When Love No Longer Makes a Difference

cj

    Marissa woke up late Saturday morning. Grabbing a cup of coffee, she walked down the hall  to the den  to get caught up on some work and to do some homework she had. She looked anxiously at her Whoopee messenger  hoping that when she logged on there would be a message from him. And there was. She smiled as she waited for it to display . It read that he will be out running errands for the day and  he will catch up with her later in the day. Perhaps he will have a short time to chat with her  before he goes to a friend�s place for dinner. That was it. No other offlines from him.. No email from him. No acknowledgement of the webpage she had left up for him.

   Disappointed, Marissa sighed and continue working throughout the day chatting off and on with other friends that message her to say "hi". She felt lucky to have so many friends that genuinely did care for her. Anxiously watching her computer clock, she didn�t leave her screen for fear of missing him dropping by as he had said he might. He didn�t. This was the first  time in weeks, she didn�t speak to him for a whole day. It was a long evening and she missed him. She logged out early and went to bed, tossing and turning the night away.

   She slept late the next morning. After nibbling on a piece of toast and sipping at a  glass of orange juice, Marissa went on a two hour hike with her dogs. It was a beautiful fall day and days like this would be scarce as it got later in the season. Winter would soon be upon them and she dreaded the cold.

    She logged on in the late afternoon, put on her messenger and checked her various email accounts. With a sigh of relief escaping her lips at the site, the all too familiar window entitled MasterTrojan appears on her screen.

    "Hello Marissa" he said.

    "Hello Jake� hugs �I�ve missed you. I�m so sorry for my temper tantrum, I hope you can forgive me" she blurted out sheepishly.

    "Of course, it�s water under the bridge" he replies graciously "But we do have to talk."

    Marissa, dreading what was to come, swallowed hard saying "Of course ... I�m listening Jake."

    He began by telling her that he�s been doing a lot of thinking and has reaching some startling conclusions. First of all, he�s fallen for her and fallen fast and hard and this scares him. She smiles and acknowledges the same to him. Secondly, he�s had a online relationship in the recent past and gave his all for a nine month period and ended up with nothing, just disappointment. Thirdly, although he cares for her a great deal, he is not prepared to wait till she finishes school when she could come to him. And even if she could at this very moment, it still wouldn�t work because the way he was feeling about her he would not be able to let her return home to finish what she had to. So in light of these facts , he felt that they should take a step back and do some serious thinking.

    Aghast, Marissa said "Noooo". "Jake, please we could use this time to get to know each other and if it doesn�t take that long we aren�t out that much time. Why do we have to rush this? "

    "Well sweet, there is real life to consider, you will be meeting guys left and right I�m sure. I wouldn�t want to stand in your way." "And to tell you the truth, last night the dinner I went to turned out to be a set up and we are gonna hook up later in the week.  Ugh ... And damn I drank way too much last nite and my head is killing me � I just wanna die.. So we have to keep this short. I have to get some sleep to feel human again," he told her.

    Marissa replied saying she was sorry that he felt so hungover and this could wait. With that he said "Good �bye for now" and kissed her softly on the lips as he slipped out of chat. Although she was disappointed they couldn�t talk. Marissa understood. How could she not. She cared deeply for this man.

   Another day went by and she heard nothing rationalizing that he was getting caught up after his night of drinking. Finally on Tuesday, she logged in after coming home from class and there was an offline waiting for her. He was there but invisible . Message him when she got online.    

   Instead she decided to chill in chat for a few moments while she got up her nerve to message him and continue their chat. She arbitrarily picked a room and entered and there he was;  which shocked her because he had told her he didn�t have the time to waste in chatrooms. It was a rather nasty room full of Doms and subs and like usual, the subbies were shamelessly chatting him up on the main chat screen. Marissa could only imagine what the private messages were like. "Good Afternoon Room" she typed in the main room and followed by "Good Afternoon MasterTrojan". A few people she didn�t know responded to her greeting but nothing from him. Marissa waited a moment. Then feeling she had intruded his space, she left. Not knowing quite what to do at this point, she decided to send him a message. She wrote �"umm, I�m sorry to have intruded but I thought we could talk" � and left it at that. Immediately his reply flashed upon her screen "Give me a second, I�ll be right with you." Marissa�s heart stopped as already he appeared to have distanced himself from her. "What had she missed?"

