T3week11

Match 1 - Mark Ailshie
The Fellowship vs. Sailor Scouts
Group O - Madison Square Garden

Legolas grits his teeth in irritation as he watches the three young girls in frilly costumes across the length of the arena. "Cowardly it is for us to take them unawares," he tells his companion. "They are women, and unarmed."
"For the sake of Aule," growls Gimli, "Have you learned nothing from these matches? Loose! We canna afford to give quarter."
Legolas draws the bow back to his ear, and aims it at Sailor Moon's chest. "I like this not," he mutters.
Suddenly, a small red projectile zips by the elf's face, slashing his cheek and making his shot go wild.
In a second, he has another arrow nocked, but it is too late.
The scouts, alerted by the arrow, put up their own defenses. "MERCURY BUBBLES BLAST!" calls Sailor Mercury, and suddenly the scouts are obscured by fog.
Gimli utters a coarse Dwarvish swear word, and turns to examine whatever it was that struck his friend. There, stuck into the ground at Legolas' feet, is a red rose.
"Bad manners, attacking before you've been introduced," says a voice. Legolas turns and looses an arow at the tuxedo clad speaker, but Tuxedo Mask deflects the missile with his cane. Then he folds himself into his cape and vanishes.
"Where did he go?" Legolas wonders aloud.
"I'll track him down," Aragorn says grimly and draws his sword.
"We should stay together," says Legolas to Aragorn's back.
"Let him go, lad," says Gimli. "We've got work of our own to do." He points at the approaching Sailor Scouts.
"On behalf of the moon, I will punish you," says Sailor Moon, waving her funny dance moves. Gimli responds by throwing his axe overhand, sending it spinning in her direction. Sailor Moon Screams and dives aside, the axe slicing off one of her long pigtails. Oh, and it plunges straight into Mercury's face. She falls without a groan.
"You mean little man," shouts Sailor Moon. "You cut off my hair! Oh! And you killed Amy. You're so mean! WAAAAHHHHH!!!"
As Sailor Moon wails in anguish, the little red things in her hair amplify the sound into some kind of sonic stun weapon. (Carol, back me up here. This DID happen in the pilot, didn't it? But I don't remember it ever happening again) In any case, Gimli and Legolas bend over in agony, holding their ears and trying to shut out the sound.
Sailor Mars, who is used to Serena's whining, is unaffected. "MARS CELESTIAL FIRE SURROUND!" She shouts, and suddenly Legolas and Gimli are fried extra crispy.
Meanwhile, Tuxedo Mask gets the feeling he's being followed. "Easy, Tux," he says to himself. "You've never tested yourself against this guy."
"Then test me now," says Aragorn, who has tracked him easily. He draws Anduril, Tuxedo Mask draws his cane, and the two square off. In mere moments, the battle is over, and Tuxedo Mask is shorter by the length of one head. Aragorn returns to where he left his
friends.
"Serena, quit the crying," snarls Sailor Mars. "We've got a job to do."
"But, Amy!" blubbers Sailor Moon. "And I just sensed Darien dying too! WAAAAHHH!!!"
"Oh, shut up!" says Raye, turning away, and abruptly, Sailor Moon's wails are cut off. "Thank you," she says, turning back, but instead finds herself facing Aragorn, wiping Sailor Moon's blood off of Anduril.
"Anytime," the ranger quips, and stalks toward the Sailor Scout.
But Raye still has a few tricks up her sleeve. "MARS FIREBALLS CHARGE!" she shouts, and whips a small scrap of paper at Aragorn. The Ranger tries to simply slap the paper aside, but it's not so easy. You see, in addition to being Sailor Mars, Raye is some kind of priestess, and her paralyzing scrolls never miss. The paper seeks out Aragorn's forehead and plants itself there.
"Wha--" says Aragorn, finding himself unable to move.
And now, Sailor Mars has time to perform her dancing thing as she says "MARS FIRE IGNITE!"
A wave of flame rolls over Aragorn, cooking him as he stands.

