Lawmen (0-1) Match 3 - Robert Newell The Jedi Masters vs The Egyptians Group T - Geonosis Arena Robert: This isn't going to be pretty. George Lucas: I'll say. Ooh, look, Qui-gon just "disarmed" the Scorpion King. Robert: That will leave a mark. The Egyptians aren't being too smart about this. They charged the jedi, assuming that they were unarmed. They didn't realize what those silver cylinders at their sides were. Lucas: Is there even a challenge in this bracket for my Jedi? Robert: Well, considering how ridiculously overpowered you made these three Jedi... probably not. Yuck, there goes The Rock's head. Lucas: Overpowered? What do you mean by that? Robert: Let's see. Precognition; superhuman reflexes, strength and speed; telekinetic and telepathic attacks; and that doesn't get into the discussion of lightsabers. Lucas: Well that's just too bad. If anyone else wanted to win, they should have invented more powerful characters. J.R.R. Tolkien: We'll see about that. Robert: Not here, not now you two. Well, this match is done. The Egyptians are scattered (literally) around the arena. The jedi aren't even breathing hard. Winner: The Jedi Masters (3-0) The Egyptians (0-2) Match 4 - Brian Ailshie Karate Kings vs English Enemies Group P - Camelot Brian: The Karate Kid and Mr. Miyagi have started fighting with the Black Knight. Daniel has kicked the sword out of his hand, and Mr. Miyagi swept in and finished him off with a series of chops to various parts of the body. Watch out though, here comes the Bunny! Oh, that was gruesome. The Bunny just bit off both of their heads. Mr. Statistics: Well that was bound to happen. It happens in each of the events. Let's see what the Cartoon Karate Dog, Hong Kong Fuey is doing. He seems to have got hold of the Sheriff of Nottingham and snapped his legs with a sweep kick. It doesn't take long for him to finish of the power hungry villain. But here comes that Bunny again. Now we have a headless cartoon Karate dog. Brian: Well before we have to change the rating of this thing, let's see what Bruce Lee and Maligant are doing. It's Team Captain against Team Captain. And Maligant does have the advantage of home court. He was one of the Knights of the Round Table before he turned against King Arthur. He is attacking the master of martial arts with his sword. Bruce picked up a wooden club, but that got chopped apart before too long. WHOA! Bruce just clapped the blade between his hands! A spinning jerk sends the blade spiraling out a window. Maligant jabs at him with a fist, but Bruce simply takes it and hits him back. Maligant goes down. Remember that Bruce was known to break 2x4's with his bare hands from less than 2 inches away. Take that kind of force on your sternum, and you won't like breathing very much. Bruce grabs his head and snaps it. Oh, oh. Here comes the Bunny again. Mr. Statistics: But this time it ends differently. Bruce snatches the critter in the air, and twists it's spine. A sickening crunch and we have a winner. Winner: Karate Kings (1-0) English Enemies (0-1) Match 5 - RJ Harris Enforcers vs G.I. Joe Group M - Florida Everglades RJ: Well Elmer, I welcome you to help commentate on today's match. I hope it is a bit longer than the last one that occured here. Elmer Fudd: Yes, (laughs). Thayt mwatch was cerwtianly a spweedy wone. Morwia totally dominated The Enforwcers. They have leawred much in their prwevious battles. Jamie: Yes, indeed they have--The Enforces have appeared first and Dirty Harry has taken the tree house idea away from the Trekkies. He and the Enforcers must be planning on using their location to their advantage against G.I Joe. RJ: Duke, Flint, Lady Jane, and Roadblock appear and a very fast and high attack from Harry, Gerrard, McClain, and Sledge Hammer wipe out G.I. Joe in a matter of seconds--each Enforcer concentrated on just one member of G.I. Joe--a well planned and executed attack. I'd say it was about time from these guys! Elmer: So much fowr a longwer match! (he laughs again) Jamie: You know that element of surprise shouldn't play into that much of a factor against some of these teams that are allowed to watch other matches--but what can you do expect the unexpected? RJ: Very true love. With Joe's defeat, that now brings everything to the Moria vs Zartan & Dreadnocks match up, although Joe could still get 2nd place if Z & D loose to Moria and themselves--Stay tuned Rumblers, there is still lots to come! Winner: Enforcers (1-3) G.I. Joe (1-2) Match 6 - Mark Ailshie WAW Wrestlers vs. Sailor Scouts Group O - Madison Square Garden "I'll tear you limb from limb, you runt!" shouts Death Wish Jones, as he charges the red-skirted warrior. "MARS FIREBALLS CHARGE!" Raye answers, and suddenly Death Wish is immobile. Mars begins her dancing thing. "MARS...FIREBIRD..." >CRACK!