    "Ok Marissa, I just needed a moment to leave the room" he started off.

      "Hi Jake, how are you?" she responded.

    "Great! never better" he smiled.

    Marissa wondered about his hangover but let it go, the point being moot. "Good"

    Jake continued "I�ve been giving this a lot of thought and you know I�m really not prepared to embark on another online relationship. It�s just a too emotional  to go through. I think perhaps we had better step back and really come to terms with what we could really live with."

    Not understanding where this was coming  from and in shock somewhat, all Marissa could manage to say was "Oh?"

    "Why, had you thought that perhaps we could take this real?" he asked. She smiled because he was fishing.

    "Well, yess as we had discussed Jake, I did think that and thought this was a time of discovery ~ a getting-to-know-you time" she stammered back to him.

    "I can�t afford to wait for you to finish school �rissa and even if you were to fly out this weekend, I couldn�t agree to it because I just wouldn�t be able to let you go when it was time" he simply stated.

    "You can�afford?" she repeated in disbelief. During all the past weeks and all the time they had spent together talking for hours upon end , this topic had come up and it was never a point of contention between them. Something had changed and Marissa had no idea why.

    "Well the truth is so many things could happen like you meeting someone for real and I wouldn�t want you to give that up for me " Jake said.

    "Well Jake..it works both ways" she said.

    "Ok..so how do we handle that?" he simply asked.

    "Honestly � mention it�don�t report on it. Real life has to come first for both of us Jake until we both get the opportunity to be able to financially meet each other. You knew I was in school for the next 10 months but I had always thought �"

    "It�s not just that" he interrupted slightly annoyed at her explanations. "We are from different worlds. I am a Dominant!"

    Marissa looked at him square in the face and said "Sooo?".

    She knew it would piss him off and she was out to deliberately  push his buttons whether he realized it or not. She needed to know where this was all suddenly coming from. She apologized for her outburst and he said he forgave her.

    "It�s not just that. As a Dominant, I have certain desires that need to be fulfilled. I have a Toy Box beneath my bed, Marissa. Shall I tell you about it?"

    Somewhat sarcastically, Marissa replied " Oh do tell, Jake, please"

    "Ok" he nodded and proceeded to open and give her the tour of His Toy Box. "First we have here, assorted ropes and chains. A ball gag�have you ever seen one before?"

    "No" she replies quietly "Why that instead of, say a silk scarf.? Is there some thrill to looking at a woman trussed up with that like a roasted pig with an apple?"

    He chuckles at her "no dear, it muffles the screams much more effectively without the drool". He continues chuckling knowing how she would be affected  by this all.

    Next, he pulled out two different leather floggers explaining that he has in his limited real BDSM exploits used floggers and crops. He explained that they come in different types depending on the severity of the pain that is desired and the thrill of flogging some nice fresh tits as well as whipping a sweet honey�s cunt was a very erotic precursor to a good fuck.

    Marissa kept silent as he went on pulling out various types of soft leather cuffs, metal cuffs; shackles, blindfolds, silk scarves, a couple different vibes, nipple clips, clit clamps, butt plugs and pulled out the spreader bar he had stored under his bed. Oh and the piece de resistance, his very own  custom paddle�.a 1x4 of rustic oak cut, with his "Trojan" insignia burned into it.

    "I don�t have too much yet" he said almost apologetically and then  unexpectedly slapped his hand with the paddle causing Marissa�s to eyes widen at his comment and to jump at the "Whack!"  He looked up and laughed at her.

    "Um ... I thought you said you were into a little mild bondage?" she asked.

    Again, he laughed but made no further comment.

    They were both silent for a moment. He, waiting for more of a reaction. She , overwhelmed, to say the least.

... / Chapter 6