Winners: Sailor Scouts (1-0)
Fellowship (2-2)

Match 2 - Brian Ailshie
Gladiators vs Egyptians
Group T - Geonosis Arena

Ridley Scott: This looks so familiar, even though it isn't the same.
Brian: Yes, this may not be the coliseum of Rome, but it's pretty similar. Maximus and his men are in the middle of the arena. They are armed with a spear in one hand; and large, phalanx shield in the other. At a command from the general, the four gladiators lock shields, and begin advancing toward the Egyptians.
John Madden. The Egyptians are arranged a little more erratically. The Rock has picked up a force pike that was in an armory just inside the door they came through. Balthezar and Jesop both have their scimitars, and the Scorpion King has his unbelievably big bow, and his sword is at his hip. They are in a sort of V shape, with the King in the back, Balthezar and Jesop in front of him to either side, and the Rock ahead and to the left of Jesop.
RJ: Wow.
Madden: What, I don't see anything yet, their just walking toward each other.
RJ: No, I was just surprised that you could say that much without your marker.
Brian: Ok, lets be nice boys. Suddenly the Scorpion King lets loose with his arrows. That bow knocked strong men away in his movie, but Maximus catches it neatly on his shield and the wall of the Gladiators continues to advance. A moment later and their spears come forward, and they start to charge. The Rock jabs his force pike at the shield on his end. The jolt of electricity travels through the shield and into Spartacus' body. He jabs desperately at the wrestler/ movie star as the shock sends him to the ground. But the Rock dodges aside and tries again. This time as he lunges forward, Juba sends his blade into the Rock's sternum. The combined force of Juba's thrust, and the Rock's lunge make a real mess. Juba's spear is stuck however, and Jesop takes advantage of that.b He snaps the spear in half with his sword. Juba back pedals, using his shield to hold off the Acadian warrior.
Madden: Meanwhile, the other half of the Gladiators continued their charge. They rand right through Balthezar and he went down. Unfortunately for Hagen, the Egyptian warrior is a big man to drop, and Hagen's spear snaps as well. The Scorpion King takes advantage of the distraction and sends an arrow into Hagen's face. Dropping his bow, he sweeps out his sword just in time to bat Maximus' spear aside. Maximus spins it around and jabs again. This time the Acadian prince brings his blade down on the Roman's spear and chops off the point. Maximus hits the ground and rolls aside. As he leaps back up, he has Balthezar's sword in his hand. Both warriors are strong and well skilled, but Maximus has the definite advantage due to his shield.
Brian: As they trade blows, let's go back and check on Juba and Jesop. Juba is getting frantic. He has the shield to ward of Jesop's blows, but he is rapidly tiring, and has no way to attack. Then he sees his chance. The force pike was only two steps to his left. He jumped for it. Reaching the pike he stomps his foot down on the butt end. The blade jumps up and jabs into Jesop's chest. Unfortunately for the African warrior, Jesop swung his sword down on Juba's shield at the same time. The shock drops both of them.
Madden: And back to Maximus. He chops at the Scorpion King again and again. He makes a few light hits, and his shield keeps him from harm. The Scorpion King is fighting valiantly, but he's really no match for Maximus with a shield. Finally, Maximus cuts him down.

Winner: Gladiators (3-0)
Egyptians (0-1)

Match 3 - Robert Newell
The Startrekkers vs Zartan and the Dreadnocks
Group M - The Everglades

Generally, admission into COBRA requires a certain degree of sadism. These are not nice people we are talking bout. The Federation, on the other hand, actively recruits and encourages namby-pamby-ism. The results of mixing the two aren't exactly pretty.
Wesley took the longest to die. Buzzer took his time with his buzz saw. He took a piece at a time, trying to maximize the pain. Wesley
screams like a little girl. He couldn't hit anything closer than a few feet with that ridiculous phaser of his, and thus it did him no
good.
Ripper crippled his prey from a distance with bursts of machine-gun fire. 7 of 9 made the classic Borg mistake of underestimating kinetic
weapons. After she was crippled, he moved in close to finish the job. Bayonet wounds are gruesome, so I won't elaborate.
Odo was typically overconfident. He didn't think Torch was much of a threat. He changed his mind after he got covered in jellied gasoline and lit on fire. Even a Changeling can't concentrate too hard when he is on fire.
Spock was the only one who was even halfway competent, but four on one was a bit much to overcome. Zartan eluded him until the others were done with their sport. Massed fire left a smoking crater where the Vulcan had once stood.

Winner: Zartan and the Dreadnocks (2-0)
Startrekkers (1-3)

Match 4 - RJ Harris
Enforcers vs Power of Moria
Group M - Everglades

RJ: It is night match again--man I tell ya I'd have to give this one to Moria already--they love the dark.
Jamie: Don't be so sure yet--the Enforcers could have some surprises still left in them.
RJ: The Enforcers appear first and are astonished to see a Balrog coming thru the trees.
Dirty Harry: What in the &*#@ is that?!?
Jamie: The other Enforcers didn't get a chance to answer the two ugly monsters each too out one of the Enforcers.
Tolkien: Now, lady, let us get this correct. The larger "monster" is a troll. He killed the man known as Sledge hammer with a troll club. And John McClain met his death courtesy of an arrow from the smaller "monster". Who..
RJ: I know! I know! The other one is an Orc Chief. So that leaves only Harry and Sam again and one quick breath of fire from the Balrog killed them off. It was quick and easy for Moria tonight.

