MWeek7

WEEK 7

Match 1
Legolas vs. Squadron of Stormtroopers
A junkyard somewhere in the USA

Mr. Obvious: Well here we are in a junkyard waiting for a Rumble match between Legolas and a bunch of Stormtroopers. With me I have our commentators-and, unfortunately, not too impartial judges: Mr. Lucas and Mr. Tolkein. Gentlemen, who will win this match?
Lucas: The Stormtroopers with ease.
Tolkein: Legolas, of course.
Mr. Obvious: Well we�re going to find out. Legolas appears and he is surrounded by Stormtroopers. He stops and looks at his foes. Their leader approaches him.
Stormtrooper #1: You rebel scum!
Lucas: I love that line everytime I hear it.
Mr. Obvious: You should, you wrote it. Legolas though is no rebel and with his elf-like reflexes he kills the leader with his elf knife. Just a quick slit across the underside of the helmet.
Tolkein: I just love Legolas� response. He now jumps out of the way as the Stormtroopers open fire on a single foe. The squadron takes out about half of its own members in a blaster fray.
Mr. Obvious: Funny how so many of the Stormtroopers are a bad shot. Oh well, Legolas is now jumping from car pile to car pile shooting arrows out at a furring pace. He is taking out the Stormtroopers in the back, while those in the front of the pack are shooting like mad at the cars Legolas is jumping to and from. This creates more collateral damage. Car doors and other parts are falling and taking out the middle of the Stormtrooper pack.
Lucas: Oh, come on. With his elf-abilities, Legolas has an unfair advantage.
Tolkein: Not unlike Luke or another Jedi with their abilities. In a matter of moments, it is down to just one Stormtrooper. Legolas takes aim and�what! He slips and falls. I didn�t know an elf could fall!
Mr. Obvious: Well. His last foe approaches and as his commander before him, he falls by the elf-knife. Maybe the fall was a ruse, but the point is that Legolas has won. Now for scores. First, JRR then George.

Tolkein: Legolas used the landscape to his advantage and dispatched his foe quickly. Full 10 points here.
Lucas: Although, I hate to admit it, the elf did exactly as Mr. Tolkein said. I would have expected no worse from a Jedi. Yet, Legolas should have done his work more quickly and effectively like not using a knife and bow-one should suffice. I can give him an 8.
Mr. Obvious: I feel to take the middle ground here. A 9 for a great win, but a point deduction for his slip.
Hermione Granger: Entirely un-elfish. But he did win, I�ll give him a 7.
Gimli: You know I'm fond of you, elf, but I just can't stand the thought of you gaining the upper hand in this competition! I'm going to have to give you a 6.

Final Average Score: 8.00 (10, 8, 9, 7, 6)

Match 2
Luke Skywalker vs. Army of Middle Earth Orcs
A Christmas Market somewhere in Germany

John Madden: Well here we are in Europe�I think. The match tonight should be awesome! I got here two of the great creators of our day. George Tolkein and JRR Lucas. They created the Lord of the Stars and Ring Wars.
Tolkein: You are a bit confused my friend, but our loyal Rumble fans know of whom and what you are referring to. But I do agree that this match will be �awesome.�
Lucas: I don�t get why we are here at night.
Tolkein: Simple. Christmas magic happens at night and I daresay that some �magic� will be used here too.
Lucas: It�s not magic! It�s the Force!
Madden: Well before you two start arguing more, the match has begun. Luke enters the city square all decked out for Christmas. Speaking of the jolly holiday, have either of you had turducken?
Lucas: Let�s just focus here John. The Jedi looks around and senses that he is not alone. He takes out his lightsaber and decapitates an orc. He stares at it with disgust.
Tolkein: If he is not careful, Luke will not see the rest of the orc army coming and surrounding him.
Madden: It appears that Skywalker is aware of them. Christmas toys, trees, and food starts flying off of the shelves and out of the stands. The orcs are really mad. As they start swarming Luke, he continues to cut them down. It does not take him long to leave the army dead. Well, that way fast�on to the scores.

Lucas: Luke won his match with flawless perfection. That has got to give him a 10.
Tolkein: Even I was impressed with how he fought. I feel that my champion fighter, Aragorn, would have done just as well. I felt it a bit unnecessary to thrown items at the orcs though. I will score Skywalker a 9.
Madden: I wanted way more action here. I think that this foe might not have been even matched in a real world setting that say, Middle Earth. I�ll give Luke a 7 for a win, but a boring ride.
Action Jackson: I couldn�t agree more John. I�ll give him a 7 too.
Obi-wan Kenobi: While my pupil utilized his skills efficaciously, he neglected my teaching that anger leads to the dark side. Reckless violence is dangerous! I must give him a 7.

Final Average Score: 8.00 (10, 9, 7, 7, 7)

Match 3
Shelob vs a Phalanx of Spartans
Ancient Sparta

Tolkien: Feast time anyone!
Lucas: I've got to agree this time. The Spartans don't stand much chance of survival.
Al Michaels: It seems that Shelob has even forsaken using the shadows. She leaps out at the soldiers her spinarettes spraying web every which way. Her second bounce lands on the leader crushing him. Some of the troops scatter at this frightening attack. The rest fall victim to a sting, bite, web, stabbing leg, or a crushing blow of their own.
Tolkien: Game, set, match.
Lucas: Well, she still has to hunt down the ones that escaped and finish them off, but it's basically over.

Michaels: Well that slow ending takes some points from my score. I'll give her a 6.
Tolkien: A 6! She decimated them! You've got to give her a 10!
Lucas: No, he doesn't have to. I agree allowing them to escape and having to hunt them down makes the match a little boring. I'll give her a better score though, how 'bout an 8.
Tolkien: Well that's a little better.
Not Santa: Ho Ho Ouch! Man that was brutal. I have never seen anything so violent and maen. That is one arachnid I won't want to mess with. Definitely on the naughty list this year. For that, I give "her" a 10. up on the veranda top, Spartans fall! Body parts everywhere--what a jolly, spidey day!
Match 3: Darth Revan: Brutally effective, but distasteful. 7 only.

Final Average Score: 8.20 (6, 10, 8, 10, 7)