< Mars staggers in the middle of her speech and fumbles ast the bullet hole which has just appeared in her throat. She slumps forward. "Lt. Marco!" shouts Brian the Giant. "I told you, no weapons against..." "Are you out of your mind, Giant?" snaps the former green beret, lowering his sniper rifle. "We're not in a match here, we're in a fight to the death. If we let 'honor' get in the way, we'll--Urk!" A red rose buries itself in Lt. Marco's chest, and he falls over dead. Tuxedo Mask tries to leap away, but Death Wish, now free of Mars' paralysis scroll, grabs him by the throat and wraps him into the "death test" submission hold. Tux is quickly losing the feeling in his legs, and knows he will pass out soon. "MERCURY...ICE-STORM...BLAST!!" Suddenly it is very, very cold for both Death Wish and his victim. But just before keeling over from severe frostbite, Death Wish cranks his arms and Tuxedo Mask's neck snaps. Finally seeing these women for the true threat they represent, Brian the Giant leaps into action, and levels Sailor Mercury with a huge clothesline. As soon as she hits the pavement, the Allstar leaps onto the Giant's shoulders and dives off, nailing the prone Sailor Mercury with the superstar press. She is stunned, and Corporal Chiropractor draws his machete and prepares to slash her throat. "MOON TIARA MAGIC!" Suddenly, a discus of light flashes through his wrist, and Chiropractor's hand drops off the end of his arm. He screams in pain, and collapses from shock. Allstar quickly retrieves the knife and plunges it into Sailor Mercury's heart as Brian the Giant charges at Sailor Moon. Serena backpedals, waving her scepter and calling out "MOON SCEPTER.." But Brian the Giant is simply too fast. A four hundred and fifty pound drop kick send Serena sailing over the guard rails and plummeting fifty feet to the concrete below. Winners: WAW Wrestlers (2-1) Sailor Scouts (2-1) Match 7 - Robert Newell The Scots vs The Three Musketeers Group G - Minas Tirith Robert: Are you serious Brian? Four Scotsmen versus four Frenchmen? Brian: Yeah, that's how the brackets ended up. Robert: Wow, this isn't going to be pretty. Brian: Don't count out the musketeers too quickly, it is March Madness right now after all. Robert: I guess you're right Brian, the Musketeers have cornered Will Thatcher and have given him a few extra orifices to breathe out of. Dick Vitale: A first round upset BAY-BEE! Robert: (pulls a lever dropping Vitale into a bottomless pit) I've wanted to do that since the first time I ever watched college basketball. Anyway, back to the match. Matt Groening: Groundskeeper Willie doesn't look too pleased about the death of his countryman. Between him and William Wallace, they are making short work of the Frenchies. Robert: Yeah, despite the early upset potential, the Scotsmen have finished off the French with not to much difficulty. Winner: The Scots (1-0) The Three Musketeers (0-2) Match 8 - Brian Ailshie The Warriors vs The Outlaws Group Y - Tombstone, AZ. John Madden (with Marker): This one went by real quick, let me recap what happened. The warriors appeared here, the Outlaws, here. Conan saw them and charged in. His surprise earned him the head of Jesse James, as well a bullet wound the size of a king size bucket o' chicken wings. Paks and Red Sonja were a little more subtle. They waited in a saloon for the Outlaws. Billy and Sundance saw Sonja and figured she was a hot bar maid. That is until her sword came poking out of Billy's back. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid fill her with lead. They continue to fire when Paksenarrion comes out from the back. Miraculously the bullets bounce off of her Paladin armor. Two swift strokes give the victory. Winner: Warriors (1-0) Outlaws (1-1) Match 9 - Robert Newell The X-Men vs the Decepticons Group Z - Ewok Village, Endor Starscream and Thundercracker patrolled the skies looking for their opponents. They would not be beaten by humans again. Their sophisticated senors detected only clear skies and good weather. Almost instantly, the skies darkened, and the two Decepticon jets were caught in a tremendous cyclone. They tried to escape, but the winds were too strong. Multiple lightning bolts from above and optic blasts from below reduced the Decepticons to scrap rather quickly. Megatron was irate. Starscream and Thundercracker were fools, and had gotten killed again. He tried to turn around and move back into the foliage, but he was unable to move. Jean Grey and Wolverine walked out of the tree line. Jean was concentrating hard and Megatron was stuck fast. Wolverine jumped up onto him and began to work on him with his adamantium claws. It took him a while to find a vulnerable spot. The light went out of Megatron's eyes as the Decepticon leader was killed (again). Winner: The X-Men (3-0) #1 seed for Group Z The Decepticons (0-3) |