Winner: Power of Moria (3-0)
Enforcers (0-3)

Match 5 - Brian Ailshie
Star Trek Captains vs The Borg
Group T - Geonosis Arena

Janeway: Borg! I've fought these guys before.
Sisko: So have I.
Picard: I know, and hate, the Borg on a personal level.
Kirk: The who? Borg? Sounds Swedish. Are they . . . Oooh, look at her.
Brian: As usual, Kirk has fallen for anything vaguely female. Ignoring the others, he begins to walk toward the Borg queen.
Picard: Well, he's going to give us a good distraction. Let's move out and surround them.
Brian: The other two captains agree and they fan out through the seats of the large arena. They're keeping down, and it seems the Borg haven't seen them yet. In fact the Borg are rather confused by the human walking toward them, as if willing to be assimilated. Kirk is just about to 2 of 3, the closest Borg, when the other captains take action. Using their communicators to coordinate, they fire simultaneously at the Borg. The queen, and both 2 and 3 of three evaporate. This stops the lolling head of the Trek captains. Kirk now sees 1 of 3 advancing, and attacks. He may be a sucker for a girl, but he's no wimp in a fight. He snaps the neck of the final Borg, and gives the Trek Captains their first victory.
Mr. Statistics: Not only their first victory, but the first flawless victory for their team, or any team against the Borg for that matter!

Winner: Star Trek Captains (1-2)
Borg (0-3)

Match 6 - Mark Ailshie
Batman's Enemies vs. Shredder's gang
Group Q - Gotham City Sewer System

"Now, come on Gotham's finest," smiles the Joker. "I know this isn't the friendliest of environs, but let's not get dismal! Here, pick a card!"
"Save it for the fight, Joker," growls Two-Face.
"What do you mean, 'dismal environs?'," quacks the penguin. "I grew up here! There's a water trap just around these pipes: we can set an ambush there! Quack, quack, quack!"
But, as the six villains enter a large wet chamber, it is they who are ambushed. Albeit rather poorly.
"Oink! There they are, Boss! Should we start shooting now?"
"Yes you idiots!" scream Shredder, but it is too late. The six refugees from Arkham asylum dive out of the way as Bebop and Rocksteady open up their machine guns.
Catwoman leaps easily over the rain of bullets, dodging Rocksteady's uneven aim. In moments, she has disarmed the mutant rhinoceros with a kick to the gut. A few well placed scratches later, Rocksteady finds himself bleeding his life out into the unforgiving sewer water.
Bebop fares little batter against Poison Ivy. As he follows her with his bullets, he is unaware of the carpet of moss growing around him. Unaware, until the moss leaps up and entangles him. Two-Face opens up his Tommy-gun, and soon the warthog-faced buffoon is
also dead.
"Morons!" screams Krang. "I'm surrounded by morons!" Two Face shoots at him, but Krang's body morphs into armor, blocking the shots. Then, the arms morph into lazer cannons and Two-Face hits the water.
Meanwhile, Shredder dives into the midst of their enemies, a human weapon, fighting as only an angry ninja armed with knives up and down his arms can fight. The Penguin is cut to shreds instantly.
Catwoman gives a bit more of a struggle, but soon she is knocked unconscious.
Dr. Freeze gets a lucky shot and freezes Krang's brain--only a scientist such as himself could have deduced that Krang was actually the talking brain in the big guy's stomach, not the big guy himself. That was only a sophisticated robotic body. Dr. Freeze hits the brain, and Krang is reduced to a block of ice.
Unfortunately for Freeze, He was watching Krang instead of Shredder, and Shredder throws a shiruken into the good doctor's life suit. Liquid nitrogen spews out, turning the water instantly to ice. Poison Ivy gets caught in the blast, and finds herself frozen solid under the water. Deprived of his life-preserving suit, Dr. Freeze begins to quickly melt into glop.
Shredder sizes up the situation. His allies are dead, but his enemies are all either dead or dying. Well, all except the madman. The Joker has been standing alone in the middle of the chamber this whole time, laughing at the top of his lungs. Now, as he eyes Oroku Saki, he begins to laugh afresh.
"What in the blazes is so funny?" Shredder demands.
"Two guys walk into a bar," answers the Joker. "The third guy ducks." He bursts out laughing again. Shredder blinks, unsure how to respond. "What?" asks the Joker. "Don't you get it? The third guy ducks!" Still no response. Shredder raises his katana and begin to edge toward him.
"I swear," Joker says petulantly, "Before this match is over, I'm going to put a smile on your face. Here, pick a card." He holds out a handful of cards. Shredder knocks them aside in irritation. "Temper, temper!" laughs the Joker. "Is THIS your card?" He holds up a joker, but as Shredder walks forward, the Card suddenly explodes, spraying him with a green liquid.
"Oh, my mistake," laughs the Joker. "That's MY card." Shredder steps forward again, but suddenly feels the muscles in his face pulling inexorably up and up. He tries to cry out, but finds he can't inhale.
In a few moments, he is dead, a rictus smile painted across his face. "Joker gas, my own invention," the Joker says to the corpse. "I told you I'd get a smile!" His insane laughter echoes off the walls of the sewer.

