MWeek4

WEEK 4

MATCH 1
Billy the Kid vs. a Group of Hyrolmedes
Minas Morgul

Billy Bonny leapt on his horse and fled to higher ground. The strange scorpion-like creatures followed, their lances glowing green in the dim light of Minas
Morgul. "I'm not running," The Kid said to himself. "I'm just opening up som distance." He pointed his six-shooter behind him as he rode and fired into the midst of the
horde but, as before, the bullets ricocheted off the hard armor plating on the creature's heads and backs.
Bonny cursed and rode around to get a clearer shot. Luckily, The hyrolmedes were slower than his horse, and had no ranged weapons. But the Kid knew that running wouldn't help his chances, so instead he wheeled his horse around, drew both his guns and charged into the midst of the armored creatures. The Kid's charge took the 'medes by surprise, and the horse bowled two of them over onto their backs. Unfortunately, Hyrolmedes are not turtles. After a few seconds, they right themselves and scuttle after him again.
Undaunted, Billy charges again, but this time the 'medes are ready - they swing their lances in a wide arc and tap the horse on the flank. The horse whinnies in terror as the icy vigor-sapping power of the quaglance strikes through it. It's front legs collapse, and it throws Billy to the ground. The Hyrolmedes close in. In desperation, Billy
unloads with his guns, shooting every which way, but the bullets bounce off the creature's tough shells. One Hyrolmede lifts its poisonous tail. Without thinking, Billy blasts it. The poisonous bulb explodes as the creature screams in surprise and agony, before curling up like a dead spider. Billy takes advantage of the opening and leaps to safety. Now, he knows the creatures' weak spots.
Taking casual aim, he blasts three more tails before the hyrolmedes can turn around and hide them behind their shells. They attack again with claws, and poke with their poisonous quaglances. But now, Billy has their number. No matter how well they try to hide their tails, Billy's unfailing aim sends bullets through them, popping them like ripe fruit. In moments, they all lie shriveled like spiders.

George Lucas: Hmm. Well, it ended pretty well, and I've got to give credit to the Kid for overcoming the odds. Still running away and then running back, and losing his horse... I give him a 4
Tolkien: Yes, it started off rather pathetic, and finding their weakness was kind of a lucky thing, as well. If he hadn't reacted instinctively and shot the tail, he would have been the second champion to be KILLED by the bull. I give a 2
Tazz: I think youse guys missed the point, though! Here, the Kid goes one on one against something he's never fought before, and he wins. Not only that, he found a fundamental weakness that other champions can exploit. I think that anyone who beats the hyrolmedes from now on will really owe their whole victory to Billy the Kid! I give him a 9!
Jesse James: So much for the greatest outlaw ever. How pathetic. I give him 3.
Professor Albus Percival Brain Dumbledore: Fear is a good thing in some cases. For William here, his fear allowed him the time to win without great cost. To him, I award...10 points.
Genghis Khan: You call that a match? I would've slain all those creatures in four seconds and then eaten them. ALL of them! I give 4.5 points.

Final Average Score: 5.42 (4, 2, 9, 3, 10, 4.5)

MATCH 2
Spiderman vs a Zerg-Rush of Zerglings
The Fire Swamp

Stan Lee: Web head swings calmly through the trees.
Madden: And here come those aliens.
Lee: They charge Spidey, but he's to fast for them. He sprays webs, and swings away.
Mr. Statistics: Oh, running away, that won't help his score.
Madden: It sure won't Mr! Spidey seems to be running in circles too. A few of the Zerglings have turned around and met him head on.
Lee: And he wraps them up in webbing and continues his calm swinging.
Madden: You know, he is moving calmly. Almost like the alien rampage doesn't worry him in the least. I don't get it. What's he doing, trying for the record of longest match?
Mr. Statistics: It seems that Spidey has created a ring of webs in the forest. He is tightening that circle he's been going in.
Lee: The Zerg are now clustered in the middle. Spidey sprays down some more webs, though the are slowly tearing through them.
*POP**POP**POP**POP*
Madden: Oooh! Who's making popcorn?
Jaime: That's not popcorn you great lummox. It's the fire swamp. Spidey has linked his web ring to one of the fires of the swamp.
Lee: The fire swiftly moves in and consumes the Aliens, while Spidey continues to swing calmly out of the way.

