In the three plus years that I have been exploring the society of chat, I have met many people. Most are exactly who they present themselves to be. Others... well others are anything but whom they say they are. I'm sure there are elements or at least aspirations of who they would like to be in each character they create. But, often the reality falls far short of the image they try to present. These are the people who have caused a lot of heartache in chat. They have often died dramatically and magically resurrected as someone completely different. I see nothing wrong with this. There have been times when I too wanted to wipe the slate clean and start over as someone else. But, if this is a play they are enacting they should not draw others into their drama without being honest about it. If it�s just play then play fair!! (dam it!)
In all of us lies an inherent desire to trust in the ones we call friends and lovers on the chat line. The best relationships that I have had on here were the ones that were openly and honestly discussed. The ground rules laid out in the beginning. I remember an old Sunday school song about building your house on the rock and not the sand. I think that�s the best rule for any relationship... make sure you have a solid foundation.
Rattle, pound and jump on it till you know that its rock solid. Then create the upper reaches with at least a modicum of assurance that it�s not going to be washed from beneath you without a force beyond any earthly control.
I used to feel sorry for the ones who got hurt in on line relationships. Then I watched it happen over and over again to the same people. Are they too optimistic? Are they too gullible? Are they so desperate for a relationship that they will settle for any that is offered? I don't try to answer that question... it�s not for me to answer... but it is for them to answer eventually...When is entirely up to them.
The one's I feel sorry for are the one's who are truly innocent of the quirks of the chat world. They believe the fairy tales and buy into the heartache. There are new innocents coming into the world of chat every day. You hear their pleas for attention every day in one chat room or another. These pleas that are most often answered by the predators of the chat world �the trolls rather than by someone who can help guide them safely.
Trolls don't always exhibit trollish behavior... some disguise themselves behind the facades of respectable up right folks. So here are some hints for the newbies of Chat land.
1.) Don�t believe everything you are told. People from the r/l are involved here. Do you trust everyone you meet r/t... all the time? The same caution should be exercised here.
2) ( This is for the ones exploring the alternative lifestyle of BDSM.) Read! Learn what this lifestyle is truly about. Masters don't collar subs or slaves within the first few minutes of talking. True Masters are just as cautious and discerning as the submissive looking for one should be. Some who call themselves Masters are not and some who do not call themselves Master truly are. Take the time to discern the difference.
3) If all you are out here for is to have a little fun with cybering... then be honest about it. Sex doesn't require love to be acted out... and by that same token Love doesn't need sex to exist. But, Honesty is totally necessary for any relationship to stand a chance.
I've had many relationships out here. Good, Bad, and Indifferent. I bought the dream and crashed to the rocks when the sands they were built on washed away. I don't regret any of them. They have all been learning experiences that allowed me to grow and mature in ways I never dreamed possible. As in real life it is all up to the individual what they gain from any experience.
Through my own learning process I have found many true and wonderful friends on line. From all over the world our lives have merged via a little chat room or two on the Internet. A family of sorts has grown around me. We laugh together, cry together, support and comfort each other... we share the best of who and what we are with one another.
In my most intimate and personal relationships I have been fortunate in finding honest, caring, sharing partners. In every case it has been agreed that R/L comes first. We all have families and lives outside of the chat window, lives that have to come first in order for us to survive in chat world. In each case, it has been agreed that this is not a place of permanency; it is a place of temporary distraction and enjoyment for both. And, I think most important of all; we have grown to know each other as friends. These relationships are not just about sex... they are about knowing each other... fears, hopes, dreams. (Well, ok.. some of them have just been about sex. However that was understood from the first too.)
I find the BDSM lifestyle, in its mellower form of Dominant and Submissive, an exciting and stimulating one and all the more need for caution because of that. When I first came to this area of chat I watched, read, and learned through asking questions. Then I sucked right into the fairy tale. I wanted a Master just like all the other girls. I was extremely fortunate to find a Certain Master who trained with an inventive and gentle hand and who was outside the norm himself. However he wasn't always around and I desperately felt the need to be like everyone else and wear that coveted collar. Well, I eventually got that collar and bought into the dream of a Master with good intentions. His powerful persuasiveness put me under a spell where everything that happened on the chat screen became almost more real than R/T.
Prior to that relationship I had often told myself that I did not want to be one of the lonely collared subbies that were so often seen sighing and crying in the chat room because their Masters were off living their real lives. And of course, that being my greatest fear, is exactly what happened. When it ended it was of course my entire fault and that Master never forgot or forgave. It took a while but I came to realize that what had happened had been for the best. I swore never to wear a collar again, and have stuck by that oath. I've had other wonderful relationships with other Wonderful people who respected that oath, and have found myself all the happier for it.
D/s isn't about who is the most powerful or has the most control. It is about encouraging the submissive to overcome the things that are holding her back in life. It�s about helping your partner to grow and flourish as the best they can be.
To the would be Masters out there, I do not find it flattering nor am I the least bit tempted when I get an IM from a so called Master ordering me to his feet and calling me names that would only be acceptable from the lips of a True Master of my heart. Being a Dom, while the tendencies may come naturally, is not without its own rules and protocols. Again I say Read... Learn... then be Honest with yourself and any that choose to trust you. Its a hard world both r/t and o/l please people lets take care of each other.
This rant has been brought to you courtesy of Boundies Soapbox.