Winner: Batman's Enemies (1-0)
Shredder's Gang (0-1)

Match 7 - Robert Newell
GI Joe vs Power of Moria
Group M - The Everglades

Lady Jaye and Lugbuz exchanged spear tosses, neither one having much success. This, however, worked to the GI Joe's advantage, as it was all a diversion to give Roadblock time to get into position. When he was ready, he opened up on the Orc with his .50 caliber Browning. Lugbuz was turned into a greasy smear on the water. The fire gave away Roadblock's position, and the cave troll rushed him. He got a few shots off before the troll smashed him with his club. Flint and Duke unloaded on the beast, but were not able to bring it down until after it had crushed Lady Jaye as well. The GI Joes felt pretty good now that the odds were 2 to 1, that is until they heard the Balrog. An unearthly scream rent the air. The Joes threw everything that they had at the monstrosity. The lead in their bullets actually evaporated before it could touch the fallen Maia, not that it would have done much more than make it angry. Grenades didn't even scratch the thing, as shrapnel had as much luck as bullets trying to harm it. Duke went flying as the Balrog's whip seized him about the neck and yanked him forward. The Balrog neatly bisected him in mid-air with its massive sword. Flint kept pulling the trigger, long after he was out of ammo. The Balrog approached and picked up Flint in its flaming grip. It raised his agonized body into the air, and closed its fist with a bright flash of fire. Flint's ashes sifted slowly through the Balrog's fingers.

Winner: Power of Moria (2-0)
Loser: GI Joe (1-1)

Match 8 - Brian Ailshie
WWE Greats vs Sailor Scouts
Group O - Madison Square Garden

Mr. Statistics: Did you notice that this grouping only has one match left that doesn't include the Sailor Scouts, and yet they haven't fought until now.
Brian: I did notice that. And Group W has only one match left to be fought, yet we still have 7 groups that have not been touched yet.
Mr. Statistics: Yes, I noticed that too. Very strange. I guess there are some groups that are a little less popular than the others.
Others: Just get on with it!
Brian: Ok, ok. Anyway, the wrestlers come into the ring, each with their own 'fan music' playing. Suddenly from the nose bleed section an arrow of flame shoots down on them. Andre is hit and screams in pain as his body is charred to ash. A second arrow hits Big Show, and the wrestlers scramble for cover as Show crumples next to the other giant. Hulk and Macho Man dive under the mat, Ultimate Warrior tries to make it to the door (he was still coming in when the first arrow came down) but is fried by a third arrow.
Sailor Mars: MARS FIRE OBLITERATE!!!
John Madden: Holy chicken wings! An even bigger flame arrow just disintegrated the entire ring set-up. Hulk and Macho leap out and try a run for it. Oddly no more arrows come raining down.
Brian: That may be why. Those two characters are on Mars' team. Tuxedo Mask chucks his rose at the blonde muscle head. Instantly vines wrap around the Hulkster binding him in place. He struggles, but only succeeds in knocking himself to the ground. Macho Man continues on and flings a flying elbow into the skirted girl at his side.
Mask: Now that wasn't very gentleman-like!
Brian: He trips the wrestler who falls to the ground, knocking his chin on the concrete. Sailor Moon steps out from behind the doorway they were heading for and waves her wand. A jet of bubbley steam shoots out and obliterates the last two wrestlers.

Winners: Sailor Scouts (2-0)
WWE Greats (1-2)