Mr. Statistics: Well, he had me confused at the beginning, but it sure seems Spiderman knew what he was doing all along. I give him a 9 for creativity and style.
Stan Lee: Only a nine! I give him a perfect 10.
Madden: Well, he ran a bit too much time off the clock for my likes. I'll give him an 8 though.
The Dread Pirate Roberts (aka Wesley, aka the Man in Black): What a way to use the turf! The spider-man fought well--he took to long to get full marks. Only a 9 here.
Single-Word Stan: Clever. 5
Felicia "Black Cat" Hardy: Ooh... Spidey always manages to finish his matches, with such mmm... flair! 9.

Final Average Score: 8.33 (9, 10, 8, 9, 5, 9)

MATCH 3
Neo vs. Battalion of Nazi Soldiers
Berlin, Germany in the Matrix

Madden: BOOM! And I mean the literal type. It looks like today's match is during the fall of Berlin in WW2.
Fudd: Well, I dwo say that I don't knwow who has the adwantawge twoday. The Nwazis owr Mistwer Anderswon?
Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear Fudd. They both do and they both do not. Neo, although the One in the Matrix, is technically on the Nazi's home turf. The Nazi's, are not equipped to battle Neo in the Matrix. But I must give the advantage to Neo.
Madden: I concur.
Audience: Concur?
Madden: Yeah, I heard it on TV somewhere. Anyway, BAM! The battle begins. Neo flies down and spots the groups of Nazi's he has to kill. They are not to happy to see him. They open fire.
Holmes: Neo easily stops the bullets in midair and return them to their owners. Half a dozen of the Nazis perish.
Fudd: Owuch! Thwat hawd to huwrt.
Madden: Oh yeah, you bet that did. Here check out the replay.
Holmes: Sorry old chap, no replay's today.
Fudd: Nweo flies away with two more Nwazis in tow. He twosses thwem intwo a bwilding.
Madden: Neo seems to be dispatching the rest of the battalion quickly.
Holmes: Yes, and not with any real style. Just his same old martial art type moves. He really could have done better. Let's get our scores.

Madden: I give him a 7 for winning, but not to impressively.
Fudd: I twink that Mistwer Andewerson swould have downe a whole lwot bwetter. How bwout a 5.
Holmes: I must agree with my colleges. Neo was in his environment, battling a group much weaker than he is want to compete against. His win was without fanfare or style. A win nonetheless will give him a 6.
Mr. Skin Head: Now is that just the coincidence of coincidences? Neo vs Nazis. I�ll give him an 8.
Single-word Stan: Boring. 2
Captain Jack Sparrow: Neo? Why's he in this rumble anyway? He gets a 4. Go watch "Pirates of the Caribbean."

Final Average Score: 5.33 (7, 5, 6, 8, 2, 4)

MATCH 4
Hercules vs The Miniatures Room
NY Museum of Natural Science

Hercules: That's who I'm fighting? I thought it said Monsters Room. This is too easy.
So saying, he rips the bench from the middle of the room and slams it down on the tiny Roman Army. The Old Westerners are dispatched by kicking the bench so that it slides against the wall. Stung by a few arrows from the Native Americans, he swipes his feet across the lot of them.

Gaylord "Greg" Focker: That was truly pathetic. He didn't even read his 'bull' right, then he killed all those guys with absolutely no style. On top of that he got hit by the Indians. I'll give him a 1 for surviving and no better.
Alex the Lion: I have to agree. That was a total waste of New York's finest museum equipment. I'll only give him a 1 as well.
Mystery Men's Mr. Furious: You two are both raving lunatics. He killed them all with pure rage. Give him a 9 from me!
Not Santa: Ho, Ho! I can feel for Hercules here. How often have I myself wanted to just squash all those little whiners myself! And since they are really only toys, it wasn't even naughty! Gloriously merry slaughtering! Warms the cockles of my heart! A big fat 9 from the big fat man in red!

Final Average Score: 6.17 (1, 1, 9, 7, 9, 10)